I am depressed as f***.

jopetto75

Arms Aloft helped me get thru this day, what a great song!!!

your move now

I think that the OP was able to share this, even with sort-of strangers like us ha got to be a positive thing, the honesty has got to help,

Thoughts_Arrive

green mountain man wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Feeling depressed and angry today.
My parents always put me down.
Was discussing them my intention to try a new career "haha you doing that" "you won't never succeed".
My whole life they, especially my mum have put me down.
"you'll never finish university" "you're stupid" "you're not smart".
"you're ugly" "your mouth looks like an arse"

Constantly hearing negative things since a child I as an adult have low self esteem and don't believe I can achieve anything.

Fuck life, kill me.

The best way out is always through.... Robert Frost

Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself...Theodore Hunger

Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds... Albert Einstein

You miss 100% of the shots that you do not take... Wayne Gretzsky

Self trust is the secret of success... Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you

Thoughts_Arrive

SD48277 wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Feeling depressed and angry today.
My parents always put me down.
Was discussing them my intention to try a new career "haha you doing that" "you won't never succeed".
My whole life they, especially my mum have put me down.
"you'll never finish university" "you're stupid" "you're not smart".
"you're ugly" "your mouth looks like an arse"

Constantly hearing negative things since a child I as an adult have low self esteem and don't believe I can achieve anything.

Fuck life, kill me.

Don't listen to them.
You seem pretty awesome to me.

Thank you.
Awesome person in a cage. :(

Thoughts_Arrive

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Feeling depressed and angry today.
My parents always put me down.
Was discussing them my intention to try a new career "haha you doing that" "you won't never succeed".
My whole life they, especially my mum have put me down.
"you'll never finish university" "you're stupid" "you're not smart".
"you're ugly" "your mouth looks like an arse"

Constantly hearing negative things since a child I as an adult have low self esteem and don't believe I can achieve anything.

Fuck life, kill me.

do you still live with and/or depend on them? if not, I say it's time for emancipation.

are you an only child? do you have any uncles/aunts you can go live with? this situation sounds horribly abusive.

I cannot afford to move out, I earn a low income and have a mortgage.
I have two sisters, one to which I am estranged almost.
No other relatives in Australia.
It is very abusive, I dread when my mum drinks wine, she just becomes more abusive.
Thank god for Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Soundgarden and AIC.
Or I'd be a heroin addict.

pandora

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

Feeling depressed and angry today.
My parents always put me down.
Was discussing them my intention to try a new career "haha you doing that" "you won't never succeed".
My whole life they, especially my mum have put me down.
"you'll never finish university" "you're stupid" "you're not smart".
"you're ugly" "your mouth looks like an arse"

Constantly hearing negative things since a child I as an adult have low self esteem and don't believe I can achieve anything.

Fuck life, kill me.

I too am surprised because you are very creative and caring, good for you!
Fight to be your self and find positive people and goals you can achieve.

Don't play into your parents games, don't share your dreams with them,
they do no deserve to know. They have their own problems, most certainly your mother.
I am pretty tough on mothers who are mean but I am a super softy to a fault,
I believe in soft love.

Low self esteem....
it's not a given that we were put down by our parents
but often when that is the case it effects our outlook on life and love,
most definitely trust.
So much of who we are is buried deep, this in learned behavior from our parents.

My point is if they have been unjustly hard and cruel on you you may do this to yourself.
And you don't deserve that. Be your own best friend this you can do ...
do what you can to get on your own soon even if you must scrimp and get by with very little.
This alone makes one strong and brave.

Your life... you make it now

loolooloo

Checkin' in on OP- how ya doing out there?

SxDx1982

loolooloo wrote:

Checkin' in on OP- how ya doing out there?

Well, the meds gave me terrible migraines and fever (among other things) and I had to stop taking them. I guess the doctor will prescribe me something else, I have an appointment next Monday. I don't really want to try new meds but I guess I have to.

I'm so tired of trying to get "better". I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. I just want to be able to function like a normal human being without having to take fuckin Xanax every time I get out of the house.

Thoughts_Arrive

I got referred to a counselor / psych last week, now to call and book an appointment and hide it from my parents.

Thoughts_Arrive

SxDx1982 wrote:

loolooloo wrote:

Checkin' in on OP- how ya doing out there?

Well, the meds gave me terrible migraines and fever (among other things) and I had to stop taking them. I guess the doctor will prescribe me something else, I have an appointment next Monday. I don't really want to try new meds but I guess I have to.

I'm so tired of trying to get "better". I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. I just want to be able to function like a normal human being without having to take fuckin Xanax every time I get out of the house.

My fear of going psychologists, being prescribed pills.
I would want to avoid them.
Keep fighting bro.

eMMI

SxDx1982 wrote:

Well, the meds gave me terrible migraines and fever (among other things) and I had to stop taking them. I guess the doctor will prescribe me something else, I have an appointment next Monday. I don't really want to try new meds but I guess I have to.

Thoughts_Arrive wrote:

My fear of going psychologists, being prescribed pills.
I would want to avoid them.
Keep fighting bro.

You may not like the idea, but sometimes medication is what you really do need. Therapy and the like will/can of course also help, but sometimes some people just have to have the meds too.

But then, you might be those who only need the medication for a certain amount of time. Hang in there, both of you - the good times are a-coming!

SxDx1982 wrote:

I'm so tired of trying to get "better". I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. I just want to be able to function like a normal human being without having to take fuckin Xanax every time I get out of the house.

It's hard, but you need to keep trying, you deserve to be happy. If you are depressed, there's certainly something not right, but you're not in the wrong or a worse person because of it. Depression is an illness, and you can overcome it.

Claireack

Excellent post eMMI!

Both of you hang on in there!