*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

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  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    a plane is going down, theres a teacher, a lawyer, a priest...the teacher says "lets save the kids first", the lawyer says "F___ the kids", the priest says "oh...do we have time for that?
  • tempo_n_groove
    tempo_n_groove Posts: 41,483
    davidtrios said:

    a plane is going down, theres a teacher, a lawyer, a priest...the teacher says "lets save the kids first", the lawyer says "F___ the kids", the priest says "oh...do we have time for that?

    Love it!^

    Pirate walks into a bar (I LOVE pirate jokes) with a steering wheel attached to a chain around his neck.

    Takes a seat at the bar and tells the bartender "Argggh, get me a spot o' rum laddie".

    Bartender looks at him and the steering wheel around his neck and looks confused. "Sure"

    Bartender returns to the pirate and says " look this drink is on me but, I gotta ask, what's with the steering wheel?"

    Pirate replies "arrrrggghh, it's drivin' me nuts!"



  • PJSiren
    PJSiren Salem, OR Posts: 5,863
    I didn't read all 8 pages, so this one might be in here, but I didn't see it among the blonde jokes I did read and usually when I tell it people haven't heard it before...

    Why were the blonde's boobs square?
    She forgot to take the kleenex out of the box...
    Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior!
    Tattooed Dissident!
  • northerndragon
    northerndragon Posts: 9,851
    What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket?

    A pickpocket snatches watches.
    Anything you lose from being honest
    You never really had to begin with.


    Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
  • WhatYouTaughtMe
    WhatYouTaughtMe Posts: 4,957
    northerndragon said:

    What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket?

    A pickpocket snatches watches.

    Hahaha!
    2 cannibals are eating a clown. One looks up and says to the other, "does this guy taste funny to you?"
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    What did Ford say to GM?
    I don't recall
  • pjhawks
    pjhawks Posts: 12,930
    Q: What did mayor Rob Ford get on his IQ test?
    .
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    A: Molson Canadian
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    President walks into a BBQ restuarant. Cashier yells out, "Equal rights for Gays!" President asks, "Are you gay?"

    "Only when I have sex!"

    BOOM

    http://gawker.com/obama-fist-bumps-texas-bbq-cashier-in-response-to-gay-s-1604591349?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow
  • davidtrios
    davidtrios Posts: 9,732
    How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
    None, he fell.
  • northerndragon
    northerndragon Posts: 9,851
    edited April 2015
    From the White House Correspondents dinner.....

    "Lets give it up for the Secret Service. I don't want to be too hard on those guys, because they are the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot."
    - Cecily Strong
    Post edited by northerndragon on
    Anything you lose from being honest
    You never really had to begin with.


    Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional it's the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    How many psychics does it take to screw in a lightbulb???











    Only 15.99 a minute go find out!! CALL NOW..
  • HesCalledDyer
    HesCalledDyer Maryland Posts: 16,491
    Did I ever tell you guys about the first hipster that ever lived?

    Ahh, you probably never heard of him anyway.
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24 / Raleigh I 25 / Raleigh II 25 / Pittsburgh I 25
  • Wobbie
    Wobbie Posts: 31,320
    whispering hands said:

    How many psychics does it take to screw in a lightbulb???











    Only 15.99 a minute go find out!! CALL NOW..

    How many Teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?














    Six. You got a fucking problem wit dat?

    If I had known then what I know now...

    Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
    VIC 07
    EV LA1 08
    Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
    Columbus 10
    EV LA 11
    Vancouver 11
    Missoula 12
    Portland 13, Spokane 13
    St. Paul 14, Denver 14
    Philly I & II, 16
    Denver 22
    Missoula 24
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    What does a bad horse do???

    Stirrup trouble.
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    What does a gay pedophile rooster say??


    A little cock'll do!!
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    whispering hands said:

    What does a gay pedophile rooster say??


    A little cock'll do!!

    I may get in trouble for this one..
  • HesCalledDyer
    HesCalledDyer Maryland Posts: 16,491
    What do you call a fly without wings?

    A walk. *rimshot*
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24 / Raleigh I 25 / Raleigh II 25 / Pittsburgh I 25
  • whispering hands
    whispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    What do you call an expired hot dog?

    A RotDog
  • Muffin The Mule
    Muffin The Mule Amersham, Bucks Posts: 512
    What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

    Half a dog.
    Brixton Academy 14/7/93, Wembley Arena 29/5/00, Wembley Arena 18/6/07, London O2 18/8/09, Hyde Park 25/6/10, Manchester 20/6/12, Arras 30/6/12, Werchter 5/7/14, Leeds 8/7/14, Milton Keynes 11/7/14, Mexico City 28/11/15, Toronto 10/5/16, Toronto 12/5/16,  Amsterdam 12/6/18, Amsterdam 13/6/18, London O2 18/6/18, Werchter 7/7/18, London O2 17/7/18, Werchter 30/6/22, Hyde Park 8/7/22, Hyde Park 9/7/22, Budapest 12/7/22, Prague 22/7/22, Amsterdam 24/7/22, Amsterdam 25/7/22, Dublin 22/6/24, Manchester 25/6/24, London 29/6/2024, Berlin 2/7/24, Berlin 3/7/24 
  • Amongst the Ani
    Amongst the Ani @Wobbie Posts: 7,790
    Very inappropriate, just plain wrong but also funny in a wrong way.

    What do women and bowling balls have in common?

    They both have 3 holes and when you throw them in the gutter they come back eventually.
    Tom Brady & Donald Trump, BFF's
    Fuckus rules all
    Rob
    Seattle

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