Bleeding

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  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    it's been a crazy year.
    one of the best
    and one of the worst
    years of my life.
    lots of ups and downs.
    lots of memories made.
    good and bad.
    took a few trips.
    saw a few shows.
    wrote a few songs.
    songs that i am not ashamed
    to claim as mine.
    played a few gigs.
    dated a few women.
    broke a couple of hearts,
    and got mine broken too.
    lots of new friends made.
    some of those friendships
    are going strong,
    while a few have run their course
    and withered away.
    none of those that ended
    were by my choice.
    i hate when that happens.
    i can't do anything about it.
    choices have been made,
    things have been said,
    and i can't take them back.
    i am not indifferent about it.
    i want to be,
    but i am not.

    when people walk away
    it always hurts.
    you can try to make them stay,
    but that never works.
    you can watch them walk away.
    you can walk after them if you want,
    but that makes them walk away
    at a faster pace.
    before you know it
    they are sprinting,
    and you can't keep up.
    so you watch them run away
    knowing there is nothing
    that you can do but give up.
    all you can do
    is wish them well.
    wish them luck
    and wish them happiness,
    and hope they find
    whatever it is that they are looking for.
    and leave it at that.
    you can still wonder about them.
    you can still care about them,
    but that's about it.
    then you realize that
    if they wanted you to be a part of their life
    in any capacity,
    no matter how insignificant,
    you would be.
    but since you aren't,
    that is how they want it.
    and then you just walk
    in a different direction
    and find your own way
    to somewhere else.

    i know of a few
    babies born this year.
    but i know more people
    who have passed away.
    one of my best friends is gone.
    fucking drugs.
    that one really took a terrible toll on me.
    my friend's mom is dying now.
    fucking cancer.
    my friend was preceded by my dog.
    had him for 11 years.
    we had a good run together,
    but i had to let him go.
    fucking cancer.
    but overall,
    more people have entered my life
    this year than have departed it.
    i guess that can't be a bad thing.

    years from now
    i will look back on
    this year as one
    of the worst of my life
    in some ways.
    but in some ways
    it was one of the best.
    there is still time
    for something amazing to happen.
    but as it is now,
    i would not be sad
    to see 2013 off
    and start anew next year.
    it gets better from here.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i miss you
    more than i care to admit.
    i miss you
    more than you will ever know.
    i miss you
    so much that it hurts.
    not just in my heart,
    but all around it.
    in my lungs,
    when i think of you
    and take a deep breath,
    i get a pain there.
    my stomach burns
    when i think of you.
    my whole body aches
    and nothing makes it stop.
    still to this day,
    it does not get easier.
    they say this fades with time.
    but if it hasn't by now,
    then when?
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i would play the knockout game for you.
    no, i would not throw the punch.
    i would seriously
    walk down the street
    and unexpectedly
    take a punch in the face
    just for you.
    i'll bet you've never
    heard that one before.
    is that kind of commitment
    flattering, or
    is it crazy?
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    my best friend's mom died last night.
    she had had cancer
    and had been sick for a long time.
    she was able to pass away
    quietly, and with dignity.

    i have come to realize
    that life is for the living,
    and only for the living.
    the dead are gone.
    they are no longer alive,
    no longer living.
    the survivors
    live on.
    they continue their journey
    through this world of the living.
    sometimes that feels
    like a relief.
    a weight lifted.
    while sometimes it feels
    like a burden.
    but it is something that
    you just have to get through
    at all costs.
    until it is your time
    to quit the world of the living.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    gimmesometruth27 wrote:
    my best friend's mom died last night.
    she had had cancer
    and had been sick for a long time.
    she was able to pass away
    quietly, and with dignity.

    i have come to realize
    that life is for the living,
    and only for the living.
    the dead are gone.
    they are no longer alive,
    no longer living.
    the survivors
    live on.
    they continue their journey
    through this world of the living.
    sometimes that feels
    like a relief.
    a weight lifted.
    while sometimes it feels
    like a burden.
    but it is something that
    you just have to get through
    at all costs.
    until it is your time
    to quit the world of the living.

    So true, and beautifully said. Life is for the living...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    Aafke wrote:
    gimmesometruth27 wrote:
    my best friend's mom died last night.
    she had had cancer
    and had been sick for a long time.
    she was able to pass away
    quietly, and with dignity.

    i have come to realize
    that life is for the living,
    and only for the living.
    the dead are gone.
    they are no longer alive,
    no longer living.
    the survivors
    live on.
    they continue their journey
    through this world of the living.
    sometimes that feels
    like a relief.
    a weight lifted.
    while sometimes it feels
    like a burden.
    but it is something that
    you just have to get through
    at all costs.
    until it is your time
    to quit the world of the living.

