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Seinfeld "Sufferings"

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    iamicaiamica Chicago Posts: 2,628
    Kramer: The masquerade is over, Jerry. Let's face it. You're thin, neat, late 30s...

    Jerry: So are you.
    Chicago 2000 : Chicago 2003 : Chicago 2006 : Summerfest 2006 : Lollapalooza 2007 : Chicago 2009 : Noblesville (Indy) 2010 : PJ20 (East Troy) 2011 : Wrigley Field 2013 : Milwaukee (Yield) 2014 : Wrigley Field 2016
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    iamica wrote:
    Kramer: The masquerade is over, Jerry. Let's face it. You're thin, neat, late 30s...

    Jerry: So are you.
    Kramer's reaction always kills me. :lol:
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    HeisenbergHeisenberg Los Pollos Hermanos Posts: 4,957
    Newch91 wrote:
    iamica wrote:
    Kramer: The masquerade is over, Jerry. Let's face it. You're thin, neat, late 30s...

    Jerry: So are you.
    Kramer's reaction always kills me. :lol:

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    "My mother caught me."
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Elaine: Newman plays tennis?
    Jerry: He's fantastic!

    The way Jerry says that line kills me. :lol:
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    HeisenbergHeisenberg Los Pollos Hermanos Posts: 4,957
    "Give me a schtickle of flouride"
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    "Elaine, I once told a woman I coined the phrase: 'pardon my French!'"
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    Hugh Freaking DillonHugh Freaking Dillon Posts: 14,010
    Caveeze wrote:
    Must re-post this because it is one of my favorite Kramer lines ever..

    "I woke up in the East River, IN A SACK!!"

    I freaking love that one too!
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    Hugh Freaking DillonHugh Freaking Dillon Posts: 14,010
    bindy123 wrote:

    Thanks heaps for the info Hugh...it seemed like such a big coincidence...of course there are no big coincidences or small coincidences, just coincidences!

    no, there are degrees of coincidences.

    would you please put out that cigarette??!!!
    HOW ABOUT I PUT IT OUT ON YOUR FACE!!!
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    Hugh Freaking DillonHugh Freaking Dillon Posts: 14,010
    Heisenberg wrote:
    "Give me a schtickle of flouride"

    if I wasn't at my son's wedding, I'd knock your teeth out, you anti-dentite bastard.
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,083
    God I love this show...
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
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    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
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    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
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    2022-09-16 Nashville
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    Leyna MinaiLeyna Minai Posts: 688
    One of my favorites that I always remember:

    "I wanted seltzer, not salsa."
    "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?? You have the seltzer..after the salsa!
    7/15/2011 - Benoroya Hall - (Eddie Vedder Solo) - Seattle, WA
    4/2/2008 - The Center in Vancouver for Performing Arts (Eddie Vedder Solo) - Vancouver, WA
    9/21/2009 Key Arena - Seattle, WA
    7/22/2006 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
    9/1/2005 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
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    GivenToJam88GivenToJam88 NJ Posts: 1,187
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/2 ... d%3D162983
    2006: 5/28
    2008: 6/19, 6/24, 6/25
    2009: 6/14 (EV), 10/27, 10/28
    2010: 5/17
    2011: 6/21 (EV), 6/22 (EV), 9/11, 9/12
    2012: 9/2
    2013: 10/15, 10/16, 10/19, 10/21, 10/22, 10/27, 11/23, 11/24
    2014: 10/19
    2016: 5/1, 5/2, 5/8
    2018: 8/20, 9/2, 9/4
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    mca47mca47 Posts: 13,265
    GivenToJam88 wrote:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/22/jerry-seinfelds-least-favorite-seinfeld-episode-video_n_1535237.html?ref=tv&icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl17|sec3_lnk3&pLid=162983
    That's weird. That episode was hilarious!!!!!
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    GivenToJam88GivenToJam88 NJ Posts: 1,187
    mca47 wrote:
    GivenToJam88 wrote:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/22/jerry-seinfelds-least-favorite-seinfeld-episode-video_n_1535237.html?ref=tv&icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl17|sec3_lnk3&pLid=162983
    That's weird. That episode was hilarious!!!!!

