Being picked on at new job & struggling to fit in - fed up

g under p

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

badbrains said:

I think it's like that school bully who's always demanding your lunch money. All is gravy for him until that one day you say "fuck you" and stand up for yourself. He'll leave you alone. God damn I'm so tempted to fly to your work and smash these guys in the face for you. They sound like complete dueshebags that need a good ass whipping.

Sometimes an allies are needed. I'm surprised nobody from there hasn't observed what has been going and decided they've seen enough.

It makes me think that perhaps some of the teasing is simple 'guy humour' that is taken too seriously (I could be wrong).

You need to take control of the situation my friend: confront in as least confrontational manner as possible (I gave you some suggestions on how to do so in the form of initiating dialogue with some questioning strategies). Further, for the long term, help yourself be more confident: I agree with May's suggestion to develop yourself physically with exercise. Don't delay doing this either: with a solid workout regime... I guarantee you won't be saying, "Fuk. What a waste of time that was " one year from now. The benefits of exercise are too numerous to list here, but needed by you.

Yes I agree with the point of exercise. That's why I mentioned cycling or whatever exercise T_A likes to best he should do and do so feverishly. It may get his mind off the office and focus more unto himself which IS the key component here.

Peace

Amongst the Ani

g under p said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

badbrains said:

I think it's like that school bully who's always demanding your lunch money. All is gravy for him until that one day you say "fuck you" and stand up for yourself. He'll leave you alone. God damn I'm so tempted to fly to your work and smash these guys in the face for you. They sound like complete dueshebags that need a good ass whipping.

Sometimes an allies are needed. I'm surprised nobody from there hasn't observed what has been going and decided they've seen enough.

It makes me think that perhaps some of the teasing is simple 'guy humour' that is taken too seriously (I could be wrong).

You need to take control of the situation my friend: confront in as least confrontational manner as possible (I gave you some suggestions on how to do so in the form of initiating dialogue with some questioning strategies). Further, for the long term, help yourself be more confident: I agree with May's suggestion to develop yourself physically with exercise. Don't delay doing this either: with a solid workout regime... I guarantee you won't be saying, "Fuk. What a waste of time that was " one year from now. The benefits of exercise are too numerous to list here, but needed by you.

Yes I agree with the point of exercise. That's why I mentioned cycling or whatever exercise T_A likes to best he should do and do so feverishly. It may get his mind off the office and focus more unto himself which IS the key component here.

Peace

Physical exercise is a wonderful thing for depression and anxiety. My wife suffers from depression to the point they recommended shock therapy for her. She didn't want to do it so I used that as the reason to push her to start going to the gym with me all the time. A few weeks later she is always mentioning how much happier she feels. Much like drugs re-wire your brain so does exercise. Your body starts firing off different hormones and endorphins. It probably shouldn't replace medication (she still takes hers) but inconjunction with it this might help. Plus it will also help with self confidence. If you feel better about yourself it should help with this fuckstick and standing up to him. As others have said, prison rules apply here. Find the guy and tee the f off on him. Its the only way it will stop.

Hobbes

Can you listen to music at work? At your desk? During lunch? What I do know about you for sure is that you're a fan of the best fucking band in the world. I always feel better listening to PJ. Pop in a bootleg. Listen to VS. (get outta my fuckin' face). This could open up a positive dialogue with your coworkers. Maybe they are fans, at least casually. Maybe they will become fans. You could become the music guy in the office. If nothing else, you have great tunes to listen to.

ldent42

To echo what Often said The anti-depressants aren't going to teach you to stand up for yourself. They're more for giving you solid ground to stand on. The actual act of standing up is something you have to do, but I think and I could be wrong here, that CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is something that may help you with that. I would suggest speaking to your current shrink or finding one that does CBT and discussing it with them.

Cliffy6745

I am sorry to hear all this. It does sound like these people are just generally terrible and goes beyond the regular office banter.

That said, it sounds like you like your work and you may not win with these guys. If so, do your job and don't worry about making friends. Come in, do your job and do it well and go home.

