PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

Hobbes

12 years today.

hedonist

Keep rocking it, Tiger

mickeyrat

Hobbes said:

12 years today.

awesome.

I sometimes look around and wonder where did all the time go and how did I get here?

Ernie Vedder

Hobbes said:

12 years today.

Nice!!!

njnancy

Congratulations Hobbes - so have you learned how to play with your marbles yet - I still don't have the wisdom to know the difference so my marbles are continually re-adjusting.

Seriously - 12 years is amazing - inspirational.

More people are posting in here - I need to come here more often than football season (for the degenerate pool). I have cycles - long absences then nearly daily posting. 

To those who are struggling - it's worth it so go to a meeting and share. It's hard to get sober - fucking hard and to even attempt it is a triumph.  Just don't give up, and don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than - everyone has their own journey and a lot of people never even find their way to the beginning of sobriety. 

Life will never be perfect, but you will have a life - I am pulling for all the newbies.

And anyone whose anniversary I missed - congratulations - you are a miracle. 

Love you all and believe in you all.

Ernie Vedder

mickeyrat

prayers please for my family. Younger second cousin died last night in Minnesota , believed to be OD. The May family.  He was in his early 30's

njnancy

mickeyrat said:

prayers please for my family. Younger second cousin died last night in Minnesota , believed to be OD. The May family.  He was in his early 30's

I am so sorry. Whatever the cause of your second cousin's death, it is a tragedy. Prayers for all of you. 

lastexitlondon

Sad news mickeyrat.  Thoughts are with you. Sending love

hedonist

Sorry for the young loss to your family, mickey.

Ernie Vedder

Prayers sent

Ernie Vedder

Just hit 21 months. 

lastexitlondon

Great achievement.  Well done

njnancy

Ernie Vedder said:

Just hit 21 months. 

Awesome!!!! You are a miracle!

njnancy

22 years today. But in a shit mood. Need to find gratitude. 

Hobbes

njnancy said:

22 years today. But in a shit mood. Need to find gratitude. 

Congrats! You are an inspiration.

lastexitlondon

22 years is absolutely  moving.  I wish one day I can be free like you.  An inspiration  to us all

njnancy

Thank you @Hobbes & @lastexitlondon - we are all inspirations to someone. 

And never stop believing in yourself, your higher power; whatever gets you to that next sober day or WANTING to have a sober day.

We aren't promised perfect lives with sobriety, but we are promised freedom from addiction, one day at a time

We are all miracles and can never take it for granted. 

Love to all my Recovery Friends!! 

lastexitlondon

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

Hobbes

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

You have been able to sustain sobriety at different times and for different lengths before. What worked for you then? 

HughFreakingDillon

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

Amazing . That blew me away

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

njnancy said:

lastexitlondon said:

I'm really in a bad place I'm in awe of all of you

We are no different from you. Or I will just speak for myself; I shouldn't take on the mantle of speaking for everyone. 

I was relatively young when I got sober. But it cost me many things and I made some really bad decisions in my extremely early sobriety that have had life changing negative effects. I had to walk away from my career in which I was thriving and would have had incredible opportunities, both professionally and monetarily. I have had to face mental health issues that emerged suddenly and increased my drinking. I got divorced and met my son's father who would domestically abuse me, make me a single mom and then brainwash my son and put me through social service and legal hell. I have PTSD from these past couple years even though my son is home for about a year. 

I lost my father, had a miscarriage, lost my brother and my sister, went bankrupt - all in sobriety. Some in my first year. And it took me 3 years, once I started to consider that I had a problem, to actually get sober. I knew I had a problem years before that but life on the outside looked fine. People in the program and in my life didn't believe that I would get sober. I was the 'loser'. My husband, my drinking buddy, left me after I didn't get sober within a year. It was hell. I attempted suicide. I went to rehab 5 times. And I am able to have 22 years sober today somehow. So don't be in awe. Be encouraged. I am you. I know what you feel like. You want to want to stop drinking. You know it is making your life suck. You wake up and hate yourself as you struggle to remember the shitty stuff you did or curse yourself for getting smashed when you promised yourself that you'd only have a couple. You drink alone. Maybe you hide your bottles. It is a shitty existence. But you know you have a problem and that is the first spark of hope. You are me. I am you.

I am in a bad place today, really bad, but if I were not sober it would be worse. I believe in you. I'll believe in you until you start to believe in yourself. People did that for me. And you will do that for someone one day. Hang on.

amazing post. 

Amazing . That blew me away

How are you doing @lastexitlondon ?  I know you're still having a hard time. Hoping you are thinking of a way to try a sober life. I'm still believing in you.

lastexitlondon

Not so well. Sadly

njnancy

lastexitlondon said:

Not so well. Sadly

Anything I can do?  Just post and I"ll answer when I see it. Hang on. Please. 

There are difficulties in everyone's lives. You are not alone. Know that you are not alone. You can get through this rough patch.

 I have agoraphobia right now (fear of leaving the house) and it really sucks and I have to work through extreme discomfort and anxiety to get past this. But I"m not drinking or using and I try not to beat myself up about it since it's due to trauma. I try to just be happy with small things I accomplish.

I really want you to try and find one thing that you care about and feel good about. No matter how small it is and concentrate on that one little thing. Feed what makes you happy, or just not sad, and try to push away the darkness that wants to consume you. 

 I don't know if you've been to an AA meeting or tried counselling. Maybe think about that? People care about you, remember that. 

@Hobbes asked what had worked for you in the past. Why don't you think about that and answer his post.  He has a lot to offer you, he has been sober for a long time. He reached out, you should answer and it will remind you of positive things you've done in the past.

We're really good at pushing people away. Try and grab the hands that reach out to you. 

lastexitlondon

I've found productivity  at my allotment  but I've started smoking  weed. A bad move I guess.  I still drink but not as much. I'm so angry all the time now. I just can't  cope with my symptoms and the fear they will never go and my life is over. To me my life is over. I do appreciate  your kindness . I really feel it's all over for me.

Hobbes

lastexitlondon said:

I've found productivity  at my allotment  but I've started smoking  weed. A bad move I guess.  I still drink but not as much. I'm so angry all the time now. I just can't  cope with my symptoms and the fear they will never go and my life is over. To me my life is over. I do appreciate  your kindness . I really feel it's all over for me.

Sounds like you're in a tough spot right now. It must be a difficult. Tell me about a time when your symptoms were not as severe as they are now. What was going on then? What was different? Externally? Internally?

lastexitlondon

It was about a year and a half ago that this situation got this bad . I had just had my 4th child but 1st child with my new partner.  Lots of things have changed for me in the last 4 years since I had to leave my family home where my other 3 kids live. I'm 43 now .  My kids are 19. 17. 14. And the baby . I really can't talk about my symptoms  as I have such extreme health anxiety  that I only use this site. No other internet or t.v to speak of. 
I feel like I'm in denial and hiding  from my fear that I'm dying . Times gone by are hard to remember. 

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

It was about a year and a half ago that this situation got this bad . I had just had my 4th child but 1st child with my new partner.  Lots of things have changed for me in the last 4 years since I had to leave my family home where my other 3 kids live. I'm 43 now .  My kids are 19. 17. 14. And the baby . I really can't talk about my symptoms  as I have such extreme health anxiety  that I only use this site. No other internet or t.v to speak of. 
I feel like I'm in denial and hiding  from my fear that I'm dying . Times gone by are hard to remember. 

I find it interesting the severity of your current symptoms began around the time of the birth.

to what degree did you experience your symptoms before?