    "Who put cookies in his mouth?"
    2006: 5/28
    2008: 6/19, 6/24, 6/25
    2009: 6/14 (EV), 10/27, 10/28
    2010: 5/17
    2011: 6/21 (EV), 6/22 (EV), 9/11, 9/12
    2012: 9/2
    2013: 10/15, 10/16, 10/19, 10/21, 10/22, 10/27, 11/23, 11/24
    2014: 10/19
    2016: 5/1, 5/2, 5/8
    2018: 8/20, 9/2, 9/4
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    GivenToJam88 wrote:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/22/jerry-seinfelds-least-favorite-seinfeld-episode-video_n_1535237.html?ref=tv&icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl17|sec3_lnk3&pLid=162983
    Was that, "These pretzels are making me thirsty!!"?
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    Newch91 wrote:
    GivenToJam88 wrote:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/22/jerry-seinfelds-least-favorite-seinfeld-episode-video_n_1535237.html?ref=tv&icid=maing-grid7|maing7|dl17|sec3_lnk3&pLid=162983
    Was that, "These pretzels are making me thirsty!!"?

    Yeah, "The Alternate Side".
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    [Monks']

    GEORGE: (standing) All right, I'm gonna move my car, my meter's up. Can't park in
    this city.

    GARY: (standing) Hey, George, listen. You know that company I work for, they own
    that parking lot around the corner.

    GEORGE: Wha, that's a Kinney lot?

    GARY: Yeah, and there's a space opening up, and I could get it for you. You just
    have to pay the tax on it. It'd be like, fifty a month.

    GEORGE: Fifty bucks a month, that's incredible! Okay, thanks.

    GARY: All right, I got lunch, all right.

    GEORGE: You still owe me a secret.

    GARY: All right, listen. There is something I haven't told you, all right?

    GEORGE: Yeah?

    GARY: Yeah, but uhm, you can't tell Jerry.

    GEORGE: What do think I tell Jerry everything? It's not like he's my wife.

    GARY: Okay. Well, the thing is, I've been living a lie.

    GEORGE: Just one? I'm living like twenty. (chuckles) What's yours? :lol::lol:(Always kills me)

    GARY: Well, I (laughs) I never actually had cancer. (laughs) I'll see you.
    (leaves)
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    AusticmanAusticman Posts: 1,323
    Newch91 wrote:
    [Monks']

    GEORGE: (standing) All right, I'm gonna move my car, my meter's up. Can't park in
    this city.

    GARY: (standing) Hey, George, listen. You know that company I work for, they own
    that parking lot around the corner.

    GEORGE: Wha, that's a Kinney lot?

    GARY: Yeah, and there's a space opening up, and I could get it for you. You just
    have to pay the tax on it. It'd be like, fifty a month.

    GEORGE: Fifty bucks a month, that's incredible! Okay, thanks.

    GARY: All right, I got lunch, all right.

    GEORGE: You still owe me a secret.

    GARY: All right, listen. There is something I haven't told you, all right?

    GEORGE: Yeah?

    GARY: Yeah, but uhm, you can't tell Jerry.

    GEORGE: What do think I tell Jerry everything? It's not like he's my wife.

    GARY: Okay. Well, the thing is, I've been living a lie.

    GEORGE: Just one? I'm living like twenty. (chuckles) What's yours? :lol::lol:(Always kills me)

    GARY: Well, I (laughs) I never actually had cancer. (laughs) I'll see you.
    (leaves)

    :lol::lol:

    JERRY: Hey. How'd it go with Gary?

    GEORGE: (shifty, avoiding Jerry's eyes) Fine, fine.

    JERRY: Really?

    GEORGE: Yeah.

