Dying alone
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Ha! As someone who's generally introverted in the day-to-day (much more open via writing), I so treasure my me-time in the sanctuary of home. Being around others can sometimes be so...draining.HughFreakingDillon said:
during my 2 year singlehood, i went on a date with this girl. She was SHOCKED that I had never gone to a movie alone, stayed home and ordered a pizza by myself, etc, etc. it was just a period in my life where I didn't need to be around people, I just enjoyed it.hedonist said:For me, it's never been about BEING in a relationship (despite pressure from family - and don't get me started on "but why don't you want children?"). It's about wanting to live this life with someone I love and like, and who feels the same about me. We all have faults, have to make compromises, but on that? No settling. I was 34 when we met and we both trusted our connection and respective instincts about each other.
As for eating out alone, fuck those who are haughty about it! Last week after an appointment I treated myself to a late lunch at an outdoor cafe. Didn't even need a distraction, just people-watched and enjoyed the breeze. Maybe it depends on the city or location, but I was treated no differently than any other patron there.
The expectations of others can be one's downfall, or can be the impetus to flip them off and exercise your personal freedom.
there was no second date. i'm convinced it was because i wasn't enough of "an individual". LOL
That said, I was much more social in my 20s. Again - the key is to just be and trust yourself! We usually know what's best for ourselves at the time.0 -
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.Monkey Driven, Call this Living?0 -
I think this is true for at least 75% of relationships, overrated and unnecessary.PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
But if you are lucky enough to be one of the real ones, the real good ones...
That's another story altogether!
The worst sorts of relationships are nothing but detriment to the participants, but the best relationships are not bested by any benefit to being single, it's all up-side.Monkey Driven, Call this Living?0 -
Only 2 years before you become common law.mcgruff10 said:
Cool. How many years did you have to live together?PJ_Soul said:
It depends on the province in Canada, but in BC, yes, common law partners are granted the same fundamental rights as married couples, including medical decisions on behalf of the spouse (and that includes all combinations of genders and orientations). Being common law in this province is basically the same as being married. This is not the case across the country by any means. Like in Quebec, common law couples have almost no rights at all under the law from what I've read, although I don't know if that includes medical decisions on behalf of a partner... I would imagine it's the same in the US, i.e. depends on the state.mcgruff10 said:
Do you have any legal rights being common law married? As in putting them on your health insurance, hospital decisions?HughFreakingDillon said:
depending on the laws where you live, yes, it is living under the same roof for a determined amount of time and you are considered, for tax and other purposes, "common law married".mcgruff10 said:
Forgive me for my ignorance but what is a common law marriage? Is that living with someone for a set number of years but not legally getting married?PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata0 -
You could have been married 20 times over! Lol lolPJ_Soul said:
Only 2 years before you become common law.mcgruff10 said:
Cool. How many years did you have to live together?PJ_Soul said:
It depends on the province in Canada, but in BC, yes, common law partners are granted the same fundamental rights as married couples, including medical decisions on behalf of the spouse (and that includes all combinations of genders and orientations). Being common law in this province is basically the same as being married. This is not the case across the country by any means. Like in Quebec, common law couples have almost no rights at all under the law from what I've read, although I don't know if that includes medical decisions on behalf of a partner... I would imagine it's the same in the US, i.e. depends on the state.mcgruff10 said:
Do you have any legal rights being common law married? As in putting them on your health insurance, hospital decisions?HughFreakingDillon said:
depending on the laws where you live, yes, it is living under the same roof for a determined amount of time and you are considered, for tax and other purposes, "common law married".mcgruff10 said:
Forgive me for my ignorance but what is a common law marriage? Is that living with someone for a set number of years but not legally getting married?PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.I'll ride the wave where it takes me......0 -
mcgruff10 said:
You could have been married 20 times over! Lol lolPJ_Soul said:
Only 2 years before you become common law.mcgruff10 said:
Cool. How many years did you have to live together?PJ_Soul said:
It depends on the province in Canada, but in BC, yes, common law partners are granted the same fundamental rights as married couples, including medical decisions on behalf of the spouse (and that includes all combinations of genders and orientations). Being common law in this province is basically the same as being married. This is not the case across the country by any means. Like in Quebec, common law couples have almost no rights at all under the law from what I've read, although I don't know if that includes medical decisions on behalf of a partner... I would imagine it's the same in the US, i.e. depends on the state.mcgruff10 said:
Do you have any legal rights being common law married? As in putting them on your health insurance, hospital decisions?HughFreakingDillon said:
depending on the laws where you live, yes, it is living under the same roof for a determined amount of time and you are considered, for tax and other purposes, "common law married".mcgruff10 said:
Forgive me for my ignorance but what is a common law marriage? Is that living with someone for a set number of years but not legally getting married?PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
Or I could pour acid on my eyeballs! 
