and by the way, I'm aware that I'm coming off as the guy looking for help but shooting down any and all suggestions and insight. I think it's just part of the process. So.....sorry about that. Just trying to figure this all out.
well well! how silly of me then since it's that easy!
easier than you may think. with help that is, for those who drink like I did.
AA doesnt claim to be the ONLY thing that can get and keep you sober. But we DO have a 76 year old track record of millions who were able to put it down and keep it down.
Can I make a suggestion? Go to www.aa.org . At that site you can read from our book. I suggest reading " the doctors opinion and chapters 2 and 3. Just keep an open mind if you choose to read it.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
well well! how silly of me then since it's that easy!
I didn't mean to be rude. I was in the same dilemma as you and it boiled down to three options.
Love it: I could just have accepted that I drank the way i drank and just love it instead of keep turning it over in my head but I couldn't do that and stop feeling the overwhelming guilt, so I tried to...
Change it: I drank different types of drink, tried to control what I drank and everything but I just couldn't really change how I drank. I still have the illusion that I can, which is dangerous for me. In the end, I decided to....
Leave it: by joining AA and not drinking any more.
It really is that easy. Every situation in life can basically be boiled down to these three choices. I still have all three open to me right now, I could drink again and love it or keep trying to change it, but instead I'm sticking with the "leave it" option for today.
On further analysis, this wisdom, taken from the motivational guru and economist professor Malik, is found in our serenity prayer.
well well! how silly of me then since it's that easy!
I didn't mean to be rude. I was in the same dilemma as you and it boiled down to three options.
Love it: I could just have accepted that I drank the way i drank and just love it instead of keep turning it over in my head but I couldn't do that and stop feeling the overwhelming guilt, so I tried to...
Change it: I drank different types of drink, tried to control what I drank and everything but I just couldn't really change how I drank. I still have the illusion that I can, which is dangerous for me. In the end, I decided to....
Leave it: by joining AA and not drinking any more.
It really is that easy. Every situation in life can basically be boiled down to these three choices. I still have all three open to me right now, I could drink again and love it or keep trying to change it, but instead I'm sticking with the "leave it" option for today.
On further analysis, this wisdom, taken from the motivational guru and economist professor Malik, is found in our serenity prayer.
fair enough. my bad, I took it the wrong way.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
I just wanted to say I've been a silent observer for quite sometime and this topic really has taken a hold of me as of late. I wanted to just say thanks to the people setting up a meeting in Alpine Valley. I would be at the sober fan meeting if I were still going to PJ20, however, I just don't think I can do it, I'm still fairly early (50 days) in my recovery, finishing up an outpatient treatment program, and it kills me that I can't make it, but I have to do things I wouldn't normally do in recovery and this is one them. It's comforting to know that there are so many Pearl Jam fans like myself who are in dealing with these issues.
So with that said, I hope we can have a sober PJ fan meet up at all future shows. Maybe they exist, but I wouldn't know. Again, thanks and keep up the good work on your journey.
Inside Job speaks to me in so many more ways now, and Mike McCready is such a great dude.
0
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 36,030
I just wanted to say I've been a silent observer for quite sometime and this topic really has taken a hold of me as of late. I wanted to just say thanks to the people setting up a meeting in Alpine Valley. I would be at the sober fan meeting if I were still going to PJ20, however, I just don't think I can do it, I'm still fairly early (50 days) in my recovery, finishing up an outpatient treatment program, and it kills me that I can't make it, but I have to do things I wouldn't normally do in recovery and this is one them. It's comforting to know that there are so many Pearl Jam fans like myself who are in dealing with these issues.
So with that said, I hope we can have a sober PJ fan meet up at all future shows. Maybe they exist, but I wouldn't know. Again, thanks and keep up the good work on your journey.
Inside Job speaks to me in so many more ways now, and Mike McCready is such a great dude.
