Dying alone

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  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 42,272
    edited April 10
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.
    You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
    I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.
    The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
    I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
    The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
    I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
    Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
    I was so shocked I couldn't respond.
    Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

    Yeah I am.
    Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
    One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.
    Are there not laws in Australia that are meant to protect you from shit like this at work? I suggest that the next time someone at a job acts like that, you pursue it legally. People/workplaces shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Stand up for yourself.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,084
    mcgruff10 said:
    rgambs said:
    I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?". 

    As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
    First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? 
    Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!

    Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone.  Do you have interests and hobbies?  
    Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile.  It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too.  Interesting interestingness.
    You don't have any good photos?  Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.

    You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
    This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it. 
    Maybe set a goal of maybe six months and try to move out of your parents house.  Living with your parents at age 34 I would think is a big red flag for women.
    I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!
    I'm a full time university student. Unless I am working full time it will be very hard to afford to pay rent.
    I can't wait to leave this house though.
    I know in my previous post I mentioned I desire a relationship, I know that right now is not the best time as I really need to focus all my time and effort into my university studies as I need very high grades to be accepted into postgraduate study otherwise my undergraduate degree is all for nothing. I want to graduate with a masters degree and/or a phD to prove to my family I am not dumb and useless. I won't have time to commit to a partner given how much time my homework and study takes to do. When I graduate I am out of this house and looking for love but that won't happen until 2020-2022 :(
    The only place I have contact with the opposite sex is at university but they're 13-15 years younger than me. No thanks.
    I think that sounds like a fine plan...devoting your energy to higher education. Nothing wrong with that.
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 42,272
    rgambs said:
    rgambs said:
    rgambs said:
    brianlux said:
    brianlux said:
    Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
    https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html
    Good article.  I can see a lot of myself in what the author says.  I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time.  For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife.  There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up?  Let's get together and do something"?  None right now besides my wife.  And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat.  Damn cat never says a word in reply.  Oh well, I love her anyway.
    Sorry to hear Brian.
    Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
    I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
    Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
    I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
    It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
    We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
    My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
    My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life.  Haven't seen him in 3 months. 
    Everyone is busy.
    But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life. 
    I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares. 
    I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
    If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life. 
    I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
    I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
    I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.
    Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts.  I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive.  I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back.  That has to be a factor.

    A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues.  Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past.  Even with earplugs it difficult.  The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

    So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life. 

    I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:
    Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
    Glad you have this place for connection :)
    I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance. 
    Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.
    If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.
    What? my much older age?
    Yeah, absolutely!  With age comes confidence, and confidence always wears well.
    When you are in your 30's you should be able to interact with beautiful women without nerves and without trying to impress them.  Even young, inexperienced women can spot a guy "trying too hard" from a mile away.  They can tell when a guy is trying to be cool and when a guy is trying to impress them, and nearly every guy in his 20's is trying to impress beautiful women no matter what his status is.
    Couple that sage confidence with ladies at university who are looking for minds which engage their own and you have a perfect recipe for a friendship that can blossom into more.

    Friendship is the path to love.
    I don't know, I feel like a creep if I think about a romantic relationship with someone that much younger.
    The rule is half your age plus 7 so the youngest I could date without being called a creep would be 24.
    These girls are 18-22 at university.
    Plus there's the power imbalance seeing I am much older.
    I've made friends with some at university but I am not willing to pursue any romance due to the big age gap.
    Almost old enough to be their dad and my nice is that age which makes it even more disgusting in my eyes.
    I think you are looking for excuses not to try.  There are no rules for which consenting adults are allowed romantic relationships and which aren't.
    Power imbalance?  What power imbalance?  You give all your power away anyways.
    You aren't some don juan predator who's learned how to manipulate women and now preys on younger and younger girls.  You live at home, you go to university, and you have very little romantic experience or confidence.  90% of them will have a power advantage over you!  Women naturally have the upper hand in that regard anyways. 

    You are the only person who can live your life, nobody else can do it and nobody else can make you happy.  If you die alone it will be because you never really tried, so quit spending your time devising excuses for not trying and get out there and make life happen!
    There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a man who has an age cut off and thinks 18 - 22 year olds are too young for him. If that's an excuse, then it's a really, really good one. I also wouldn't feel comfortable dating really young guys, and that's no excuse - that's called having standards for myself.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 42,272
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    So because she smiled at you that means she wants to get involved? Saying hi and smiling at someone is just being nice.
    I'm sure most people are able to tell the difference between just regular friendliness and flirting, no? The differences are usually pretty obvious.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 11,895
    PJ_Soul said:
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    So because she smiled at you that means she wants to get involved? Saying hi and smiling at someone is just being nice.
    I'm sure most people are able to tell the difference between just regular friendliness and flirting, no? The differences are usually pretty obvious.
    Unless you're Aziz Ansari.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 3,412
    rgambs said:
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
    Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

    Correct rgambs
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 3,412
    I agree with also being you to all ages . Don't look at anyone as a future partner or anything be nice. Be kind to all and what nature does from there is all good
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,084
    rgambs said:
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
    Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

    Correct rgambs
    Seriously you guys? Suddenly I don't  want to be a 40+ woman with years of bad marriage experience after all. Thanks a lot guys! By the way, I like to move like a sloth on Nyquil into the bedroom and move with a Tasmanian devil quickness with emotional attachment.
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 42,272
    edited April 10
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    Responding in a positive manner i.e. "hi" or "hey how's your day?" isn' getting involved. It's  being a polite adult.
    I didn't mean that I don't respond to her hello. By ignore I mean I don't look her way or keep my head down when she walks past me in the lecture theatre. If I can't avoid her I'll still say hi in reply.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    Annafalk said:
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    If she seemed interested before, it’s not too late, now you must make a move. Show her that you aren’t a snob at least. :)
    She's the same age as my niece, 18.
    I am 34 soon.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    So because she smiled at you that means she wants to get involved? Saying hi and smiling at someone is just being nice.
    I caught her staring at me from afar when we were in a crowd waiting to enter a lecture theatre.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    rgambs said:
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
    Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

