we read your updates pjsiren.. not good for the anxiety your going through but just a tip pure chocolate cocoa powder is good for the brain and especially for stress so perhaps microwave some milk and enjoy a cocoa every morning not night bc you need sleep.. and if those new tabs dont work through your friend try the magnesium,my doctor said i was wise to go on them bc the're great for anxiety and they relax you as for your family well they may never change unfortunately so i dont think anybody is going to commend you there but we do,, your doing a great job we need more people in the world like yourself and your family.. hope your besty gets out of depression best thing is to keep busy at home if she's unable to work and to get out more often to take her mind of things.. anyway i keep praying for you but dont forget my recommendations bc im truly experienced with anxiety, stress and depression and a few other things take care and dont forget to talk its the next best thing to medication..
Glad that you are venting to us here, PJS. Vent away whenever you want! Do what you can to protect your back and your health, because Keyton needs you healthy and you deserve to be healthy.
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
Absolutely vent away , you can't keep these things inside. Just a thought, do they have anything like carers respite where you are? There are private & government agencies here that provide support & back up for carers like yourself when you need a break.
Absolutely vent away , you can't keep these things inside. Just a thought, do they have anything like carers respite where you are? There are private & government agencies here that provide support & back up for carers like yourself when you need a break.
Just attempted this. The US gov't doesn't have anything like that for caregivers. They MIGHT have some form of assistance for PJSiren since she's caring for a disabled CHILD who is under her custody now but since she's working I think that's unlikely. Medicaid might be able to send a home health care aid who who would help with like dishes and laundry and bathing and stuff but again, since she's working and the disabled person is a child I don't know that they would qualify.
Americans make a lot of noise complaining about gov't hand outs but honestly these are incredibly hard to get. They told my mom to sell her house or take reverse mortgage thing to pay her hospital bills. It's insane.
pjsiren,, ident could be correct there if you do have custody (not sure how your legal aid requirements are in your country) but you may be eligible for a carer or aid for some days to help you with cleaning and caring for keyton if you need to go out.. and it would also help with your back too.. worth looking into when you get a moment..
Absolutely vent away , you can't keep these things inside. Just a thought, do they have anything like carers respite where you are? There are private & government agencies here that provide support & back up for carers like yourself when you need a break.
Just attempted this. The US gov't doesn't have anything like that for caregivers. They MIGHT have some form of assistance for PJSiren since she's caring for a disabled CHILD who is under her custody now but since she's working I think that's unlikely. Medicaid might be able to send a home health care aid who who would help with like dishes and laundry and bathing and stuff but again, since she's working and the disabled person is a child I don't know that they would qualify.
Americans make a lot of noise complaining about gov't hand outs but honestly these are incredibly hard to get. They told my mom to sell her house or take reverse mortgage thing to pay her hospital bills. It's insane.
Wow that's so rough. To be expected to mortgage your house to pay medical cost IS insane. I'm dumbfounded
Well, KY is finally moving the case to Oregon, but Oregon is closing it immediately...which in some things is a good thing, as it will make filing our guardianship petition much easier, but it also makes other things more stressful, as now that the case is closed we fear my aunt and uncle may turn into even bigger jerks about everything and somehow try to say they want him back now that there is no open case against them....we are hoping this isn't the case but who knows. So things will be a little better in a month or two, because the guardianship should be in place soon. And it will serve as a legal backstop to anyone who wants to try to oppose what we're doing. And hopefully my aunt and uncle will chill.
JWP I took your advice and got the magnesium, I also got a B complex on the advice of another good friend, and a calming formula as well as turmeric for my headaches...I started them three days ago, and we'll see how it goes. So far not noticing anything but I imagine they take a little while to get in your system just like with anything else. My hubby says my mood seems to have improved.
Also finally going to the eye doctor tomorrow to get a new RX on my glasses, this should also help my headaches as I'm 2 years past due for this....
Again, thank you all for your continued support.