Welcome!!! You're showing a bit of wisdom here. Smart move in my opinion. Feel free to contribute anytime you feel the need or desrie. Its greatly appreciated. If you need to PM any of the regular posters here.I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you. We're here to help each other.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
The fact that it's mentally tearing you apart this way, is proof enough that it's a problem..
yeah, I've thought of it from that angle as well. sometimes I look for reasons to stop, and sometimes I look for reasons to keep going as is.
part of my problem is I don't have enough confidence in knowing myself......I have always been very hard on myself........so it's hard for me to tell if this is just one of those times.......I've told a few people, people close to me that I thought I had a problem. Every single one of them looked at me like I had just grown a second head. that's not the reaction I expected. I was expecting some "wow"s, or maybe some "good for you"s, but not just blank stares like "um, can I buy you a beer" kind of look.
and no, these aren't drinking partners.
and by the way, I'm aware that I'm coming off as the guy looking for help but shooting down any and all suggestions and insight. I think it's just part of the process. So.....sorry about that. Just trying to figure this all out.
Yes it IS part of the process, denial is definately a stage in dealing with huge issues.. but the most realistic part of all of this is.. it is ultimately YOUR decision, no one can decide if it is a problem, but YOU..We are here for ya if ya need us, and even if ya don't..Hope you find out what you need..
I'm so excited by this that I wanna write it here. We set up an English speaking meeting here 15 months ago with 4 of us... then there were 3... sometimes 2...
I really thought it was running it's course but today we had 14 people (and two regulars were missing!). Our first time in double figures. The message is spreading and people want what we have. I'm so excited by the amount of strength in the room today.
I'm so excited by this that I wanna write it here. We set up an English speaking meeting here 15 months ago with 4 of us... then there were 3... sometimes 2...
I really thought it was running it's course but today we had 14 people (and two regulars were missing!). Our first time in double figures. The message is spreading and people want what we have. I'm so excited by the amount of strength in the room today.
I posted this poem on the Poetry forum like several years ago.. but it's quite appropriate for here..
This is called "360 Degrees"
A life full of lies,
A notion surreal,
As I wind further down
The bartender's reel.
Secret ambitions,
A malevolent scene,
Buried in liquor,
On a shot glass I lean.
Party is dull,
Need more Royal Crown,
The night's never over,
Til I hit the ground.
Replacing my memories,
With Jack D and Jim Beam,
Tequila kills pain,
As down it streams.
Sordid convulsions,
In bathrooms so "mod",
Nothing new in bowing,
To the porcelin God.
Headache to kill me,
To my hangover, succumb,
I desperately search,
For anything that numbs.
Saved by a dollar,
To the bar stumbles me,
To find the hair of the dog,
That always bites me.
Money on counter,
A shot; liquid sin,
My vicious circle,
Has begun once again.
Drown all these sorrows,
Take them from me,
Real are my fears,
And these nightmares I see.
And so I pray..
Now I pass out, worthless this sleep..
Once I am out, may I never wake.
Not much of my soul that's worthy to keep..
But what little is left I pray God will take.
Tree Tomsen
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 36,030
just not feelin the love today. road trip meeting tonight. not sure how far. we'll see. Could be just what the doctor ordered. My mood is not fair to my S.O.
Then theres this concert business. Was given the chance last minute. Dumbass that I am, said no. Couldnt jusify going into debt for this.Didnt seem wise to me. Still doesnt , but......... :twisted:
Take a breath and chill out. Thats the advice I'm trying to take.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
just not feelin the love today. road trip meeting tonight. not sure how far. we'll see. Could be just what the doctor ordered. My mood is not fair to my S.O.
Then theres this concert business. Was given the chance last minute. Dumbass that I am, said no. Couldnt jusify going into debt for this.Didnt seem wise to me. Still doesnt , but......... :twisted:
Take a breath and chill out. Thats the advice I'm trying to take.
Have a great meeting and rock out to PJ on the way.. that'll make ANYONE feel better.. and you did the right thing now getting yourself into trouble..I seriously contemplated losing my job to go too.. but decided better against it..
