PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

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Comments

  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    it's been nearly 3 weeks now.

    this sucks. I don't see myself lasting very long with this.

    What is 'this'?

    'this' is not drinking, and the fact that now my life has become a daily count instead of just LIFE. a struggle to maintain the new status quo that I don't even want.

    I enjoy having a drink. I enjoy the taste, the feeling. anyway, I probably shouldn't have posted this here. it's probably not helping others.
    Sure it is. This "daily count" happens this early in sobriety. Hate to say it though, without a sufficient replacement "this" will get a whole lot shittier. IF you truly believe that alcohol is problem in your life, at least go to a couple AA meetings with an open mind.Listen. See if you can identify with the people there. Really , at this point , what do you have to lose?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • lockedlocked Posts: 4,039
    can't chase a drunk Mickey..
    "This here's a REQUEST!"
    EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
    10/25/13 Hartford
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    locked wrote:
    can't chase a drunk Mickey..
    oh I know. Just thought he might want an honest opinion.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • locked wrote:
    can't chase a drunk Mickey..

    I'd rather not be given labels, thank you.
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
  • I'm actually really mad at that "can't chase a drunk" comment. i thought this was supposed to be a thread about support, not judgment. I mean, who the fuck do you think you are?

    you could have easily pm'd him with your shitty little comment, but you chose to try to "out" me with it in public. that's totally uncool. you don't fucking know me any more than I know you.

    fuck this.
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
  • I'm actually really mad at that "can't chase a drunk" comment. i thought this was supposed to be a thread about support, not judgment. I mean, who the fuck do you think you are?

    you could have easily pm'd him with your shitty little comment, but you chose to try to "out" me with it in public. that's totally uncool. you don't fucking know me any more than I know you.

    fuck this.

    Purely as an onlooker in this, perhaps I shouldn't get involved but in an attempt to assuage your malcontent at that particular definition, I think that comment was directed more at Mickey than at you. Maybe Locked was just saying that if you don't wanna try a program of your own will, there is no point chasing you as maybe me and Mickey were both suggesting that way to go.

    If you don't like the word drunk, try calling yourself something else and, if the shoe fits, wear it. the key to starting recovery, as I understand it anyway, is that moment where we admit to ourselves the nature of our problem an that breaks down a lot of barriers. I don't use the word drunk too often to define myself but I can say that the first time I said "I'm an alcoholic" it jsut felt right and life got easier from that one sentence onwards.

    Don't be too pissed at people here, man, we all mean well and, to be fair to Locked, you are here talking about a drinking problem you have, so it ain't exactly a leap to use the word that was written :)
    we're all going to the same place...
  • to be fair to Locked, you are here talking about a drinking problem you have, so it ain't exactly a leap to use the word that was written :)

    calling someone a "drunk" has pretty negative connotations to it. you can be an alcoholic and not be a drunk.

    I have gotten drunk, but I am not a drunk. big difference. I didn't appreciate the label. it IS a leap, and I didn't like it, and I had every right to be pissed about it.

    it doesn't matter. I'm done with this thread.
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    to be fair to Locked, you are here talking about a drinking problem you have, so it ain't exactly a leap to use the word that was written :)

    calling someone a "drunk" has pretty negative connotations to it. you can be an alcoholic and not be a drunk.

    I have gotten drunk, but I am not a drunk. big difference. I didn't appreciate the label. it IS a leap, and I didn't like it, and I had every right to be pissed about it.

    it doesn't matter. I'm done with this thread.
    I'll restate what I said before. Go to a few meetings then decide if you belong or more inportantly if you want to really do something about it. Fact is I knew it was a problem for 15 or so of the 24 yrs I drank to excess. Cared not one bit to do something about it.


    You go ahead and try and fail to control your drinking like you've stated earlier in this thread. If you do, you'll continue to get the same results. Gauranteed.

    I and a few others arent going anywhere and neither is a place that has a real solution ,AA. 76 years and going.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    Here we are. In the US it is Thanksgiving Day. A day of reflection of what we are grateful for.


    What more can I really say other than , this morning I once again woke up sober.

    Thank you to those that post here , just read through, or have had contact with me in any way related to recovery.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    ok, since we last saw each other , I PASSED my CDL exam. :o :shock: 8-) I am now a licensed big rig driver!!!

    At this moment I'm in Indianapolis,IN. for orientation with a very large trucking company. Seems of one the better ones for a new driver to start with. Pay will be decent to start for a new guy.

