I have a 15 year old, and all I'd add is that teenagers are exquisitely sensitive to embarrassment. They are desperately trying to find their way toward growing up but not losing the connection with their parents, whose opinions do matter most regardless of how they act. I'd just suggest you both try to steer clear of any consequences/punishments that are designed to shame her. As much as possible just under-react to eye rolling and disrespectful talk because it's designed to shock and doesn't really matter anyway. Remind her that you speak respectfully to her and you expect the same from her as an almost-adult, and that the stuff she wants (rides, extra cash, etc.) only come when she's polite, then let it go and wait for her to come back to you in a more respectful fashion. My daughter may start a bit of that sort of thing, but if I just say "we don't talk like that to each other in our family", she stops and apologizes.
The "little bits" that you get from her are great; don't worry that you're not getting more, that's pretty much what the rest of us get! Teenagers mostly want to see that you're not going to freak out on them before they feel safe sharing anything else.
Good luck.
That's great...I will try that sentence with her...I speak to her respectfully until the attitude starts then she gets yelled at to go to her room until she can be nice...I have a hard time with that...I have a short fuse...
Accountability is the big thing the therapist worked on with my daughter. It's easy at that age to get caught up in their lifes drama and easy to blame everything on others. The therapist called her out on her bullshit and challenged her. We lucked out in that my daughter was not happy and wanted to change and really liked her therapist to where she enjoys going.
Tom Brady & Donald Trump, BFF's Fuckus rules all Rob Seattle
My 2 cents as probably the person on here closest to teen age (also my sister is still a teenager) Question: did you/your husband apologize to her for pouring the water on her head?
If one of my parents did that to my sister and I, I'd be extremely hurt and embarrassed and even less likely to come to them if I needed to talk. I think a lot of the "I HATE YOU GUYS" stage for teens is the thought that parents are just 'life ruiners' and 'everything is my fault, right?' There can be a lot of rules when it comes to teen years, trying to teach and enforce what's right and what's wrong. But apologizing in general I think can go a long way--it humanizes you and says, "hey, I fuck up too, and I'm sorry." I think that can be a way to create dialogue, maybe. "Sorry we reacted that way, but we were taken aback with how you acted. We need to both think about our actions and consequences" type of thing.
Just my thoughts. I'm not even a parent (nor do I ever want to be), but I have been a kid on the other side, and it wasn't that long ago.
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
My 2 cents as probably the person on here closest to teen age (also my sister is still a teenager) Question: did you/your husband apologize to her for pouring the water on her head?
If one of my parents did that to my sister and I, I'd be extremely hurt and embarrassed and even less likely to come to them if I needed to talk. I think a lot of the "I HATE YOU GUYS" stage for teens is the thought that parents are just 'life ruiners' and 'everything is my fault, right?' There can be a lot of rules when it comes to teen years, trying to teach and enforce what's right and what's wrong. But apologizing in general I think can go a long way--it humanizes you and says, "hey, I fuck up too, and I'm sorry." I think that can be a way to create dialogue, maybe. "Sorry we reacted that way, but we were taken aback with how you acted. We need to both think about our actions and consequences" type of thing.
Just my thoughts. I'm not even a parent (nor do I ever want to be), but I have been a kid on the other side, and it wasn't that long ago.
My dad treated me much that way - "I'm human too, make mistakes, and apologize for them". What a stellar example to set and live by.
My 2 cents as probably the person on here closest to teen age (also my sister is still a teenager) Question: did you/your husband apologize to her for pouring the water on her head?
If one of my parents did that to my sister and I, I'd be extremely hurt and embarrassed and even less likely to come to them if I needed to talk. I think a lot of the "I HATE YOU GUYS" stage for teens is the thought that parents are just 'life ruiners' and 'everything is my fault, right?' There can be a lot of rules when it comes to teen years, trying to teach and enforce what's right and what's wrong. But apologizing in general I think can go a long way--it humanizes you and says, "hey, I fuck up too, and I'm sorry." I think that can be a way to create dialogue, maybe. "Sorry we reacted that way, but we were taken aback with how you acted. We need to both think about our actions and consequences" type of thing.
Just my thoughts. I'm not even a parent (nor do I ever want to be), but I have been a kid on the other side, and it wasn't that long ago.
My dad treated me much that way - "I'm human too, make mistakes, and apologize for them". What a stellar example to set and live by.
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
I stand by my comment 100%. A parent who dumps water on a child to cool off is a stupid and immature prick.
What a stupid thing to do to a child. Seriously.
Hilarious that you call someone immature as you sit behind your keyboard calling people names.
