Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

catefrances wrote:

mickeyrat wrote:

well, after reaching out due to some laptop issues(was the ex's to begin with) She has offered to see what if anything she can do to help.
We're meeting for the first time in a while and had a very very pleasant convo last week. I'm hopeful that we can resume or friendship and grow from here.
She is happily married and as bittersweet as that is for me , I'm happy for her. To be able to hear joy in her voice despite some personal things she has going on means alot.
Man I love this woman. I am comforted to know she can and is willing to be a part of each others lives , although the nature of the relationship has changed. That was one of the tougher things for me to deal with , her not being there in some capacity.

Some may think me crazy or stupid for doing this , but I intend to honor what I said on our wedding day.

My hope is that I can now begin to move from the false hope I had for us , and find or be found by love once again.


What a ride the last year has been !!!!!

i disrespected you earlier in this thread mickey... something like me questioning why should you care if shes happy or not.
anyways i just want you to know i was wrong and i respect your strength.

and you edited before I saw it. thanks for the PM then , this now.

stargirl69 wrote:

It has been 8 weeks since we split up ... tried to be "friends",his suggestion,never mine,that was harder than saying thanks,goodbye,good luck,wish you a good life ... Last Friday I had to,for my emotional health and well being,say goodbye for good ... resulting in a sense of relief and the first full week I haven't cried since it happened.

I went to a friends barbecue last weekend.Spent some time chatting to a guy I hadn't met before.Last night my friend called me to say that the guy has been asking about me and would like to meet again.
It has freaked me out a bit ... he only wants to go for dinner or a film ... but how soon is too soon?

... I still think of him every day,my heart still loves him deeply but I now know that it is over I need to move on but I feel this may be a little too soon ... I think I am still wearing my "poor me" cloak and don't know if I will be able to go on a date so soon without slipping into telling the story of what I have been through ... I can think it's just dinner or a film but so many other thoughts come into my mind ... strange thoughts of betrayal,intimacy with someone else feels impossible,I never imagined someone else would show interest so soon ... I was single for years before I met my ex

Anyone experience of what time scale felt comfortable to date again? Don't want a transitional/rebound situation on my hands

I had a rebound thing that didn't work out, of course. was way too soon. As for when , I think you'll just know. For me , at just about a year since the seperation , I felt ready to try. Put myself out there a little to no avail, but it felt good to try. I would expect it would be different for everyone, so as I said , O think you'll just know when it's time.

I think part of the problem is hanging on for too long before a seperation. Allow me to explain.

My wife and I separated in March of last year. I had become addicted to perscription meds. They were initially prescribed with good intentions, but I became completely consumed with them. I lost a few jobs and was a downright miserable person to her and all those around me. She stuck with me for almost three years through the addiction, the lies, etc. But, one day I relapsed and she kicked me out. I lived with my parents for a few weeks, then came back to where we live, rented a room in a house in the town we live in, got clean (just over 9 months now), got a job, and began working to rebuild the person I was before all this happened - the person she fell in love with and agreed to marry.

I moved back in in July of last year. I consider her actions to be the best thing that ever happened to me. She saved our relationship and my life. I think that people can be so scared with the prospect of separation that it is delayed and delayed until eventually its not just that you don't get along anymore, it's that you completely loathe your spouse. And at that point, there is essentially no hope for reconciliation. A better option (at least with our situation, where substance abuse was a major factor) is to address the issue head on and as early as possible, before you lose all feeling for your spouse. Today, I can say that I think my wife waited too long to do what she did - I should have had my butt tossed out the door a few years earlier. I wasn't a good person, I wasn't fulfilling my half of the deal, and I deserved everything I got. Some people need a major wakeup call before they can see how serious things are - I know I was one of those people anyway. So, yeah, those are my two cents...

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Time really is the only way to make sense of it all. In the beginning I would of done anything to bring him back, but in time I saw that that would only keep us trapped in unhappiness. We could force it and try to continue together, but there's a point when you cannot go back, and we reached that point...though I didn't see it at the time.

It was difficult but I found a way to see happiness and experience it with out him. And now I couldn't imagine being with him.

I wish you nothing but strength, sanity and happiness through all this! You're a strong chick and this will NOT break you!!

im forcing it right now and have been for years. its hard to walk away.

I split with mine over the summer. We divided the house and our house in amicable fashion. it was ok but I still have to see and talk to her on a weekly basis because of work and thats tough. Just be civil and always take the higher road (could have used this advice myself at times but lovers quarrels are like a cat and dog fight)

tell ya,, after about a year from the intial seperation I "thought" I was ready to start dating again. A couple brief dalliances and I found out I just wasn't there yet. Then the former mrs. told me that there was something that needed to be said but that she wasn't ready to face it yet. That simple acknowledgement was enough for me to feel free. it was time to move forward.
not long after , I became better friends with a wonderful woman. Can happily report that things are going very well.


For those just starting this process, know that you will in fact come through this. time takes as long as it needs. one day you'll wake up and notice something is different. until that day, feel what you feel. allow the grief process to take its natural course. its a circular process , these 5 stages of grief, not linear as thought they might be. in time you'll come to appreciate everything that went before. hopefully you'll have gained some insight into yourself and will grow from the experience.


at least I have. good luck to you all.