    Yesterday , at the bus station, I was hit up by a apparent homeless guy. Didnt get rude, but it struck me wrong for a second this guy didnt realize he hit us up twice before 10 minutes earlier!! The other guy standing there was in my class and he threw out there that he was in recovery!!!! Imagine that. Kinda doubting there will be time to get to a meeting whle I'm here as they give us homework to do every night. This is a weeklong interview, that we can be sent home from at any time if we dont meet the standards laid out. Understandable, we would be "given" A vehicle worth ALOT of $ and tasked with safe transport of customers goods worth a bunch too.



    HP has been involved from the start. Feeling good about this.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • DS1119DS1119 Posts: 33,497
    :)
  • oona leftoona left Posts: 1,677
    mickeyrat wrote:
    ok, since we last saw each other , I PASSED my CDL exam. :o :shock: 8-) I am now a licensed big rig driver!!!

    At this moment I'm in Indianapolis,IN. for orientation with a very large trucking company. Seems of one the better ones for a new driver to start with. Pay will be decent to start for a new guy.

    Yesterday , at the bus station, I was hit up by a apparent homeless guy. Didnt get rude, but it struck me wrong for a second this guy didnt realize he hit us up twice before 10 minutes earlier!! The other guy standing there was in my class and he threw out there that he was in recovery!!!! Imagine that. Kinda doubting there will be time to get to a meeting whle I'm here as they give us homework to do every night. This is a weeklong interview, that we can be sent home from at any time if we dont meet the standards laid out. Understandable, we would be "given" A vehicle worth ALOT of $ and tasked with safe transport of customers goods worth a bunch too.



    HP has been involved from the start. Feeling good about this.

    Sounds great, Mickey!

    Even if you don't have time for meetings, I imagine it's nice to know there's someone else there who's on the same path.
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    here I am, a week removed from orientation. Still waiting to go out for on the road training.

    Practice patience? check and check.

    hope everyone has the holiday they hope for.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    Merry Christmas to one and all. Hope its a safe and sober one!!!

    When your family hits THAT button one too man times , get to a meeting!!!! :mrgreen:
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • oona leftoona left Posts: 1,677
    mickeyrat wrote:
    Merry Christmas to one and all. Hope its a safe and sober one!!!

    When your family hits THAT button one too man times , get to a meeting!!!! :mrgreen:

    Merry Christmas to you, Mickey! And to everyone else!
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • oona leftoona left Posts: 1,677
    chadwick wrote:
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(

    You really don't have to drink if you don't want to. Hell, you don't have to drink even if you do want to.

    What have you drawn from over the last year and five days that has allowed you to stay sober?
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    oona left wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(

    You really don't have to drink if you don't want to. Hell, you don't have to drink even if you do want to.

    What have you drawn from over the last year and five days that has allowed you to stay sober?
    i don't get pressure from others to drink. the pressure comes from being near alcohol. i hate the alcohol section of the store. i hate looking at a giant bottle of vodka sitting on my brother's wooden buffet.

    today i will be around whiskey, wine, tequila, vodka, beer, and whatever else happens to show up.

    i am bringing my guitars to tune the drinking and bullshit out. deep inside it hurts though. some part of me wants to drink glass fulls of whiskey. i haven't felt this helpless in a longtime.

    swimming, crashing through the water has been what i draw from to stay sane.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • Hey Everyone,

    Safe and happy holidays. Hope you all get through it okay and have a wonderful time.

    T
    we're all going to the same place...
  • MASMAS Posts: 630
    chadwick wrote:
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(

    How'd it go?
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    MAS wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(

    How'd it go?
    it was only bad until i got there. it was glorious as i did not have anything to drink. everyone else....hammered.
    me? sober as can be. i had some pretty crappy green. that is as crazy as i got.

    i guess i have come full circle this year. it's been 1 year and 1 week w/out alcohol.
    i'd say booze to me is like a needle to a needle drug user.
    hate seeing bottles and feel very uneasy inside and unsure. somehow i did it and held my ground.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • MASMAS Posts: 630
    That's
    chadwick wrote:
    MAS wrote:
    chadwick wrote:
    here in a matter of moments i will be around all the alcohol a family and friends christmas party needs. my brother's house will be fulla people and drinks and whatnot. i haven't had alcohol in one years and five days. i am a little scared i am going to get smoked beyond reckoning. i am unable to say i will not drink. in days of past i could say with certainty from firm conviction that i would not drink. a (opposite of small) percentage of my family and friends drink irresponsibly. i feel unsure, scared and alone.... i feel alone even in a crowd.

    today will be extremely difficult. i have pills and my favorite color. i do not know what to do. :(

    How'd it go?
    it was only bad until i got there. it was glorious as i did not have anything to drink. everyone else....hammered.
    me? sober as can be. i had some pretty crappy green. that is as crazy as i got.

    i guess i have come full circle this year. it's been 1 year and 1 week w/out alcohol.
    i'd say booze to me is like a needle to a needle drug user.
    hate seeing bottles and feel very uneasy inside and unsure. somehow i did it and held my ground.

