Being picked on at new job & struggling to fit in - fed up

jnimhaoileoin · June 2015

Do you think you'd be able to mention it to one of the others? You could just kind of say it in passing, ask them if they think he has a bit of a filthy sense of humour or something...

badbrains · June 2015

Thoughts_Arrive said:
Still I get smart ass comments made about me.
During a lunchtime walk with 3 colleagues one colleague asked if I've ever had a girlfriend and how long ago, I lied and said 2 years ago and he was shocked.
Then he asked if I go to the prostitutes.
The topic of conversation then shifted about how smokers apparently are productive at work as they have smoke breaks often thus get away from their desks more than non smokers.
This colleague then said whilst the smokers go out for a smoke I should go to the toilet to masturbate and that I'd be good at that. He said it in a serious tone of voice.
I didn't know how to react but fake laughed and called him a smart ass.
I don't understand this guy in the office he is different to during lunch breaks and outside of the office.
I am new and don't know what to do, they all get along well, I am on probation and don't want to rock the ship.
Today has left me feeling down and ashamed of myself, I feel like I am seen as some weird freak.

Dude, I wish I worked at your office. I'd have a field day with these schmucks. Nothing better then ripping right back at a bunch of assholes. Very therapeutical for the mind. Hang in there man.

whispering hands · June 2015

MayDay10 said:
You should have told him you already Jerk off at his desk when he is on smoke breaks

I love this answer!

deadendp · June 2015

Thoughts_Arrive said:
Still I get smart ass comments made about me.
During a lunchtime walk with 3 colleagues one colleague asked if I've ever had a girlfriend and how long ago, I lied and said 2 years ago and he was shocked.
Then he asked if I go to the prostitutes.
The topic of conversation then shifted about how smokers apparently are productive at work as they have smoke breaks often thus get away from their desks more than non smokers.
This colleague then said whilst the smokers go out for a smoke I should go to the toilet to masturbate and that I'd be good at that. He said it in a serious tone of voice.
I didn't know how to react but fake laughed and called him a smart ass.
I don't understand this guy in the office he is different to during lunch breaks and outside of the office.
I am new and don't know what to do, they all get along well, I am on probation and don't want to rock the ship.
Today has left me feeling down and ashamed of myself, I feel like I am seen as some weird freak.

This makes me incredibly sad for you. I have no idea why people need to be so horrible to other people. Can you skip the lunchtime walk? Just know that everyone out there isn't like this/these guy/s. I'm sorry.

mickeyrat · June 2015

Have you accepted yourself as you are, for who you are?

If so, then what others think isnt important.

Imo to accept is to acknowledge xy or z as true without judgment. It just is.

hedonist · June 2015

mickeyrat said:
Have you accepted yourself as you are, for who you are?

If so, then what others think isnt important.

Imo to accept is to acknowledge xy or z as true without judgment. It just is.

Totally agree with this.

Also, were I in your shoes, I'd be documenting everything. I get the buddy mindset at work, but this is beyond unprofessional.

Annafalk · June 2015

I think it's always harder when you are new at a working place. It becomes easier once you get to know people and their personalities. (At my work we have lots of personalities.)
Try to be forgiving when someone says stupid things, just try to smile at them.
They want you to like them but they don't know how to behave so you do. I hope things will work out nicely.

PJ_Soul · June 2015

Your coworkers sound like idiots, but hey, that happens. I would think that most people would respectfully shut the fuck up when someone says they don't drink, since the most obvious assumption would be that you're a recovering alcoholic or maybe your religion or philosophy forbids it. These people have no tact. But anyway, if it were really bugging me and they won't stop, I would just tell them that you can't drink due to a medical condition of some sort. Maybe just lie and tell them that you have some kind of liver, pancreatic, or kidney condition (pick one that isn't a result of any behaviour on your part, and one that isn't going to kill you or impair your ability to work as long as you don't aggravate it by drinking... surely there are medical conditions like that). I know your medical issues aren't their business at all, but hey, if it's fake medical condition just to shut them up, what's the diff? ... Unless you think these people are so awful that they would give you a hard time about a medical condition.... surely not....