My 2 cents as probably the person on here closest to teen age (also my sister is still a teenager) Question: did you/your husband apologize to her for pouring the water on her head?
If one of my parents did that to my sister and I, I'd be extremely hurt and embarrassed and even less likely to come to them if I needed to talk. I think a lot of the "I HATE YOU GUYS" stage for teens is the thought that parents are just 'life ruiners' and 'everything is my fault, right?' There can be a lot of rules when it comes to teen years, trying to teach and enforce what's right and what's wrong. But apologizing in general I think can go a long way--it humanizes you and says, "hey, I fuck up too, and I'm sorry." I think that can be a way to create dialogue, maybe. "Sorry we reacted that way, but we were taken aback with how you acted. We need to both think about our actions and consequences" type of thing.
Just my thoughts. I'm not even a parent (nor do I ever want to be), but I have been a kid on the other side, and it wasn't that long ago.
My dad treated me much that way - "I'm human too, make mistakes, and apologize for them". What a stellar example to set and live by.
And you...I think you are a young sage
Wise sage, not at all. I just remember those days and how I would have wanted to be treated. My mom was/is a great mother, terrific mother--but I wish she apologized for when SHE was wrong more often. Actually, this summer, my sister and I were talking to my mom, and my mom happened to say sorry for something. We both, jokingly, started freaking out and were like "HOLD ON SAY IT AGAIN LETS GET IT ON CAMERA WOW!" We were all laughing about it, but when you really think about it, not so funny.
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
Wise sage, not at all. I just remember those days and how I would have wanted to be treated. My mom was/is a great mother, terrific mother--but I wish she apologized for when SHE was wrong more often. Actually, this summer, my sister and I were talking to my mom, and my mom happened to say sorry for something. We both, jokingly, started freaking out and were like "HOLD ON SAY IT AGAIN LETS GET IT ON CAMERA WOW!" We were all laughing about it, but when you really think about it, not so funny.
Tomato, tomahto.
As to your mom's apology? True, maybe not humorous but gotta give her credit for owning up, especially if it's a rarity. Appreciating the effort is as valuable as the effort itself.
I have to agree that the water pouring was disrespectful and unnecessary. It just goes to show that conflict can't be resolved in a way that respects the other person as an individual. It just got your husband the last word, upper hand, control. That's the last thing she needs. She needs to be listened to and respected. Yes she's only going to give you bits and pieces. My daughter (15 1/2) gives me serious attitude at times. Those are the times I know something is up. Usually it's school stress, hormone changes, friend issues. She usually is nastier to me than anyone else. Those times I just tell her, "we don't speak to each other like that in our family" AND we DON'T. I think there's a lot of disrespect in a lot of families. Kids learn by example. If she's being nasty and disrespectful I also tell her, "I love and respect you. I know you are treating me badly right now bc you are stressed over A,B,C. I know that you know that you are safe to let your stress out on me bc I'll love you no matter what BUT I won't be disrespected. Tell me what's up and you'll feel better and we can move on." I never take her behavior personally. I'm confident in her relationship with me as is she.
Now I'm off to pay attention to the kids. :-)
5/3/92 Omaha, NE
6/19/95 Red Rocks
9/11/98 MSG
11/19/12 EV solo Tulsa
7/19/13 Wrigley 10/19/13 Brooklyn 2 10/21/13 Philly 1 10/22/13 Philly 2 10/25/13 Hartford
10/08/14 Tulsa 10/09/14 Lincoln
9/26/15 NYC Global Citizen
4/16/16 Greenville 4/28/16 Philly 1 4/29/16 Philly 2 5/1/16 MSG 1 5/2/16 MSG 2 8/7/16 Fenway 2 8/20/16 Wrigley 1 4/7/17 RRHOF New York City 9/2/18 Fenway 1 9/4/2018 Fenway 2 9/18/21 Asbury Park 2/4/22 EV Earthlings NYC 2/6/22 EV Earthlings Newark 9/11/22 MSG 9/14/22 Camden 9/3/24 MSG 1 9/4/24 MSG 2 9/7/24 Philly 1 9/9/24 Philly 2
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
I stand by my comment 100%. A parent who dumps water on a child to cool off is a stupid and immature prick.
What a stupid thing to do to a child. Seriously.
Hilarious that you call someone immature as you sit behind your keyboard calling people names.
Hey, I'm not going to derail this thread answering your callouts. If you want to continue pm me please. I would say it to a parents face if they were in front of me. Pouring water on a childs head is a stupid thing to do. Stupid parents equal stupid kids.
Yes, hedonist, we did make sure to sincerely thank her, I agree, important to appreciate the effort. Everyone happened to be in a really good mood that day, so couldn't help but poke a little fun, too.
