I may have already posted this, but I don't see it. A couple years ago I gave my little cousins books for christmas. One of them, who was 5 at the time, opens it, gets this extremely pissed look on his face and just goes, "BUT I CAN'T READ!" He was so freaking mad.
When *I* was 5, my dad woke me up at 5am because my mother was having a baby. The baby was a month early, and at the time I assumed that the due date was the actual date the baby was coming, no exceptions. So I wake up, look at my dad go, "it's 5 am! this is no time for drills!"
My son, 7, decided he was going to become a vegetarian. He's seen me cook chicken and roast beef, he asked me whether those were animals, I said yes, and he said he doesn't want to eat animals anymore. I respect that.
Following day I ask him what he wants in his sandwich. He says no roastbeef. I don't eat animals anymore. So I offer tuna. He says yes .
Yesterday we go to his favorite Italian restaurant. He orders his favorite dish: gnocchi with sausage. When he is done I tell him: "you know though... sausage is an animal too".
He says "oh yeah? Which animal?"
"a pig"
"oh, that's ok. I don't like pigs"
... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
I've got a good one!
A couple weeks ago when we were grocery shopping I notice my 2-year-old's butt crack was showing and I said, "I see your bum crack!" And she replied, "Bum's don't crack...eggs do." It was hilarious. Plus, the way she said eggs was like "aigs."
so i go swimming all the time with my son. hes gonna be 3 in feb.
so we get done at the pool last night and were getting changed. i got him dressed before me. anyways, thers like 8 people in there getting changed too. so i take off my shorts and my kid says "what a cute penis you have"
omg i was killing myself. everyone had to have heard it. lol
Just, not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I dont want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know Im alive.
so i go swimming all the time with my son. hes gonna be 3 in feb.
so we get done at the pool last night and were getting changed. i got him dressed before me. anyways, thers like 8 people in there getting changed too. so i take off my shorts and my kid says "what a cute penis you have"
omg i was killing myself. everyone had to have heard it. lol
That reminds me of when my now 9-year old was 3 and was learning the proper names of body parts. He had recently learned that girls had a vagina, not a penis. So we are sitting at the airport in a crowded terminal and he blurts out "you have a vagina, grandma has a vagina, that woman has a vagina, all girls have a vagina!" I simply replied "yes, that is corrrect" while I'm sure my face was every shade of pink.
I never saw so many people desperately trying *not* to laugh.
A few Christmases ago, I gave one of my nephews a Hum V toy truck...and after many hours as we were leaving, he comes running up to me gives me a great big hug and says, "Thanks for the Hummer, Auntie Kim!" Yeah, I laughed and raised my eyebrows..."Well....You're very welcome..." and my sister-in-law glared at me something fierce!
And then a couple of years ago, at a family Christmas dinner, my 12-year-old niece did not want to eat the cherry on top of her sundae. You guessed it....she stood up and shouted, "Who wants my cherry? Can someone please take my cherry!"
so i go swimming all the time with my son. hes gonna be 3 in feb.
so we get done at the pool last night and were getting changed. i got him dressed before me. anyways, thers like 8 people in there getting changed too. so i take off my shorts and my kid says "what a cute penis you have"
omg i was killing myself. everyone had to have heard it. lol
Yeah, well, this post is useless without pictures....:o
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
2 funny things happened this week!
First I have been going thru boxes and trying to get stuff organized. I was going thru a box of picture frames and pictures and pulled this big picture of Jesus out. My 2 year old, Clara, saw it and said, Eddie! Poor kid is warped already.
A few days ago I was watching Soon Forget on you tube. My 9 year old, Kate, was watching with me and asked me "what does horny mean?" I told her to write Ed a letter and ask him!
Thought of another thing, my 4 year old,Jane, calls all people , humans. Like if someone is knocking at the door she will say there is a human at the door. Her and her sisters were coloring the other day and she said she was going to color some humans. She is sooo weird!
To 10c; "Your PJ tshirt should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady." - bionicamy
When i was about 2 i went to the zoo and these urangutans that were sticking their tongues out of their mouths and soing that sipitting thing with their tongues (dont know if their is a word for what i am trying to explain) So in the coming weeks when mum would take me to the shops and all these old ladies would come up to me and say "oh what a beautiful boy u r" I would respond by saying "Monkey go (tongue out spit in their face)" It is a pretty funny story.
I was singing new york new york to this 5 yr old i know, and i kept repeating i wanna be a part of it. He responded by singing instead of "I wanna be apart of it" He sung "I wanna be hippopotimus" It was so cute.
Sydney 11/02/2003
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
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EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
My older brothers used to convince me to take all my quarters, nickels and dimes, and throw them all in the yard so we could have a "Money Scramble". Just like a Candy scramble except with money. It sounded fun at the time until they owned all my money.
Watching the Grand Rapids DVD with my 7 year old son, YL plays.
He: did he just say fuck?
Me: He said "wish this fucking war away"
He : well, I do, too
He: so I think in this case it's acceptable
Me: well, there have to be better ways to say it though
He: well, yeah.
I tell him: Mike is going to play a different song within this song in a second. Can you tell me which song it is?
*Anthem plays*
He: "it's... hmmmm... it's...... Oh yeah! It's the national anthem of the MLB!"
... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
Got my kids a parakeet for xmas and got home and told them to name him. Well my 7 year old says, "okay Mom, but how do you know it's a him, I don't see his penis."
If I could be anything in the world I would be your teardrop...I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
A couple of years ago, I was supply teaching. The kids weren't allowed on the playground equipment (as had been stated by their VP daily during morning announcements), but when I took them out for DPA (Daily Physical Activity), a few of them protested that they were allowed to play on the equipment. One of the students piped up, "No, we can't!! The equipment has been sanitized." He meant vandalized. It was so cute.
No time to be void or save up on life. You got to spend it all.
When my son was two, I had just finished giving him a bath and he was still naked and wrapped in his towel. I sat him on his bed and left the room for a minute. When I returned, he was laying on his back and fondling himself. I tried to contain the surprise in my voice and played off all cool ...
"Whatcha doin'?" I asked, very nonchalantly.
"Playin' with my wiggie," he replied.
"Oh. How come?"
"'Cause it feels good."
"What does it feel like?"
He closed his eyes and said rapturously, "It feels like the world."
To this day, if I tell a man that story, they nod and say, "Yep, that's about right."
"Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Barack Obama."
"Obama's main opponent in this election on November 4th (was) not John McCain, it (was) ignorance."~Michael Moore
"i'm feeling kinda righteous right now. with my badass motherfuckin' ukulele!"
~ed, 8/7
Got my kids a parakeet for xmas and got home and told them to name him. Well my 7 year old says, "okay Mom, but how do you know it's a him, I don't see his penis."
lol
that's why my cockatiel is named "Feathers"
my sister (8 years old at the time) couldn't tell either
My wife and I got married at the beginning of December and she had a friend's 4 year old daughter as the flower girl. She got to wear a purple dress and spread the flowers out and all the stuff that goes along with being a flower girl and she loved every minute of it.
Over Christmas, my wife's cousin got engaged and they asked the same girl to be their flower girl. They did say she had to wear a green dress though. The little girl said, "I don't wanna wear a green dress. I want to wear my purple princess dress. Also, I already got married once to Mark and I don't know if I want to go through that again."
She said that so matter-of-factly (almost like a grown woman) that everyone in the room just died laughing.
I pointed out to my 9 year old daughter an old granite hitching post in my neighborhood , and told her how people used to tie their horses up there when they were visiting someone's house in the colonial days. kind of like a colonial era- parking lot.
she sighed and looked at me bored and said, "DAD! hello? can we just stay in this century for a while!"
Youth is wasted on the young!
"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
I was up late with Clara one night. She had napped earlier in the day so didn't think she needed to go to bed. It was almost 3 am and I was browsing the internet and had just eaten a salad. Clara was sitting next to me cutting up paper. I burped and said excuse me. She stuck her little 2 year old finger in my face and said that's scusting.
A few nights ago I noticed that my 4 year old, Jane, smelled very orangey. I keep Altoid sours in my purse and they know they are not supposed to go digging around in there. So I asked her if she had gotten into my candy and she said, well my breath was stinking.
To 10c; "Your PJ tshirt should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady." - bionicamy
Looking through "On Demand" looking for a movie for by seven year old boys to watch, so I came across "My Girl", I told them to give it a chance that it's a good movie.
Next to the movie's discription it says it was made in 1991, so my son huffs and puffs and says, "1991?!? Mom if this is balck and white I'm not watching it!!"
If I could be anything in the world I would be your teardrop...I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Comments
HAHAHAH!!!!!!
When *I* was 5, my dad woke me up at 5am because my mother was having a baby. The baby was a month early, and at the time I assumed that the due date was the actual date the baby was coming, no exceptions. So I wake up, look at my dad go, "it's 5 am! this is no time for drills!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
Following day I ask him what he wants in his sandwich. He says no roastbeef. I don't eat animals anymore. So I offer tuna. He says yes
Yesterday we go to his favorite Italian restaurant. He orders his favorite dish: gnocchi with sausage. When he is done I tell him: "you know though... sausage is an animal too".
