Being picked on at new job & struggling to fit in - fed up

Thoughts_Arrive

Hi,

I started a new job last week after almost one year of unemployment.
I am currently on SSRI medication for my anxiety and depression and have been told to avoid caffeine and alcohol by my Psychiatrist.

During my first day of work at my new job last week I was asked if I want a coffee to which I said no and the team were shocked.
I said I don't drink coffee, then they asked me if I drink alcohol and I said no. Since my first day I have constantly had the matter brought up by colleagues.
After work today the team opened a bottle of wine and some cans of alcohol and kept trying to get me to drink, even pouring me a glass.
It got to the point of me saying I don't drink to personal reasons where the whole time I was saying I don't like drinking.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to reveal my mental health issues in fear of me not being kept on after my probation period or being picked on and treated differently.
I feel like resigning but know that will lead to massive issues especially as I have a mortgage (living with my parents at the moment whilst my house is tenanted which helps financially). Plus I spent a fair bit on work attire recently which I had to buy.

It's also that I just feel like I don't fit in with the team, the team is made up of colleagues 6-7 years younger than me and some older than me.
I wouldn't say they are bullying me but playfully picking on me and giving me crap for fun (they do it to each other too) but I get hurt by it.
But I am so sensitive and feel down, like the colleague that is teaching me the job points out my errors to the team for a laugh, it makes me feel stupid, worthless and useless.

I have not seen any anti bullying policy anywhere, my employment agreement doesn't have anything in it.
Even though I believe I am not being bullied I feel like I am.
Am I too precious, am I too sensitive?

The job is in real estate, I feel like that environment doesn't fit my introverted, sensitive, timid personality and I feel others are picking up that I am a bit ''different''.
I don't know what else to do for a career. I keep getting knocked back elsewhere.
My friend and family got mad at me about getting down about this.

Any advice? Please.

jnimhaoileoin

Firstly, you know you have my full sympathies as a fellow non-drinker. People just don't understand how they make you feel by pressuring you to drink and how unacceptable it is that they're doing so. How we're constantly made to feel like we're the weird ones for not drinking constantly baffles me. Please don't give them that power over you though. They are the weak ones if they can't understand why a person might not drink. Also it's none of their business why you don't drink nor do you have to justify yourself to them (the idea of having to justify not drinking is just so preposterous, aaaarrrgh!)

If they keep asking you why you don't drink coffee or alcohol, for coffee you can just say you don't like it so that's grand. As for alcohol, just say firmly that you've just never been interested in drinking and that you enjoy yourself just as much without it. It's a nice bland answer and should hopefully be enough to get them off your back. They'll probably ask if you drank before and you can just say you did but that it did nothing for you and you're just fine without it

Secondly, congrats on the new job! A job is a job and for now I think you should try and stick with it for a while if you can. I agree that it's an environment that you're likely to find tough as that industry seems to attract and be geared towards outgoing, extroverted people who are full of self-confidence. Don't take it to heart if they make fun of you though, I honestly think that's just the way they are and that they'd as soon make fun of someone else if given the opportunity. I don't at all think it's personal or that they even give it a second thought. Basically, just think of them as kids, their mental ages are probably about 14 Try and laugh it off if you can but if it bothers you too much then maybe have a quiet word with the main culprit if you think you can without making things awkward. Mostly though, I'd say it's just best to ride it out. The longer you're there the less mistakes you'll make and soon you won't be giving them any opportunity to make fun of you.

Hope this helps in some way

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

jnimhaoileoin

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

Unusual for them all to be married! If they're guys then I suspect they're a tiny bit jealous of your freedom in being single Also people by nature want others to be like them so that they can easily understand and relate to them. You know that saying about how people fear what they don't understand, it's completely true. People want to mould you to be like them, both for their own comfort and also perhaps for yours. It's like how people who are nicely paired up in couples want you to be paired up too. It makes them happy and so they want the same for you so that you can have the same happiness. It's a very simplistic view, but is well-meant. Sometimes I think maybe the key to happiness is about changing our viewpoints on these things. I'm always guilty of seeing the negatives in everything and viewing everything with a negative slant. We can actually change our perspectives but it is a lot harder than you'd think. It's a little like rewiring your brain.

I did this online 'life skills' course run by a depression support group called Aware here in Ireland. I figured it'd be no harm to give it a go. Unfortunately I think I quickly forgot most of it but there were a lot of good ideas. It was cognitive behavioural thereapy, mostly about changing how you react to things and changing the thoughts that have been getting you down. So instead of instantly seeing the negative and assuming others motives and thoughts towards you are bad, you can change how you see things and see the positives.