    I'm looking for someone in their late 20s to early 30s.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    You can say hello and be polite ... age has 0 to do with politeness.  Is 18 of age in Australia?  If so, whats the problem...
    It is legal at 18. Too young for a 34 year old.
    Even third/final year and postgraduate students are too young for me.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.
    You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
    I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.
    The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
    I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
    The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
    I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
    Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
    I was so shocked I couldn't respond.
    Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

    Yeah I am.
    Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
    One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.
    Are there not laws in Australia that are meant to protect you from shit like this at work? I suggest that the next time someone at a job acts like that, you pursue it legally. People/workplaces shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Stand up for yourself.
    Yeah. But who wants to pay legal fees and pursue it. It's my word against theirs.
    This was a long time ago now. But thinking about it always makes me depressed.
    It's why I don't want to get a job. I want to graduate and work on my own. Not with people.
    I don't want to deal with it anymore.
    Every job I get targeted.
    My most recent jobs were 3 years ago and there were more cases of bullying.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • rgambsrgambs Posts: 11,175
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 24,558
    Don't knock the 40 years old plus marriage thing.  When my wife and I got together, our combined ages totaled 100 years.  We've been together now 16 years and doing great.   My own experience is that getting married young is a terrible idea.  I mean, kudos to those who marry young and can keep it together, but how many of those do you know?  I don't know any.
    "Love and only love will break it down"
    -Neil Young
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.





  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,084
    Yes, don't knock the fortysomethings plus marriage thing. And even though most people TA's age wants kids, some don't. I didn't.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    I don't think I want kids to be honest.
    World's overpopulated and messed up.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 24,558
    Yes, don't knock the fortysomethings plus marriage thing. And even though most people TA's age wants kids, some don't. I didn't.

    I don't think I want kids to be honest.
    World's overpopulated and messed up.
    I have nothing against kids (and in fact, helped raise two nephews for a few years several years ago) but I wish more people would stop to consider before giving in to the biological urge to reproduce.  All animals are wired to reproduce.  It's why we have hormones.  But in an ecologically balance world, all animals besides humans tend to keep a balance in their population through either infant mortality or predation.   So what we humans have done has been to cheat nature by using our clever minds to reduce infant mortality and make ourselves far less vulnerable to predators, but for some reason we have not very well developed the logic in our big clever brains to figure out the simple math of human over-population.  As smart as we are in some ways, we are also quite dumb.  It's mind boggling to think about how fucking stupid humans are in some ways.  It's almost as though we are geared to unnecessarily do our own species in.

    "Love and only love will break it down"
    -Neil Young
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.





  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 12,400
    Very true, Brian.
    Plus we are so stupid that we pollute and kill off species.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 24,558
    Very true, Brian.
    Plus we are so stupid that we pollute and kill off species.
    I often wonder why that is.  How can we be so intelligent in so many ways but so dumb and destructive in other ways?  We are truly and enigma.
    "Love and only love will break it down"
    -Neil Young
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.





  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,165
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 3,412
    I think older is better personally thats what i meant. Maturity is very attractive to intelligent people either way round. T.A seems intelligent snd maybe a touch older is more mentally stimulating
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.
    You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
    I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.
    The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
    I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
    The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
    I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
    Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
    I was so shocked I couldn't respond.
    Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

    Yeah I am.
    Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
    One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.
    Are there not laws in Australia that are meant to protect you from shit like this at work? I suggest that the next time someone at a job acts like that, you pursue it legally. People/workplaces shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Stand up for yourself.

    Yes.

    Thoughts... when the guy was sending you links... respond with, "Hey. It's obvious you're into that stuff, but I'm not. I'm not making any judgements, but f**k off okay? Don't send me that shit. Especially at work ya twit."

    And if you were sitting at a table with some guys from work and they ordered you a Shirley Temple... you could have done a few things: (1) drink it (2) laugh... don't drink it and order a beer (3) given the drink to a colleague that wanted it (4) kicked the guy's dink in lol (5) leave.

    Just don't slump your shoulders and get dumped on. 
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 15,149
    I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
    This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
    Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.
    alright. tough love time. 

    you need to STOP with all these excuses, dude.
    you need to STOP with all the limitations you put on yourself. 
    you need to STOP worrying what every other human being on planet earth thinks of you. Why? because for the most part, here's the tough love part: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. and if they do, it's your turn to NOT GIVE A SHIT. 
    you need to STOP living with your mother. millions of people do full time school and live on their own. room mates. shitty apartments. mattresses on the floor and mac and cheese every day for dinner. part time jobs where you, hey, ACTUALLY GET TO MEET PEOPLE. take a bartending course and sling drinks on the weekends. make a bunch of money and meet some people. 
    you need to STOP living your life as if you are in constant search of a woman. stop searching, and one will appear. not smiling at a nice adult at school because she's too young? I smile at 80 year old ladies. does that mean I want to get into their granny gitch?

    act as if you don't need anything, and what you want just may appear. 
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,084
    Sweet jesus. Edit the granny thing. My mind's eye! My mind's  eye!
  • Sweet jesus. Edit the granny thing. My mind's eye! My mind's  eye!

    Hugh always has to paint these awful images to stress his points and ruin our days.
    "My brain's a good brain!"
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 15,149
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 
  • oftenreadingoftenreading Victoria, BCPosts: 8,198
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

    "Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement. 
    my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
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