Just caught my girlfriends 14 yr old son smoking...

Beck..
Beck.. Posts: 535
edited May 2011 in A Moving Train
I dont have the greatest relationship with my girlfriends son and telling his mum is only going to make that relationship harder, although i know i cant keep it from her,how should i handle this...?? :?
Post edited by Unknown User on
«1345678

Comments

  • magga1976
    magga1976 Albury NSW Australia Posts: 522
    Kick his ass Seabass
    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Honestly the truth hurts but; tell your girlfriend. When her son makes it to adulthood he may thank you for it!
    2009 ~ Melbourne
    2011 ~ Canberra (EV)
    2011 ~ Melbourne 2 (EV)
    2014 ~ Melbourne BDO
    2014 ~ Melbourne 1 (EV)

    "Pearl jam are not just a band, they are a choice, and if you make that choice, you become one of the few lucky people on this planet to have your life enriched by the greatest gift that music ever gave" -- substitute
    <a href="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs28/f/2008/157/3/7/Do_the_Evolution_by_ragnarok2k3.gif"</a&gt;
    <img src="http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs28/f/2008/157/3/7/Do_the_Evolution_by_ragnarok2k3.gif"&gt;
  • Cool Face Ryan
    Cool Face Ryan Posts: 1,254
    let him be.
    MSG II 5/21/10
    Tres Mts. Gramercy Theatre 3/26/11
    *formerly manutd3581
  • Beck..
    Beck.. Posts: 535
    manutd3581 wrote:
    let him be.
    If she finds out i knew then my life would be over :lol:
  • TheGhost
    TheGhost Posts: 541
    Maybe try talking to him about it before you tell her. It might be a good way to show you care. Make sure he knows he's messing with something dangerous. Kids will be kids and will try all that stuff so anyone freaking out on him is pointless.... but talking to him shouldn't hurt.
    KORITFW
  • Harvtron
    Harvtron Posts: 148
    I guess this may not matter, but smoking what? Whatever it is pot or tobacco, what if you talked to him? Maybe give him a chance before you go to your girl friend. I understand she would kill you if she found out you knew and said nothing to her but, giving the Kid a chance might help your relationship with him, which might then help your relationship as a potential family.
    Another question I have is, does he know you know?
    Camden NJ night 1 6/19/2008 (one of the best days of my life!)

    Music is the engine to my Imagination and Pearl Jam is the fuel for that engine.
  • thesewordselope
    thesewordselope Posts: 781
    TheGhost wrote:
    Maybe try talking to him about it before you tell her. It might be a good way to show you care. Make sure he knows he's messing with something dangerous. Kids will be kids and will try all that stuff so anyone freaking out on him is pointless.... but talking to him shouldn't hurt.

    I agree...but make sure you do tell your girlfriend. Maybe if you explain to her that you have spoken to him about it she will leave it at that? That way you can attempt to form some kind of relationship with him instead of making it appear as though you are out to get him (which is most likely what a 14 year old is going to think)
  • Prince Of Dorkness
    Prince Of Dorkness Posts: 3,763
    Mind your own business.
    I can't drive without Pearl Jam
  • Austicman
    Austicman Posts: 1,328
    PENALTY CONE!!
    I can't go the library anymore, everyone STINKS!!
  • WaveRyder
    WaveRyder Posts: 1,128
    Don't tell her.

    buy him a pack of smokes

    and black mail the little bastard
    RC, SoDak 1998 - KC 2000 - Council Bluffs IA 2003 - Fargo ND 2003 - St. Paul MN 2003 - Alpine Valley 2003 - St Louis MO 2004 - Kissimmee FLA 2004 - Winnipeg 2005 - Thunder Bay 2005 - Chicago 2006 - Grand Rapids MI 2006 - Denver CO 2006 - Lollapalooza 2007 - Bonnaroo 2008 - Austin City Limits 2009 - Los Angeles 2009 - KC 2010 - St Louis MO 2010 - PJ20 Night 1 - PJ20 Night 2
  • Tenzing N.
    Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    Yes- the only adult thing to do here is to blackmail him but not too obviously or it may come back to bite you. You can get a ton of work out of a 14 year old.
  • StillHere
    StillHere Posts: 7,795
    how about letting him know that you and his mom don't keep things from one another
    especially not something as important as his smoking
    and tell him you'll give him the chance to go to her with it first
    because you think he's responsible enough and old enough to man up (or something to boost his ego a bit)
    peace,
    jo

    http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
    "How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
    "Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
  • zarocat
    zarocat Posts: 1,901
    Make him smoke & smoke, making it seem (to him) like it's the cool thing to do, till he turns green and pukes.