I'll try give an example. Say when they're making fun of you. Instead of seeing it as them picking on you for being different, you could see it as them trying to include you in their gang because groups like that often spend most of their time making fun of each other. Similarly, they want you to have a drink with them because it's something they enjoy and they think you'll enjoy it too. So again, they want to include you and for you to have fun with them

It's hard to change how you think about things, I'm still trying and usually failing, but it is worth trying

pjhawks

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

stop feeling that way. just because it seems like everyone else is married with kids doesn't mean they have it right. you have to do what's right for you. if they press just tell them you won't settle like a lot of people do. half of them probably did anyway.

as for the coffee/alcohol at work just tell them you are on a medication that doesn't allow it and that in fact you really don't like the taste.

Thoughts_Arrive

pjhawks said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

stop feeling that way. just because it seems like everyone else is married with kids doesn't mean they have it right. you have to do what's right for you. if they press just tell them you won't settle like a lot of people do. half of them probably did anyway.

as for the coffee/alcohol at work just tell them you are on a medication that doesn't allow it and that in fact you really don't like the taste.

Thank you for your reply.
I was thinking of saying that but what if they ask "medication for what?"?

Thoughts_Arrive

jennycoyle said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

Unusual for them all to be married! If they're guys then I suspect they're a tiny bit jealous of your freedom in being single Also people by nature want others to be like them so that they can easily understand and relate to them. You know that saying about how people fear what they don't understand, it's completely true. People want to mould you to be like them, both for their own comfort and also perhaps for yours. It's like how people who are nicely paired up in couples want you to be paired up too. It makes them happy and so they want the same for you so that you can have the same happiness. It's a very simplistic view, but is well-meant. Sometimes I think maybe the key to happiness is about changing our viewpoints on these things. I'm always guilty of seeing the negatives in everything and viewing everything with a negative slant. We can actually change our perspectives but it is a lot harder than you'd think. It's a little like rewiring your brain.

I did this online 'life skills' course run by a depression support group called Aware here in Ireland. I figured it'd be no harm to give it a go. Unfortunately I think I quickly forgot most of it but there were a lot of good ideas. It was cognitive behavioural thereapy, mostly about changing how you react to things and changing the thoughts that have been getting you down. So instead of instantly seeing the negative and assuming others motives and thoughts towards you are bad, you can change how you see things and see the positives.

I'll try give an example. Say when they're making fun of you. Instead of seeing it as them picking on you for being different, you could see it as them trying to include you in their gang because groups like that often spend most of their time making fun of each other. Similarly, they want you to have a drink with them because it's something they enjoy and they think you'll enjoy it too. So again, they want to include you and for you to have fun with them

It's hard to change how you think about things, I'm still trying and usually failing, but it is worth trying

Thank you for your advice and insight.
My brain is so wired wrong that it will take years of CBT. I have had CBT with my shrink, didn't do nothing. I just wish I could work on my own, hate dealing with this.
I guess the fact that I have been bullied my whole life, from school to previous workplaces and verbally abused by my mother didn't do me any good.

jnimhaoileoin

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jennycoyle said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

Unusual for them all to be married! If they're guys then I suspect they're a tiny bit jealous of your freedom in being single Also people by nature want others to be like them so that they can easily understand and relate to them. You know that saying about how people fear what they don't understand, it's completely true. People want to mould you to be like them, both for their own comfort and also perhaps for yours. It's like how people who are nicely paired up in couples want you to be paired up too. It makes them happy and so they want the same for you so that you can have the same happiness. It's a very simplistic view, but is well-meant. Sometimes I think maybe the key to happiness is about changing our viewpoints on these things. I'm always guilty of seeing the negatives in everything and viewing everything with a negative slant. We can actually change our perspectives but it is a lot harder than you'd think. It's a little like rewiring your brain.

I did this online 'life skills' course run by a depression support group called Aware here in Ireland. I figured it'd be no harm to give it a go. Unfortunately I think I quickly forgot most of it but there were a lot of good ideas. It was cognitive behavioural thereapy, mostly about changing how you react to things and changing the thoughts that have been getting you down. So instead of instantly seeing the negative and assuming others motives and thoughts towards you are bad, you can change how you see things and see the positives.

I'll try give an example. Say when they're making fun of you. Instead of seeing it as them picking on you for being different, you could see it as them trying to include you in their gang because groups like that often spend most of their time making fun of each other. Similarly, they want you to have a drink with them because it's something they enjoy and they think you'll enjoy it too. So again, they want to include you and for you to have fun with them

It's hard to change how you think about things, I'm still trying and usually failing, but it is worth trying

Thank you for your advice and insight.
My brain is so wired wrong that it will take years of CBT. I have had CBT with my shrink, didn't do nothing. I just wish I could work on my own, hate dealing with this.
I guess the fact that I have been bullied my whole life, from school to previous workplaces and verbally abused by my mother didn't do me any good.