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure I've posted it a hundred times before but repeating the same old stories is par for the course in our world, isn't it?!
I got into the 12 step program through this board. I was reading the posts of you good people here and I just felt that you all had something I wanted. I could identify on the level of being an addict but also that we were into the same music, etc. I thought "these people are just like me" and so I fired a PM to one of the members here and I've had 730 really great days since then. Two years ago I was a lousy father, now I'm adequate and on my good days I'm better than that. 2 years ago my business was looking at falling apart, now I'm in the process of buying a house knowing that it is healthy and will continue to be for a while. And a million other unquantifiable things have gotten better in my life. And that wouldn't have happened for me and those in my life if I hadn't read this thread. So, when I say "thanks" to you all, I'm not being facile, I mean it from the very core of my being.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure I've posted it a hundred times before but repeating the same old stories is par for the course in our world, isn't it?!
I got into the 12 step program through this board. I was reading the posts of you good people here and I just felt that you all had something I wanted. I could identify on the level of being an addict but also that we were into the same music, etc. I thought "these people are just like me" and so I fired a PM to one of the members here and I've had 730 really great days since then. Two years ago I was a lousy father, now I'm adequate and on my good days I'm better than that. 2 years ago my business was looking at falling apart, now I'm in the process of buying a house knowing that it is healthy and will continue to be for a while. And a million other unquantifiable things have gotten better in my life. And that wouldn't have happened for me and those in my life if I hadn't read this thread. So, when I say "thanks" to you all, I'm not you being facile, I mean it from the very core of my being.
The Dead used to have the Wharf Rats. Was a place all dead heads could meet and discuss recovery and enjoy a dead show at the same time. Addiction was tough being a dead head. Wouldn't even know where to start as a very new Pearl Jam Fan. I think it would be very cool to start.
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 36,030
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Okay I am back! 11 years clean, then a relapse for several years, and now I have over 90 days clean!!
I went into treatment this time. The time I got 11 years clean I did it with just meetings.
Wow...talk about things being right where you left off...or even worse. I ended up way worse than the first time around. I THOUGHT I hit a bottom that time. It was no where near where this relapse took me.Cunning, baffling and powerful!!
Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure I've posted it a hundred times before but repeating the same old stories is par for the course in our world, isn't it?!
I got into the 12 step program through this board. I was reading the posts of you good people here and I just felt that you all had something I wanted. I could identify on the level of being an addict but also that we were into the same music, etc. I thought "these people are just like me" and so I fired a PM to one of the members here and I've had 730 really great days since then. Two years ago I was a lousy father, now I'm adequate and on my good days I'm better than that. 2 years ago my business was looking at falling apart, now I'm in the process of buying a house knowing that it is healthy and will continue to be for a while. And a million other unquantifiable things have gotten better in my life. And that wouldn't have happened for me and those in my life if I hadn't read this thread. So, when I say "thanks" to you all, I'm not being facile, I mean it from the very core of my being.
Congratulations and good job.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
Okay I am back! 11 years clean, then a relapse for several years, and now I have over 90 days clean!!
I went into treatment this time. The time I got 11 years clean I did it with just meetings.
Wow...talk about things being right where you left off...or even worse. I ended up way worse than the first time around. I THOUGHT I hit a bottom that time. It was no where near where this relapse took me.Cunning, baffling and powerful!!
Good for you too
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
Comments
Love it, leave it or change it.
:idea:
I am right by your side.
well well! how silly of me then since it's that easy!
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
AA doesnt claim to be the ONLY thing that can get and keep you sober. But we DO have a 76 year old track record of millions who were able to put it down and keep it down.
Can I make a suggestion? Go to www.aa.org . At that site you can read from our book. I suggest reading " the doctors opinion and chapters 2 and 3. Just keep an open mind if you choose to read it.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I didn't mean to be rude. I was in the same dilemma as you and it boiled down to three options.
