A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

brianlux

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I'm not joining the rest of the family for dinner. There's too high a chance I'll tell a couple of people what I really think of them. Instead, I'm doing a friend a favor...an "unexpected" pop in to save her from unpleasant conversations. I'm great at veering off track.

Kudos for knowing when you need to take care of yourself, RS.  Sometimes veering is way better than getting into a quarrel! 

RogueStoner

brianlux said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I'm not joining the rest of the family for dinner. There's too high a chance I'll tell a couple of people what I really think of them. Instead, I'm doing a friend a favor...an "unexpected" pop in to save her from unpleasant conversations. I'm great at veering off track.

Kudos for knowing when you need to take care of yourself, RS.  Sometimes veering is way better than getting into a quarrel! 

Thanks! It worked out great, actually. Spent most of the time laughing and feeling like part of the family. I thought about all the things and people I'm thankful for. I reached out to loved ones. What more can I ask for? Hope your Thanksgiving was just as pleasant.

lastexitlondon

Is anyone from the u.s online?

RogueStoner

lastexitlondon said:

Is anyone from the u.s online?

I am, but about an hour late. You ok?

lastexitlondon

Yeah im ok.i was just needing someone to trust to have some posters sent to in the u.s . Its ok i can't afford it anyhow. Thank you.

stuckinline

RogueStoner said:

brianlux said:

RogueStoner said:

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I'm not joining the rest of the family for dinner. There's too high a chance I'll tell a couple of people what I really think of them. Instead, I'm doing a friend a favor...an "unexpected" pop in to save her from unpleasant conversations. I'm great at veering off track.

Kudos for knowing when you need to take care of yourself, RS.  Sometimes veering is way better than getting into a quarrel! 

Thanks! It worked out great, actually. Spent most of the time laughing and feeling like part of the family. I thought about all the things and people I'm thankful for. I reached out to loved ones. What more can I ask for? Hope your Thanksgiving was just as pleasant.

Often, 'unexpected' plans turn out to be good days with good memories. Glad it all worked out for you RS.

RogueStoner

I'm sitting here smoking and listening to sad country songs. Bad, bad, bad idea.

RogueStoner

I'm hanging on by a thread. Still. I've had to stop my meds a couple of weeks ago. I forget how much they affect my pain levels. The physical pain is out of control. The emotional pain, I can't even face right now. I feel so weak sometimes. So tired. Why can't I just suck it up and move on? What I wouldn't do to be able to just "cheer up". To just not care. But it's pretty exhausting to wake up every day willing myself to live, to breathe, to function. 
Isolation makes it so much worse but I have a problem directly reaching out to people when I need them. Even my closest friends. I feel horrible guilt for possibly putting a damper on their mood. Besides, they all have their own problems... And I'm rambling again. 

Shyner

I wake up in panic
It's only for a short time
I fear traffic driving
Lasts forever
Help is on the way
I love you all

lastexitlondon

Bless you all i haven't made it out of bed. I had an operation to add to my 2 massive health concerns.i too am hanging by a thread. I don't know if i can make it

Thoughts_Arrive

RogueStoner said:

I'm hanging on by a thread. Still. I've had to stop my meds a couple of weeks ago. I forget how much they affect my pain levels. The physical pain is out of control. The emotional pain, I can't even face right now. I feel so weak sometimes. So tired. Why can't I just suck it up and move on? What I wouldn't do to be able to just "cheer up". To just not care. But it's pretty exhausting to wake up every day willing myself to live, to breathe, to function. 
Isolation makes it so much worse but I have a problem directly reaching out to people when I need them. Even my closest friends. I feel horrible guilt for possibly putting a damper on their mood. Besides, they all have their own problems... And I'm rambling again. 

Have you spoken to anyone as in a clinician? 
Yeah, I've ruled out ever speaking to any friends. People I find have their own issues and don't want someone dragging them down.

RogueStoner

Wouldn't it be cool if we could weave all our threads together into a stronger rope? 

Oh, wait. We're all anxious and depressed. Maybe not the best thing for us to have.

lastexitlondon

RS i want you to know i feel that pain and i know exactly that feeling . Im living it now. Nowhere to turn nobody to tell. I also feel like im dying and nobody can see. Just wasting away bit by bit. PM me if you would like

brianlux

My wife would love to see me "cured" of anxiety.  I understand her desire is in my best interest and maybe I sell myself short saying this, but I don't see it (for me) as ever being "cured".  What I aim for is to keep my anxiety contained as much as possible.  I also have arthritis.  I would love to not have arthritis but if I can at least keep it under control enough to be able to play my guitar and tie my shoes, I'm good with that.  Likewise, if I can keep my anxiety at a level that allows me to function, I'm good with that.  So far, for both, so good. 

Lately I've been trying to work out in my head a deal where I try to reduce my anxiety to a lower level, maybe mild depression or see my anxiety more as worry because (to me at least) worry is more containable.  Worry has more options and can be appeased by hard work, engaging in my interests, listening to music, doing something creative, getting out and putting my body into motion.  I jokingly say it is my job is to worry and that doesn't always sound good to people who know me but the thing is, by making it a job, I have a task with a goal.  I have something to work on.  Work requires movement and movement is life--  I'm alive and moving.  I'm good with that.

lastexitlondon

Is anybody else terrified of dying? 
The fear is so big.

lastexitlondon

I can't escape the fear. I want this all to stop. I can't cope and nowhere left to turn. Scared of death means you can't kill yourself it means suffer eternally.