No, I imagine your self-esteem is in the doldrums. I've been feeling crap as well lately, in the usual vein of having no friends etc. Sometimes all you can do is focus on whatever small things do bring you happiness, until such time as you feel a little better able to cope with life. Right now, tv is my best friend! I've always loved tv and when I'm watching a good programme I'm not worrying about anything or stressing about what people think of me. I'm just enjoying it and getting into the story. Same goes with exercise. I'm mad into sport and obsessive about exercising every day. So I get on my exercise bike for an hour and get lost in a book. These are pretty much the times when I'm happiest. It probably sounds like a sad and lonely existence but sure you just do what you have to to get by, until life gets better. I can't promise it will of course, I'm still waiting. Suppose we have to have hope though, who knows what's around the corner

whispering hands

pjhawks said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

stop feeling that way. just because it seems like everyone else is married with kids doesn't mean they have it right. you have to do what's right for you. if they press just tell them you won't settle like a lot of people do. half of them probably did anyway.

as for the coffee/alcohol at work just tell them you are on a medication that doesn't allow it and that in fact you really don't like the taste.

This is a great start. Here's the key. I go through this all the time. And I work in RETAIL. It was the only job I could land after being fired. So I had to force myself to take a job that put me out in the public eye, which is really hard for me because of many factors. But I am Pushing through, because I have no choice. That has forced me to realize two things. What I bring to the job is what I take away from it, and two, those I work with are momentary. I go home they go home end of that story. There's one older gentleman there that makes light fun of me because we all did this IQ test from a Mensa Book and I ( as I do with these tests) scored 162. Eons above everyone else, but I can't count change back.. That and they laugh because I'm always rushing out the door at closing time to make it to Church, so they call meSister Christian. Does it hurt my feelings?? Yes. do those people pay my bills?? no. The thing is, it's just a job. As for the not drinking thing pj Hawks has it right, just tell them it's because of meds your on. If they ask why you're on meds, just politely explain that it's nothing they need to concern themselves with.

Cliffy6745

Thoughts_Arrive said:

pjhawks said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your reply :-)
Yeah they are very young minded, I don't find the things they talk about and laugh about amusing at all.
I sort of shot myself in the foot by saying I have coffee sometimes.
One of my colleagues was also questioning my marital status after I said I am single.
"Have you been married before? are you divorced?"
Everyone in my team is married and some have kids.
I feel so weird and ashamed.

stop feeling that way. just because it seems like everyone else is married with kids doesn't mean they have it right. you have to do what's right for you. if they press just tell them you won't settle like a lot of people do. half of them probably did anyway.

as for the coffee/alcohol at work just tell them you are on a medication that doesn't allow it and that in fact you really don't like the taste.

Thank you for your reply.
I was thinking of saying that but what if they ask "medication for what?"?

That's none of their business and I can't imagine would be a response to that type of question.

Regardless, I know it's not easy, but try to look at it as they are just trying to get to know a new coworker and are not judging you. I would bet that is the case. Nothing to feel weird about and again, I know it is easier said that done, but try not to dissect everything they are asking. I am sure you are a great dude, keep your head up, people want to get to know people they work with. Try not to be so tough on yourself.

Edit: I don't drink coffee either. Hate the taste. Nothing to feel weird about.

Thoughts_Arrive

It just seems to never end, I just can't get a break.
Every workplace I get made fun of and can't secure a higher paying job.
Thank you heaps for all your replies.

whispering hands

Thoughts_Arrive said:

It just seems to never end, I just can't get a break.
Every workplace I get made fun of and can't secure a higher paying job.
Thank you heaps for all your replies.

That's pretty much all of us, everywhere. So we get it. Just keep your head up, we're all here for YA, brother!

deadendp

I don't drink and tell my coworkers that I have family history of an alcoholic biological father and siblings with severe addiction issues. Just because that method of dealing works for me doesn't mean that it would work for everyone.

Starting a new job sucks anyhow. It really does. Personally, I would skip mentioning meds. I would think that it might open a big ole can of worms and you don't need that at this point.

Their questions seem pretty typical for people trying to get to know their new coworker. However, to answer no to these questions shouldn't make you feel ashamed of yourself.

Hang in there. If you want, quietly keep an eye out for other jobs, but rock it out for now. Know that we support you and are here for you!

P.S. I don't drink coffee, either. If it tasted like it smells, I'd be all about it. It's like a big lie! Smells heavenly and tastes disgusting!

