Teenagers...?

PJSiren · April 2015

shetellsherself said:
Just some thoughts offered with love and without judgement.

Dad says a joke that normally kid would have laughed at but instead gets all angry and starts to act out and be disrespectful.

This is unusual for kid so parents PAUSE, take a step back in surprise... Woah, what's up? Something bothering you? You wouldn't normally get so mad about that. Maybe you are upset about something else. Wow, you have a big day coming up with that hearing. Are you nervous about that? How are you feeling about seeing your mom? I just want you to know that I'm here to listen if you need to talk. I think it's possible that the joke isn't really the reason you are so upset right now. To be honest this is a stressful time for all of us. I wonder how your dad feels about seeing her again? I think we need to take a breath and realize that.

Teens don't easily see the perspective of others bc they are so busy trying to figure out their own. It might be helpful to recognize how the hearing and the stress around it is affecting the whole family

You're totally right, and we should have thought about that...and we didn't...that didn't even occur to me until this morning...when I remembered today was the day of the hearing...then I thought OMG, I bet that's why she's been so moody, she's freaking out about seeing Mindy...(yeah I know strangely, her bio mom is Mindy and I'm Mandy...lol) I think maybe her mood will improve after today...unless of course the judge doesn't approve the name change then we're going to have a very disappointed kid to deal with.

Amongst the Ani · April 2015

Teenage daughters are gods way of paying us back for our own misdeeds. Until you live with it you can't fully understand. I have the one that is letting me sleep better thankfully but I look down the road and I have another one coming in my 6 year old daughter. That one is more gullible and way more innocent in her nature. She also bitches about everything right now. In 10 years dear god what it may be like. I'm legitimately scared.

PJSiren · April 2015

Well, her bio mom didn't even show up to the hearing, she "appeared" over the phone. So she didn't have to see her. I'm sure she's relieved a little bit over that...and the judge ruled in our favor and changed her last name...so I know she's thrilled about that....

RKCNDY · April 2015

PJSiren said:
Well, her bio mom didn't even show up to the hearing, she "appeared" over the phone. So she didn't have to see her. I'm sure she's relieved a little bit over that...and the judge ruled in our favor and changed her last name...so I know she's thrilled about that....

that is really awesome!

maybe you can take her out for a small treat, it can help smooth things over with her considering the last few days. I'm sure she'd really appreciate that.

FoxyRedLa · April 2015

How did she find out about the name change? Did She have to be served? I have gave her a nickname that I won't share haha - anyway that's really messed up for your sweet pea to have to deal with. No contact and then all of a sudden. What a .... again haha I'll keep that to myself.

PJSiren · April 2015

Yeah, she had to be served with papers...and then she had to pay 100+ dollars to object, but couldn't bother to show up in person...I mean that's just pathetic...her mother get's under my skin...she's worse than my dad ever was...

Yeah I think we should go out to dinner to celebrate and it be her choice...

Amongst the Ani · April 2015

So glad to hear it went the right way. One of my sisters is going through a court battle with her boyfriends kids. Bio mom had kids in holey filthy clothes,sleeping on the floor and just not in an acceptable environment. Somehow she got enough money to try and get all final say on things through a lawyer. Sadly I think my sister and her boyfriend lose. No lawyer and they aren't married. They didn't want to use what little money they had on one. They would rather buy clothes and such for the kids. Bio mom still wants joint custody luckilly.

PJSiren · April 2015

cdysinge said:
So glad to hear it went the right way. One of my sisters is going through a court battle with her boyfriends kids. Bio mom had kids in holey filthy clothes,sleeping on the floor and just not in an acceptable environment. Somehow she got enough money to try and get all final say on things through a lawyer. Sadly I think my sister and her boyfriend lose. No lawyer and they aren't married. They didn't want to use what little money they had on one. They would rather buy clothes and such for the kids. Bio mom still wants joint custody luckilly.

I'm so sorry to hear that...my daughter comes from a situation like that, her and her half sister were removed by CPS and placed with their father's thankfully. And the courts awarded full custody to their dad's so we do have full custody and she makes no attempt to see either child, and has since had 3 more children with a third man...and both girls feel like they've been replaced, she doesn't call anymore, it's been 2+ years since she called to speak tomy daughter on the phone...her 11th birthday was the last time...and what did she do, not wish her a happy birthday, not say I love you, not ask how she was, first thing out of her mouth was "Guess what, I just had twins..." My daughter's reaction was to be sad, and told her mom I have to go and she hung up on her, she has not called one time since...and she thought she could object to the name change and have a leg to stand on,....? Yeah right.

cdycinge, I really hope those kids are ok...I wish your family luck with them, at least they'll have joint custody, and know they are cared for when in his care...just give them lots of love and attention...

