I'm so sorry it took so long to get back on here. There's been a lot going on over the last few day's. Yesterday I had to cancel my appointment due to work and Shawna's pain issues. I made it in to see the doc today late this afternoon. He's thinking it is extreme nerve damage that seems to effect the whole body. He put in a referral to a nerve specialist a month or so ago. So he's going to work on that some more to get the ball rolling so to speak.
I brought up all the concerns and he basically ordered a full back MRI which doesn't make sense to me but he's the doctor and I've got to trust his judgement. He is a really good doctor. He prescribed some meds but I don't think I'm going to take them. They seem to strong. The one for stress maybe but I hate the idea of being on meds. Especially since I'm still having to take care of my wife through the early hours.
We just don't know what to think about Shawna's recovery. It's been 33 day's since her surgery and she seems to be going down hill again. It's so freaking frustrating to not know if this surgery worked. The doctor said it was going to be a 6 month recovery before physical therapy. I guess he wasn't joking...I'm just starting to get that sickening feeling again deep inside. There's a somewhat new bump on her upper spine that is hurting her severely. She thinks there is something wrong. By the way she is crying all the time and her walking is not looking the greatest; this nightmare might not be over. I'm so worried about her..It's hard for me to function. We just want this chapter of our lives to be over. She told me the other day that she wished that she would die so she could get out of this pain. That turned into a pretty good argument. She says that she would never do something like that which I believe her. It's just that back pain is the worst kind of pain imaginable.
Work has been slow but steady which is wonderful. I'm slowly and I mean slowly digging us out of a really bad situation. I will never stop doing the right things. I just can't see getting anything done with me when my wife needs me. I would rather put myself on the back burner than not be able to take care of my wife. Meaning if their is something wrong and she needs another surgery than she is going to need me. My health crap can most definitively wait. Every body has to make decisions in there life and I just don't want to make the wrong ones. Family first right..Well that means Shawna first to me, kids and then myself. Everything happens for a reason and it'll all work out in the end.
Thank you for being our shoulder during our continued difficulties. I just can't believe how long its been and how long you have stuck by our sides. We are very fortunate people. I'll keep the updates coming in. Thanks again for your love and support. Whenever life seems to beat us down I know that I can come here. When time allows I reread a lot of the posts to get back my strength. Thank you for all that you have done. Again we are very fortunate to have such incredible people giving us support and strength.
Much love...
John and Shawna
John and Shawna
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,685
Hi John!
Saddened to hear that your health issues may be serious as well -- was hoping it was the stress and not something like the potential nerve damage the Dr told you about.
I get your position and while I would encourage you to try and fit in your own treatments I think that I would take the same approach given the same position. (You continue to demonstrate amazing strength, conviction and spirit John!)
My wife pointed out when I explained to her your latest update that if I took the same track and then something happened to me, who would continue to take care of the kids? So...there is that perspective as well. :?
Try to take care of yourself buddy; we are pulling for you and wishing with everything we have that things get better for you and your family. Please know that we are all here for you & sending our best wishes.
John,
I read your update with my heart in my throat. So much on your shoulders & yet its no burden to you. Do you even realize how much awe & respect I have for you? Oodles John, simply oodles of it. Deep breathe, step back & re-group seems to be your mantra. Your a true dragon-slayer John but that damn dragon sure is giving you a real run for your coin. Please try to devote a little time to taking care of yourself too John. You need your health & strength as well. I think Brett said it extremely well & your decisions are totally focused on your family, They are so lucky to have you.
Please tell Shawna she is never out of my thoughts, to hold on through these dark days.
I'll wish for peace tonight,
Kelly
I understand your decision, but please take care of yourself as best you can. You and Shawna continue to amaze me. Your strength is incredible. I think if I were in either of your positions, I would have had a meltdown that you could see and hear from space. I still believe that better days are ahead for both of you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
I wish I could think of something to say that would make things better for you. And for Shawna, and for the kids. I am just overwhelmed at the amount of dedication and fortitude that you exhibit on a daily basis. Heck, some of us have a hard time getting over burnt toast in the morning, but you just keep on keeping on. You are truly an inspiration, John. Please do take care of yourself. Remember, to truly love another (and you have demonstrated that beyond belief), you must first love yourself.
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Thank you everybody for your thoughts and inspiration....Today's been a very rough day. I've been working everyday so I don't feel to guilty about throwing in the towel in and working through some difficult emotions. A movie day is just what we needed and it doesn't get better than Lord of The Rings.