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you all for your support\ and kindness.
I love the taste of coffee but not the anxiety afterwards.

Jason P

Now that you have a job, start looking for another job in the same industry. Sounds like they are a bunch of douchbags.

oftenreading

There is a lot of wisdom to be found in this thread.

Thoughts_Arrive, it's really important to stick it out with this job for the time being, for lots of reasons that go beyond the obvious financial ones. The most important is that withdrawing from situations that make us anxious and sad simply reinforces that anxiety and our beliefs that we are worthless and can't cope. As much as it may suck, the only solution, as WH and others have said, is to ride it through and keep reminding ourselves that in the grand scheme of things these people aren't really important in our lives, and we aren't important to them. There's a natural tendency when we are feeling tense and awkward to assume that the spotlight is on us, but really those co-workers are not paying nearly as much attention to us as we think. Practice a few key phrases and answers so you have something to say when you feel on-the-spot. You've already suggested some above - "I like coffee but it makes me jittery" (most people can relate to that). Then ask them a question to take the focus off you. Don't worry if it sounds mundane to you - most of what people talk about at work is mundane.

It's much easier to find a new job when you are already employed; you seem more desirable to potential employers, so stay with this one long enough to gain some more skills and a reference, then start looking again.

Good luck!

Amongst the Ani

So sorry you are going through this. I work in a very tight knight group where most of us have been together for close to 10 years. We tease each other endlessly on things. As the ex Marine in the group they tend to look at me as the ring leader when it comes to this as I do believe light hazing serves a purpose. My work can have very long hours during very high stress periods and I like to know how people will do when it happens. Please speak up to them if they are hurting your feelings. I make a point of telling any new people the point is not to make you feel bad. If we ever do to please let us know. No one person should get teased more than any other and any topics that make you feel bad should be off limits. Its done to include them on any new stories that will become folklore 10 years from now. We have so many stories from the past just as there will be in the future. Now if you tell them they are hurting your feelings and they continue then they are just donkey holes.

You can always tell them you don't drink or like coffee for religious reasons. It at least sets up a lawsuit should they not stop.

MayDay10

I believe you had similar issues at a job in the past? Am I wrong?

Are you in the USA? or elsewhere? I know in the USA, you can typically talk to an HR Manager about any situation like this that makes you uncomfortable or makes your job difficult. Make sure you note the meeting and what was said. If the HR manager is worth anything though, they will do things the right way.

Anyways, you seem to internalize too much and make it go sour. You need to not give a fuck what other people think or say (and also understand that 99% of what people say they really don't take seriously). I can sympathize because I have and do kind of fight this a lot.... worrying what others think, thinking my actions and words are amplified in a negative way much more than reality. Im sure yours is more intense as you are medicated and such.... I have learned through age to conquer these thoughts though. Its all about confidence.

You should have a built-in answer to why you dont drink caffeine/alcohol anyways. I go on streaks where I dont drink when I am in training and "I never drink during the workweek", Im "trying to be good", or "have a lot to do tonight", or "Im training and getting in shape for X". Also with Caffeine, just say your body doesn't process it well.



Ultimately, it seems like your problems stem from lack of confidence. You need to find confidence, and if you find enough of it, I'm sure you will begin to find your medications not necessary. Until then, you will probably have a lot of trouble in workplaces that require interaction with co-workers and customers/clients.... which is most work, really. Too late to go to school? Accounting or something like that could give you some solo-work.

Thirty Bills Unpaid

Nobody needs to explain their choices with justifications.

"Come on... have a coffee" should be met with "As I said before, no thanks. I don't want one. Feel free to have one yourself- it won't offend me."

A bunch of dorks.

The best advice given here was to be less hard on yourself OP:
You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets ooooor...
You can come to terms and realize you're the only one one who can't forgive yourself.

Have a good day, man!

The Waiting Trophy Man

When they're all drinking coffee or whatever you should have your own drink, like bottled water or a protein shake or whatever it is you do drink. Then you just say no thanks, I've got a drink.

Jason P

I've never understood the fascination with coffee.

Last-12-Exit

"Hippa laws prevent me from discussing medical issues on the job."

hedonist

Thirty Bills Unpaid said:

Nobody needs to explain their choices with justifications.

"Come on... have a coffee" should be met with "As I said before, no thanks. I don't want one. Feel free to have one yourself- it won't offend me."

A bunch of dorks.

The best advice given here was to be less hard on yourself OP:
You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets ooooor...
You can come to terms and realize you're the only one one who can't forgive yourself.

Have a good day, man!