I still give my baby girl lots of love and attention, we have mommy daughter dates all the time...so she gets that sort of quality time with a mother figure, because I don't want her to ever think back and think she didn't have a mom....

oftenreading · April 2015

PJSiren said:

oftenreading said:

JK_Livin said:
My daughter is turning 11 very soon and can't take a joke for shit and thy're little jabs. She storms off. The jokes aren't stopping.
Sure, jokes are good; we joke all the time. Just make sure they're relatively kind if they're about her. Be cautious about embarrassing her, and whatever you do don't make fun of her appearance or her body - that's off limits, particularly from a dad (if you are a dad).
Oh we would never make fun of her appareance, or her body...that is out of line...his joke was at a silly thing she had done, and she knew she had and normally when we joke about stuff like that she rolls her eyes and laughs, but this time she blew up...

Oh, I wasn't referring to your joke; just commenting on the post by JK_Living about "little jabs", not knowing what the little jabs are about.

ldent42 · April 2015

PJSiren said:

cdysinge said:
So glad to hear it went the right way. One of my sisters is going through a court battle with her boyfriends kids. Bio mom had kids in holey filthy clothes,sleeping on the floor and just not in an acceptable environment. Somehow she got enough money to try and get all final say on things through a lawyer. Sadly I think my sister and her boyfriend lose. No lawyer and they aren't married. They didn't want to use what little money they had on one. They would rather buy clothes and such for the kids. Bio mom still wants joint custody luckilly.
I'm so sorry to hear that...my daughter comes from a situation like that, her and her half sister were removed by CPS and placed with their father's thankfully. And the courts awarded full custody to their dad's so we do have full custody and she makes no attempt to see either child, and has since had 3 more children with a third man...and both girls feel like they've been replaced, she doesn't call anymore, it's been 2+ years since she called to speak tomy daughter on the phone...her 11th birthday was the last time...and what did she do, not wish her a happy birthday, not say I love you, not ask how she was, first thing out of her mouth was "Guess what, I just had twins..." My daughter's reaction was to be sad, and told her mom I have to go and she hung up on her, she has not called one time since...and she thought she could object to the name change and have a leg to stand on,....? Yeah right.

cdycinge, I really hope those kids are ok...I wish your family luck with them, at least they'll have joint custody, and know they are cared for when in his care...just give them lots of love and attention...

I still give my baby girl lots of love and attention, we have mommy daughter dates all the time...so she gets that sort of quality time with a mother figure, because I don't want her to ever think back and think she didn't have a mom....

I vote mani/pedi spa day for Easter!

Amongst the Ani · April 2015

PJSiren said:

cdysinge said:
So glad to hear it went the right way. One of my sisters is going through a court battle with her boyfriends kids. Bio mom had kids in holey filthy clothes,sleeping on the floor and just not in an acceptable environment. Somehow she got enough money to try and get all final say on things through a lawyer. Sadly I think my sister and her boyfriend lose. No lawyer and they aren't married. They didn't want to use what little money they had on one. They would rather buy clothes and such for the kids. Bio mom still wants joint custody luckilly.
I'm so sorry to hear that...my daughter comes from a situation like that, her and her half sister were removed by CPS and placed with their father's thankfully. And the courts awarded full custody to their dad's so we do have full custody and she makes no attempt to see either child, and has since had 3 more children with a third man...and both girls feel like they've been replaced, she doesn't call anymore, it's been 2+ years since she called to speak tomy daughter on the phone...her 11th birthday was the last time...and what did she do, not wish her a happy birthday, not say I love you, not ask how she was, first thing out of her mouth was "Guess what, I just had twins..." My daughter's reaction was to be sad, and told her mom I have to go and she hung up on her, she has not called one time since...and she thought she could object to the name change and have a leg to stand on,....? Yeah right.

cdycinge, I really hope those kids are ok...I wish your family luck with them, at least they'll have joint custody, and know they are cared for when in his care...just give them lots of love and attention...

I still give my baby girl lots of love and attention, we have mommy daughter dates all the time...so she gets that sort of quality time with a mother figure, because I don't want her to ever think back and think she didn't have a mom....

You are an awesome mom. That girl was blessed to end up with u.

PJ_Soul · April 2015

PJSiren said:
Well, her bio mom didn't even show up to the hearing, she "appeared" over the phone. So she didn't have to see her. I'm sure she's relieved a little bit over that...and the judge ruled in our favor and changed her last name...so I know she's thrilled about that....

Great news!
Maybe dump a victory tub of Gatorade over her head to celebrate?