Post edited by PJSiren on
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
oh thats great.. i hope they work for you and that your taking the right doses.. i hope things go smoothly for you with your aunt and uncle too.. take care xx oo
My mom is mad at us because she thinks we're treating my aunt and uncle and my grandma badly, and so she texted me on Saturday night and told me off and told me we don't deserve to have a baby....it was the most ugly and hurtful thing she's ever said to me and I had a complete break down, my husband told her off afterwards because he was not happy about her attacking me when really she's mad at him, and I am not treating anyone anyway because I don't even talk to them, and I have been a mess ever since, I'm sick over it. She sent a half assed apology email to me at work today, I say half assed because in one breath she says she's sorry and she shouldn't have said that and in the next she goes off again about all the shit were doing wrong...I deleted ti and didn't reply, I'm not ready to speak to her...she also unfriended me on facebook...I'm just like WTF???
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Have you considered a full-blown and complete break from these people go the time being, as far as legally possible? They seem to be ruining your life right when you're least equipped to deal with it.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
My mom is mad at us because she thinks we're treating my aunt and uncle and my grandma badly, and so she texted me on Saturday night and told me off and told me we don't deserve to have a baby....it was the most ugly and hurtful thing she's ever said to me and I had a complete break down, my husband told her off afterwards because he was not happy about her attacking me when really she's mad at him, and I am not treating anyone anyway because I don't even talk to them, and I have been a mess ever since, I'm sick over it. She sent a half assed apology email to me at work today, I say half assed because in one breath she says she's sorry and she shouldn't have said that and in the next she goes off again about all the shit were doing wrong...I deleted ti and didn't reply, I'm not ready to speak to her...she also unfriended me on facebook...I'm just like WTF???
i know mums are precious and you both really need to discuss this like grownups but its really hard with the childish unfriending you on face book but she did that to let you know she is not happy but try to keep the peace with your mother perhaps someone has been battering crap in her ear you never know.. take care..
Have you considered a full-blown and complete break from these people go the time being, as far as legally possible? They seem to be ruining your life right when you're least equipped to deal with it.
Honestly, yes, we are considering that. I have blocked them all on my phone, and I did not reply to her email yesterday, and I don't plan to for a while, I'm just not speaking to her right now...and I do not wish to see any of them. Jason has decided he is no longer supervising the visits, they will have to find a facility and start that process and pay for it. He told them that via text today. I don't know how they reacted to it yet, but am guessing they're not happy about it. We are afraid honestly that my mom and grandma may show up at how house with the police and revoke our power of attorney and take keyton back. In which case we will comply, because it's the law, but we will also call Washington county CPS and report that they have him back in the same environment with the same people he was removed from...and go from there.
I have been having one long continuous panic attack since 7am this morning, and I'm not sure what the root cause of this one is...I also have a migraine right now and am nauseous beyond measure. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep right now. I think part of my issue may be that my mom thinks I should just forgive her so easily after such a half assed apology and yet, she says she won't forgive my husband for what he said to her when he was just coming to my defense...of course he's going to do that when she says ugly things...my mom is a mean person. She has been my whole life. And this time she went too far...I don't know when I'll get over it....
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Don't force it is the number one thing. Just give it time for you to come to where you want to be with your mom's behavior and how you want to go forward. Space is probably the best thing for all right now, even if they don't see it that way. You've done what you can with them, all you can do from here is take care of yourself and your family. Do what you all need to do day to day and block out the rest for now. It sounds like they figure if they cause enough trouble everyone will just give them what they want. Sad behavior for adults to display, but you can't fix them and if I were I wouldn't even begin to try. Probably not very helpfu,l but deep breaths and go home tonight to your foursome of a family and do what families do.
Anything you lose from being honest You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
Have you considered a full-blown and complete break from these people go the time being, as far as legally possible? They seem to be ruining your life right when you're least equipped to deal with it.