    So true, and beautifully said. Life is for the living...
    thank you.

    life is for the living, and life is for living. we all had better live with the time that we have left.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    Well live goes on even on a graveyard...

    Graveyard3_zps7aeaf6e4.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    Aafke wrote:
    Well live goes on even on a graveyard...

    Graveyard3_zps7aeaf6e4.jpg
    i guess we do end up fertilizing grass, so yeah, life does go on in a graveyard.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    That's why I do love old graveyards... Nature takes over what humans try to arrange into order. Chaos takes over again like this tree that grows around a broken gravestone. What I like about this pic are the little fragile flowers growing over the tree and gravestone. I think it's beautiful...

    Graveyard3_zps7c77ca5b.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    Aafke wrote:
    That's why I do love old graveyards... Nature takes over what humans try to arrange into order. Chaos takes over again like this tree that grows around a broken gravestone. What I like about this pic are the little fragile flowers growing over the tree and gravestone. I think it's beautiful...

    Graveyard3_zps7c77ca5b.jpg
    yeah this is a great pic.

    i love seeing old graveyards. there is one here in town with headstones from the 1700s. pretty amazing to me, given that this city was not even purchased by the us until the early 1800s.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    repairing a lost or broken friendship is a delicate process.
    it takes a lot of patience and a lot of trust,
    some compromise,
    forgiveness,
    and a little bit of luck.
    fortunately,
    i am finding that
    i seem to have a knack for it.
    and for that ability,
    i am really,
    really grateful.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    gimmesometruth27 wrote:
    Aafke wrote:
    That's why I do love old graveyards... Nature takes over what humans try to arrange into order. Chaos takes over again like this tree that grows around a broken gravestone. What I like about this pic are the little fragile flowers growing over the tree and gravestone. I think it's beautiful...

    yeah this is a great pic.

    i love seeing old graveyards. there is one here in town with headstones from the 1700s. pretty amazing to me, given that this city was not even purchased by the us until the early 1800s.

    I would love to have old graveyards in my country, but it's so overcrowded that we don't have place for such a thing. Unfortunately. All graveyards in my country are new and very tidy and need, as if the time has no influence on them. So when I'm on vacation I always look for old graveyards, some where time may go it's cores. I envy you for having such an old graveyard in your hometown, it must be amazing to wonder around on it.

    Oldgraveyard_zps159f7341.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    yeah it is pretty cool to see some of the old cemeteries around town. some people have these huge mausoleums. they are really cool to look at, but they just take up so much space. the busch family has a pretty cool one here in st louis.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i need a new start.
    i need to move to another town.
    there really is nothing holding me here now.
    i need a career change.
    i need new friends.
    i need to find a woman
    who will make me feel special
    and will stand by me
    instead of walking away.
    i thought by now i would have had one.
    at times i thought that there were two or three
    i could spend my life with.
    i would have done anything for them.
    i would have gone completely out of my way
    to make sure that they are happy.
    i would have stopped the world
    in order to create a little world
    with one of them.
    our own little world.
    but for whatever reason
    they could not spend their lives with me.
    timing is never right.
    i have been branded
    with the scourge of bad timing.
    it is like a warning to women
    tattooed on my forehead.
    "this is a great guy, but his timing sucks..."
    if i did not have bad timing
    i would have nothing.
    everything i have could go away,
    but the thing that will stay with me
    and haunt me is my incredible
    ability to choose the wrong people
    at the right time, or the right people
    at the most incredibly wrong time.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i have never wanted anything
    so badly in this life,
    as badly as i want
    to be with you right now.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i can only go so far.
    you can meet me halfway.
    or i can meet you 3/4 of the way.
    i had so much hope,
    but the hope is dashed.
    i hate feeling like this.
    bright things are on the horizon,
    but it won't be the same.
    things won't burn as bright,
    and they won't be as exciting.
    i will never be as passionate,
    and i won't be as happy
    as i thought i was before.
    i can only give so much of myself
    away to so many people
    so many times,
    and still keep my self esteem
    self confidence, and self worth..
    i have done everything i can.
    but sadly,
    as has been the case
    my entire life,
    it is not enough...
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    Or it wasn't the right person...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    you could be right, but that is part of what i alluded to when i said "as has been the case my entire life." i have always had this incredible ability to get mixed up with people i absolutely adore who end up being the wrong person.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
  • Aafke
    Aafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2014
    I believe that paople change, so a person can be the right one at one time in your life, but can be wrong for you some time later on. I don't believe in happily ever after...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • gimmesometruth27
    gimmesometruth27 St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 24,012
    i don't believe in that either. i want to, but i don't.
    "You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry."  - Lincoln

    "Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."

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