Dying alone

Thoughts_Arrive

Annafalk said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

If she seemed interested before, it’s not too late, now you must make a move. Show her that you aren’t a snob at least.

She's the same age as my niece, 18.
I am 34 soon.

Thoughts_Arrive

tweedyfanjen said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

So because she smiled at you that means she wants to get involved? Saying hi and smiling at someone is just being nice.

I caught her staring at me from afar when we were in a crowd waiting to enter a lecture theatre.

Thoughts_Arrive

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

If you want single but won't go young, your best bet would be the 40+/- divorcee crowd, but you wouldn't be able to hang in that arena.  I don't mean offence by that, but a woman who has been in an unhappy marriage for the better part of a decade or more is going to want to move very fast into the bedroom and very slowly with emotional attachment. 
Of course that's a generalisation, but I've seen about a dozen such cases between my 3 32 year old single friends.

I'm looking for someone in their late 20s to early 30s.

Thoughts_Arrive

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

You can say hello and be polite ... age has 0 to do with politeness.  Is 18 of age in Australia?  If so, whats the problem...

It is legal at 18. Too young for a 34 year old.
Even third/final year and postgraduate students are too young for me.

Thoughts_Arrive

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.

You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.

The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

Yeah I am.
Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.

Are there not laws in Australia that are meant to protect you from shit like this at work? I suggest that the next time someone at a job acts like that, you pursue it legally. People/workplaces shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Stand up for yourself.

Yeah. But who wants to pay legal fees and pursue it. It's my word against theirs.
This was a long time ago now. But thinking about it always makes me depressed.
It's why I don't want to get a job. I want to graduate and work on my own. Not with people.
I don't want to deal with it anymore.
Every job I get targeted.
My most recent jobs were 3 years ago and there were more cases of bullying.

rgambs

PJ_Soul said:

Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...

I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

brianlux

Don't knock the 40 years old plus marriage thing.  When my wife and I got together, our combined ages totaled 100 years.  We've been together now 16 years and doing great.   My own experience is that getting married young is a terrible idea.  I mean, kudos to those who marry young and can keep it together, but how many of those do you know?  I don't know any.

OffSheGoes35

Yes, don't knock the fortysomethings plus marriage thing. And even though most people TA's age wants kids, some don't. I didn't.

Thoughts_Arrive

I don't think I want kids to be honest.
World's overpopulated and messed up.

brianlux

OffSheGoes35 said:

Yes, don't knock the fortysomethings plus marriage thing. And even though most people TA's age wants kids, some don't. I didn't.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't think I want kids to be honest.
World's overpopulated and messed up.

I have nothing against kids (and in fact, helped raise two nephews for a few years several years ago) but I wish more people would stop to consider before giving in to the biological urge to reproduce.  All animals are wired to reproduce.  It's why we have hormones.  But in an ecologically balance world, all animals besides humans tend to keep a balance in their population through either infant mortality or predation.   So what we humans have done has been to cheat nature by using our clever minds to reduce infant mortality and make ourselves far less vulnerable to predators, but for some reason we have not very well developed the logic in our big clever brains to figure out the simple math of human over-population.  As smart as we are in some ways, we are also quite dumb.  It's mind boggling to think about how fucking stupid humans are in some ways.  It's almost as though we are geared to unnecessarily do our own species in.

Thoughts_Arrive

Very true, Brian.
Plus we are so stupid that we pollute and kill off species.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Very true, Brian.
Plus we are so stupid that we pollute and kill off species.

I often wonder why that is.  How can we be so intelligent in so many ways but so dumb and destructive in other ways?  We are truly and enigma.

hedonist

Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?

lastexitlondon

I think older is better personally thats what i meant. Maturity is very attractive to intelligent people either way round. T.A seems intelligent snd maybe a touch older is more mentally stimulating

Thirty Bills Unpaid

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.

You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.

The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

Yeah I am.
Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.

Are there not laws in Australia that are meant to protect you from shit like this at work? I suggest that the next time someone at a job acts like that, you pursue it legally. People/workplaces shouldn't be allowed to get away with that. Stand up for yourself.

Yes.

Thoughts... when the guy was sending you links... respond with, "Hey. It's obvious you're into that stuff, but I'm not. I'm not making any judgements, but f**k off okay? Don't send me that shit. Especially at work ya twit."

And if you were sitting at a table with some guys from work and they ordered you a Shirley Temple... you could have done a few things: (1) drink it (2) laugh... don't drink it and order a beer (3) given the drink to a colleague that wanted it (4) kicked the guy's dink in lol (5) leave.

Just don't slump your shoulders and get dumped on. 

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was hoping to meet some mature age students that are single but the very few that I have met are in relationships.
This 18 year old started smiling at me and looking at me and saying hello in passing a few weeks ago, I just ignore her so now she thinks I am an unfriendly snob and doesn't say hi anymore.
Don't want to get involved with anyone that age.

alright. tough love time. 

you need to STOP with all these excuses, dude.
you need to STOP with all the limitations you put on yourself. 
you need to STOP worrying what every other human being on planet earth thinks of you. Why? because for the most part, here's the tough love part: NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. and if they do, it's your turn to NOT GIVE A SHIT. 
you need to STOP living with your mother. millions of people do full time school and live on their own. room mates. shitty apartments. mattresses on the floor and mac and cheese every day for dinner. part time jobs where you, hey, ACTUALLY GET TO MEET PEOPLE. take a bartending course and sling drinks on the weekends. make a bunch of money and meet some people. 
you need to STOP living your life as if you are in constant search of a woman. stop searching, and one will appear. not smiling at a nice adult at school because she's too young? I smile at 80 year old ladies. does that mean I want to get into their granny gitch?

act as if you don't need anything, and what you want just may appear. 

OffSheGoes35

Sweet jesus. Edit the granny thing. My mind's eye! My mind's  eye!

Thirty Bills Unpaid

OffSheGoes35 said:

Sweet jesus. Edit the granny thing. My mind's eye! My mind's  eye!

Hugh always has to paint these awful images to stress his points and ruin our days.

HughFreakingDillon

hedonist said:

Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?

therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

oftenreading

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?

therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

"Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement.