PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

i shit and i stink

RD96430 wrote:

sorry... didn't read too much of this thread, but I think that the subject definitely encapsulates where I need to be but can't seem to get. As much as music sometimes inspires me to get myself together, I find that the more depressing side of it (not necissarilly in PJ's case) seems to reinforce the negative aspects that are in all of our lives no matter how pure and clean we may (or try) to be....

Something like this came up at our meeting yesterday. I've always focused on the war in the world, the bullies, my misfortunes, diseases, disasters and all that negative shit. I put myself in a 'box of fear' as someone once said. Through the 12 step program people learn to concentrate on the positives instead of drinking and/or drugging through life as an antedote to the fear. Those negative things will always happen but they are not under my control, the only thing I can do is try to be the best version of me. In AA we ask for:

"the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference".

runaway

Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.

Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.

mickeyrat

runaway wrote:

Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.

Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.

get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.

Above all else , we only need to do this for today.

runaway

mickeyrat wrote:

runaway wrote:

Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.

Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.

get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.

Above all else , we only need to do this for today.

thanx, I'm questioning putting my hand out...I try and share my experience with these girls I am living with because they are so much younger. I can only pray for God's will to be done, I know this....just hope for them that they don't have to go through the next 10 to 15 years of hell....the consequences get worse, self esteem is shot, and they already have been through enough shit, but for me I felt I was too young at their age, everyone else was partying....just a fucking state of denial

mickeyrat

runaway wrote:

mickeyrat wrote:

runaway wrote:

Insignificance stands out for me right now...the way I have felt out there and still today...but, "it's instilled to wanna live", my life could be so much worse. The "yets", the things that haven't happend, but could if I continue drinking. I am in a sober house and one chick got arrested two days ago...DUI, hit and run, we don't know what she hit, but thank God it wasn't a person. Turns out she was cheeking her anabuse. Definate wake up call. She just took a six month chip last week....this disease pisses me off!! Have an attitude of gratitude, they say. I am not living in a country where "bombs are dropping down" and having to live in fear.

Fuck me or whining, man....life is good.

get it out. but yes , use her experience to your benefit. Relief is to be had once we begin on the steps. Attend the same meetings regularly and put your hand out. if you'fre able to get there early and stay after. some really good things happen before and after meetings. Get phone numbers and use them.

Above all else , we only need to do this for today.

thanx, I'm questioning putting my hand out...I try and share my experience with these girls I am living with because they are so much younger. I can only pray for God's will to be done, I know this....just hope for them that they don't have to go through the next 10 to 15 years of hell....the consequences get worse, self esteem is shot, and they already have been through enough shit, but for me I felt I was too young at their age, everyone else was partying....just a fucking state of denial

It takes what it takes for us to reach the point where we say "I give up". the best thing you can do for them is to begin this process. "lead" by example.

mickeyrat

email my brother sent me. not an alky like me thank god.

"Got a cool story to tell you.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you this or not, but a year or two ago you taught me the acronym HALT. Usually for me the hungry and tired part is what sets me off. So now I am more aware and better able to control my temper.

Well, all this week the base is being inspected by higher headquarters. One of the scenarios today is something we call an “Active shooter”. That is basically like the guy at Ft. Hood that shot all those people.

Well the governing regulation says that if there is only one agency involved then that agency establishes an “incident commander”, basically the guy in charge of all agencies and people on scene. It goes on to say any situation with more than one agency involved the fire department will establish an incident commander.

Well today, during this “active shooter” exercise the cops responded to shots fired and held incident command for the first 5-20 minutes. Then they called for an ambulance to treat an exercise victim that had a gunshot wound. When the cops called the ambulance they made this a multiple agency response requiring a firemen to take incident command. My best young incident commander arrived on scene and took command. The hostage negotiator did not want to work with our guy, so the Chief of the cops called my guy and said “we are in charge stay out of it”. My guy says “the regulation is clear, more than one agency the FD is the incident commander”. Chief cop says “if you don’t give command back to the senior cop on-scene, you and I will be in the Wing commanders office this afternoon”. My guy says “please spell my name right”.