Honestly, yes, we are considering that. I have blocked them all on my phone, and I did not reply to her email yesterday, and I don't plan to for a while, I'm just not speaking to her right now...and I do not wish to see any of them. Jason has decided he is no longer supervising the visits, they will have to find a facility and start that process and pay for it. He told them that via text today. I don't know how they reacted to it yet, but am guessing they're not happy about it. We are afraid honestly that my mom and grandma may show up at how house with the police and revoke our power of attorney and take keyton back. In which case we will comply, because it's the law, but we will also call Washington county CPS and report that they have him back in the same environment with the same people he was removed from...and go from there.
I have been having one long continuous panic attack since 7am this morning, and I'm not sure what the root cause of this one is...I also have a migraine right now and am nauseous beyond measure. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep right now. I think part of my issue may be that my mom thinks I should just forgive her so easily after such a half assed apology and yet, she says she won't forgive my husband for what he said to her when he was just coming to my defense...of course he's going to do that when she says ugly things...my mom is a mean person. She has been my whole life. And this time she went too far...I don't know when I'll get over it....
try and stay away from any form of caffeine and sugar if your having panick attacks and citrus sprays are supposed to help with the breathing and dont forget to breathe deep your way through them.. and avoiding your mum doesnt solve anything, dont let the sun set in a provoked state if at all possible.. perhaps you can both just agree to disagree but dont shut her off you should try and tell her you dont want to fight and ignore for good but you will not change your views and she needs to accept them and then if she chooses to ignore you then at lease you tried what was best but thats my opinion..
Have you considered a full-blown and complete break from these people go the time being, as far as legally possible? They seem to be ruining your life right when you're least equipped to deal with it.
Honestly, yes, we are considering that. I have blocked them all on my phone, and I did not reply to her email yesterday, and I don't plan to for a while, I'm just not speaking to her right now...and I do not wish to see any of them. Jason has decided he is no longer supervising the visits, they will have to find a facility and start that process and pay for it. He told them that via text today. I don't know how they reacted to it yet, but am guessing they're not happy about it. We are afraid honestly that my mom and grandma may show up at how house with the police and revoke our power of attorney and take keyton back. In which case we will comply, because it's the law, but we will also call Washington county CPS and report that they have him back in the same environment with the same people he was removed from...and go from there.
I have been having one long continuous panic attack since 7am this morning, and I'm not sure what the root cause of this one is...I also have a migraine right now and am nauseous beyond measure. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep right now. I think part of my issue may be that my mom thinks I should just forgive her so easily after such a half assed apology and yet, she says she won't forgive my husband for what he said to her when he was just coming to my defense...of course he's going to do that when she says ugly things...my mom is a mean person. She has been my whole life. And this time she went too far...I don't know when I'll get over it....
try and stay away from any form of caffeine and sugar if your having panick attacks and citrus sprays are supposed to help with the breathing and dont forget to breathe deep your way through them.. and avoiding your mum doesnt solve anything, dont let the sun set in a provoked state if at all possible.. perhaps you can both just agree to disagree but dont shut her off you should try and tell her you dont want to fight and ignore for good but you will not change your views and she needs to accept them and then if she chooses to ignore you then at lease you tried what was best but thats my opinion..
JWP, I know what they say about not going to bed angry and all that stuff...but at this point it's not even about that....it's about taking a stance to show her she can't continue to throw stones and hurt me anymore. It's something she's done my entire life, literally since I was a child, she would threaten to kill herself, and in fact attempted suicide when I was 10 years old...do you know what kind of psychological damage that does to a child? I know for a fact that some of my problems stem from her. And I can't let her continue to do this stuff to me, she cut me very deeply this time. I'm just not ready to speak to her. When I think about speaking to her I go into a panic attack. When I think about what she said to me, her half assed apology and her telling me and Jason that we're wrong in what we're attempting to do with Keyton to keep him safe and that she is now siding with my Aunt and Uncle...I start having a panic attack. So no, I can't talk to her right now.