Getting some confidence seems like a longer term thing. You seem like a good dude, keep your head up.

oftenreading

SD48277 said:

badbrains said:

I think it's like that school bully who's always demanding your lunch money. All is gravy for him until that one day you say "fuck you" and stand up for yourself. He'll leave you alone. God damn I'm so tempted to fly to your work and smash these guys in the face for you. They sound like complete dueshebags that need a good ass whipping.

I'd kick in some $$ for that plane ticket.

Oh, was he talking about taking a plane? I thought he meant just flying out under his own steam, SuperNart style.

SD48277

oftenreading said:

SD48277 said:

badbrains said:

I think it's like that school bully who's always demanding your lunch money. All is gravy for him until that one day you say "fuck you" and stand up for yourself. He'll leave you alone. God damn I'm so tempted to fly to your work and smash these guys in the face for you. They sound like complete dueshebags that need a good ass whipping.

I'd kick in some $$ for that plane ticket.

Oh, was he talking about taking a plane? I thought he meant just flying out under his own steam, SuperNart style.

lol...SuperNart.

WhatYouTaughtMe

Is there anyone at your new job who makes you feel comfortable/welcome? I don't know if it's been suggested or not but maybe talk to someone else and see if they are getting the same impressions you are. They could possibly give you some advice on how to approach the person since they may know them a little better. It's easy to get down sometimes but it makes me worry for others when I see things said like life sucks. It sounds like this is a big weight on you and if you need resolution, get it in some way. Don't let it build. It could be an easy fix you aren't seeing or it it could require a major change in your situation. Either way it will probably be healthier to find out.

whispering hands

Here's the ultimate key TA.. You have to WANT TO CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE. Period, or nothing will change. Everywhere you go, there you are. So no matter where you go, or what job you perform, this will continue to happen to you. Because you only seem to want to complain about it, and make excuses for why it can't change. And you can't tell ME, that it can't happen because of your past. Fuck your past. It's the past.. As in dine, already happened can't change it.. Set in stone, finished, in the books, ink has set; passed, past, over with.. PERIOD. Now. Here in the NOW. This very moment, and those moments yet to come, you CAN change. But what you really need to change is your perception of YOU. Because to be honest, I'm like a two legged dog.. I see you smile, see you stand up straight, 'acting' confident, but READ your fears like a book laid open for the public. You can hide behind your insecurities for the rest of your lifeand be miserable, or you can take your balls outta your mana's purse and change what you want about yourself. Because the only one that gets to decide who and what you become in life is you! It's not your mother's job to live your life, it's YOUR job; so quit listening to herand figure out what the fuck you want out of your life, then make a plan, and stick to it! It irks me when I just keep reading all your excuses. You have all these kind people here giving some really great advice to help you out, and you just keep sweeping it away with reasons why you can't.. I know this post seems harsh.. But it's the truth. And I just can't sit back and read anymore blubbering,' but I can't cause Mommy says I can't' bullshit excuses! YOU HAVECONVINCED YOURSELF YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANYTHING. Therefore you aren't. Want to change that?? Take your balks back, get your feet in the ground, your head out of the sand, andFUCKING MOVE FORWSRD in life!! Quit standing around looking for validation in your existence! Hour existence has purpose, but only YOU can define what that is! Now quit crying and go DO something about it!

Again, sorry this sounds so harsh, but holy FUCK it needed said!!

PJ_Soul

To be totally blunt, Thoughts Arrive, and I'm sorry, but over time I've noticed that you inevitably flat out reject every single idea that people come up with when you're asking for advice on how to deal with your problems at work, and there are a lot of ideas. You always seem to have a reason why you just can't do this, that, or the other thing. At some point, you're going to have to either just run out of gas and resign yourself to whatever is bothering you and let the downward spiral happen and see where rock bottom is (not recommended), or actually suck it up and try some stuff that might help even if it makes you really uncomfortable (definitely seems like the best option).
(and I do totally realize that "sucking it up" isn't something people can do with their depression. I mean just swallow your fear and nervousness, brace yourself for whatever kind of anxiety attack might follow it, and force yourself into action. I know, easier said than done.... but do it anyway maybe?)