I've read today's posts at least four times. I just need some time to respond but I/we appreciate and really feel the support. It just blows me away how much you care. Thank you...Thank you.....Thank you....
Thank you so much everybody for showing us how inspirational and compassionate humankind can really be.
Also for helping us through the darkest and worst year of our lives. You are the true inspiration and we are just your humbled fans.
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Good morning,
We just wanted to wish everybody a wonderful rest of your week. Hard at it again with a vengeance turning mountains into mole hills. Best wishes..
awww John, so sorry to hear this news.
You have a right to be upset about the lack of family support, but you know as well as I do, that its not going to change. It's a real shame. I can truly understand all about that one.
You do your best, don't blame yourself for the dehydration (I heard that in there), it could happen and does, to anyone, despite your best efforts (meds, n&v, side effects, etc.). Glad you took her in to ER though, best move. This staying up all night stuff must have you dead on your feet though.
What can we say John except to keep on keepin' on.
When this is all sorted out, and it will be, we'll have one great big huge gigantic well-deserved celebration!
HUGS!
peace,
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
thinking of you guys and hoping that each day brings you both closer to where you want to be.
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,685
Hi John, know that we admire what you are doing and keep going forward every day! Be the tree & fight for the bright spots in the thick, thick woods that you guys are in now. You inspire us.
Do you see the way that tree bends?
Does it inspire?
Leaning out to catch the sun's rays
A lesson to be applied
Good morning,
We just wanted to wish everybody a wonderful rest of your week. Hard at it again with a vengeance turning mountains into mole hills. Best wishes..
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Oh no, now everybody knows what we look like :shock: . Just kidding..
I'm so happy that you can now put our faces to fill in the spaces. That was an incredible experience. That gave us both such incredible strength and happiness to have helped somebodies dad, grandpa or friend get back to his home. By the way that gentleman shined I could tell how much he was loved and missed. What a wonderful gift that was and thank you you so much for sharing.
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Wow... so in between taking care of your wife, your kids and your business you still find the time to help strangers you stumble across in the street. Incredible. Can't say this enough, I really hope things will be getting better for you soon, you guys really deserve it so much. Sending lots of hugs positive vibes your way!
1996 Prague - 2000 Salzburg - 2006 Berlin - Vienna - 2007 Munich - Novarock - 2009 Berlin - London - 2010 Dublin - Belfast - London - Berlin - 2011 PJ20 - 2012 Manchester I&II - Prague - Stockholm - Oslo - Copenhagen - EV Amsterdam I&II
Comments
I'm so sorry it took so long to get back on here. There's been a lot going on over the last few day's. Yesterday I had to cancel my appointment due to work and Shawna's pain issues. I made it in to see the doc today late this afternoon. He's thinking it is extreme nerve damage that seems to effect the whole body. He put in a referral to a nerve specialist a month or so ago. So he's going to work on that some more to get the ball rolling so to speak.
I brought up all the concerns and he basically ordered a full back MRI which doesn't make sense to me but he's the doctor and I've got to trust his judgement. He is a really good doctor. He prescribed some meds but I don't think I'm going to take them. They seem to strong. The one for stress maybe but I hate the idea of being on meds. Especially since I'm still having to take care of my wife through the early hours.
We just don't know what to think about Shawna's recovery. It's been 33 day's since her surgery and she seems to be going down hill again. It's so freaking frustrating to not know if this surgery worked. The doctor said it was going to be a 6 month recovery before physical therapy. I guess he wasn't joking...I'm just starting to get that sickening feeling again deep inside. There's a somewhat new bump on her upper spine that is hurting her severely. She thinks there is something wrong. By the way she is crying all the time and her walking is not looking the greatest; this nightmare might not be over. I'm so worried about her..It's hard for me to function. We just want this chapter of our lives to be over. She told me the other day that she wished that she would die so she could get out of this pain. That turned into a pretty good argument. She says that she would never do something like that which I believe her. It's just that back pain is the worst kind of pain imaginable.
Work has been slow but steady which is wonderful. I'm slowly and I mean slowly digging us out of a really bad situation. I will never stop doing the right things. I just can't see getting anything done with me when my wife needs me. I would rather put myself on the back burner than not be able to take care of my wife. Meaning if their is something wrong and she needs another surgery than she is going to need me. My health crap can most definitively wait. Every body has to make decisions in there life and I just don't want to make the wrong ones. Family first right..Well that means Shawna first to me, kids and then myself. Everything happens for a reason and it'll all work out in the end.