    That's a fuckin accomplishment u should b proud of...
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    A safe, sober Happy New Year to my fellows!!!!

    Here I sit in a Best Western hotel in the middle of road training for my new career as Professional Truck Driver. Realizing a lifelong desire to drive for a living. This would not have been possible WITHOUT Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps in my life. I have seen a sober new year since 2006. Each one better than the last. This one is a little bit more special, but bittersweet as I'll not be with the woman I love for the anniversary of our first kiss.

    Anyhoo, be safe and watch out fopr all the amateurs out there tonight!!! :mrgreen:
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • DS1119DS1119 Posts: 33,497
    mickeyrat wrote:
    A safe, sober Happy New Year to my fellows!!!!

    Here I sit in a Best Western hotel in the middle of road training for my new career as Professional Truck Driver. Realizing a lifelong desire to drive for a living. This would not have been possible WITHOUT Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps in my life. I have seen a sober new year since 2006. Each one better than the last. This one is a little bit more special, but bittersweet as I'll not be with the woman I love for the anniversary of our first kiss.

    Anyhoo, be safe and watch out fopr all the amateurs out there tonight!!! :mrgreen:

    :clap:
  • mickeyrat wrote:
    A safe, sober Happy New Year to my fellows!!!!

    Here I sit in a Best Western hotel in the middle of road training for my new career as Professional Truck Driver. Realizing a lifelong desire to drive for a living. This would not have been possible WITHOUT Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps in my life. I have seen a sober new year since 2006. Each one better than the last. This one is a little bit more special, but bittersweet as I'll not be with the woman I love for the anniversary of our first kiss.

    Anyhoo, be safe and watch out fopr all the amateurs out there tonight!!! :mrgreen:
    Nice and congrats!!! I haven't been in here awhile, but I am 6 months clean and feels great.
    Everyone be safe!
    If you hate something dont you do it too
    world fucking champs!!!
  • Happy New Year Everyone!

    I like the 1st of January, it means I can add another calendar year to those in which I have spent time sober ;)

    I was falling at the end of last year but I had a good rest over the last few days and it has helped a lot. I'm feeling fresh and regenerated. I always try to keep in mind the HALT thing my sponsor once told me about. It ain't good to be Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired.

    Now, I wasn't hungry but I was certainly angry, lonely and tired (bunrt out physically, mentally and spiritually). Some rest and recuperation and time with the family has really helped a lot with those and I feel like I'm starting the New Year in a better and safer place for me. Self-awareness comes with time, knowing my own body and mind and seeing the warning signs.

    Peace
    we're all going to the same place...
  • starmap3333starmap3333 Posts: 3,925
    mickeyrat wrote:
    A safe, sober Happy New Year to my fellows!!!!

    Here I sit in a Best Western hotel in the middle of road training for my new career as Professional Truck Driver. Realizing a lifelong desire to drive for a living. This would not have been possible WITHOUT Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps in my life. I have seen a sober new year since 2006. Each one better than the last. This one is a little bit more special, but bittersweet as I'll not be with the woman I love for the anniversary of our first kiss.

    Anyhoo, be safe and watch out fopr all the amateurs out there tonight!!! :mrgreen:

    that's awesome you got ahold of yourself before you got dwi convictions... at least you can still drive a truck. all i can do is wait on truckers which is exactly what I do. lol.
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 38,584
    Alrighty then. Here I find myself with some time to post here.Am in the truck at a truck stop with some time to kill before heading to my next pick up.

    Friday was my first day solo. After meeting with my "dispatcher" and finding out whats expected of me , I got the keys to my temp truck. Waited for a load assignment. As I waited fear and doubt set in. "What am I doing? I'm not cut out for this!!" Quick little prayer to HP cured that right quick.

    Now I'm starting day 5 and much more relaxed about what my job is. Let me tell you, its far more than just holding a steering wheel. I haven't even begun to learn about it. I know just enough to deliver the freight.

    Thus far , I've not had a radio/cb or any type of mind distraction. Just cant afford it yet. BUT , I'm finding a quiet peaceful mind. You know how we can get when we have time on our hands.



    Well, I'm off for the next trip.

    IF ANY of you that stop by want to PM me, whether you want to quit drinking or not, it would be most welcome.

    Peace from the road.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • curlycurly Posts: 703
    cool thread...
  • curly wrote:
    cool thread...

    + 1
    we're all going to the same place...
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