when i...

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  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    you are everything
    you are nothing
    you are my breath
    the hand that chokes
    the whispers i hear
    are delusions i wrought
    you are
    everything
    everything now
    that im not.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • rollingsrollings Posts: 7,124
    Always enjoyed your writing
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    rollings wrote:
    Always enjoyed your writing


    gracias
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    id see it in your eyes
    if there was anything to see
    a vacant stare looks back at me
    as if i wasnt there
    i wonder if theres anything
    inside that skull so hard
    or if all that youre thinking
    if youre thinking at all
    has been programmed from the start
    of a life already chosen
    subdued and meaningless
    to stand upon the sidelines
    be a spectator, not a thief
    of the existence laid out before you
    to learn to live again
    to be what it is that you want
    to say anything without a care
    so while youre standing there
    dreaming of what i do not know
    close you fingers make a fist
    and tell them where to go
    youre gonna do it your way
    there is no other way
    tell them they can walk beside you
    or get the fuck out of the way
    cause you wont do what they want
    you dont hear the words they say
    they dont know you and they never will
    so dont forget to remind them
    youre gonna do it your way
    cause there is no other way
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    candy says she can walk away anytime
    but i dont believe her
    ive seen that look she gets in her eye
    she likes it all just a little too much

    candy says she can walk away anytime
    but she sits there making no move
    she gives me that smile that says
    she likes it all just a little too much

    candy says shes in control
    even though she knows shes not
    she needs the cash and what it can buy her
    and we all can just go to hell
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    in socks she spins across the floor
    looking to obliviate her surrounds
    half empty wine glass in her hand
    she remembers when it was half full
    yeah she knows regrets are just lessons not yet learned.
    but still the hurtings begun
    she doesnt need a reason to think he aint ever coming back
    she can hear the thunder far off
    the music in her head not words unsaid
    is what truly breaks her heart
    in socks she spins across the floor
    crying out his name
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    dear lola,
    i kissed thurston moore last night.


    thought you didnt do musicians?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    tis only booze that gives me courage
    to say what it is i think
    but tis cause of booze i cant
    so i step away and think
    what it is i want to say
    'bout what it is i feel
    and should i wait til morning
    to gauge my honesty

    theres so many words eating me
    that i think you need to hear
    but then i pause and wonder
    how much i can afford for you to hear
    you never seem to wonder
    where it is i am
    you never ask the questions
    i think you need to ask
    i sit and ponder many things
    but mostly youre in my thoughts
    and theres never any doubt what id do
    given the opportunity..

    .. and so i make myself small
    try to conserve my energy
    and hope what it is i feel for you
    doesnt kill me in the end.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • donnaruhldonnaruhl Posts: 2,157
    Nothing like standing naked to the world. With your thoughts,Your emotions running wild.And sober isn't easy,But it's a start in the right direction. Nice Poem. :D
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    gracias
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    she closed the door behind her as he smiled at her entrance. she managed a weary smile in return.

    so why am i here?

    he held her gave and sighed.

    i want you here

    and what about what i want?

    and what is it you want?

    she crossed the room to the bed in 3 tentative steps. reaching out she took his hand in hers and perchd herself on the white linen.

    i dont want to share you... thats what i want

    he opened his mouth to say something, but the look on her face silenced him.

    this situation isnt new to me. but that doesnt mean i can handle it any better. and im not prepared to do it again, so you need to sort yourself out or lose my number cause it doesnt matter how i feel about you i will walk away if you cant give me what i need.

    shed swear she could see his brain ticking over. his brow was furrowed and his eyes had that far away look he got when he was thinking of her.

    and i need to know that you need me in your life... that im not just there for distraction

    are you kidding me? ive been right with you since that first night.

    but not wholly. there was distance there.. i could feel it.

    sure i was weary. considering what youd just been through do you blame me? was i suppose to scoop you up in my arms and deliver you from all the badnes? is that what you wanted from me?