Love it: I could just have accepted that I drank the way i drank and just love it instead of keep turning it over in my head but I couldn't do that and stop feeling the overwhelming guilt, so I tried to...
Change it: I drank different types of drink, tried to control what I drank and everything but I just couldn't really change how I drank. I still have the illusion that I can, which is dangerous for me. In the end, I decided to....
Leave it: by joining AA and not drinking any more.
It really is that easy. Every situation in life can basically be boiled down to these three choices. I still have all three open to me right now, I could drink again and love it or keep trying to change it, but instead I'm sticking with the "leave it" option for today.
On further analysis, this wisdom, taken from the motivational guru and economist professor Malik, is found in our serenity prayer.
fair enough. my bad, I took it the wrong way.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
So with that said, I hope we can have a sober PJ fan meet up at all future shows. Maybe they exist, but I wouldn't know. Again, thanks and keep up the good work on your journey.
Inside Job speaks to me in so many more ways now, and Mike McCready is such a great dude.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I really thought it was running it's course but today we had 14 people (and two regulars were missing!). Our first time in double figures. The message is spreading and people want what we have. I'm so excited by the amount of strength in the room today.
This is called "360 Degrees"
A life full of lies,
A notion surreal,
As I wind further down
The bartender's reel.
Secret ambitions,
A malevolent scene,
Buried in liquor,
On a shot glass I lean.
Party is dull,
Need more Royal Crown,
The night's never over,
Til I hit the ground.
Replacing my memories,
With Jack D and Jim Beam,
Tequila kills pain,
As down it streams.
Sordid convulsions,
In bathrooms so "mod",
Nothing new in bowing,
To the porcelin God.
Headache to kill me,
To my hangover, succumb,
I desperately search,
For anything that numbs.
Saved by a dollar,
To the bar stumbles me,
To find the hair of the dog,
That always bites me.
Money on counter,
A shot; liquid sin,
My vicious circle,
Has begun once again.
Drown all these sorrows,
Take them from me,
Real are my fears,
And these nightmares I see.
And so I pray..
Now I pass out, worthless this sleep..
Once I am out, may I never wake.
Not much of my soul that's worthy to keep..
But what little is left I pray God will take.
Tree Tomsen
Then theres this concert business. Was given the chance last minute. Dumbass that I am, said no. Couldnt jusify going into debt for this.Didnt seem wise to me. Still doesnt , but......... :twisted:
Take a breath and chill out. Thats the advice I'm trying to take.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I never would have believed that such a thing was possible.
Thanks to everyone on this thread.
Can you remember when?
Think how far we've come these past two years.
Wow. Just WOW.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Congratulations! That is wonderful!
I got into the 12 step program through this board. I was reading the posts of you good people here and I just felt that you all had something I wanted. I could identify on the level of being an addict but also that we were into the same music, etc. I thought "these people are just like me" and so I fired a PM to one of the members here and I've had 730 really great days since then. Two years ago I was a lousy father, now I'm adequate and on my good days I'm better than that. 2 years ago my business was looking at falling apart, now I'm in the process of buying a house knowing that it is healthy and will continue to be for a while. And a million other unquantifiable things have gotten better in my life. And that wouldn't have happened for me and those in my life if I hadn't read this thread. So, when I say "thanks" to you all, I'm not being facile, I mean it from the very core of my being.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cekj-P8 ... r_embedded
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Fantastic.
Welcome!!!
The coffee's in your kitchen. Feel free to put your feet up on your coffee table. We dont mind.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Yes, welcome!! The coffee here is actually better than what you'll find at most meetings because you make it yourself
I went into treatment this time. The time I got 11 years clean I did it with just meetings.
Wow...talk about things being right where you left off...or even worse. I ended up way worse than the first time around. I THOUGHT I hit a bottom that time. It was no where near where this relapse took me.Cunning, baffling and powerful!!
Congratulations and good job.
Good for you too