Btw, you happy couples who have met online, give us hope. Quit it.
Gotta say that talking online in '99 was more...organic?...than now. He and I simply exchanged PM's here (much MUCH older version of this place) and it grew naturally over time. A truer version of self via thought-out words instead of deceptive photos and silly phrases and abbreviations.
I'd go fucking nuts with "apps" like Tinder or match.com or Harmony, etc. It's like compartmentalizing yourself.
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this. My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this. My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.
I'm pretty lucky in that way as well. I have 4 older siblings that squeezed out a combined 15 kids. My younger brother and I never felt any pressure. If anything, my mom is likely happy she doesn't have to deal with anymore grandkids. So I can't fathom what that family pressure is like. I can only imagine how much harder it would have been(if that's even possible) after my daughter passed.
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
prick. no parent should ever say that about one of their kids. brutal. sorry you had to go through that.
Thanks. I know he's proud of me but he can be an asshole sometimes, more often than not. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and the first time he saw me he said 'well good, maybe now you'll get a boyfriend'. Yep, that's my dad.
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
That sucks!! I'm lucky. My dad actually thinks that my decision to not have kids and not get married is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life, lol. I'm not sure what that says about his feelings re having gotten married to my mom and having me and my sister, but hey, at least I have his support on this. My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.
Our moms sound very similar! My poor mom, though. She loves kids so much but only has one grandchild from three children. Both of my brothers are going through divorces right now so, hey, maybe she'll get more in the future. LOL (I laugh to keep from crying)
My dad's been married twice and was a terrible husband the first time (to my mom) so he has no room to talk about anything relating to marriage or divorce.
Btw, you happy couples who have met online, give us hope. Quit it.
Gotta say that talking online in '99 was more...organic?...than now. He and I simply exchanged PM's here (much MUCH older version of this place) and it grew naturally over time. A truer version of self via thought-out words instead of deceptive photos and silly phrases and abbreviations.
I'd go fucking nuts with "apps" like Tinder or match.com or Harmony, etc. It's like compartmentalizing yourself.
PM's are my saving grace. I rarely make an ass of myself via that mode of communication. Big fan!
I agree with you about those "apps". You gotta love the commercials though.They never show the Addams family couple who got happily married.
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
prick. no parent should ever say that about one of their kids. brutal. sorry you had to go through that.
Thanks. I know he's proud of me but he can be an asshole sometimes, more often than not. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and the first time he saw me he said 'well good, maybe now you'll get a boyfriend'. Yep, that's my dad.
Damn, I hope you sling it right back at him lol The comeback that sprang to mind was a zingy but loving.. "Well I'd probably be married with children, and grandchildren coming soon if I was willing to settle for a man like you!"
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Thoughts_Arrive, I can see why you would be discouraged after reading that article. Thinking about it, or attempting to anyway, from your point of view instead of my own... It's pretty rough out there. People have excess baggage like never before. All you can really do is try your best to be one of those solid men that hedo spoke of, so you'll have the best chance of attracting someone who is also solid.
It makes me feel like a creep, a weirdo, a monster. It prevents me from dating but at the same time it makes it worse as it extends the time I have been single. I cannot bear to tell any date that I've never been in a relationship.
I'm in exactly the same position as you but I guess it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I accept that I may actually be happier without a partner. Have you considered this or do you always feel lonely and desire companionship? My mistake was in feeling lonely and left-out simply because I felt I should. When I actually examined my feelings, I realised I had no desire to be out with a big gang of friends and that my happiest times were alone in front of the TV! We're all different of course, just take the time to make sure you know what you truly want. I always thought I was alone because I was an unattractive freak and nobody wanted me. Now I believe it is more because I myself have not sought companionship because subconsciously I knew I was happier alone
I desire a partner. I hate being lonely. But I don't always want company as I like to chill on my own and do my own things.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Thoughts_Arrive, I can see why you would be discouraged after reading that article. Thinking about it, or attempting to anyway, from your point of view instead of my own... It's pretty rough out there. People have excess baggage like never before. All you can really do is try your best to be one of those solid men that hedo spoke of, so you'll have the best chance of attracting someone who is also solid.
It makes me feel like a creep, a weirdo, a monster. It prevents me from dating but at the same time it makes it worse as it extends the time I have been single. I cannot bear to tell any date that I've never been in a relationship.
I am in a similar situation. And have decided that if by some miracle I am meant to have a relationship again, it will have to be with someone who already knows me. Can't do the first date interview. I don't want to answer the, "have you ever been married?" question. I was married. We separated. He committed suicide. Nothing will ever be the same. My world ended, but my life did not. It's just too much. So, I'm just being friends with guys right now. And I also feel like a creep, weirdo, monster. Not because I'm alone, but because I just feel like I did everything wrong. And can't take any of it back.
