moving train jokes

PJfanFORlife

"I believe Men and Fish can coexist together peacfully."

"I support Latino owned buisnesses, women owned buisnesses, and every other kind of person owned buisnesses."

PJfanFORlife

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

even flow?

A jew and a chinaman are talking about history. The jew says "it was horrible what you did to america at pearl harbour!" The chinaman says, "it was the japanese not the chinese." The jew says, "chinese, japanese, it is all the same to me." The chinaman replies, "it was horrible what the jews did to the titanic!" To this the jew says, "it hit an iceburg." "iceburg, goldburg, it is all the same to me."


Happy New Year Everybody!!!!!!!

Porch

PJfanFORlife wrote:

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

ha ha ha ha...i like that one!

sweet adeline

i was in my eye doctors office yesterday, getting a check up.

he looked at me and said, "dustin, you have got to stop masturbating."

and i said, "why doc, is it ruining my eyesight? am i going blind?"

and he said, "no, its just really, really distracting me right now."

Roll Model

a pair of jumper cables walks into a bar

the baretender says, "Don't be starting anything in here."

U-R

sweet adeline wrote:

i was in my eye doctors office yesterday, getting a check up.

he looked at me and said, "dustin, you have got to stop masturbating."

and i said, "why doc, is it ruining my eyesight? am i going blind?"

and he said, "no, its just really, really distracting me right now."

hehehe i like it.


why wasn't jesus born in australia? they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin

IndianSummer

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't understand the Washington Post.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country.

The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.

stuckinline

a little humor......



Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those
guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and
when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no
balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable"

even flow?

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.
"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

Porch

Official Announcement:
> The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from
an Eagle to
> a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's
political stance.
> A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next
generation,
> protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while
you're
> actually being screwed.
> Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

Porch

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists.
Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the
men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair. Kill Her!!!" "The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never
shoot my wife" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this
job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said,
"You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions,
to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded
with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

stupidcorporatewhore

Q: do you know what the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenberg is?

A: One is a big Nazi gasbag and the other is a derigible.

oil alternative

An Eskimo is driving through the Welsh countryside and his car breaks down, so he calls out the AA, upon opening his bonnet and checking the engine over the Welsh AA man says "ahh you've blown a seal"
with this the Eskimo replies "so what? you fuck sheep!"

melodious

this is a great thread...thanks for your ingenuity...

PJ_Saluki

Got this text from a republican buddy of mine last night:

"I've decided to dress up as a democrat for a friend's Halloween party. I plan to show up with nothing, stick my hand out and have everyone else share their candy with me."

oil alternative

melodious wrote:

this is a great thread...thanks for your ingenuity...

Well its been two years since it was last contributed to, so i thought i'd dust it off! Wait till Dunkman see's it, can't wait to see his next post on here!

digster

My priest told this one during homily today...

"A man and a woman are lying in bed talking to God. They are financially strapped due to the current economic climate. They turn to God and ask him, "God, is it true than a trillion dollars to us is like one dollar to you."

God responds, "Yes, my children."

The couple is very impressed and want to know more about the infinite power of God. "God, is it true that a billion years on Earth is just like one second to you in Heaven?"

God responds, "Yes, my children."

The man and woman are very impressed, and have an idea. "God," they ask, "could we borrow a dollar?"

God responds, "Of course, my children. Just hold on one second."

(rimshot)

Brisk.

brilliant joke!

brandon10

Did you hear about the gay midget?

He came out of the cupboard.