Looks like we have a few sages among us! Great advice and thoughts in this thread, and that up there is, I think, what it boils down to. Now, how to actually traverse that road to achieve it?

There's your journey right there.

It doesn't have to be a negative one, either.

(also - and I apologize if this is too personal - but if you're feeling this way with the meds you're currently taking, maybe they need to be adjusted/re-evaluated?)

Wishing you well from here, and do continue to release as you need to.

mca47

Tell them to fuck off.

But if you don't want to go that route, you don't have to give the exact reason, just say booze and caffeine interact with a medication you're on. That should end it right there.
You shouldn't let a bunch of idiot coworkers bring you down because they tease you over something so silly.
Do your job, do it well...go home.

DewieCox

Have you tried adjusting your dose? I've dealt with anxiety the last few years and it lead to some depression, and basically a lot of the same symptoms discussed in this thread. It took a few months to get just right, but it's really helped a lot.

I wouldn't let these schmucky co workers get to ya. Every time you let your anxiety get to you, it only exacerbates it.

ldent42

>Tell them to fuck off.

But if you don't want to go that route, you don't have to give the exact reason, just say booze and caffeine interact with a medication you're on. That should end it right there.
You shouldn't let a bunch of idiot coworkers bring you down because they tease you over something so silly.
Do your job, do it well...go home.

I support this statement.
Dish it right back out to them. They get on you about not liking coffee, inform them how nasty their breath is. They try to force you to drink, tell them maybe if they laid off the sauce they'd realize what a terrible life choice they've made. All jokes in good fun. It sounds they're a bunch of frat boy doushe types

mca47

I didn't drink most of my first year in college. I wasn't against it, I just had my reasons. I'd go to parties and people would be like "you don't drink?!?!" They made it seem like I had a pair of balls hanging from my forehead. Like, who the fuck cares? I never really let it bother me, but it was certainly annoying.
After freshman year, I drank the rest of college though. haha

Who Princess

Lots of good suggestions in this thread, so I'll just toss in a few thoughts. Alcohol makes me physically ill, and I'm not talking about from drinking to excess. A very small amount will trigger a migraine. It's some sort of allergy, I guess. So I just tell people no thanks, I don't drink. Occasionally they will want to know why but I've come to see that they're mostly concerned that I don't approve or I'm judging them. Once they realize that isn't the case, they seem to be OK about it. I sometimes turn it into a joke--"Hey, I'm always good if you need a designated driver."

OTOH, I love coffee. I'd probably just tell people that you don't care for it or it makes you too buzzed/nervous and keeps you awake. I don't think you need to let people know that it interferes with your medication. I'd probably keep medical information out of the discussion until you know them better.

And if the teasing seems harsh, let them know! They may not even realize it. I love to cut up with the people I work with and tend to forget that not everyone has my sense of humor. I remember at one job, I was teasing (mildly, I thought) a young woman I worked with. With tears in her eyes, she said, "What have I ever done to you that you talk to me this way!" She was very young, with not a lot of work experience, and also very insecure. I stopped joking with her after that.

SD48277

Many great suggestions here. Not much I can add, but I will encourage you to stick it out if only for the simple purpose of getting enough money so you can move out of your family's home. While it is very nice that you have given you a place to stay as you get back on your feet, the way your mother treats you is unacceptable. You've mentioned her abuse here and in other posts. No one deserves to be treated that way. Not from their family, not from their friends, not from their significant other, not from their co-workers, not from anyone. Please work on a plan to put her in your rearview mirror. I'm not saying your life will magically be better, but it has to be a heck of a lot better than dealing with that. My apologies if I have overstepped my bounds by saying this. I mean no disrespect. I just wish the best for you.

PJSiren

I know that sticking it out is what most are saying...and that is what I would also say and that it can be hard...I had to stick out a job I hated for a year while looking for other employment and trying to make a plan to get ym life together...but it paid the bills. Stand up for yourself...let them know the teasing is going too far if it is really bothering your and tell them that you don't drink for personal reasons and that's it, it's a conscious choice on your part to take better care of yourself by staying away from both caffeine and alcohol and that's all they need to know unless you feel the need to share more. I personally share my bipolar story with everyone, but I understand too, that that is not something everyone is comfortable with...

I wish you the best, and if you need someone to talk to, ever, feel free to PM me....like I said, BIPOLAR here, so in the same boat as you, and understand where you're coming from....

PureandEasy

Sounds like you need to give yourself a break and not take things too personally. No need to explain, just keep saying no thank you if offered something you don't want.

Then go and learn everything you can to succeed in the position. That will boost your self-image and give you confidence. Confidence and attitude are everything, present a positive attitude and keep moving forward.