PJSiren · April 2015

We took her out to dinner last night, and she was in a good mood when we went and then my hubby said something, I don’t even know what it was because I missed it and he didn’t know what part of what he said upset her, and she just got in a bad mood….all I know is it had to do with spending time with her today(Saturday)…I have to work until 3:30…anyway, we tried talking to her at dinner, and she wouldn’t talk…finally on the way home we got her to talk…she was upset about her mom not showing up at court…she was relieved to have not had to see her, but her feelings were also hurt that she made no effort to see her…

We had a good long talk with her last night about all the stuff with her mom and she said she thinks her mom just doesn’t really care much anymore, or has given up on her and her sister…and moved on with her new family, and the only reason she even objected to the name change was to be a pain in the ass…(my 13 year old is wise)…this is my husband’s and my theory as well…she has agreed to change her behavior…to work on it…and we will work on helping her, and she is putting down the metaphorical sword she carries, as my hubby refers to it…basically the sword is her rage at her mother, which she takes out on us because we’re here…that’s what she has agreed to work on, and we agreed to do whatever it takes to help her.

After the long talk, I loved and kissed on her and told her not to ever feel like she doesn’t have a mommy, because I’m her mommy…any woman can bring a child into the world but it takes someone special to be a mommy…(someone said that to me when I was young about my dad, and was pointing out that my uncle and grandfathers were more like my dad)…anyway, I love this little girl, to bits and pieces, and even though she’s not mine I will raise her like she is…

Thanks again for all your advice!

RKCNDY · April 2015

PJSiren said:
We took her out to dinner last night, and she was in a good mood when we went and then my hubby said something, I don’t even know what it was because I missed it and he didn’t know what part of what he said upset her, and she just got in a bad mood….all I know is it had to do with spending time with her today(Saturday)…I have to work until 3:30…anyway, we tried talking to her at dinner, and she wouldn’t talk…finally on the way home we got her to talk…she was upset about her mom not showing up at court…she was relieved to have not had to see her, but her feelings were also hurt that she made no effort to see her…

We had a good long talk with her last night about all the stuff with her mom and she said she thinks her mom just doesn’t really care much anymore, or has given up on her and her sister…and moved on with her new family, and the only reason she even objected to the name change was to be a pain in the ass…(my 13 year old is wise)…this is my husband’s and my theory as well…she has agreed to change her behavior…to work on it…and we will work on helping her, and she is putting down the metaphorical sword she carries, as my hubby refers to it…basically the sword is her rage at her mother, which she takes out on us because we’re here…that’s what she has agreed to work on, and we agreed to do whatever it takes to help her.

After the long talk, I loved and kissed on her and told her not to ever feel like she doesn’t have a mommy, because I’m her mommy…any woman can bring a child into the world but it takes someone special to be a mommy…(someone said that to me when I was young about my dad, and was pointing out that my uncle and grandfathers were more like my dad)…anyway, I love this little girl, to bits and pieces, and even though she’s not mine I will raise her like she is…

Thanks again for all your advice!

This is all really great news to hear PJSiren! Just an open ear can do such wonders. I'm very glad she was able to talk about what was upsetting her so much, and it was really great of you to tell her you'll be there for her.

PJSiren · April 2015

RKCNDY said:

PJSiren said:
We took her out to dinner last night, and she was in a good mood when we went and then my hubby said something, I don’t even know what it was because I missed it and he didn’t know what part of what he said upset her, and she just got in a bad mood….all I know is it had to do with spending time with her today(Saturday)…I have to work until 3:30…anyway, we tried talking to her at dinner, and she wouldn’t talk…finally on the way home we got her to talk…she was upset about her mom not showing up at court…she was relieved to have not had to see her, but her feelings were also hurt that she made no effort to see her…

We had a good long talk with her last night about all the stuff with her mom and she said she thinks her mom just doesn’t really care much anymore, or has given up on her and her sister…and moved on with her new family, and the only reason she even objected to the name change was to be a pain in the ass…(my 13 year old is wise)…this is my husband’s and my theory as well…she has agreed to change her behavior…to work on it…and we will work on helping her, and she is putting down the metaphorical sword she carries, as my hubby refers to it…basically the sword is her rage at her mother, which she takes out on us because we’re here…that’s what she has agreed to work on, and we agreed to do whatever it takes to help her.

After the long talk, I loved and kissed on her and told her not to ever feel like she doesn’t have a mommy, because I’m her mommy…any woman can bring a child into the world but it takes someone special to be a mommy…(someone said that to me when I was young about my dad, and was pointing out that my uncle and grandfathers were more like my dad)…anyway, I love this little girl, to bits and pieces, and even though she’s not mine I will raise her like she is…

Thanks again for all your advice!
This is all really great news to hear PJSiren! Just an open ear can do such wonders. I'm very glad she was able to talk about what was upsetting her so much, and it was really great of you to tell her you'll be there for her.

Thanks! I'm trying...it's a learning experience constantly...to go from not having kids to a mother of an 8 year old, to now suddenly she's a teenager...and the teenager part happened too fast! lol

Daughter just came on, I think she really needs to hear that song...she's heard some PJ but I don't think she's ever heard that song, and I know that one early on helped me to deal with my feelings about my dad...might help her...