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
PJSiren, you know your situation best. If you need to stop talking with your mother so you can reduce the amount of stress and negativity in your life, then do it. It does not make you a bad daughter. It means you are establishing healthy boundaries for yourself and your family. Your health and well-being, and that of your immediate family, is what is most important. You will talk to her when you are ready. Take care of yourself.
^^What she said. You've got your hubby and your live in friend on your team. They got you. Don't worry about the hateful shit spewed at you for doing the right thing. You're doing right by someone else's special needs child and putting your own family on hold to do so.
No has half a Goddamn right to tell you that you're doing it wrong. DNA be damned.
You know we are all here for you and we stand by you too. To echo SD's statement, take care of yourself.
^^^ +1 You have to do what's right for your family. Anything that you need to do to get by at this point. Wish I could help you more than just with words. Be kind to yourself.
Have you considered a full-blown and complete break from these people go the time being, as far as legally possible? They seem to be ruining your life right when you're least equipped to deal with it.
Honestly, yes, we are considering that. I have blocked them all on my phone, and I did not reply to her email yesterday, and I don't plan to for a while, I'm just not speaking to her right now...and I do not wish to see any of them. Jason has decided he is no longer supervising the visits, they will have to find a facility and start that process and pay for it. He told them that via text today. I don't know how they reacted to it yet, but am guessing they're not happy about it. We are afraid honestly that my mom and grandma may show up at how house with the police and revoke our power of attorney and take keyton back. In which case we will comply, because it's the law, but we will also call Washington county CPS and report that they have him back in the same environment with the same people he was removed from...and go from there.
I have been having one long continuous panic attack since 7am this morning, and I'm not sure what the root cause of this one is...I also have a migraine right now and am nauseous beyond measure. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep right now. I think part of my issue may be that my mom thinks I should just forgive her so easily after such a half assed apology and yet, she says she won't forgive my husband for what he said to her when he was just coming to my defense...of course he's going to do that when she says ugly things...my mom is a mean person. She has been my whole life. And this time she went too far...I don't know when I'll get over it....
try and stay away from any form of caffeine and sugar if your having panick attacks and citrus sprays are supposed to help with the breathing and dont forget to breathe deep your way through them.. and avoiding your mum doesnt solve anything, dont let the sun set in a provoked state if at all possible.. perhaps you can both just agree to disagree but dont shut her off you should try and tell her you dont want to fight and ignore for good but you will not change your views and she needs to accept them and then if she chooses to ignore you then at lease you tried what was best but thats my opinion..
JWP, I know what they say about not going to bed angry and all that stuff...but at this point it's not even about that....it's about taking a stance to show her she can't continue to throw stones and hurt me anymore. It's something she's done my entire life, literally since I was a child, she would threaten to kill herself, and in fact attempted suicide when I was 10 years old...do you know what kind of psychological damage that does to a child? I know for a fact that some of my problems stem from her. And I can't let her continue to do this stuff to me, she cut me very deeply this time. I'm just not ready to speak to her. When I think about speaking to her I go into a panic attack. When I think about what she said to me, her half assed apology and her telling me and Jason that we're wrong in what we're attempting to do with Keyton to keep him safe and that she is now siding with my Aunt and Uncle...I start having a panic attack. So no, I can't talk to her right now.
im sorry i had no idea and its not fair or nice of her to put you through that sort of crap but obviously somethings not right with your mother she obviously is sick and needs help but its not your duty to help your mother unless she was old and had no help from anywhere else.. im sorry you went through that through your childhood i cant imagine that affect it had on you but remember people do these things bc its a cry for help and they cant live in torture anymore or they are mentally ill but involving you was pretty low perhaps it is best you keep away from her for a while bc it would be setting off your panick attacks and stress levels to a high.. perhaps one day she will come around and perhaps not but you need to ask the question to yourself ''do you love her'' if so let her know you do but cant have her in your life at the moment and this will get her to think why you said that and why you cut her off and it may give her some soul searching to do.. anyway look after yourself and i hope the panick attacks subside take care..