I was on-scene of another exercise incident, then I hear about it, I get to his scene to see if my guy is alright. He is doing great and everything was OK. In the back of our command vehicle is a big map, he had written all pertinent info about the incident on there. But, at the bottom of the map in huge letters was the word HALT. I had taught him that last year and he says he uses it all the time, and needed it today to keep his cool while arguing with the chief cop!

Pretty cool how your life influenced mine and that of one of my senior guys!

Love,
JT "

very nice thing to wake up to, let me tell you!!

megatron

man being sober is weird. soooo sick of all this self awareness. being numb just seemed so much easier

i shit and i stink

Has it really been one year today?

Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...

Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.

mickeyrat

i shit and i stink wrote:

Has it really been one year today?

Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...

Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.

:thumbup:

mickeyrat

ok, so work has been a little bit of a roller coaster ride. Recently promoted , during this I was tasked with, as I saw it, forced change to certain aspects of my personality. Given this task by one in the rooms at that!!

Now, I have been somewhat DEmoted to my previous position, along with this I was given what sounds like a reasonale and plausible explaination of why. In addition , I believe I have ample reason, from experience, to not fully trust what has been said.

Which brings me to today. I use a 12 step prayer book published by Hazelden. I like it. todays prayer is this....(changed to reflect my concept)

The Right Road
Dear HP,
I have no idea where I'm going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I am actually doing so.
But I believe this,
I believe the desire to please you(hp) does in fact please you.
I hope I have that desire in everything I do.
I hope I never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead by the right road though I may know nothing about it at the time.
Therefore, I will trust you HP, always, for though I may seem to be lost,
and in the shadow of death, I will not be afraid,
because I know you will never leave me to face my troubles alone.

blenderman69

i shit and i stink wrote:

Has it really been one year today?

Wow, I can't say how amazed I am by that. I used to wake up every day and make myself solemn promises that I would break every evening. 24 hours seemed a long long time. Then I read this thread here and decided I wanted what you all had. And it works...

Thanks to all over you that have taken a little time to help me through this year and to those of you that have posted here.

i just read this post. congrat's!!!!!keep coming back!it works if you work it

runaway

I have 35 days today and feel sad and depressed. I don't know what to do. I am supposed to go to a 630am mtg, but I feel like wallowing in my shit. there is a mtg at noon that I could probably get to. I broke my foot at 22 days in rehab and left rehab at 28 days. they have a huge chunk of my money that they don't want to give back to me, they want me to come back for outpatient treatment. I don't have a car, nor do I have the money to take cabs to get there. I have put it out there at mtgs that I would pay someone if they could take me, but everyone works or just doesn't want to. I don't feel like drinking which is a blessing, but honestly I just want to say fuck it. I know this will pass, but I go to a mtg, feel better for an hour then come back to my condo and feel like shit again. My dog is with my mom two hours away because I can't walk him right now. I have to be out of my condo in the early part of October because I was too busy getting drunk instead of looking for work. I bought it sober and lost it drunk. I keep hitting bottoms which in a sense is keeping me sober cuz I sure as fuck don't want to go through this again. I know it will only get worse...the consequences and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Just had to write my feelings because I am losing it....thank God for music. I don't know what I would do if music didn't exist. peace~

i shit and i stink

runaway wrote:

