*** Jokes of the Day!! ***

pandora wrote:

What if the Pilgrims brought over donkeys instead of turkeys ...
we'd all be eating a little ass today

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Pandora, have you been having a few too many drinks today?

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; “You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a four-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built”.

The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor’s house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; “You see that bridge over there?”

The Spaniard replied; “No.”

:?
Is there a punchline in there somewhere?

pandora wrote:

Got this from my Wisconsin buddy

His name was Ole, he was from ''Visconson'' ... And he wanted a loan. So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was taking Lena to Paris for their honeymoon and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so Ole handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
Ole produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the backwoods sounding good ole boy from WI for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, Ole returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Wisconsin, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
Keep an eye on these WIsconsin folks!
Just because we talk funny doesn't mean we're stupid.

if you think fetuses have souls, imagine would heaven would be like. you'd be tip toe-ing around, trying not to step on them. if you did, it would be like bubble gum stuck to your shoes.

Michael Scott: A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night, and he gets crabs. So the next day he goes back to complain and the woman says, 'Hey, it was only $5, what did you expect... lobster?'

Eraserhead wrote:

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

that's messed up man.

The Juggler wrote:

Eraserhead wrote:

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.

that's messed up man.

Dissidentman wrote:

If sex between 2 people is a twosome
and sex between 3 people is called a threesome
now I know why everyone calls me handsome