JWPearl · June 2015

badbrains said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:
Still I get smart ass comments made about me.
During a lunchtime walk with 3 colleagues one colleague asked if I've ever had a girlfriend and how long ago, I lied and said 2 years ago and he was shocked.
Then he asked if I go to the prostitutes.
The topic of conversation then shifted about how smokers apparently are productive at work as they have smoke breaks often thus get away from their desks more than non smokers.
This colleague then said whilst the smokers go out for a smoke I should go to the toilet to masturbate and that I'd be good at that. He said it in a serious tone of voice.
I didn't know how to react but fake laughed and called him a smart ass.
I don't understand this guy in the office he is different to during lunch breaks and outside of the office.
I am new and don't know what to do, they all get along well, I am on probation and don't want to rock the ship.
Today has left me feeling down and ashamed of myself, I feel like I am seen as some weird freak.
Dude, I wish I worked at your office. I'd have a field day with these schmucks. Nothing better then ripping right back at a bunch of assholes. Very therapeutical for the mind. Hang in there man.

I agree with this comment, it's worth losing your job over your rights and dignity,
You can always say to him does this make your dick feel any bigger or your head now that you have tried to belittle me!!!!

PJ_Soul · June 2015

That depends on how badly he needs a job.

MayDay10 · June 2015

tbh It sounds like they are messing with you.

Your best bet/what you should do is not allow it to bother you. If it does, don't let on to them, but advise an HR Manager.

Something about you seems to invite these kinds of people. Probably a lack of confidence. You need to fix that internally. Also, you cant give a fuck what people say or think.

PJ_Soul · June 2015

MayDay10 said:
tbh It sounds like they are messing with you.

Your best bet/what you should do is not allow it to bother you. If it does, don't let on to them, but advise an HR Manager.

Something about you seems to invite these kinds of people. Probably a lack of confidence. You need to fix that internally. Also, you cant give a fuck what people say or think.

I do agree. Really, people razzing you about not drinking coffee or booze shouldn't bug you so much. Just say "haha, screw you, ya bunch of hyped up drunks!" and laugh it off. But if you're not able to do that, then there are other ways to deal with it.

JWPearl · June 2015

PJ_Soul said:
That depends on how badly he needs a job.

I doubt he will lose his job with a comment like mine, and mayday a stranger who barely knows you telling you that you would be good in the toilet masturbating is deliberately trying to intimidate him, my comment would sure make him bite back again and stating the facts I've just said in this comment with reasoning would shut him up bc they are facts

PJ_Soul · June 2015

JWPearl said:

PJ_Soul said:
That depends on how badly he needs a job.
I doubt he will lose his job with a comment like mine, and mayday a stranger who barely knows you telling you that you would be good in the toilet masturbating is deliberately trying to intimidate him, my comment would sure make him bite back again and stating the facts I've just said in this comment with reasoning would shut him up bc they are facts

No, he wouldn't be fired. But you can't say shit like that to all your coworkers and stay in the job if you want to have any kind of good working relationship with them going forward. If I was going to say something like that to my coworkers, I'd also be preparing to quit.

JWPearl · June 2015

^true but he started it first and saying nothing will make him feel even worse and if he holds a grudge with him for being honest and reasoning with him than he is a dick head and is it worth spending most your life working with dick heads who make your life hard and don't reason?

SD48277 · June 2015

Thoughts_Arrive said:
Still I get smart ass comments made about me.
During a lunchtime walk with 3 colleagues one colleague asked if I've ever had a girlfriend and how long ago, I lied and said 2 years ago and he was shocked.
Then he asked if I go to the prostitutes.
The topic of conversation then shifted about how smokers apparently are productive at work as they have smoke breaks often thus get away from their desks more than non smokers.
This colleague then said whilst the smokers go out for a smoke I should go to the toilet to masturbate and that I'd be good at that. He said it in a serious tone of voice.
I didn't know how to react but fake laughed and called him a smart ass.
I don't understand this guy in the office he is different to during lunch breaks and outside of the office.
I am new and don't know what to do, they all get along well, I am on probation and don't want to rock the ship.
Today has left me feeling down and ashamed of myself, I feel like I am seen as some weird freak.