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Is anybody else terrified of dying? 
The fear is so big.

Yep. Me.

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Is anybody else terrified of dying? 
The fear is so big.

I used to be terrified of dying.  For what ever reason, the older I get, less less fearful I am of dying.   Maybe partly from experiencing that kind of loss more often now, knowing that at some point there really are "fates worse than death"- like watching my mother cry all the time during her last year because she had Alzheimer's and didn't understand what was happenings.  Live now, while you have the health and energy to do so!  Make the most of every moment good or bad because that is the best way to spend your time.  As Ed said, "Enjoy your youth." 

lastexitlondon

Im 42 and have extreme health anxiety. At the moment i fear i have cancer and i fear i have dementia. Even typing the words im crying its 3am here i spent yesterday taking valium and sleeping because i can't face a day. Now it starts again. I gave up drinking 10 days ago after 3 weeks prior abstaining on week days then binges on weekends. Im trying to say my brain is readjusting but my memory is gone and i can't think of anything. Scared is an understatement.  I have globus sensation so im told i believe cancer. 
I can't read the words properly i may have to leave the forum a while

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Im 42 and have extreme health anxiety. At the moment i fear i have cancer and i fear i have dementia. Even typing the words im crying its 3am here i spent yesterday taking valium and sleeping because i can't face a day. Now it starts again. I gave up drinking 10 days ago after 3 weeks prior abstaining on week days then binges on weekends. Im trying to say my brain is readjusting but my memory is gone and i can't think of anything. Scared is an understatement.  I have globus sensation so im told i believe cancer. 
I can't read the words properly i may have to leave the forum a while

What strategies has your psychologist suggested you implement to alleviate your health anxiety?
Sorry to read that you're struggling. 

lastexitlondon

I haven't found any. At the moment my brain won't work. I wake and have a blank vacancy. I believe im loosing my mind i have a hollow gap where my thoughts used to be

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

I haven't found any. At the moment my brain won't work. I wake and have a blank vacancy. I believe im loosing my mind i have a hollow gap where my thoughts used to be

In 1994, in the midst of a terrible life crisis, I self published a little book under the pseudonym "Joe West" that  I called Get Into Your Skull".  I gave a copy to my best friend to reading hoping he would appreciate how much work I put into it.  The next time I saw him I asked what he thought about the book.  I kind of shook his head and said, "Dude, you need to get out of your skull more."    Though I still think the book is fine the way it is (it was an honest and said what I needed to say at the time), at the time, I was bummed and offended by what he said but eventually (and ever since), I took that to be some of the best advice I ever had.

It sounds like you're in what I and others have referred to as "being in the spin cycle" where thoughts become self-fulfilled prophesy.  (That's another assessment another friend  or two said of of me and I bristled at the notion, taking offense at it but later recognized the validity of their words.) 

Grab onto what is good and works, lastexit.  Grab on and hold on.  Your life depends on it.  Go out for long brisk walks.  Do stuff with your kids.  Take care of your body too.  We used to say "you are what you eat".  That's true too.  Drink lots of water, get fresh air, exercise.  Be good to your body. 

And don't over-think stuff. 

Keep us post.  I really wish you well.

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

I haven't found any. At the moment my brain won't work. I wake and have a blank vacancy. I believe im loosing my mind i have a hollow gap where my thoughts used to be

Try a different psychologist. Surely you will find one that works for you. I wish you well.

lastexitlondon

Thank you very much for being here during my night time. If i survive i will be back to let you know. The people who replied on here are true kind souls. 

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Thank you very much for being here during my night time. If i survive i will be back to let you know. The people who replied on here are true kind souls. 

It's late out here (12:40 AM)  Gonna hit the pillow.  Hope to see you here tomorrow, last exit!

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Thank you very much for being here during my night time. If i survive i will be back to let you know. The people who replied on here are true kind souls. 

Have you tried mindfulness and meditation? 

chime

lastexitlondon said:

Im 42 and have extreme health anxiety. At the moment i fear i have cancer and i fear i have dementia. Even typing the words im crying its 3am here i spent yesterday taking valium and sleeping because i can't face a day. Now it starts again. I gave up drinking 10 days ago after 3 weeks prior abstaining on week days then binges on weekends. Im trying to say my brain is readjusting but my memory is gone and i can't think of anything. Scared is an understatement.  I have globus sensation so im told i believe cancer. 
I can't read the words properly i may have to leave the forum a while

Hi.  I mentioned before that my Mum suffers from severe health anxiety.  I don't know how much to mention as I don't want to act as a trigger for you.  With my Mum it is also centered on having cancer (the location of which will depend on her symptoms at that time) but I wanted to respond as you mentioned globus.  My Mum suffered from globus hystericus off and on (largely on) for well over a year and  she too believed this was cancer.

My Mum found this video and the exercises it contained  useful https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M-S5Ie-5PQ

Please do let me know if you would rather me not respond and discuss what has happened with my Mum as I would not wish to be a trigger for you.

RogueStoner

Lastexit, sorry to read that you're struggling again. I would've been on here too but I restarted my meds just a couple days ago and actually slept last night. Starting to feel a little better. Enough to repeat Brian's words..."hold on for dear life". Don't give up. Remember, stress can cause the cancer you fear. And please don't stress over THAT now too. Good thoughts to you.

brianlux

LastExit, how are you doing?  Give us a holler.

lastexitlondon

Ive called my dr.  I can't go on. Im loosing my memory and im petrified.  Im sorry i can't believe this is not some kind of dementia.