I have 35 days today and feel sad and depressed. I don't know what to do. I am supposed to go to a 630am mtg, but I feel like wallowing in my shit. there is a mtg at noon that I could probably get to. I broke my foot at 22 days in rehab and left rehab at 28 days. they have a huge chunk of my money that they don't want to give back to me, they want me to come back for outpatient treatment. I don't have a car, nor do I have the money to take cabs to get there. I have put it out there at mtgs that I would pay someone if they could take me, but everyone works or just doesn't want to. I don't feel like drinking which is a blessing, but honestly I just want to say fuck it. I know this will pass, but I go to a mtg, feel better for an hour then come back to my condo and feel like shit again. My dog is with my mom two hours away because I can't walk him right now. I have to be out of my condo in the early part of October because I was too busy getting drunk instead of looking for work. I bought it sober and lost it drunk. I keep hitting bottoms which in a sense is keeping me sober cuz I sure as fuck don't want to go through this again. I know it will only get worse...the consequences and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Just had to write my feelings because I am losing it....thank God for music. I don't know what I would do if music didn't exist. peace~

Great attitude, not wanting to drink as you know that will make the situation worse. That is really the way to do it. Just hang in there and the promises will start coming true. It may take time and there may be some hard moments on the way as the wreckage of the past is cleared away but it will happen. Keep working the program, ODAAT, and you'll see things starting to change.

i shit and i stink

I achieved something big yesterday. When I was a little kid my father ran marathons dressed as Superman. That was a pretty powerful image for a 6 year old kid and he really was a hero for me. I always promised him that once I was old enough, we'd run together. Of course, by the time I was old enough I was addicted to drink, drugs and cigarettes.

So, yesterday, one year and three days sober, I ran our city marathon with the AA symbol painted on the back of my shirt. Without 12 step recovery I wouldn't have stood a chance

3 hours and 44 min - but it took 25 years after that initial promise to my dad for me to be in good enough physical condition to attempt it!

runaway

i shit and i stink wrote:

I achieved something big yesterday. When I was a little kid my father ran marathons dressed as Superman. That was a pretty powerful image for a 6 year old kid and he really was a hero for me. I always promised him that once I was old enough, we'd run together. Of course, by the time I was old enough I was addicted to drink, drugs and cigarettes.

So, yesterday, one year and three days sober, I ran our city marathon with the AA symbol painted on the back of my shirt. Without 12 step recovery I wouldn't have stood a chance

3 hours and 44 min - but it took 25 years after that initial promise to my dad for me to be in good enough physical condition to attempt it!

Congratulations!! that's inspiring....

mickeyrat

runaway wrote:

I have 35 days today and feel sad and depressed. I don't know what to do. I am supposed to go to a 630am mtg, but I feel like wallowing in my shit. there is a mtg at noon that I could probably get to. I broke my foot at 22 days in rehab and left rehab at 28 days. they have a huge chunk of my money that they don't want to give back to me, they want me to come back for outpatient treatment. I don't have a car, nor do I have the money to take cabs to get there. I have put it out there at mtgs that I would pay someone if they could take me, but everyone works or just doesn't want to. I don't feel like drinking which is a blessing, but honestly I just want to say fuck it. I know this will pass, but I go to a mtg, feel better for an hour then come back to my condo and feel like shit again. My dog is with my mom two hours away because I can't walk him right now. I have to be out of my condo in the early part of October because I was too busy getting drunk instead of looking for work. I bought it sober and lost it drunk. I keep hitting bottoms which in a sense is keeping me sober cuz I sure as fuck don't want to go through this again. I know it will only get worse...the consequences and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Just had to write my feelings because I am losing it....thank God for music. I don't know what I would do if music didn't exist. peace~

keep coming in here and posting and keep going to meetings. its a must. Have you found a sponser yet? if not do so soon. and get busy on the steps. it will feel better. I find that life is still much the same as it always was but I feel differently toward it.

NothinGBetteRPJMaN

I've been going to AA meetings for the past several months. I am still having a lot of trouble staying sober because I basically go to to meetings and then go straight home and have no sponsor. I have been better lately staying and talking to people after the meetings and getting phone numbers but I still haven't met anyone that has enough time to be a sponsor.

