Dying alone

ConorKavanagh · April 2018

OffSheGoes35 said:

There is!!! Thanks ConorKavanagh!

No worries!

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection

I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

brianlux · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

I had a similar experience when I went back to school in the 80's and I was in my 30's. I was always one of, if not the oldest in the class. Maybe see if you can get a job on campus. School employees are often very interesting people. I worked in a college bookstore for 5 years and met a lot of really great people. I miss those days!

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

I had a similar experience when I went back to school in the 80's and I was in my 30's. I was always one of, if not the oldest in the class. Maybe see if you can get a job on campus. School employees are often very interesting people. I worked in a college bookstore for 5 years and met a lot of really great people. I miss those days!

I've thought about it.
We have jobs on campus.
One of them is a peer assist program where previous students in psychology units help students currently doing those units. Pay is good.

brianlux · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

I had a similar experience when I went back to school in the 80's and I was in my 30's. I was always one of, if not the oldest in the class. Maybe see if you can get a job on campus. School employees are often very interesting people. I worked in a college bookstore for 5 years and met a lot of really great people. I miss those days!

I've thought about it.
We have jobs on campus.
One of them is a peer assist program where previous students in psychology units help students currently doing those units. Pay is good.

Sounds like a good possibility. Keep us posted.

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

I had a similar experience when I went back to school in the 80's and I was in my 30's. I was always one of, if not the oldest in the class. Maybe see if you can get a job on campus. School employees are often very interesting people. I worked in a college bookstore for 5 years and met a lot of really great people. I miss those days!

I've thought about it.
We have jobs on campus.
One of them is a peer assist program where previous students in psychology units help students currently doing those units. Pay is good.

Sounds like a good possibility. Keep us posted.

I am not sure I want it. Would rather focus on my studies, plus the positions are taken. We'll see next year.

rgambs · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

What? my much older age?

rgambs · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

What? my much older age?

Yeah, absolutely! With age comes confidence, and confidence always wears well.
When you are in your 30's you should be able to interact with beautiful women without nerves and without trying to impress them. Even young, inexperienced women can spot a guy "trying too hard" from a mile away. They can tell when a guy is trying to be cool and when a guy is trying to impress them, and nearly every guy in his 20's is trying to impress beautiful women no matter what his status is.
Couple that sage confidence with ladies at university who are looking for minds which engage their own and you have a perfect recipe for a friendship that can blossom into more.

Friendship is the path to love.

PJ_Soul · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.

You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.

The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

Meltdown99 · April 2018

As far as I'm concerned, if someone ask your sexual orientation...does that even deserve a response?

PJ_Soul · April 2018

Meltdown99 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if someone ask your sexual orientation...does that even deserve a response?

That's completely up to the individual.
(I was just kidding btw)

Meltdown99 · April 2018

PJ_Soul said:

Meltdown99 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if someone ask your sexual orientation...does that even deserve a response?

That's completely up to the individual.
(I was just kidding btw)

I know you were kidding. I would never dignify that question with a response myself. But I certainly see how messing with the person who ask the question would be funny...some people are just too nosy.

brianlux · April 2018

Meltdown99 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if someone ask your sexual orientation...does that even deserve a response?

That or respond with the old joke, "I'm tri-sexual. I'll try anything."

HughFreakingDillon · April 2018

brianlux said:

Meltdown99 said:

As far as I'm concerned, if someone ask your sexual orientation...does that even deserve a response?

That or respond with the old joke, "I'm tri-sexual. I'll try anything."

I'm a caninesexual.

I fuck the dog all day long.

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

What? my much older age?

Yeah, absolutely! With age comes confidence, and confidence always wears well.
When you are in your 30's you should be able to interact with beautiful women without nerves and without trying to impress them. Even young, inexperienced women can spot a guy "trying too hard" from a mile away. They can tell when a guy is trying to be cool and when a guy is trying to impress them, and nearly every guy in his 20's is trying to impress beautiful women no matter what his status is.
Couple that sage confidence with ladies at university who are looking for minds which engage their own and you have a perfect recipe for a friendship that can blossom into more.

Friendship is the path to love.

I don't know, I feel like a creep if I think about a romantic relationship with someone that much younger.
The rule is half your age plus 7 so the youngest I could date without being called a creep would be 24.
These girls are 18-22 at university.
Plus there's the power imbalance seeing I am much older.
I've made friends with some at university but I am not willing to pursue any romance due to the big age gap.
Almost old enough to be their dad and my nice is that age which makes it even more disgusting in my eyes.

Thoughts_Arrive · April 2018

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

There's also the speculation on my sexual orientation, people think never having had a girlfriend makes me gay.

You seem to think you are obligated to advertise this fact. How about you not bring it up on a dating profile or a first date? Then you don't have to worry about it! And if someone asks you about your dating past, all you have to say is, "I really haven't met anyone special yet."
I agree that moving out of your parents' house would be a good first step.

The gay thing was to do with my family not any future girlfriend or dating profile.
I get asked all the time by relatives, friends of my parents.
The worst was at a real estate office I was working in for a month or so until I got fired for standing up to a bully.
I got asked every day by one guy, he would always query my singledom.
Then he told me I must masturbate a lot.
I was so shocked I couldn't respond.

Geez, well it sounds like you're surrounded by a bunch of homophobes. Maybe you should just tell them you are gay after all and screw with them a little bit.