I have to agree that the water pouring was disrespectful and unnecessary. It just goes to show that conflict can't be resolved in a way that respects the other person as an individual. It just got your husband the last word, upper hand, control. That's the last thing she needs. She needs to be listened to and respected. Yes she's only going to give you bits and pieces. My daughter (15 1/2) gives me serious attitude at times. Those are the times I know something is up. Usually it's school stress, hormone changes, friend issues. She usually is nastier to me than anyone else. Those times I just tell her, "we don't speak to each other like that in our family" AND we DON'T. I think there's a lot of disrespect in a lot of families. Kids learn by example. If she's being nasty and disrespectful I also tell her, "I love and respect you. I know you are treating me badly right now bc you are stressed over A,B,C. I know that you know that you are safe to let your stress out on me bc I'll love you no matter what BUT I won't be disrespected. Tell me what's up and you'll feel better and we can move on." I never take her behavior personally. I'm confident in her relationship with me as is she.
Now I'm off to pay attention to the kids. :-)
That is some amazing parenting. Awesome.
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
No offense, but if anyone dumped a pitcher of water on me like that i would have wound up and punched him in the face. Wouldn't care who it was. To do it to someone who is already upset seems even worse, and to do it to someone who is upset because he said a joke at her expense is coming close to cruel. I would say that this move made things worse in the long run with good reason. You can't expect a kid to show respect when she isn't shown any.
Being a snotty whiner seems relatively normal for a 13 year old girl. Ignoring it might be the best way to go, since being snotty and overly emotional is basically harmless (unless she's being just too rude or disrespectful to ignore). But the sexting and sending nude photos to strangers is not only disturbing. It's illegal. I hope she understands just how wrong and stupid that behaviour was! And that she's not doing it with her friends' computers and phones still. If she doesn't understand the magnitude of doing that, therapy really might be a good way to go...
I am trying to think about what I was going through when I was a teenager.... it sure becomes foggy once it's not happening anymore. I think what I resented most was having my freedom taken or kept from me. It's absolutely infuriating.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior! Tattooed Dissident!
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Just a little advice from OLE SPEEDY
If you ask the mods to delete this thread, I am sure they will. That way you no longer need to read how you should be punched in the face.
Take me piece by piece..... Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
I don't know you well but think you're quite alright from what I've read (plus you're a cat lover, so bonus points!).
And the fact that you've put this out there with candor speaks volumes.
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Yeah, those comments were uncalled for. Your husband made a mistake (and hopefully realizes it), but what parent doesn't?? Probably wasn't the first and won't be the last. All anyone can do is learn from them.
Speedy, i didn't say anyone should be punched in the face. I said that would have been my natural reaction had it happened to me to illustrate a point. I find your interpretations of things fascinating sometimes.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
I stand by my comment 100%. A parent who dumps water on a child to cool off is a stupid and immature prick.
What a stupid thing to do to a child. Seriously.
Hilarious that you call someone immature as you sit behind your keyboard calling people names.
Hey, I'm not going to derail this thread answering your callouts. If you want to continue pm me please. I would say it to a parents face if they were in front of me. Pouring water on a childs head is a stupid thing to do. Stupid parents equal stupid kids.
PJfan.Think big picture.What if the kids head was on fire.Then I think this course of action makes sense,no? Lol
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
I don't know you well but think you're quite alright from what I've read (plus you're a cat lover, so bonus points!).
And the fact that you've put this out there with candor speaks volumes.
What your husband did with the water pouring was stupid and wrong. What a prick.
Per the usual, no one can talk about an issue around here without it becoming personal and resorting to name-calling. Funny that you say something like this in a thread about immature teenagers.
I stand by my comment 100%. A parent who dumps water on a child to cool off is a stupid and immature prick.
What a stupid thing to do to a child. Seriously.
Hilarious that you call someone immature as you sit behind your keyboard calling people names.
Hey, I'm not going to derail this thread answering your callouts. If you want to continue pm me please. I would say it to a parents face if they were in front of me. Pouring water on a childs head is a stupid thing to do. Stupid parents equal stupid kids.
PJfan.Think big picture.What if the kids head was on fire.Then I think this course of action makes sense,no? Lol
Ah, The big picture.... Yes, good example of when to dump water over a child.
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Just a little advice from OLE SPEEDY
If you ask the mods to delete this thread, I am sure they will. That way you no longer need to read how you should be punched in the face.
Or just hit the report post button. That works too.
I kinda wanna point out that the awesome PJSiren, whom many of us had have lovely conversations with on here, was requesting discussion with parents of teenagers, seeking people to relate to. Maybe we should try to kick the thread back that way and ease up on the harsh judgement of other's parenting tactics.