I agree with Jenny--this guy sounds like a tool. And as Hedonist suggested, keep an account of when and where these occurrences take place. I'm sorry you are made to feel like a weird freak. My guess is that you are an unknown factor to this guy, and he is being a jackhole to see what kind of person you are and to be nosy. The next time he brings up your sex life, just say, "You know, you seem particularly fascinated with my sex life. What's up with that?" If he gets defensive or says something smart ass, tell him you were just making an observation. And then walk away from him. Unless you have to report to this guy or work with him on a project or rely on him for information, try to avoid him. At least until you get comfortable in your job. In the big spectrum of life, this guy is just a speck.

ldent42 · June 2015

Am I crazy or does it sound like he's being bullied?
Fixing one's confidence is not a simple matter and it can't be done overnight - It'll be extra difficult to do while these toolbags are bringing him down. I'd take a day off and get in to the job centre or unemployment office (I'm not sure what it's called in Australia) and explain the situation to someone there, see if they are able to assist you in finding a new job asap.

And Thoughts_Arrive for what it's worth I know how mentally and emotionally exhausting being in a suffocating work environment can be. I was stuck in the job from hell for about 6 months or so where the boss was a complete misogynist racist bastard and had the entire place run on a culture of fear. Fortunately I was not in a vulnerable point in my life or else I might have had a very hard time breaking free from that place. That's why I'm suggesting you focus your efforts on getting the f out of there ASAP.

MayDay10 · June 2015

ldent42 said:
Am I crazy or does it sound like he's being bullied?
Fixing one's confidence is not a simple matter and it can't be done overnight - It'll be extra difficult to do while these toolbags are bringing him down.

not crazy. It seems like that is absolutely what is happening. Maybe just good natured ribbing/feeling out at first, but the vibes/reaction seems to make these people (who are compensating for their own issues) to kind of gang up. Fuck em.

And yes, confidence is very tough to gain. It took me a long time and a lot of channeling energy and thoughts the correct ways. But it can be done with the right mind set, one day at a time.

PJ_Soul · June 2015

JWPearl said:
^true but he started it first and saying nothing will make him feel even worse and if he holds a grudge with him for being honest and reasoning with him than he is a dick head and is it worth spending most your life working with dick heads who make your life hard and don't reason?

No, that's why I suggested lying to them instead.

jnimhaoileoin · June 2015

SD48277 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:
Still I get smart ass comments made about me.
During a lunchtime walk with 3 colleagues one colleague asked if I've ever had a girlfriend and how long ago, I lied and said 2 years ago and he was shocked.
Then he asked if I go to the prostitutes.
The topic of conversation then shifted about how smokers apparently are productive at work as they have smoke breaks often thus get away from their desks more than non smokers.
This colleague then said whilst the smokers go out for a smoke I should go to the toilet to masturbate and that I'd be good at that. He said it in a serious tone of voice.
I didn't know how to react but fake laughed and called him a smart ass.
I don't understand this guy in the office he is different to during lunch breaks and outside of the office.
I am new and don't know what to do, they all get along well, I am on probation and don't want to rock the ship.
Today has left me feeling down and ashamed of myself, I feel like I am seen as some weird freak.
I agree with Jenny--this guy sounds like a tool. And as Hedonist suggested, keep an account of when and where these occurrences take place. I'm sorry you are made to feel like a weird freak. My guess is that you are an unknown factor to this guy, and he is being a jackhole to see what kind of person you are and to be nosy. The next time he brings up your sex life, just say, "You know, you seem particularly fascinated with my sex life. What's up with that?" If he gets defensive or says something smart ass, tell him you were just making an observation. And then walk away from him. Unless you have to report to this guy or work with him on a project or rely on him for information, try to avoid him. At least until you get comfortable in your job. In the big spectrum of life, this guy is just a speck.

This is very good advice!

Being picked on at new job & struggling to fit in - fed up

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