Yeah I am.
Every job I've had I've been picked on for supposedly being gay.
One guy was sending me links to porn via work email and because I didn't open it (because I didn't want to get fired) he asked why I didn't open it and asked if I am gay. Plus at work functions I used to get guys buying me 'girls drinks' with a straw in it whilst on the tray they all had beers. I can't escape being picked on for supposedly being gay. It's caused me a lot of mental anguish and self hate.

lastexitlondon · April 2018

I guess in Australia its quite a macho vibe. But worldwide being who you are is very exceptable and i would rather someone is themselves no matter what.
As for dying alone im sure as each day goes by it would be easier to die alone. For sure

lastexitlondon · April 2018

Oh and i think with such judgemental family as you have its made you judge yourself way to much. Love who you love. No age colour or kind of person just who you attract to. Fuck what you think others "think" or whats "meant" to happen in your learned view from a wonky parent or society. . You get one run at this life. And love is the most wholesome place. Be it a partner a child or a family member or a pet. this life is all about love that is all. Nothing else carries any weight in the end. So love freely thats what my 42 years have taught me and my 4 children have grown with love and showing love. If i leave this world today i know 4 more people have entered this world with a good heart and soul. Be you

rgambs · April 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Browsing my news site I stumbled upon this, makes me sad. Makes me scared that when the few friends I have have kids then maybe we may drift apart.
https://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/successful-career-happy-marriage-so-why-don-t-i-have-any-friends-20180405-p4z7vf.html

Good article. I can see a lot of myself in what the author says. I've never had a lot of what I would call close friends and rarely more than one close friend at any one time. For several years now, I've only had one close friend- my wife. There are a good number of people I care for and I have several friends via the internet but in terms of friends living close to me, someone I can call and say, "Hey, what's up? Let's get together and do something"? None right now besides my wife. And she has many friends with whom she goes out and does things while I stay at home and talk to the cat. Damn cat never says a word in reply. Oh well, I love her anyway.

Sorry to hear Brian.
Are there groups you can join in your area that share the same hobbie(s)?
I'd say I have 3 friends and I go back a long way with them.
Sad thing is, life gets in the way.
I haven't seen my old friend from primary (elementary as you say in the US) school in 2 years. Can't believe it's been 2 years.
It's so sad. He invited me to his birthday party in 2 weeks time which I look forward to.
We always talk of catching up but it never happens. I am in my bubble with university trying so hard to make it to honours that I sacrifice a social life and my art/music.
My other friend is also from primary school, once again, life. He's busy with being a singer songwriter and recording music. Last time I saw him was a few months ago at his gig.
My other friend, old neighbour, went to high school with, once again, life. Haven't seen him in 3 months.
Everyone is busy.
But it does feel lonely. I can't just call anyone up and say 'hey let's go out' because they've got their long term girlfriends and are busy with work/life.
I also feel guilty, I closed my Facebook and my friend who I haven't seen in 2 years didn't have my phone number. I became a Luke Skywalker hermit and shut everyone off because I felt like noone cares.
I used to have more "friends" 10 or so years ago but they were never true friends, just drinking/partying buddies that just wanted me around as a going out buddy, no deep and meaningful conversations with them, no real connection, nothing really in common.
If I can see the 3 friends I listed above more often I'd be content in life.
I don't feel like I need 100 friends, just really close friends who I am connected with.
I just fear what will happen when everyone has kids.
I always fear losing the ones I love and it makes me sad.

Thanks for good thoughts, Thoughts. I really should put myself out there more but instead I seem to become more and more reclusive. I had a real downer of a parting-of-ways with the last close buddy of mine a ways back. That has to be a factor.

A big part of the problem for me is my hearing issues. Because I have hyperacusis, it's really hard to go out to bars, restaurants and especially to live music shows which was such a huge part of my life in the past. Even with earplugs it difficult. The one time I saw Pearl Jam live, I wore ear plugs and industrial head phones and still had pain in my ears for a weak after (but what a show- worth the pain!)

So now I have a number of on-line friends on a few places (especially here on the Ten Club forums) and that makes up the majority of my social life.

I'm thankful for this place and you good people! :hug:

Sorry to hear, I had to Google about that condition.
Glad you have this place for connection
I see people I have had classes with at university but it still feel lonely, it's more of a hello, bye acquaintance.
Haven't made a true connection with someone. I guess it's because I am much older than most students.

If you had the right kind of confidence you could actually make that an advantage rather than disadvantage, that's something to work toward.

What? my much older age?

Yeah, absolutely! With age comes confidence, and confidence always wears well.
When you are in your 30's you should be able to interact with beautiful women without nerves and without trying to impress them. Even young, inexperienced women can spot a guy "trying too hard" from a mile away. They can tell when a guy is trying to be cool and when a guy is trying to impress them, and nearly every guy in his 20's is trying to impress beautiful women no matter what his status is.
Couple that sage confidence with ladies at university who are looking for minds which engage their own and you have a perfect recipe for a friendship that can blossom into more.

Friendship is the path to love.

I don't know, I feel like a creep if I think about a romantic relationship with someone that much younger.
The rule is half your age plus 7 so the youngest I could date without being called a creep would be 24.
These girls are 18-22 at university.
Plus there's the power imbalance seeing I am much older.
I've made friends with some at university but I am not willing to pursue any romance due to the big age gap.
Almost old enough to be their dad and my nice is that age which makes it even more disgusting in my eyes.

I think you are looking for excuses not to try. There are no rules for which consenting adults are allowed romantic relationships and which aren't.
Power imbalance? What power imbalance? You give all your power away anyways.
You aren't some don juan predator who's learned how to manipulate women and now preys on younger and younger girls. You live at home, you go to university, and you have very little romantic experience or confidence. 90% of them will have a power advantage over you! Women naturally have the upper hand in that regard anyways.

You are the only person who can live your life, nobody else can do it and nobody else can make you happy. If you die alone it will be because you never really tried, so quit spending your time devising excuses for not trying and get out there and make life happen!

Dying alone

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