He says "oh yeah? Which animal?"
"a pig"
"oh, that's ok. I don't like pigs"
A couple weeks ago when we were grocery shopping I notice my 2-year-old's butt crack was showing and I said, "I see your bum crack!" And she replied, "Bum's don't crack...eggs do." It was hilarious. Plus, the way she said eggs was like "aigs."
so we get done at the pool last night and were getting changed. i got him dressed before me. anyways, thers like 8 people in there getting changed too. so i take off my shorts and my kid says "what a cute penis you have"
omg i was killing myself. everyone had to have heard it. lol
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I said, I dont want it.
I just need it.
To breathe, to feel, to know Im alive.
That reminds me of when my now 9-year old was 3 and was learning the proper names of body parts. He had recently learned that girls had a vagina, not a penis. So we are sitting at the airport in a crowded terminal and he blurts out "you have a vagina, grandma has a vagina, that woman has a vagina, all girls have a vagina!" I simply replied "yes, that is corrrect" while I'm sure my face was every shade of pink.
I never saw so many people desperately trying *not* to laugh.
And then a couple of years ago, at a family Christmas dinner, my 12-year-old niece did not want to eat the cherry on top of her sundae. You guessed it....she stood up and shouted, "Who wants my cherry? Can someone please take my cherry!"
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
wrong type of thread!
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
First I have been going thru boxes and trying to get stuff organized. I was going thru a box of picture frames and pictures and pulled this big picture of Jesus out. My 2 year old, Clara, saw it and said, Eddie!
A few days ago I was watching Soon Forget on you tube. My 9 year old, Kate, was watching with me and asked me "what does horny mean?" I told her to write Ed a letter and ask him!
Thought of another thing, my 4 year old,Jane, calls all people , humans. Like if someone is knocking at the door she will say there is a human at the door. Her and her sisters were coloring the other day and she said she was going to color some humans. She is sooo weird!
Me: "Oh yeah."
My boy: "Penis."
Why would you start was has no end?
See These Bones
I was singing new york new york to this 5 yr old i know, and i kept repeating i wanna be a part of it. He responded by singing instead of "I wanna be apart of it" He sung "I wanna be hippopotimus" It was so cute.
Sydney 14/02/2003
Sydney 07/11/2006
Sydney 18/11/2006
Sydney 22/11/2009
EV Sydney 18/03/2011
EV Sydney 19/03/2011
EV Sydney 20/03/2011
Melbourne 24/01/2014
Sydney 26/01/2014
EV Sydney 13/02/2014
He: did he just say fuck?
Me: He said "wish this fucking war away"
He : well, I do, too
He: so I think in this case it's acceptable
Me: well, there have to be better ways to say it though
He: well, yeah.
I tell him: Mike is going to play a different song within this song in a second. Can you tell me which song it is?
*Anthem plays*
He: "it's... hmmmm... it's...... Oh yeah! It's the national anthem of the MLB!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
We are so proud.
"Whatcha doin'?" I asked, very nonchalantly.
"Playin' with my wiggie," he replied.
"Oh. How come?"
"'Cause it feels good."
"What does it feel like?"
He closed his eyes and said rapturously, "It feels like the world."
To this day, if I tell a man that story, they nod and say, "Yep, that's about right."
"Obama's main opponent in this election on November 4th (was) not John McCain, it (was) ignorance."~Michael Moore
"i'm feeling kinda righteous right now. with my badass motherfuckin' ukulele!"
~ed, 8/7
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
My 7 year old said to me last Monday
"Happy Martha Lootin King Day"....!
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
that's why my cockatiel is named "Feathers"
my sister (8 years old at the time) couldn't tell either
Over Christmas, my wife's cousin got engaged and they asked the same girl to be their flower girl. They did say she had to wear a green dress though. The little girl said, "I don't wanna wear a green dress. I want to wear my purple princess dress. Also, I already got married once to Mark and I don't know if I want to go through that again."
She said that so matter-of-factly (almost like a grown woman) that everyone in the room just died laughing.
LMAO!
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
she sighed and looked at me bored and said, "DAD! hello? can we just stay in this century for a while!"
Youth is wasted on the young!
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
A few nights ago I noticed that my 4 year old, Jane, smelled very orangey. I keep Altoid sours in my purse and they know they are not supposed to go digging around in there. So I asked her if she had gotten into my candy and she said, well my breath was stinking.
Next to the movie's discription it says it was made in 1991, so my son huffs and puffs and says, "1991?!? Mom if this is balck and white I'm not watching it!!"