so what you do in this situation

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  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.


    why? isn't the innnernuts just another way to meet people? and eventually you will have to meet in person.....the web just helps break the ice....:)
  • DaytimeDilemma
    DaytimeDilemma Posts: 2,008
    cutback wrote:
    why? isn't the innnernuts just another way to meet people? and eventually you will have to meet in person.....the web just helps break the ice....:)



    Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.

    It's not really weird at all. I just don't want to do it anymore for a few reasons. 1) I want someone to just like me and *then* ask me out. I want to know I'm good enough to attract someone (which I know won't be for a long time, but I would like to experience it once in my life. no one has ever "liked" me). and 2) when you start using match.com it's sooooo easy to get a date, you just go out with people for the hell of it, you get sucked into the ease of getting a date. I don't want to do that anymore, I only want to date someone i really like, otherwise, it makes much more sense to just be single.

    which is why I don't really want to talk to people in bars either I guess.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.

    I've dated A LOT of guys I've met online and not a single one has ever lied about anything.
  • meme
    meme Posts: 4,695
    Steve Dunne wrote:
    introduce yourself as eddie vedder. if the person scoffs, well then, they're not worth the time of day. but if they say 'hey, i love pearl jam', then there you have it!!! (this may apply to a male/female)

    This one is awesome :D
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.

    huh.....and i thought i was skeptical....:)
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.

    I'm sorry but everything you've said sounds like it truly comes from someone who's never tried an internet relationship.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    wow this whole experience at the bar has depressed me so much. is this what it's going to be like? Am I really going to have to hit on random men in bars if I ever want to date again? Isn't there any other way? and when am I going to be able to date again? What if I never feel comfortable? I'm fine being single, but dating gives you something to do. Plus I'm running out of single people to hang out with!

    man, I am stressed.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    But the girl with the flowing locks could be funny, articulate, and intelligent...you would never know if you don't TALK TO HER. Girls with looks can also be really cool, you know.

    You're totally misreading me. I'm not giving some impression of who is articulate and intelligent and who isn't.. but what FIRST attracts you to a woman? The fact that she looks nice? Or the fact she can make you laugh and think by what she writes about and reveals about herself? Different strokes for different folks, but neither approach is inherently 'wrong'. For someone who is attracted to the latter, meeting a girl in a bar usually just ends up in insignificant small talk.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    so as I posted before my friends are trying to get me to meet guys and date even though I don't want to (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life). So anyway, I was at my favorite bar saturday night with my 2 friends. we were sitting in the corner and I had my back to the bar. all of a sudden, they both look at each other and start cracking up and they're like "GTD, I think both just saw your perfect man." So I turn around and there's a guy there and I'm like "yeah he's cute" he looked like my type or whatever. So then they both start getting on me like "you have to go talk to him!" and I'm like "no way, I've never talked to guys in bars before and I'm not going to start now, and besides neither of you have ever done it either." But they still keep pushing it and I'm like "there is nothing to say to this random person, I'm not going to just walk all the way over there and say 'hi.'"

    anyway, eventually the guy left, but the point of all of this is that none of us knew how you talk to a random guy in bar, so the question is 1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?

    and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.
    I full get you and, unlike Daytime Dilemma I see no problem in internet dating, I just think you need to be more confident in yourself. You say that point 3) doesnt apply to certain girls but what makes you so sure you aren't one of those girls to whom it does apply? :) I'm sure you're a lovely, attractive person who is just underconfident. Let's say you did talk to this guy, what is the worst that could happen? He isn't interested, you go back to the same situation as before you talked to him, no worse off and never have to see him again. You don't need to take the rejection personally because for all you know, the guy's a fucking jerk :) I know it's weird and difficult, hell I manage to strike out 9/10 times I talk to a girl I don't know but I just learned to stop letting it bother me.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I full get you and, unlike Daytime Dilemma I see no problem in internet dating, I just think you need to be more confident in yourself. You say that point 3) doesnt apply to certain girls but what makes you so sure you aren't one of those girls to whom it does apply? :) I'm sure you're a lovely, attractive person who is just underconfident. Let's say you did talk to this guy, what is the worst that could happen? He isn't interested, you go back to the same situation as before you talked to him, no worse off and never have to see him again. You don't need to take the rejection personally because for all you know, the guy's a fucking jerk :) I know it's weird and difficult, hell I manage to strike out 9/10 times I talk to a girl I don't know but I just learned to stop letting it bother me.