Thank you for being our shoulder during our continued difficulties. I just can't believe how long its been and how long you have stuck by our sides. We are very fortunate people. I'll keep the updates coming in. Thanks again for your love and support. Whenever life seems to beat us down I know that I can come here. When time allows I reread a lot of the posts to get back my strength. Thank you for all that you have done. Again we are very fortunate to have such incredible people giving us support and strength.
Much love...
John and Shawna
Saddened to hear that your health issues may be serious as well -- was hoping it was the stress and not something like the potential nerve damage the Dr told you about.
I get your position and while I would encourage you to try and fit in your own treatments I think that I would take the same approach given the same position. (You continue to demonstrate amazing strength, conviction and spirit John!)
My wife pointed out when I explained to her your latest update that if I took the same track and then something happened to me, who would continue to take care of the kids? So...there is that perspective as well. :?
Try to take care of yourself buddy; we are pulling for you and wishing with everything we have that things get better for you and your family. Please know that we are all here for you & sending our best wishes.
Brett
I read your update with my heart in my throat. So much on your shoulders & yet its no burden to you. Do you even realize how much awe & respect I have for you? Oodles John, simply oodles of it. Deep breathe, step back & re-group seems to be your mantra. Your a true dragon-slayer John but that damn dragon sure is giving you a real run for your coin. Please try to devote a little time to taking care of yourself too John. You need your health & strength as well. I think Brett said it extremely well & your decisions are totally focused on your family, They are so lucky to have you.
Please tell Shawna she is never out of my thoughts, to hold on through these dark days.
I'll wish for peace tonight,
Kelly
I understand your decision, but please take care of yourself as best you can. You and Shawna continue to amaze me. Your strength is incredible. I think if I were in either of your positions, I would have had a meltdown that you could see and hear from space. I still believe that better days are ahead for both of you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Peace,
Susan
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
I've read today's posts at least four times. I just need some time to respond but I/we appreciate and really feel the support. It just blows me away how much you care. Thank you...Thank you.....Thank you....
Much Much Love,
Your biggest fans,
John and Shawna.....
May love be always with you and you always surrounded with love.
Also for helping us through the darkest and worst year of our lives. You are the true inspiration and we are just your humbled fans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2QBZiae ... re=related
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
& waiting for some good news. HUGS!!
We just wanted to wish everybody a wonderful rest of your week. Hard at it again with a vengeance turning mountains into mole hills. Best wishes..
John and Shawna
You have a right to be upset about the lack of family support, but you know as well as I do, that its not going to change. It's a real shame. I can truly understand all about that one.
You do your best, don't blame yourself for the dehydration (I heard that in there), it could happen and does, to anyone, despite your best efforts (meds, n&v, side effects, etc.). Glad you took her in to ER though, best move. This staying up all night stuff must have you dead on your feet though.
What can we say John except to keep on keepin' on.
When this is all sorted out, and it will be, we'll have one great big huge gigantic well-deserved celebration!
HUGS!
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Do you see the way that tree bends?
Does it inspire?
Leaning out to catch the sun's rays
A lesson to be applied
We just wanted to wish everybody a wonderful rest of your week. Hard at it again with a vengeance turning mountains into mole hills. Best wishes..
John and Shawna
John
http://www.paysonroundup.com/news/2012/ ... s-patient/
Click to visit the Arizona PJ Fans Page
PJ
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what a lovely photo of you guys!
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Oh no, now everybody knows what we look like :shock: . Just kidding..
I'm so happy that you can now put our faces to fill in the spaces. That was an incredible experience. That gave us both such incredible strength and happiness to have helped somebodies dad, grandpa or friend get back to his home. By the way that gentleman shined I could tell how much he was loved and missed. What a wonderful gift that was and thank you you so much for sharing.
The Pauley Family
:oops:
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Wow... so in between taking care of your wife, your kids and your business you still find the time to help strangers you stumble across in the street. Incredible. Can't say this enough, I really hope things will be getting better for you soon, you guys really deserve it so much. Sending lots of hugs positive vibes your way!
Much love right back to you friend.
Thank you for checking in as always.
John and Shawna.
Feelings are definitively mutual. We have a lot of respect for you.
Take care your friends,
John and Shawna
Oh my! Gorgeous pic! Great story!