I'm only 22years old and find it difficult when most the time I am the youngest person at the meetings by at least 10yrs and most people are old enough to be my Dad. That's also why I have had trouble finding a sponsor. Going up to a complete stranger 20years older and introducing myself, asking them to be my sponsor just seems hard. Im usually a quiet person already.

Does anyone have any advice for me? or come into the program at a young age like I have?

mickeyrat

NothinGBetteRPJMaN wrote:

I've been going to AA meetings for the past several months. I am still having a lot of trouble staying sober because I basically go to to meetings and then go straight home and have no sponsor. I have been better lately staying and talking to people after the meetings and getting phone numbers but I still haven't met anyone that has enough time to be a sponsor.

I'm only 22years old and find it difficult when most the time I am the youngest person at the meetings by at least 10yrs and most people are old enough to be my Dad. That's also why I have had trouble finding a sponsor. Going up to a complete stranger 20years older and introducing myself, asking them to be my sponsor just seems hard. Im usually a quiet person already.

Does anyone have any advice for me? or come into the program at a young age like I have?

Do you know of an intergroup office in your area? Good place to start the search is http://www.aa.org .See if there are any young peoples meetings near you. Its not necessarily the amount of time someone has either. Bill W. had 6 months or so when he met Dr Bob. The thing to look for is , someone who speaks about their experience with the steps. all 12 steps.

the only thing hard about getting even a temporary sponser is in the asking itself. It takes courage to ask for help. I and we tha post here will help as much as we can through here. Feel free to PM if you need to.

runaway

I feel better today...this wave of ups and downs is driving me batty....so much bs to deal with, but I know I don't want to drink. So much has already been taken away, my HP is saying this is it. I can honestly say I don't know what would happen if I drink again. All bets are off for me. I do not want to go through the detox again. It was painful...I also want to say to the poster above me that I was in and out for awhile...all I can tell you is if you get sober now, you are saving yourself from so much pain and horrible consequences that occur the longer you use or drink. Like Mickeyrat said find a sponsor, for the time being anyone will do...it is someone to be accountable to. I'll admit at first it isn't that easy, but the people in AA have been right where you are. Ironically when you open up and talk to someone they will guide you along....good luck.

NothinGBetteRPJMaN

mickeyrat wrote:

NothinGBetteRPJMaN wrote:

I've been going to AA meetings for the past several months. I am still having a lot of trouble staying sober because I basically go to to meetings and then go straight home and have no sponsor. I have been better lately staying and talking to people after the meetings and getting phone numbers but I still haven't met anyone that has enough time to be a sponsor.

I'm only 22years old and find it difficult when most the time I am the youngest person at the meetings by at least 10yrs and most people are old enough to be my Dad. That's also why I have had trouble finding a sponsor. Going up to a complete stranger 20years older and introducing myself, asking them to be my sponsor just seems hard. Im usually a quiet person already.

Does anyone have any advice for me? or come into the program at a young age like I have?

Do you know of an intergroup office in your area? Good place to start the search is http://www.aa.org .See if there are any young peoples meetings near you. Its not necessarily the amount of time someone has either. Bill W. had 6 months or so when he met Dr Bob. The thing to look for is , someone who speaks about their experience with the steps. all 12 steps.

the only thing hard about getting even a temporary sponser is in the asking itself. It takes courage to ask for help. I and we tha post here will help as much as we can through here. Feel free to PM if you need to.

Thanks for the response!! I have gone to young person's meetings and they would be great once I get on my feet, the one I was going to was very laid back and I didn't think it was as good, for me at least.

The good news is I have found a sponsor just last week and he's 24 and came into the program at 18 years old. I've also been getting plenty of phone numbers and reaching out more/ hanging out with people after the meetings as opposed to before when I would just go to the meeting then go home and not bother meeting anyone.

I'm still having trouble with the obsessive thoughts that control our alcoholic brains. Especially during the day when I'm home alone with not much to do feeling sorry for myself.