So sorry to hear. Have you sought counselling to try help you overcome your thoughts and feelings?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
0
brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,314
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
I'm sorry to hear your parents are disappointed in you but I think getting married and having kids to make your folks happy would not be a good reason to get married and have kids. I never had kids and I never let my parents influence that decision.
I've had two previous failed marriages and at the those times did not understand why. After the second divorce I was alone (and I mean really alone) for several years and felt like a failure. Eventually, with some help from counseling, I came to realize that I had to feel better about myself and not see myself as a failure. I needed to do that before I had even a chance at having a successful relationship. I do now, but it is still hard. I think all relationships are hard and take a lot of work. But first must come self-acceptance. That doesn't mean you have to think you're perfect. No one is. Accept that you are imperfect like everyone is and work on building your strengths- you have those, we all do.
"Pretty cookies, heart squares all around, yeah!" -Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
I'm sorry to hear your parents are disappointed in you but I think getting married and having kids to make your folks happy would not be a good reason to get married and have kids. I never had kids and I never let my parents influence that decision.
I've had two previous failed marriages and at the those times did not understand why. After the second divorce I was alone (and I mean really alone) for several years and felt like a failure. Eventually, with some help from counseling, I came to realize that I had to feel better about myself and not see myself as a failure. I needed to do that before I had even a chance at having a successful relationship. I do now, but it is still hard. I think all relationships are hard and take a lot of work. But first must come self-acceptance. That doesn't mean you have to think you're perfect. No one is. Accept that you are imperfect like everyone is and work on building your strengths- you have those, we all do.
Thanks Brian.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
You do have control over a couple of those things. I hope you're able to kick yourself in the ass, even a bit, to improve your self-perception. First step.
B, wise words - made me think of Tull's Nothing is Easy. Because nothing is!
0
brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,314
There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.
I say phooey to what some people say and think. You know who and what you are and anyone who tries to judge you that way is just plain wrong.
I've had the same situation a number of times in my life. I don't know what it is, but several people have mistaken me for being gay. I've had guys try to pick me up. Even my wife has told me she thought I was gay when we first met! That kind of thing used to bug me but now just figure well, maybe it's supposed to be a compliment. I mean, after all, I've had some very cool gay friends and although I'm not inclined towards having sex with other men, I don't mind at all that some men do- or that some women prefer women- it's all a matter of personal taste and it's all fine either way. But the bottom line- it's noboy's damn business either way.
Also, I've had guys call me "ma'am" a number of times. What's with that?! My hair? Am I a bit "hippie"? (My wife claims the word came from mamas with big hips who wear beads and such, but I think it originated as a spin off from the beatnik use of "hip"). Well, whatever. I just shrug it off. Besides, how many women have a soul patch (etc.!)?
Yeah, for sure it can be annoying when people say things about you that aren't true. But just remember that if they say things that are derisive or ridiculing, they are the ones with the problem, not you. Best not to give those people your time or energy.
Hedo- love that Tull song, "Nothing is Easy"!
"Pretty cookies, heart squares all around, yeah!" -Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.
I say phooey to what some people say and think. You know who and what you are and anyone who tries to judge you that way is just plain wrong.
I've had the same situation a number of times in my life. I don't know what it is, but several people have mistaken me for being gay. I've had guys try to pick me up. Even my wife has told me she thought I was gay when we first met! That kind of thing used to bug me but now just figure well, maybe it's supposed to be a compliment. I mean, after all, I've had some very cool gay friends and although I'm not inclined towards having sex with other men, I don't mind at all that some men do- or that some women prefer women- it's all a matter of personal taste and it's all fine either way. But the bottom line- it's noboy's damn business either way.
Also, I've had guys call me "ma'am" a number of times. What's with that?! My hair? Am I a bit "hippie"? (My wife claims the word came from mamas with big hips who wear beads and such, but I think it originated as a spin off from the beatnik use of "hip"). Well, whatever. I just shrug it off. Besides, how many women have a soul patch (etc.!)?
Yeah, for sure it can be annoying when people say things about you that aren't true. But just remember that if they say things that are derisive or ridiculing, they are the ones with the problem, not you. Best not to give those people your time or energy.
Hedo- love that Tull song, "Nothing is Easy"!
Hey brian i have the same thing . But i think its because I'm open,both emotionally and speech wise both my ex wife and new partner "joke" saying i could be gay. I have no issue with gay. But find it a bit upsetting because i couldn't be straighter . I love females and i have no desire whatsoever for the same sex never have. What is with people . T.A you can do anything you wish . You are im a great position. No over heads . Living the life you choose. You can be anything you have a blank slate to start with. No past baggage. A great situation really. No heart break from past loves. Go for life . However you want to.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies? Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness. You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies? Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness. You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies? Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness. You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it.
Maybe set a goal of maybe six months and try to move out of your parents house. Living with your parents at age 34 I would think is a big red flag for women. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies? Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness. You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it.