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Just a little advice from OLE SPEEDY
If you ask the mods to delete this thread, I am sure they will. That way you no longer need to read how you should be punched in the face.
Or just hit the report post button. That works too.
Are you suggesting that i be reported to the mods?
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I appreciate all the advice! I don't appreciate my husband being called names or us being called stupid parents...I think that's uncalled for...maybe it was the wrong thing to do...maybe it wasn't it did get a point across to her though at the time...and yes we do apologize when we are wrong...
Just a little advice from OLE SPEEDY
If you ask the mods to delete this thread, I am sure they will. That way you no longer need to read how you should be punched in the face.
Or just hit the report post button. That works too.
Are you suggesting that i be reported to the mods?
PJSiren, what works for me when I get the eyerolls, omg's, whatevers....etc... is I simply state to my daughter in a quiet tone is "I don't want to fight or argue with you, I love you too much for that ". It normally defuses and eases the tension, I then give her options. When she gets really snotty, I remind her how big mutual respect is in our household and we will discuss things later after everyone is calmed down.
My daughter is turning 11 very soon and can't take a joke for shit and thy're little jabs. She storms off. The jokes aren't stopping.
Sure, jokes are good; we joke all the time. Just make sure they're relatively kind if they're about her. Be cautious about embarrassing her, and whatever you do don't make fun of her appearance or her body - that's off limits, particularly from a dad (if you are a dad).
my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
I'm not a parent, other than the year I my niece when she was sixteen. I do however remember my teen years with a little bit more clarity than I would like. The advice that most of you have given is very good advice if said child has grown up in a decent to good home, they are lucky to have you as parents. However, it you had a sucky childhood it can make the teen years a whole new mess of unforeseen proportions. It acts to amplify all the normal teen angst exponentially. There are numerous ways to deal with all of this, the first is being there for your kid and trying to talk to them on a mature and respectful level, if the behaviour continues then there needs to be consequences. Many of you have mentioned therapy and that is a good option if the child is receptive, if they are not forcing this on them is bad and will likely tarnish their view on therapy for the rest of their lives. Be cognizant of the that fact and continually forcing the child to return will only up the resentment in your direction. So here goes as far as the original question, all you can really do is trial and error, some things will work, some will not. You will have to do a lot of closing your eyes and counting to ten and deep breathing. Have someone else you can talk to outside of the situation that you trust implicitly to vent to because you will need to. If they have any activity that they have a real interest in try your hardest to make that activity happen, because that may be their only joy for a while. Having a moment of joy will get a lot of kids through the darkest of days. Most important just keep trying, being there and hold your ground. It will be hard and not a lot of fun. All I can say is that having my niece for that year is the hardest thing I have ever done. When she left it was not at a good point, it broke me inside as she is a good, smart, loving person. All I could do is hope something sunk in and she made it out the other side. When she did graduate from high school she sent me an email apologizing for her behaviour, thanking me for standing by her and up for her and not wavering in that, even though she thought it was the worst thing ever at the time. She said that me kicking her ass(figuratively) was the best thing I had done for her as she probably wouldn't have gotten to where she was without it. Be there for her good and bad, stand for her and to her as needed. Remember that it's not you she is rebelling against, it's the storm inside of her. Do apologize for your actions when you have over reacted but stand firm in your conviction for not letting her do something. She will thank you in the end and be a better person for it. Most importantly remember that there is no right answer, it's kinda like recovery in that you have to take it one day at a time until the storm clears. Which unfortunately will be in 5-7 years, sorry. It really does sound as though you are already doing the right thing, with a few bumps and just keep on keepin' on.
Anything you lose from being honest You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
Comments
Fuckus rules all
Rob
Seattle
Question: did you/your husband apologize to her for pouring the water on her head?
If one of my parents did that to my sister and I, I'd be extremely hurt and embarrassed and even less likely to come to them if I needed to talk. I think a lot of the "I HATE YOU GUYS" stage for teens is the thought that parents are just 'life ruiners' and 'everything is my fault, right?' There can be a lot of rules when it comes to teen years, trying to teach and enforce what's right and what's wrong. But apologizing in general I think can go a long way--it humanizes you and says, "hey, I fuck up too, and I'm sorry." I think that can be a way to create dialogue, maybe. "Sorry we reacted that way, but we were taken aback with how you acted. We need to both think about our actions and consequences" type of thing.
Just my thoughts. I'm not even a parent (nor do I ever want to be), but I have been a kid on the other side, and it wasn't that long ago.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
And you...I think you are a young sage
Tom O.