SPEEDY MCCREADY

Hey Thoughts?

You need advice from people on this board...
Like you need a hole in the head.

I wish you well..
I hope it all works out for you.....
Take advice from your professional help...Not the people here.

MayDay10

I agree. See someone. If you are seeing someone, it doesnt seem to be working, see someone else.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

There's been some good advice offered here. I agree that professional help might be the best course of action, but there have been some efforts made to help the guy out- they've been sincere, they had good intentions, and most- if not all- were very reasonable.

What would have been much worse is silence- people not saying anything and not giving a shit.

And Speedy... you poured your heart over the internet just recently as well. I felt the same level of support conveyed in that thread as well (for a different scenario). I guess I'm not sure why you, of all people, would so readily dismiss the genuine efforts and concern people have made for others here? I mean, if people are bringing up personal stuff on these forums... what exactly should they expect in response?

SPEEDY MCCREADY

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

There's been some good advice offered here. I agree that professional help might be the best course of action, but there have been some efforts made to help the guy out- they've been sincere, they had good intentions, and most- if not all- were very reasonable.

What would have been much worse is silence- people not saying anything and not giving a shit.

And Speedy... you poured your heart over the internet just recently as well. I felt the same level of support conveyed in that thread as well (for a different scenario). I guess I'm not sure why you, of all people, would so readily dismiss the genuine efforts and concern people have made for others here? I mean, if people are bringing up personal stuff on these forums... what exactly should they expect in response?

Professional help might be the best course of action.
Lets just say we agree 100% on that.

deadendp

SPEEDY MCCREADY said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

There's been some good advice offered here. I agree that professional help might be the best course of action, but there have been some efforts made to help the guy out- they've been sincere, they had good intentions, and most- if not all- were very reasonable.

What would have been much worse is silence- people not saying anything and not giving a shit.

And Speedy... you poured your heart over the internet just recently as well. I felt the same level of support conveyed in that thread as well (for a different scenario). I guess I'm not sure why you, of all people, would so readily dismiss the genuine efforts and concern people have made for others here? I mean, if people are bringing up personal stuff on these forums... what exactly should they expect in response?

Professional help might be the best course of action.
Lets just say we agree 100% on that.

+1

RKCNDY

I have to agree with WH and PJ_Soul...TA, lots of people have been through a lot of shit in their lives. A lot of people were bullied and beat up by their parents, and by the kids at school, and even now by the people they work with, including me. You are not the only one. The only person who can make a difference in your life is YOU. You have to WANT to feel better, meds will only balance the chemical imbalance in your brain. There have been many excellent suggestions in here for getting a brighter outlook on life and for your mental well-being. Many of those ideas are the same ones a therapist and psychiatrist will give you.

If you keep refusing to do any of the suggestions that MANY people have given, then perhaps you really don't want to change, maybe you like wallowing in self-pity, and the only person you can blame for that is yourself.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

SPEEDY MCCREADY said:

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

There's been some good advice offered here. I agree that professional help might be the best course of action, but there have been some efforts made to help the guy out- they've been sincere, they had good intentions, and most- if not all- were very reasonable.

What would have been much worse is silence- people not saying anything and not giving a shit.

And Speedy... you poured your heart over the internet just recently as well. I felt the same level of support conveyed in that thread as well (for a different scenario). I guess I'm not sure why you, of all people, would so readily dismiss the genuine efforts and concern people have made for others here? I mean, if people are bringing up personal stuff on these forums... what exactly should they expect in response?

Professional help might be the best course of action.
Lets just say we agree 100% on that.

We do.

mickeyrat

ran across this and it seems to fit in really well with some, including myself, are highly stressing is needed. My experience suggests this is the beginning for change such as we , you and I , need.

https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/5263

please read it and try to begin implementing this.

bluegrace

One thing I've learned, there are bullies everywhere. Quitting your job won't help that fact, that is no solution. You need to either deal with the situation or simply ignore the bullies. Don't let them get to you. Tell yourself they've got nothing to do with you, you just happen to work at the same place.

deadendp

I love where I work, but I have to tell you that when I clock out, I clock out. Don't take those people home with you.