    well as I said, I don't really give a shit about rejection. I've been rejected from pretty much everything since I was born, so I'm completely used to it. It's more just looking like a pathetic idiot. I mean, no one just randomly walks across the bar to talk to some one for no reason at all. I don't think it's very socially acceptable. and like, there's nothing to say to some one when you don't have a reason to talk to them in the first place.
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.

    People lie about themselves in person, too.

    You just have to be patient and get to know someone before you decide whether or not they can be trusted...in "real life" or on the internet.
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    well as I said, I don't really give a shit about rejection. I've been rejected from pretty much everything since I was born, so I'm completely used to it. It's more just looking like a pathetic idiot. I mean, no one just randomly walks across the bar to talk to some one for no reason at all. I don't think it's very socially acceptable. and like, there's nothing to say to some one when you don't have a reason to talk to them in the first place.


    no one walks across a bar to talk to random people??

    where do u go?

    until u gain self-confidence u will be stuck in a rut
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    Brain of J.Lo wrote:
    People lie about themselves in person, too.

    You just have to be patient and get to know someone before you decide whether or not they can be trusted...in "real life" or on the internet.

    tru dat. I had a friend of a friend who was *engaged* to someone they *thought* they went to college with...turns out the guy was an abusive pathological liar who was never even actually enrolled at their school!
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    NY PJ1 wrote:
    no one walks across a bar to talk to random people??

    where do u go?

    until u gain self-confidence u will be stuck in a rut

    well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.
  • DaytimeDilemma
    DaytimeDilemma Posts: 2,008
    in a small ghost town,
    there's a little arcade
    where the poltergeists play their video games
    at the top of the roof he says
    game over they said, game over they said run and get your quarters in
    over cliffs we will swim ahead
    do the shackles underneath your bed
    haunt the records in their grooves?
    salem is home sentenced to live
    yes this i know...
    comes back tenfold
    run and get your quarters in
    at the bottom of a french blue pool roamed the drunk chipped tooth of the man in the moon
    jump on the roof he says
    at the bottom of a french blue pool burn furnace burn at the bottom of the cliff shined a diamond with no end to its trip
    jump on the roof he says
    do the shackles underneath your bed
    haunt the records in their grooves?
    and they said it's all over
    salem is home sentenced to live
    yes this i know...
    comes back tenfold
    hook and sinker
    hook and sinker
    hook and sinker
    hook and sinker
    i wrote it all down for you
    match a name to the face do you suspect?
    do you confess?
    do you confess?
    salem is home sentenced to live
    yes this i know...
    comes back tenfold
    run
  • DaytimeDilemma
    DaytimeDilemma Posts: 2,008
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.



    I talk to random people all the time whereever I go. I'm a very likable person*.
  • NY PJ1
    NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.


    i believe u... i totally disagree ,,,but if u say so

    the downtown pick up bars have alot more going on then talking
  • Brain of J.Lo
    Brain of J.Lo Posts: 3,259
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    tru dat. I had a friend of a friend who was *engaged* to someone they *thought* they went to college with...turns out the guy was an abusive pathological liar who was never even actually enrolled at their school!

    Creepy!

    It just takes time to get to know who someone really is.

    I will say I've met around 8 "internet friends" in real life, and I can honestly say that each one was exactly who I expected him/her to be.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    DaytimeDilemma wrote:
    I talk to random people all the time whereever I go. I'm a very likable person*.

    yeah but you talk to people you happen to have a reason to talk to (even if it's not a very big one)...

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