    JERRY: You look like something's on your mind.

    GEORGE: No. Nothing. Fine.

    JERRY: So, that's your poker face.

    GEORGE: My regular face.

    JERRY: No it isn't. I've seen your regular face. That is not it.

    GEORGE: What are you saying?

    JERRY: All right George, c'mon, what d'you got?

    GEORGE: I got nothing.

    JERRY: What you got, a pair of bullets?

    GEORGE: What you talking about?

    JERRY: Two pair? Three of a kind?

    GEORGE: Will you stop it?

    JERRY: Oh my God, you got a flush! You're holding a flush!

    GEORGE: I don't have a flush.

    JERRY: A full house? You got a full house? Turn 'em over George, I wanna see 'em. Come on, I'm calling! (thumps hand on table) What d'you got!

    GEORGE: Gary Fogel never had cancer!
    I can't go the library anymore, everyone STINKS!!
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    At Jerry's apartment.

    Elaine: Melrose Place?

    Jerry: Yes. Melrose Place.

    Elaine: I just didn't know you watched that.

    Jerry: Well I do.

    Elaine: I mean every time I mention it you never say anything or join in the conversation.

    Jerry: Well maybe I was a little embarrassed.

    Elaine: You mean this whole time we could have been discussing Sydney and Michael and Jane...

    Jerry: And Billy and Jake and Allison, yes we could have discussed it.

    Elaine: Why? Why were you so embarrassed?

    Jerry: The point is I'm going to be taking this lie detector test and that needle's going to be going wild.

    Elaine: That is *so* stupid. Why don't you just confess?

    Jerry: It's too stupid to confess. Look at what I'm confessing to.

    Elaine: So what are you going to do?

    Jerry: I don't know. Maybe I can beat the machine.

    Elaine: Oh, who do you think you are? Costanza?

    Jerry: Hey you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous, deceptive minds of our

    time. Who better to advise me?
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,083
    Is Seinfeld Scripts not the best site on the internet???
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
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    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    vant0037 wrote:
    Is Seinfeld Scripts not the best site on the internet???
    IIIII love it!!! :D
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,083
    Kramer: I found out I really like depriving myself of things...it's fun!
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    HeisenbergHeisenberg Los Pollos Hermanos Posts: 4,957
    "Fake, fake...fake, fake"
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    LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    That's one tuck, and one no tuck
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    LloydXmas wrote:
    That's one tuck, and one no tuck
    :lol: I'm like George on this. The sheets can not be tucked. My feet will be sideways. That's why I never make my bed.
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,083
    Newch91 wrote:
    LloydXmas wrote:
    That's one tuck, and one no tuck
    :lol: I'm like George on this. The sheets can not be tucked. My feet will be sideways. That's why I never make my bed.

    This is an endless battle in my house. I truly do love to "swish and swirl," and my wife is a bed-making fascist. From time to time we have to employ the "separate blankets" program. :lol::lol::lol:
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    vant0037 wrote:
    Newch91 wrote:
    LloydXmas wrote:
    That's one tuck, and one no tuck
    :lol: I'm like George on this. The sheets can not be tucked. My feet will be sideways. That's why I never make my bed.

    This is an endless battle in my house. I truly do love to "swish and swirl," and my wife is a bed-making fascist. From time to time we have to employ the "separate blankets" program. :lol::lol::lol:
    :lol:
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    vant0037 wrote:
    Newch91 wrote:
    LloydXmas wrote:
    That's one tuck, and one no tuck
    :lol: I'm like George on this. The sheets can not be tucked. My feet will be sideways. That's why I never make my bed.

    This is an endless battle in my house. I truly do love to "swish and swirl," and my wife is a bed-making fascist. From time to time we have to employ the "separate blankets" program. :lol::lol::lol:

    Is it a counter-clockwise swirl? :P :lol:
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    Ledbetterman10Ledbetterman10 Posts: 16,786
    Was there a knuckle in there?
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
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