moving train jokes

flywallyfly

One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.

Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

twin2

Subject: A Love Story
>
>
>
>A Love Story
>
>I will seek and find you . . .
>
>I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .
>
>I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
>
>I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
>
>I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm
>finished with you.
>
>And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
>
>All my love,
>
>The Flu
>
>Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot !
>

kevinbeetle

A lot of these jokes are not funny to me.

RainDog

I think a lot of these jokes are are quite funny.
However, for some reason this one:

kevinbeetle wrote:

A lot of these jokes are not funny to me.

made me laugh the hardest. Seriously.

blackngold

bump
funny stuff and i want to read more.

not political but here goes:
Q: how can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?
A: there's white-out on the screen.

sorry all blondes, i love ya

kevinbeetle

blackngold wrote:

bump
funny stuff and i want to read more.

not political but here goes:
Q: how can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?
A: there's white-out on the screen.

sorry all blondes, i love ya

That a little funnier. Old, but OK. Plus I like you because you are a Steelers fan.

stuckinline

only in america....

1. can you get a pizza to your house faster than an ambulance

2. do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front

3. do we buy hot dogs in packs of 10 and buns in packs of 8

4. do we have a drive up ATM with braille lettering.

twin2

The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Recent winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting l*id.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *sshole.

Ladymelonhead

I dunno if this link has been posted before.... but It is fantastic... definately kept me busy laughing for a while.

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

Just play around with him... click on Bush to drag him around.

Have Fun with it! hehehe


sweet cheers,

Stephanie

Six7Six7

denverfan wrote:

Man asks women to marry

Women says NO!

Man lives happily ever after!

more like:

Man asks man to marry

conservatives everywhere start crying

baraka

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the George Bush his daily briefing. He
concludes by saying:

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching
as
the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up
and
asks..........

"How many is a Brazillion ??"

twin2

> Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
>>>talking.....and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think
>>>is farther away..........Florida or the moon?
>>> >
>>>The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
>>>Florida.......?????
>>> >
>>>>
>>>> CAR TROUBLE
>>> > A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
>>>mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is
>>>idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies,
>>>Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to
>>>do that?"
>>> >
>>> >
>>>SPEEDING TICKET
>>> > A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
>>>nicely if he could see her license. As she replied in a huff,
>>>"I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
>>>yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
>>>show it to you!"
>>> >
>>>>
>>>> RIVER WALK
>>> > There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and
>>>sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she
>>>shouts,"How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde
>>>looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE
>>>on the other side."
>>> >
>>>>
>>>> KNITTING
>>> > A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the
>>>freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
>>>blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was
>>>oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked
>>>down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL
>>>OVER!"...."NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>>> >
>>>>
>>>> BLONDE ON THE SUN
>>> > A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
>>>The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American
>>>said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So
>>>what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and
>>>the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You
>>>can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
>>>Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
>>>know. We're going at night!"
>>> >
>>>>
>>> > A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two
>>>new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
>>>responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named
>>>Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs
>>>like that?" "HELLOOOOOO," answered the blond. "They're watch
>>>dogs!"

idratherbe

Another carefully considered executive management decision!

An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Beth or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Beth came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: " Beth , I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Beth replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like shit."

~peace~

hippiemom

idratherbe wrote:

Another carefully considered executive management decision!

An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Beth or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Beth came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: " Beth , I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Beth replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like shit."

~peace~

Ok, that was dumb ... so why do I have the giggles?

idratherbe

hippiemom wrote:

Ok, that was dumb ... so why do I have the giggles?

I know; it's lame. It made me laugh the first time, too.

~peace~

RainDog

O.K. Spread your arms wide, put your feet together, stand in a Jesus Christ pose, and ask yourself "What's this?"

A: A terrible way to spend Easter.

my2hands

Veddie_Edder wrote:

Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.

The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.

Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."

Nixon goes: "Fuck the women."


















Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time?"

thats good...

my2hands

Abuskedti wrote:

Questioner: Why is George Bush so sure Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction?

Negrodamas: He has the receipt.

chappele has to come back...he is way too funny

*given*to*fly*

blackngold wrote:

bump
funny stuff and i want to read more.

not political but here goes:
Q: how can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?
A: there's white-out on the screen.

sorry all blondes, i love ya

Q: how do you know when another blonde has been on your computer
A: when theres writing over the white out

*given*to*fly*

idratherbe wrote:

Another carefully considered executive management decision!

An executive was in a quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Beth or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.

Beth came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin. The executive approached her and said: " Beth , I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Beth replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like shit."

~peace~

LMAO hahahaha this is helarious because it took me wayyyy to long to figure it out ahhahahhhaha
good one