    i want you to help me forget. i tried to do it alone but i cant. i want someone i love to help me

    she couldnt suppress the smile forming on her lips. and answering the question before she spoke it he reached out touching her face with his fingers.

    i do love you. i ahve since i left.. well before i left

    and thats why you left?

    he nodded.

    youre an idiot you know that?

    yeah i know it

    she stood up and walked over to the window. the sky had closed in and she could see the threat of rain. she hoped it would rain. he watched her waiting for an answer, though he hadnt asked a question, not specifically anyway. after a few minutes she turned to face him.

    i want you to move to LA. if we have any chance we need to be in the same city

    can you wait til i get discharged?
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • donnaruhldonnaruhl Posts: 2,157
    his voice scratches as he sings
    stretched across his broken heart
    something goin' on inside
    but they all dont see it
    his deep sad is what they like
    yeah they see that alright

    falling down trying to get up
    he takes his leave
    through the back door
    heavy metal in his hand

    seen from behind walking
    his head down, his mind dark
    rests a while, his back against a decaying fence
    life comes down to moments they say
    and this is one of them
    his body expels a heavy sigh
    as a dark night descends upon his soul


    Damn!That's good. :thumbup: :clap:
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    donnaruhl wrote:
    his voice scratches as he sings
    stretched across his broken heart
    something goin' on inside
    but they all dont see it
    his deep sad is what they like
    yeah they see that alright

    falling down trying to get up
    he takes his leave
    through the back door
    heavy metal in his hand

    seen from behind walking
    his head down, his mind dark
    rests a while, his back against a decaying fence
    life comes down to moments they say
    and this is one of them
    his body expels a heavy sigh
    as a dark night descends upon his soul


    Damn!That's good. :thumbup: :clap:

    thank you.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    it had been several months since he had made the move and still he was like a visitor in her home. she tried not to watch him and when the silences got too heavy she instinctly reached out and laid her hand against his skin. he would always smile and draw her into his arms. and for a while theyd stay entangled until more often than not hed doze off. in the beginning hed wake up with a start and once managed to split her lip with his bony elbow. the level of remorse he showed at hurting her made her heart ache. it was as if it was the worst thing he could ever do to her. and she knew that wasnt true. it was just an accident she reassured him. for a time after that incident hed been more attentive to her yet a bit more cautious as well and more than once she wished hed split her lip more often, accidently of course if the result was an overwhelming guilt that semi shocked him into being more alive. yet even with his melancholia his presence in the house gave her peace.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    edited April 2013
    what would you do if i reached out and held
    your life in my hands as you do mine
    what would you do if i squeezed oh so gently
    til the life that you knew turned to dust
    what would you do if your strength was your weakness
    and i used it so i could survive
    what would you do if i buried you quietly
    in a grave of your own ineptitude
    Post edited by catefrances on
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • donnaruhldonnaruhl Posts: 2,157
    what would you do if i reached and held
    your life in my hands as you do mine
    what would you do if i squeezed oh so gently
    til the life that you knew turned to dust
    what would you do if your strength was your weakness
    and i used it so i could survive
    what would you do if i buried you quietly
    in a grave of your own ineptitude

    I can relate.
    Someone has done that to me.
    And I am no longer myself.The
    life has just been sucked out,
    until numbness is all I feel.
  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 42,038
    Catefrances, you're on a roll. Nice!
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    she gathers it up
    and buries it all deep beneath her skin
    she forces it down
    and chokes on it all desperate to fit in
    at night she screams
    and marks herself; too far gone to find relief
    she looks from heights
    and at quantities and wonders how quietly it could all end
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    you are out of your mind she said... he just smiled stepping back into nothingness, his arms raised in mimed crucifixion. he disappeared from view and she rushed to the railing. she saw him splash into the river and she saw him sink under the water. and she waited....
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    you are out of your mind she said... he just smiled stepping back into nothingness, his arms raised in mimed crucifixion. he disappeared from view and she rushed to the railing. she saw him splash into the river and she saw him sink under the water. and she waited....
    so huge & few lines
    gifted catefrances
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    chadwick wrote:
    you are out of your mind she said... he just smiled stepping back into nothingness, his arms raised in mimed crucifixion. he disappeared from view and she rushed to the railing. she saw him splash into the river and she saw him sink under the water. and she waited....
    so huge & few lines
    gifted catefrances