Enkidu · April 2015

My daughter is 18. So. I get it. I remember what a bitch I was to my mom when I was a teen. I look back and think - ugh, how did my mother put up with that? But at the same time, my daughter is the queen of eye rolls. And slamming doors. I try to let her vent, but sometimes I lose my temper. I always try to make sure we talk before bedtime no matter how awful a fight we've had.

She's adopted (international) and when she was younger, occasionally she'd say, "I wish I was living with my birth mom." And that was like a knife to the heart. But as she's gotten older, she doesn't say that any more. We've talked a lot about her adoption and that's been good.

I know it will get better, but some times it makes me insane.

PJSiren · April 2015

Enkidu said:
My daughter is 18. So. I get it. I remember what a bitch I was to my mom when I was a teen. I look back and think - ugh, how did my mother put up with that? But at the same time, my daughter is the queen of eye rolls. And slamming doors. I try to let her vent, but sometimes I lose my temper. I always try to make sure we talk before bedtime no matter how awful a fight we've had.

She's adopted (international) and when she was younger, occasionally she'd say, "I wish I was living with my birth mom." And that was like a knife to the heart. But as she's gotten older, she doesn't say that any more. We've talked a lot about her adoption and that's been good.

I know it will get better, but some times it makes me insane.

It will, here in the next few years you guys will become such good friends...it's so close!

See I didn't turn into megabitch until I was about 22...then it was all over and I was like crazy, I think that's when my bipolar REALLY got bad...I think I had the bipolar since I was about 15, but I was on an antidepressant in HS and college, and then I quit taking it and when I left school I went to live with my grandparents in KY and I was awful sometimes, and i think it was because I was not medicated, and this continued until I was properly diagnosed and medicated at about 28...but yeah...that's when my bitch came out and my wild side and sewed my wild oates so to speak...

Now I'm best friends again with my mom and my grandma.

PJSiren · June 2015

So my daught lost her cell phone and has to communicate with her father and I while we're at work via email...last night she emailed us both and said she was going for a walk, but in the mean time her dad got home before she went on said walk, and she told him she was going to 7/11(mind you this is all she said)...which is around the corner from our house or another just up the street, pick your poison...well, 20 minutes went by and she still wasn't home, I get home and she still isn't home, it's been an hour by this point, and we sit and wait a while longer, another hour goes by and she is still not home we contact one of her friends who we have a number for, and she hasn't seen her....we get in my truck and drive to 7/11...both of them, no sign of my child at either, we drive to the park she goes to, not there only a family is there on the swings, otherwise it's empty....we drive back home and decide to drive to the other end of our neighborhood and here she comes walking up with some boy we've never seen before....My husband parks the car and yells at the boy to leave and her to get in the truck....a neighbor comes out of his house and get's involved seriously because we're telling our daughter to get in the truck and asking her where she's been.....???? Yes my husband yelled it...but she had been MIA for 2+ hours and as it turns out with a strange boy doing GOD KNOWS WHAT???? Anyway, the guy ended up calling the cops and they show up at our house and we find out the boy is not just a stranger to us...but he is 3 years older than my daughter....WTF is a 16 year old boy doing hanging out with a 13 year old girl???? They had gong to the same school when she was in the 6th grade, but had not seen each other since then....and she sees nothing wrong with the age difference...the COPS even found it inappropriate! And agreed with us for what we had done and just wanted to make sure everyone was safe....but how do you get it through to a kids head that the likely hood of a boy hanging out with a girl that much younger than him just to hang out....is pretty slim....most likely it's because he wants something and thinks she'd be easy to get it from....???? How can I make my daughter see the inappropriateness of it??? I mean she just argued with us over and over....she already once put herself in a situation with an older boy who tried to force himself on her....and she tried to argues with us, than THIS boy is different....when she hardly knows him....I'm just so frustrated and don't know what to do....

ldent42 · June 2015

Statistically I think there is data supporting your theory that girls are more likely to be attacked by older males. But I'd caution you in the language you use with her. Remember you're not angrily punishing her for "putting herself in a position with an older boy who tried to force himself on her" you're trying to protect her from predatory charismatic dudes.

I'm not a parent so my word means nothing. I'd suggest you educate her with real world examples of some of the horrors teenage boys have been convicted of. Or at least make her watch a bunch of SVU episodes.

rr165892 · June 2015

I'm biased.I was way more protective of my girls then my son.I would back burner the boy/age thing as secondary to the real issue that is trust.
She wants to be treated like an adult so in doing so she must resciprocate the same.I think that should be your focus.Truth and honesty.
Trust me it won't be the last boy age thing you deal with but if she is honest and open with you at least you will know,be on same page and not need to worry as much.

Teenagers...?

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