Dying alone

Thoughts_Arrive said

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article.  I can see a lot of myself in what the author says.  I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time.  For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife.  There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up?  Let's get together and do something"?  None right now besides my wife.  And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat.  Damn cat never says a word in reply.  Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life.  Haven't seen him in 3 months. 
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life. 
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares. 
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life. 
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts.  I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive.  I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back.  That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues.  Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past.  Even with earplugs it difficult.  The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life. 

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance. 
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

What? my much older age?

Yeah, absolutely!  With age comes confidence, and confidence always wears well.
When you are in your 30's you should be able to interact with beautiful women without nerves and without trying to impress them.  Even young, inexperienced women can spot a guy "trying too hard" from a mile away.  They can tell when a guy is trying to be cool and when a guy is trying to impress them, and nearly every guy in his 20's is trying to impress beautiful women no matter what his status is.
Couple that sage confidence with ladies at university who are looking for minds which engage their own and you have a perfect recipe for a friendship that can blossom into more.

Friendship is the path to love.

I don't know, I feel like a creep if I think about a romantic relationship with someone that much younger.
The rule is half your age plus 7 so the youngest I could date without being called a creep would be 24.
These girls are 18-22 at university.
Plus there's the power imbalance seeing I am much older.
I've made friends with some at university but I am not willing to pursue any romance due to the big age gap.
Almost old enough to be their dad and my nice is that age which makes it even more disgusting in my eyes.

I think you are looking for excuses not to try.  There are no rules for which consenting adults are allowed romantic relationships and which aren't.
Power imbalance?  What power imbalance?  You give all your power away anyways.
You aren't some don juan predator who's learned how to manipulate women and now preys on younger and younger girls.  You live at home, you go to university, and you have very little romantic experience or confidence.  90% of them will have a power advantage over you!  Women naturally have the upper hand in that regard anyways. 

You are the only person who can live your life, nobody else can do it and nobody else can make you happy.  If you die alone it will be because you never really tried, so quit spending your time devising excuses for not trying and get out there and make life happen!

Sorry if it sounds like I am making excuses.
I just looked for dating/relationship advice online and the power thing is me being much older and wiser and how that can impact any relationship with someone much younger. It can be seen as controlling. Plus online reactions are of disgust on websites.
Makes me feel like some pedophile pervert if I think about dating someone so much more younger.
My friends and family would judge me for dating someone much younger.
People at uni will look at me funny.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

mcgruff10 said:

lastexitlondon said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I'm a disappointment to my parents. They're elderly now, dad 70, mum 68. They think they have another 10 years left alive and I guess they're sad that they believe they'll never see me get married and have kids. I have no desire to be a dad. I don't think I am fit for parenthood given my baggage. My nieces are now old enough to ask "why doesn't uncle have a girlfriend?". 

As for online dating, not keen. Tinder is just a fuck fest. As for dating sites, I have nothing interesting to say about me on my profile nor any good photos (I don't get my photo taken often, very rarely). What can I say, 34, lives at home still, hardly any friends, never had a girlfriend. Red flags.

First, what the hell is wrong with a fuck fest???? 
Sex is literally the most exciting and enjoyable activity a human person can engage in!

Second, self-pity is not a feature that wears well on anyone.  Do you have interests and hobbies?  
Of course you do, and that's what you would put on your dating profile.  It's not some game of pretending to be the world's most interesting man, it's about finding someone who sees your interests as interesting because they are interested too.  Interesting interestingness.
You don't have any good photos?  Well shit, that's a deal breaker, you'll be single forever because there is no possible way you could put on your good clothes, do your hair good, and smile for a selfie on the device currently in your hand.

You fail 100% of the times you don't even try!

This is very true. Go for it . Leap of faith but worth it. 

Maybe set a goal of maybe six months and try to move out of your parents house.  Living with your parents at age 34 I would think is a big red flag for women.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 only to return when I was going through my divorce at age 32...man did it suck!!!!

I'm a full time university student. Unless I am working full time it will be very hard to afford to pay rent.
I can't wait to leave this house though.
I know in my previous post I mentioned I desire a relationship, I know that right now is not the best time as I really need to focus all my time and effort into my university studies as I need very high grades to be accepted into postgraduate study otherwise my undergraduate degree is all for nothing. I want to graduate with a masters degree and/or a phD to prove to my family I am not dumb and useless. I won't have time to commit to a partner given how much time my homework and study takes to do. When I graduate I am out of this house and looking for love but that won't happen until 2020-2022
The only place I have contact with the opposite sex is at university but they're 13-15 years younger than me. No thanks.

tweedyfanjen said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

So because she smiled at you that means she wants to get involved? Saying hi and smiling at someone is just being nice.

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

lastexitlondon said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

Correct rgambs