Not to over share, but if I'm going to be sick, like throw up, my mouth waters a lot as a warning sign usually, and I can sit down somewhere like in the bathroom on the edge of the tub or something with the trashcan near by just in case...and I use this trick called mind over matter, where I just repeat that mantra over and over with my eyes closed and I can usually keep myself from vomiting...I hate vomiting...anyway, I was having a panic attack this morning while getting ready for work and I thought to myself I wonder if that would work with this? So I started repeating to myself a bunch of different things, "mind over matter, I am stronger than this, I am better than this, I am not weak, I can beat this...." things like that and after a few minutes it started working and I was able to calm myself back down.....
Just thought I would share my little victory with you guys!
Thanks for all the positive reinforcements!!! *BIG HUGS* to you all!
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Good for you, PJSiren! I've felt the same (that warning sign, the hell is up with that) and have tried to deal with it similarly. The breathing thing really does help too, especially when focusing on the inhale. Mind over matter indeed.
You keep taking care of yourself in as many realms as possible. I'm among those here sending good energy your way
So another update, my husband has become stressed out by them as well...and he's decided he just can't do the supervised visits himself, so this week, he contacted them via text, twice, to let them know he feels it is not in his or Keyton's best interest for him to supervise the visits anymore, and by law direct family members can't do it(ie: my mom or my grandma) My hubby was OK, because he's not blood related. Anyway, He's messaged them twice about it, very nicely explaining to them that they'll need to find a facility and start the process for that and pay for it and when Keyton is available for visits, Monday thru Friday usually after 4:30pm and on the weekends, and that because of the lengthy process the facilties make you go through there is no visit this weekend. And no one has bothered to respond with Ok, we understand we'll work on that or anything. It's kinda frustrating. We're also kind of afraid that they might be planning something with my mom and grandma showing up this weeknd to revoke out power of attorney and take him back...My mom hasn't tried to even contact me.
My boss just called to check in on me, he's been out of town doing safety check on his drivers in Seattle, and he knows all about what is going on and I told him I still hadn't spoken to my mom, and he said not to instigate a conversation, but if she does, to respond...I might...I don't know how much I'll say, but I might say a little...we'll see, even if it's just to say I don't feel like I can talk to you right now....
I am feeling better about other things though, like having him around, and being a pseudo parent to him...I think it's a combo of the vitamins I'm taking and the being back on my meds...
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Its been a great weekend so far....we took Keyton to see Santa yesterday, he was super excited about that, i will post the pic later when we get it scanned into the computer. It was a real authentic Santa too, real beard and everything.
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
Comments
not good for the anxiety your going through
but just a tip
pure chocolate cocoa powder is good for the
brain and especially for stress so perhaps
microwave some milk and enjoy a cocoa
every morning not night bc you need sleep..
and if those new tabs dont work through your friend
try the magnesium,my doctor said i was wise to
go on them bc the're great for anxiety and they relax you
as for your family well they may never change
unfortunately so i dont think anybody is going to
commend you there but we do,, your doing a great job
we need more people in the world like yourself and
your family..
hope your besty gets out of depression best thing
is to keep busy at home if she's unable to work
and to get out more often to take her mind of things..
anyway i keep praying for you but dont forget my
recommendations bc im truly experienced with
anxiety, stress and depression and a few other things
take care and dont forget to talk its the next best thing
to medication..
Prague Krakow Berlin 2018. Berlin 2022
EV, Taormina 1+2 2017.
I wish i was the souvenir you kept your house key on..
Just a thought, do they have anything like carers respite where you are? There are private & government agencies here that provide support & back up for carers like yourself when you need a break.
Americans make a lot of noise complaining about gov't hand outs but honestly these are incredibly hard to get. They told my mom to sell her house or take reverse mortgage thing to pay her hospital bills. It's insane.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
and it would also help with your back too..
worth looking into when you get a moment..