Maybe set a goal of maybe six months and try to move out of your parents house. Living with your parents at age 34 I would think is a big red flag for women. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
prick. no parent should ever say that about one of their kids. brutal. sorry you had to go through that.
Thanks. I know he's proud of me but he can be an asshole sometimes, more often than not. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and the first time he saw me he said 'well good, maybe now you'll get a boyfriend'. Yep, that's my dad.
Damn, I hope you sling it right back at him lol The comeback that sprang to mind was a zingy but loving.. "Well I'd probably be married with children, and grandchildren coming soon if I was willing to settle for a man like you!"
I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?".
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies? Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness. You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it.
Maybe set a goal of maybe six months and try to move out of your parents house. Living with your parents at age 34 I would think is a big red flag for women. I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!
Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
This! My sister, who's 21 years younger than me, is getting married in a few weeks. She has a college degree but still gets money from her parents for basic living expenses. My dad even bought her a car last year. Me, I've been financially independent since I was 18. But because I've never married it's like I'm lesser than. At a family gathering last year my dad declared 'well, at least one of my daughters is getting married'. He doesn't even like my sister's fiance. I've barely spoken to him since.
prick. no parent should ever say that about one of their kids. brutal. sorry you had to go through that.
Thanks. I know he's proud of me but he can be an asshole sometimes, more often than not. A few years back I lost a lot of weight and the first time he saw me he said 'well good, maybe now you'll get a boyfriend'. Yep, that's my dad.
Damn, I hope you sling it right back at him lol The comeback that sprang to mind was a zingy but loving.. "Well I'd probably be married with children, and grandchildren coming soon if I was willing to settle for a man like you!"
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Gotta say that talking online in '99 was more...organic?...than now. He and I simply exchanged PM's here (much MUCH older version of this place) and it grew naturally over time. A truer version of self via thought-out words instead of deceptive photos and silly phrases and abbreviations.
I'd go fucking nuts with "apps" like Tinder or match.com or Harmony, etc. It's like compartmentalizing yourself.
My mom too... She doesn't give a shit that I don't have kids and understands why I don't feel the need to be married or in an LTR... though she'd probably feel differently if my sister hadn't had a couple of kids. I think she would have been pretty disappointed if she never got any grandkids at all.
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My dad's been married twice and was a terrible husband the first time (to my mom) so he has no room to talk about anything relating to marriage or divorce.
I agree with you about those "apps". You gotta love the commercials though.They never show the Addams family couple who got happily married.
The comeback that sprang to mind was a zingy but loving..
"Well I'd probably be married with children, and grandchildren coming soon if I was willing to settle for a man like you!"
As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.
Have you sought counselling to try help you overcome your thoughts and feelings?
I've had two previous failed marriages and at the those times did not understand why. After the second divorce I was alone (and I mean really alone) for several years and felt like a failure. Eventually, with some help from counseling, I came to realize that I had to feel better about myself and not see myself as a failure. I needed to do that before I had even a chance at having a successful relationship. I do now, but it is still hard. I think all relationships are hard and take a lot of work. But first must come self-acceptance. That doesn't mean you have to think you're perfect. No one is. Accept that you are imperfect like everyone is and work on building your strengths- you have those, we all do.
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
B, wise words - made me think of Tull's Nothing is Easy. Because nothing is!
I've had the same situation a number of times in my life. I don't know what it is, but several people have mistaken me for being gay. I've had guys try to pick me up. Even my wife has told me she thought I was gay when we first met! That kind of thing used to bug me but now just figure well, maybe it's supposed to be a compliment. I mean, after all, I've had some very cool gay friends and although I'm not inclined towards having sex with other men, I don't mind at all that some men do- or that some women prefer women- it's all a matter of personal taste and it's all fine either way. But the bottom line- it's noboy's damn business either way.
Also, I've had guys call me "ma'am" a number of times. What's with that?! My hair? Am I a bit "hippie"? (My wife claims the word came from mamas with big hips who wear beads and such, but I think it originated as a spin off from the beatnik use of "hip"). Well, whatever. I just shrug it off. Besides, how many women have a soul patch (etc.!)?
Yeah, for sure it can be annoying when people say things about you that aren't true. But just remember that if they say things that are derisive or ridiculing, they are the ones with the problem, not you. Best not to give those people your time or energy.
Hedo- love that Tull song, "Nothing is Easy"!
-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
But find it a bit upsetting because i couldn't be straighter . I love females and i have no desire whatsoever for the same sex never have.
What is with people . T.A you can do anything you wish . You are im a great position. No over heads . Living the life you choose. You can be anything you have a blank slate to start with. No past baggage. A great situation really. No heart break from past loves. Go for life . However you want to.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!
Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone. Do you have interests and hobbies?
Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile. It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too. Interesting interestingness.
You don't have any good photos? Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.
You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!