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata0 -
Classic!PJ_Soul said:mcgruff10 said:
You could have been married 20 times over! Lol lolPJ_Soul said:
Only 2 years before you become common law.mcgruff10 said:
Cool. How many years did you have to live together?PJ_Soul said:
It depends on the province in Canada, but in BC, yes, common law partners are granted the same fundamental rights as married couples, including medical decisions on behalf of the spouse (and that includes all combinations of genders and orientations). Being common law in this province is basically the same as being married. This is not the case across the country by any means. Like in Quebec, common law couples have almost no rights at all under the law from what I've read, although I don't know if that includes medical decisions on behalf of a partner... I would imagine it's the same in the US, i.e. depends on the state.mcgruff10 said:
Do you have any legal rights being common law married? As in putting them on your health insurance, hospital decisions?HughFreakingDillon said:
depending on the laws where you live, yes, it is living under the same roof for a determined amount of time and you are considered, for tax and other purposes, "common law married".mcgruff10 said:
Forgive me for my ignorance but what is a common law marriage? Is that living with someone for a set number of years but not legally getting married?PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make. Or I could pour acid on my eyeballs! I'll ride the wave where it takes me......0 -
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
brianlux said:
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
Pressured by 'business Everest': he accompanied a repeat customer who he had turned around before the summit the year before and he was feeling competition from Fischer's rival team. I also think he felt he had the skills to get Doug and him back ignoring the strict turnaround time.
A fantastic story on so many levels."My brain's a good brain!"0 -
I actually find eating alone to be the worst part of being single. If I go out to eat by myself, I make sure it's a place that has a bar to sit at. It seems to take the sting out of it and I've never had anyone make an issue of it.HughFreakingDillon said:
it also depends completely on circumstances, at least for me. i was only 24 at the time I became single. my social life with other friends more than made up for any loneliness I might have felt, plus I was working two jobs and had endless energy. Now? with all my friends married and having families? it would most certainly affect me differently. So i can see that end of it as well. others are way more inclined to seek out other singles and join groups and do things alone. I don't know that I would be.PJ_Soul said:
For sure. But yeah, good point. Some people just get lonely when they are alone more, and other people don't. That makes a big difference to how awesome it is to be single or in a relationship I'm sure. Me, I never get lonely (I might without a pet? I've had a pet for about 20 years straight, so I have no idea, lol). So being single indefinitely feels like a completely pleasant option to me. But for someone who gets lonely easily, being single indefinitely might feel like the worst option next to death I suppose. I guess it's just about natural disposition to a great extent. Where it gets unsettling is when societal norms and socialization are what's dictating these states of living rather than natural disposition. I've known so many people who think everyone "ought" to be in a relationship. It's this thinking that I think leads many to be in relationships that are totally wrong for them - they feel like if they quit it or don't pick it up in the first place, they are failures. It's a bullshit stigma that I believe many fall prey to.HughFreakingDillon said:
agreed. i was texting this same friend over the holiday weekend, and I just said "just enjoy your present", and he is working at that. he's just a guy who loves being in a relationship. not in any unhealthy or dependent way, he just likes the company of a partner.PJ_Soul said:Happened to me. I got out of a common law marriage in my mid-30s (and a year of being harassed after that), and haven't looked back since. Being one half of a couple can be great of course, but the concept of this seems really overrated to me as well. I don't get why being in a relationship is still often viewed as the be all and end all in life. Not being in a relationship has some serious benefits too. I feel like making the state of being in a relationship a qualification for personal success and/or happiness could be a major mistake a lot of people make.
when my ex and I broke it off after 5 years, that 2 year gap before my wife and I got together were some of the best of my life up to that point. being alone really is the best method of self-discovery.
I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall last week. Peter (Jason Segal's character) showed up at a restaurant alone, and Jonah Hill's character (as the restaurant's host) made this massive embarassing deal about it, about how bored he was going to be, asking if he wanted a magazine or something. It reminded me of a time a few years back, I had no one to go to lunch with, so I thought "fuck it, I'm going out anyway". i went to the Keg near my work alone. the waiter ACTUALLY SAID "for one? seriously? did you want a newspaper or something?" and kept checking on me to make sure I was ok. I couldn't believe it. i didn't feel pathetic going in. But I sort of did while I was there.