    a convo im having with a friend atm inspired these lines. 8-)
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • chadwickchadwick Posts: 21,157
    chadwick wrote:
    you are out of your mind she said... he just smiled stepping back into nothingness, his arms raised in mimed crucifixion. he disappeared from view and she rushed to the railing. she saw him splash into the river and she saw him sink under the water. and she waited....
    so huge & few lines
    gifted catefrances


    a convo im having with a friend atm inspired these lines. 8-)
    well it worked... as always
    many times you leave me (and others) speechless
    you're a writer, catefrances
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."

    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    he surfaced with the biggest grin on his face. he called to her then kicked his legs out so that he floated. the current was slow and she watched as he stroked backwards with a long languid motion. she called back, youre still crazy... but she laughed and clapped. and then picking up the bag hed dropped at her feet, she ran down to the riverbank to meet him.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    shes said enough
    its time to go
    to slip back into herself
    she likes it there
    its dark and safe
    its where she thinks shes in control
    but she knows as time slides past
    her thoughts become lies
    and that's when youll see her again
    standing on a cliff screaming into the wind
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    she listens to new music and wishes he was here, if only for a short time. its his music and she will always associate it with him. she smiles at a memory she thought long dead. she knows hed love it, just as she cant get enough of it. pop those headphones over her ears, hit repeat and she disappears into a present past that should remain gone forever. she swore shed never look back but this one indulgence today while his music wrapped itself around her brain she'll allow. and then she'll turn her attention back to another and smile for what she has now.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    he said stay with me...
    she said I cant.
    he held his hand out anyway.
    she lowered her head and turned away.
    there was nothing else that she could say.
    he stepped towards her.
    she stopped and turned...
    told him to leave her be.
    and so he let her walk away
    wondering what went wrong
    yet knowing letting her in
    was probably his one mistake.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    the smile on her face says it all....
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    she wanders through her hometown
    a landscape she once knew
    but now cant seem to place
    nothing looks the same
    nothing is right
    and all her old hangouts are boarded up and vacant
    the absence haunts her like ghosts unseen
    but somehow felt too close
    the old footbridge is missing some planks
    the gaps big enough for her to disappear through
    ...and she thinks about it.
    she remembers long hot summers when the world was theirs
    and the plans he made spun her dizzy
    she smiles at the memory
    cause that all he is now...
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    dancing with myself again
    I don't know where I begin
    or where I end
    thought I knew
    but then I lost my way
    im dancing by myself today
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    she opens her eyes as the sun peaks over the roofs
    her eyeballs ache and she wonders of its from not enough sleep
    or cause she went to sleep crying
    throwing her legs over the side of the bed she leans forward
    resting her elbows on her legs she glances behind her
    his form still dead to the world, oblivious
    she hears a bird in the distance
    and wishes she could fly

    making her way down the hall pulling her robe over her bare shoulders
    she almost trips over the cat
    she swears and lashes out with her foot, the tabby is too quick
    it walks away from her disappearing around a corner
    she pees with the door open, a habit hes force upon her
    she reaches out for some paper and sighs
    once again he hasn't replaced the empty roll
    not my fucking job he told her last time she brought it up
    well what is your fucking job she asked
    he answered her with a backhander that left her sprawling on the floor
    ever the gentleman he helped her up...
    ... when she pulled away she left a chunk of hair in his fist.

    itd be so easy to leave she tells herself
    but goes nowhere
    she hears him call her name
    tired she kicks the door shut hoping itll save her from whats to come
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
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