Seinfeld "Sufferings"

twisted thoughts wrote:

one of the greatest shows of all times IMO
on days i decide to answer the phone when I know its a telemarketer, I ask them for their home phone number so I can call them later, at a more convenient time...When they say no, I say, Why? Do you not like getting phone calls on your personal phone? HAH - Exactly :P

You're my hero.

It's embarrassing---but it has to do with a tractor. :oops:


and i eat candy bars with a knife and fork

twisted thoughts wrote:

Im going to name my first born
Mulva

Not seven???!!!

clitoris

want a junior mint?

what do you mean you dont like junior mints?!?!?!?!?

Phantom Pain wrote:

never a fan

and I share the same name as the show

weird

You've changed, you used to be cool!

twisted thoughts wrote:

want a junior mint?

what do you mean you dont like junior mints?!?!?!?!?

Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint-- it's delicious!

salsa?
seltzer?
salsa ?
seltzer?

dcfaithful wrote:

Newman

we named our cat Newman. acts just like the tv character

twisted thoughts wrote:

81 wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

Newman

we named our cat Newman. acts just like the tv character

he's a fat bastard w/ a sweating problem?
crazy cat

has he ever said this:

I find you extremely ugly.
You emit a foul and unpleasant odor.
I loathe you

no, but he emits a foul and unpleasant odor every now and than....and he is fat and lazy

[Jerry's Apartment]

JERRY: Hellooo Newman.

KRAMER: I hate KEITH HERNANDEZ - hate him.

NEWMAN: I despise him.

ELAINE: Why?

NEWMAN: Why? I'll tell you why...

KRAMER: Let me tell it ..

NEWMAN: No, you can't tell it ..

KRAMER: You always tell it ..

NEWMAN: All right, tell it.

KRAMER: Ja ja ja - just tell it

NEWMAN: June 14, 1987.... Mets Phillies. We're enjoying a beautiful afternoon
in the right field stands when a crucial Hernandez error to a five run Phillies
ninth. Cost the Mets the game.

KRAMER: Our day was ruined. There was a lot of people, you know, they were
waiting by the player's parking lot. Now we're coming down the ramp ... [cut
to film of the day - like the Zabruter film - with the Umbrella man and
everything - Oh so brilliant parody!!!] ... Newman was in front of me. Keith
was coming toward us, as he passes Newman turns and says, " Nice game pretty
boy.". Keith continued past us up the ramp.

NEWMAN: A second later, something happened that changed us in a deep and
profound way front that day forward.

ELAINE: What was it?

KRAMER: He spit on us.... and I screamed out, "I'm hit!"

NEWMAN: Then I turned and the spit ricochet of him and it hit me.

ELAINE: Wow! What a story.

JERRY: Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise
of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as
I've heard this story a number of times.

JERRY: Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith
passes you and starts walking up the ramp then you say you were struck on
the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple
striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then cam off
the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his
baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, Pauses In mid air
mind you- makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. That is one
magic luggie.

NEWMAN: Well that's the way it happened.

JERRY: What happened to your head when you got hit?

KRAMER: Well. uh, well my head went back and to the left

JERRY: Again

KRAMER: Back and to the left

JERRY: Back and to the left Back and to the left

ELAINE: So, what are you saying?

JERRY: I am saying that the spit could not have come from behind ... that there had to have been
a second spitter behind the bushes on the gravelly road. If the spitter was behind you as you claimed
that would have caused your head to pitch forward.

ELAINE: So the spit could have only come from the front and to the right.

JERRY: But that is not what they would have you believe.

NEWMAN: I'm leavin'. Jerry's a nut. [Exits]

KRAMER: Wait, wait, [Exits]

JERRY: The sad thing is we may never know the real truth.