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I like eating out alone. In fact, I really enjoy eating out alone. I have traveled a fair amount for my work and I always enjoy trying new restaurants in new cities. I've never had a server dare to treat me like I'm pathetic, either
Of course, trying new restaurants with people who I enjoy is in some ways better, but they aren't always available.my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf0 -
Yes on both counts, Thirty. I think his desire to get Doug Hansen to the top may have had even more pull than the success of business side of it. The other problem is, that at 8,000 plus meters the human brain functions at the level of a child. He may have lost a fair amount of reasoning skills up there. Yes, an amazing story, for sure!Thirty Bills Unpaid said:brianlux said:
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
Pressured by 'business Everest': he accompanied a repeat customer who he had turned around before the summit the year before and he was feeling competition from Fischer's rival team. I also think he felt he had the skills to get Doug and him back ignoring the strict turnaround time.
A fantastic story on so many levels.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
Very likely on both counts, Thirty. I think his desire to get Doug Hansen to the top may have had even more pull than the success of business side of it. The other problem is, that at 8,000 plus meters the human brain functions at the level of a child. He may have lost a fair amount of reasoning skills up there. Yes, an amazing story, for sure!Thirty Bills Unpaid said:brianlux said:
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
Pressured by 'business Everest': he accompanied a repeat customer who he had turned around before the summit the year before and he was feeling competition from Fischer's rival team. I also think he felt he had the skills to get Doug and him back ignoring the strict turnaround time.
A fantastic story on so many levels.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
Yes on both counts, Thirty. I think his desire to get Doug Hansen to the top may have had even more pull than the success of business side of it. The other problem is, that at 8,000 plus meters the human brain functions at the level of a child. He may have lost a fair amount of reasoning skills up there. Yes, an amazing story, for sure!Thirty Bills Unpaid said:brianlux said:
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
Pressured by 'business Everest': he accompanied a repeat customer who he had turned around before the summit the year before and he was feeling competition from Fischer's rival team. I also think he felt he had the skills to get Doug and him back ignoring the strict turnaround time.
A fantastic story on so many levels.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
Very likely on both counts, Thirty. I think his desire to get Doug Hansen to the top may have had even more pull than the success of business side of it. The other problem is, that at 8,000 plus meters the human brain functions at the level of a child. He may have lost a fair amount of reasoning skills up there. Yes, an amazing story, for sure!Thirty Bills Unpaid said:brianlux said:
Correct. And what a sad and unnecessary loss. Hall didn't follow his turn around time. Not even close. Such an avoidable loss. :-(rgambs said:
Is Rob Hall the New Zealander who pioneered commercial guiding on Everest and then didn't make it back to Basecamp?brianlux said:I wonder if mountaineers Scott Fischer and Rob Hall minded dying alone? I'm a bit haunted and obsessed with their stories lately. I wonder how I would have felt in such a situation? I don't know.
Pressured by 'business Everest': he accompanied a repeat customer who he had turned around before the summit the year before and he was feeling competition from Fischer's rival team. I also think he felt he had the skills to get Doug and him back ignoring the strict turnaround time.
A fantastic story on so many levels.
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
What the heck is going on with this posting function? TILT!
"It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
I think maybe it's just because I'm not used to it? I've spent the majority of my adult life in two long term relationships. I guess it's just a weird feeling after all these years of always having company. I think a good amount of communication with my exes always took place over a meal. It really is silly because I don't think I thought about it once when I was younger.oftenreading said:I like eating out alone. In fact, I really enjoy eating out alone. I have traveled a fair amount for my work and I always enjoy trying new restaurants in new cities. I've never had a server dare to treat me like I'm pathetic, either
Of course, trying new restaurants with people who I enjoy is in some ways better, but they aren't always available.
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Lolbrianlux said:What the heck is going on with this posting function? TILT!
I figured you were really trying to hammer home something!"My brain's a good brain!"0 -
I often eat alone and go to the movies alone.
It makes me sad because I am the only person alone, people around me are couples or a group/pair of friends.
Makes me feel like a loser.Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140 -
It makes me feel like a creep, a weirdo, a monster.OffSheGoes35 said:Thoughts_Arrive, I can see why you would be discouraged after reading that article. Thinking about it, or attempting to anyway, from your point of view instead of my own...
It's pretty rough out there. People have excess baggage like never before.
All you can really do is try your best to be one of those solid men that hedo spoke of, so you'll have the best chance of attracting someone who is also solid.
It prevents me from dating but at the same time it makes it worse as it extends the time I have been single.
I cannot bear to tell any date that I've never been in a relationship.Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140
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