I'm dumbfounded
JWP I took your advice and got the magnesium, I also got a B complex on the advice of another good friend, and a calming formula as well as turmeric for my headaches...I started them three days ago, and we'll see how it goes. So far not noticing anything but I imagine they take a little while to get in your system just like with anything else. My hubby says my mood seems to have improved.
Also finally going to the eye doctor tomorrow to get a new RX on my glasses, this should also help my headaches as I'm 2 years past due for this....
Again, thank you all for your continued support.
Tattooed Dissident!
i hope they work for you
and that your taking the
right doses..
i hope things go smoothly
for you with your aunt and
uncle too..
take care xx oo
Tattooed Dissident!
but its really hard with the childish unfriending you on face book but she did that to let you know she is not happy but try to keep the peace with your mother perhaps someone has been battering crap in her ear you never know..
take care..
I have been having one long continuous panic attack since 7am this morning, and I'm not sure what the root cause of this one is...I also have a migraine right now and am nauseous beyond measure. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep right now. I think part of my issue may be that my mom thinks I should just forgive her so easily after such a half assed apology and yet, she says she won't forgive my husband for what he said to her when he was just coming to my defense...of course he's going to do that when she says ugly things...my mom is a mean person. She has been my whole life. And this time she went too far...I don't know when I'll get over it....
Tattooed Dissident!
Probably not very helpfu,l but deep breaths and go home tonight to your foursome of a family and do what families do.
You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
and citrus sprays are supposed to help with the breathing and dont forget to breathe deep your
way through them..
and avoiding your mum doesnt solve anything, dont let the sun set in a provoked state if at all
possible.. perhaps you can both just agree to disagree but dont shut her off you should try and tell her you dont want to fight and ignore for good but you will not change your views and she needs to accept them and then if she chooses to ignore you then at lease you tried what was best but thats my opinion..
Tattooed Dissident!
You've got your hubby and your live in friend on your team. They got you. Don't worry about the hateful shit spewed at you for doing the right thing. You're doing right by someone else's special needs child and putting your own family on hold to do so.
No has half a Goddamn right to tell you that you're doing it wrong. DNA be damned.
You know we are all here for you and we stand by you too. To echo SD's statement, take care of yourself.
LIVEFOOTSTEPS.ORG/USER/?USR=435
You have to do what's right for your family. Anything that you need to do to get by at this point.
Wish I could help you more than just with words. Be kind to yourself.
but obviously somethings not right with your mother she obviously is sick and needs help
but its not your duty to help your mother unless she was old and had no help from anywhere
else..
im sorry you went through that through your childhood i cant imagine that affect it had on you
but remember people do these things bc its a cry for help and they cant live in torture anymore
or they are mentally ill but involving you was pretty low
perhaps it is best you keep away from her for a while bc it would be setting off your panick attacks and stress levels to a high.. perhaps one day she will come around and perhaps not
but you need to ask the question to yourself ''do you love her'' if so let her know you do but cant have her in your life at the moment and this will get her to think why you said that and why you cut her off and it may give her some soul searching to do..
anyway look after yourself and i hope the panick attacks subside
take care..
Just thought I would share my little victory with you guys!
Thanks for all the positive reinforcements!!! *BIG HUGS* to you all!
Tattooed Dissident!
You keep taking care of yourself in as many realms as possible. I'm among those here sending good energy your way
My boss just called to check in on me, he's been out of town doing safety check on his drivers in Seattle, and he knows all about what is going on and I told him I still hadn't spoken to my mom, and he said not to instigate a conversation, but if she does, to respond...I might...I don't know how much I'll say, but I might say a little...we'll see, even if it's just to say I don't feel like I can talk to you right now....
I am feeling better about other things though, like having him around, and being a pseudo parent to him...I think it's a combo of the vitamins I'm taking and the being back on my meds...
Tattooed Dissident!
Tattooed Dissident!
very happy to hear you're having a good weekend!
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
- Christopher McCandless
I wanna race..with the sundown..I want a last breath..I don't let out...