    I also like the blackmail option too. Buy him the smokes and then toss them to him across the path of his mothers eyesight when she's near by. Just the scrambling this kid will begin to do will be enough for his mother to take action.
    1996: Toronto
    1998: Barrie
    2000: Montreal, Toronto, Auburn Hills
    2003: Cleveland, Buffalo, Toronto, Montreal
    2004: Boston X2, Grand Rapids
    2005: Kitchener, London, Hamilton, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto
    2006: Toronto X2
    2009: Toronto
    2011: PJ20, Montreal, Toronto X2, Hamilton
    2012: Manchester X2, Amsterdam X2, Prague, Berlin X2, Philadelphia, Missoula
    2013: Pittsburg, Buffalo
    2014: Milan, Trieste, Vienna, Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Detroit
    2016: Ottawa, Toronto X2
    2018: Padova, Rome, Prague, Krakow, Berlin, Barcelona
    2022: Ottawa, Hamilton, Toronto
    2023: Chicago X2
    2024: New York X2
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    Prince Of Dorkness wrote:
    Mind your own business.
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • pandora
    pandora Posts: 21,855
    Tell her she needs to know.

    Tell him first.

    But if he wants to smoke ... whether its been an example in the house or not,
    he will continue to smoke. Perhaps due to his peers.

    We can not control our young adults but we can try to help them to see.
  • g under p
    g under p Surfing The far side of THE Sombrero Galaxy Posts: 18,238
    thesewordselope wrote:
    TheGhost wrote:
    Maybe try talking to him about it before you tell her. It might be a good way to show you care. Make sure he knows he's messing with something dangerous. Kids will be kids and will try all that stuff so anyone freaking out on him is pointless.... but talking to him shouldn't hurt.

    I agree...but make sure you do tell your girlfriend. Maybe if you explain to her that you have spoken to him about it she will leave it at that? That way you can attempt to form some kind of relationship with him instead of making it appear as though you are out to get him (which is most likely what a 14 year old is going to think)


    Two great points here....Someone asked does the 14 year old knows you know he has been smoking? I would definately speak to him first BEFORE telling your girlfriend if at all. It depends on how that conversation goes. I would speak to him in the sense of the DANGERS of smoking and how addictive it can be. Sort of like in an educational way instead of a scolding way. In this particular way you could possibly form a sort of relationship showing that you care about him and his FUTURE health. You show him videos, stars that have died early from the habit forming addiction of smoking, how it can shorten your life etc.

    I have a stepson to be now 14 but at the time he was 10-11 and he was defiant about wearing a seatbelt. His Dad thought it was too kool to NOT wear a seatbelt so he did the same and also to be defiant to me. Upon the first incident he refused to wear his seatbelt sitting in the front seat, I stopped the car right in the middle of highway 441here in FL at a light. I refused to move the car after leaving the state Fair until he put on his seatbelt. He reluctantly put it on, even though he was mad as can be why because he didn't like anybody telling him what to do. Embarrassed I left him alone for awhile let things calm down some then casually showed him some Youtube videos of car crashes with people who were NOT wearing seatbelts. Two stood out...one with a someone's facial imprint in a windshield (that person happened to end up paralyzed) and the other showed someone being thrown from a SUV ended up in the opposite lanes the run over my a 18 wheeler.

    Today he's the VERY first one in the car to wear his seat, I have never had to tell him to click it or I'll get a ticket. :D So do talk to him you could be saving or lenghtening his life.

    Peace
    *We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti

    *MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
    .....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti

    *The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)


  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    yep tell her.

    My cousin started smoking when he was 12 or so... so he has been going a pack a day since then. He is now 31.... You won't want it to turn into a big addiction for the poor kid.

    Health first aye...
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • EmBleve
    EmBleve Posts: 3,019
    Harvtron wrote:
    Another question I have is, does he know you know?
    I was wondering that same thing.
  • Blockhead
    Blockhead Posts: 1,538
    Just talk to the boy...
    Telling the mom is only going to make him hide smoking more.
    I find it hard to believe a "involved" parent does not know when their kid is smoking...
    If you live in a smoke free house you should be able to smell his clothes/car/ from a mile away.
    I smoked in high school and though I was fooling my dad, If he asked I would say there was a bond fire, etc.
    He knew the whole time.
    Also there is a difference between 1 cig and smoking. Make sure you find out which one it is
    I know when I first started the 1st couple of months or so I was not even inhaling
  • Beck..
    Beck.. Posts: 535
    EmBleve wrote:
    Harvtron wrote:
    Another question I have is, does he know you know?
    I was wondering that same thing.
    yeah i walked in the front door and could smell smoke it was blowing through the house and there he was sucking on a Marlborough light,then the little shit tried to bribe me with something that his mum already knows. :lol::lol:
  • EmBleve
    EmBleve Posts: 3,019
    oh my. :? I think she is going to find out anyway eventually, but you're in a bad spot because once she does find out (if you don't tell her), he will probably tell her that you saw him, inadvertently or otherwise. You should probably talk to him, and maybe tell him that you think she should know and you don't want to be caught in the middle of it, and that you feel obligated to tell her. Sticky situation indeed. He's probably going to smoke regardless of what either of you says.

Categories