"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"
-The Writer
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
As to your mom's apology? True, maybe not humorous but gotta give her credit for owning up, especially if it's a rarity. Appreciating the effort is as valuable as the effort itself.
Now I'm off to pay attention to the kids. :-)
6/19/95 Red Rocks
9/11/98 MSG
11/19/12 EV solo Tulsa
7/19/13 Wrigley 10/19/13 Brooklyn 2 10/21/13 Philly 1 10/22/13 Philly 2 10/25/13 Hartford
10/08/14 Tulsa 10/09/14 Lincoln
9/26/15 NYC Global Citizen
4/16/16 Greenville 4/28/16 Philly 1 4/29/16 Philly 2 5/1/16 MSG 1 5/2/16 MSG 2 8/7/16 Fenway 2 8/20/16 Wrigley 1
4/7/17 RRHOF New York City
9/2/18 Fenway 1 9/4/2018 Fenway 2
9/18/21 Asbury Park
2/4/22 EV Earthlings NYC 2/6/22 EV Earthlings Newark 9/11/22 MSG 9/14/22 Camden
9/3/24 MSG 1 9/4/24 MSG 2 9/7/24 Philly 1 9/9/24 Philly 2
I'm not going to derail this thread answering your callouts. If you want to continue pm me please.
I would say it to a parents face if they were in front of me. Pouring water on a childs head is a stupid thing to do. Stupid parents equal stupid kids.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
Being a snotty whiner seems relatively normal for a 13 year old girl. Ignoring it might be the best way to go, since being snotty and overly emotional is basically harmless (unless she's being just too rude or disrespectful to ignore). But the sexting and sending nude photos to strangers is not only disturbing. It's illegal. I hope she understands just how wrong and stupid that behaviour was! And that she's not doing it with her friends' computers and phones still. If she doesn't understand the magnitude of doing that, therapy really might be a good way to go...
I am trying to think about what I was going through when I was a teenager.... it sure becomes foggy once it's not happening anymore. I think what I resented most was having my freedom taken or kept from me. It's absolutely infuriating.
Tattooed Dissident!
If you ask the mods to delete this thread, I am sure they will.
That way you no longer need to read how you should be punched in the face.
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
And the fact that you've put this out there with candor speaks volumes.
Speedy, i didn't say anyone should be punched in the face. I said that would have been my natural reaction had it happened to me to illustrate a point. I find your interpretations of things fascinating sometimes.
The big picture....
Yes, good example of when to dump water over a child.
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The advice that most of you have given is very good advice if said child has grown up in a decent to good home, they are lucky to have you as parents. However, it you had a sucky childhood it can make the teen years a whole new mess of unforeseen proportions. It acts to amplify all the normal teen angst exponentially. There are numerous ways to deal with all of this, the first is being there for your kid and trying to talk to them on a mature and respectful level, if the behaviour continues then there needs to be consequences. Many of you have mentioned therapy and that is a good option if the child is receptive, if they are not forcing this on them is bad and will likely tarnish their view on therapy for the rest of their lives. Be cognizant of the that fact and continually forcing the child to return will only up the resentment in your direction.
So here goes as far as the original question, all you can really do is trial and error, some things will work, some will not. You will have to do a lot of closing your eyes and counting to ten and deep breathing. Have someone else you can talk to outside of the situation that you trust implicitly to vent to because you will need to. If they have any activity that they have a real interest in try your hardest to make that activity happen, because that may be their only joy for a while. Having a moment of joy will get a lot of kids through the darkest of days. Most important just keep trying, being there and hold your ground. It will be hard and not a lot of fun. All I can say is that having my niece for that year is the hardest thing I have ever done. When she left it was not at a good point, it broke me inside as she is a good, smart, loving person. All I could do is hope something sunk in and she made it out the other side. When she did graduate from high school she sent me an email apologizing for her behaviour, thanking me for standing by her and up for her and not wavering in that, even though she thought it was the worst thing ever at the time. She said that
me kicking her ass(figuratively) was the best thing I had done for her as she probably wouldn't have gotten to where she was without it.
Be there for her good and bad, stand for her and to her as needed. Remember that it's not you she is rebelling against, it's the storm inside of her. Do apologize for your actions when you have over reacted but stand firm in your conviction for not letting her do something. She will thank you in the end and be a better person for it.
Most importantly remember that there is no right answer, it's kinda like recovery in that you have to take it one day at a time until the storm clears. Which unfortunately will be in 5-7 years, sorry. It really does sound as though you are already doing the right thing, with a few bumps and just keep on keepin' on.
You never really had to begin with.
Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.