well I wouldn't really care about like being rejected or anything, but the point is, what do you say when you just get up and walk over to someone?
"Hello, my name is GreenTeaDisease. I hope you don't mind me coming over to introduce myself but I thought you might be an interesting person to talk to.
What's your name?"
Next you need to give the person some information they can start a conversation with-- like where you work or what you like to do.
Ask a man a question and he'll probably be happy to answer it.
The internet has ruined everyone's social skills. This is the truth...
I can't believe how true this actually is. I've always known this but hearing someone say it makes it seem so much more true. I've realized it living a portion of my life when the internet was large and I've really tried hard to overcome this and I think i've done decent, but everyone can always have room for improvement.
GTD- I've noticed too in threads you often talk about how you are not happy with your own physical appearance, and people will say that's not good, but it's your own body whatever you think is right. But really, many guys don't like stick thin girls like many people have said here. Honestly. The ones who do most likely won't be the type you want to be with anyway.
I say go for it. These things are awkward [and probably more so with your friends there] but just go for it if there is a little curiosity there. Chances are you're not going to be humiliated if the guy is not interested and at worse you'll get a simple no thanks. You'll probably never see anyone again, so again you don't have to worry about being humiliated.
A lot of people say regret is worse than being rejected. Take chances. You never know how lucky you may be or how well things may turn out for you.
I can't believe how true this actually is. I've always known this but hearing someone say it makes it seem so much more true. I've realized it living a portion of my life when the internet was large and I've really tried hard to overcome this and I think i've done decent, but everyone can always have room for improvement.
GTD- I've noticed too in threads you often talk about how you are not happy with your own physical appearance, and people will say that's not good, but it's your own body whatever you think is right. But really, many guys don't like stick thin girls like many people have said here. Honestly. The ones who do most likely won't be the type you want to be with anyway.
I say go for it. These things are awkward [and probably more so with your friends there] but just go for it if there is a little curiosity there. Chances are you're not going to be humiliated if the guy is not interested and at worse you'll get a simple no thanks. You'll probably never see anyone again, so again you don't have to worry about being humiliated.
A lot of people say regret is worse than being rejected. Take chances. You never know how lucky you may be or how well things may turn out for you.
The internet has ruined everyone's social skills. This is the truth. I can't believe how many people here just don't understand the concept of speaking to the opposite sex. It's so weird. Our parents and our parents' parents never had Match.com or craigslist or whatnot. They got together through the oldest communication skill known to man, speech.
Sorry but I don't buy this argument... at all. In the 20s, 30s and 40s, 50s, 60s, people used to get to know one another, even fall in love, through writing telegrams to each other. During both world wars, women fell in love with soliders this way... and only married after the war was over. So if you're going to argue that the internet has destroyed communication, I want to hear that the written letter in itself was the first culprit. And then the telephone.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
Sorry but I don't buy this argument... at all. In the 20s, 30s and 40s, 50s, 60s, people used to get to know one another, even fall in love, through writing telegrams to each other. During both world wars, women fell in love with soliders this way... and only married after the war was over. So if you're going to argue that the internet has destroyed communication, I want to hear that the written letter in itself was the first culprit. And then the telephone.
Sorry but I don't buy this argument... at all. In the 20s, 30s and 40s, people used to get to know one another, even fall in love, through writing telegrams to each other; women fell in love with soliders this way... and only married after the war was over. So if you're going to argue that the internet has destroyed communication, I want to hear that the written letter in itself was the first culprit. And then the telephone.
I'm pretty sure people started procreating before the telegram was invented.
Internet did not destroy communication. The internet is a communication device. But, the internet HAS hindered many people's social skills. Some would rather sit at home and chat on the internet than go outside and chat with real human beings. It's just people can say whatever they want on the internet and hide behind a false persona, rather than true human interaction.
Internet did not destroy communication. The internet is a communication device. But, the internet HAS hindered many people's social skills. Some would rather sit at home and chat on the internet than go outside and chat with real human beings. It's just people can say whatever they want on the internet and hide behind a false persona, rather than true human interaction.
Some people are not able to go out and chat with real human beings on a very regular basis - certainly not to the extent it would require them in order to meet someone with regards to being in a relationship with them. This has always been true.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
Some people are not able to go out and chat with regular human beings on a very regular basis - certainly not to the extent it would require them in order to meet someone with regards to being in a relationship with them. This has always been true.
True, but sometimes you it's good to force yourself to go out just to keep a balanced mind rather than stare at a computer screen all day.
True, but sometimes you it's good to force yourself to go out just to keep a balanced mind rather than stare at a computer screen all day.
Just my opinion though.
We're not just talking personality disorders or shyness here. There are other factors which mean that people are shacked up in their houses the vast majority of the time with little to no choice; the internet is an excellent way for those people to form connections.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
We're not just talking personality disorders or shyness here. There are other factors which mean that people are shacked up in their houses the vast majority of the time with little to no choice; the internet is an excellent way for those people to form connections.
This is true, but tell me that doesn't hinder your social skills when you meet someone in person.
This is true, but tell me that doesn't hinder your social skills when you meet someone in person.
My social skills are just fine in person... I go to work, I teach, I have a family, friends 'in real life'... No one makes internet connections exclusively. But for those that do make connections online, the hope is that their social skills will be just fine when they eventually meet in person because the groundwork is already done, thoughts and views shared, personalities discovered etc. Who says that physicality and 'looks' should come before, or at an earlier stage, than those things? Isn't that quite a superficial view? What's more, who's to say that sharing thoughts and feelings and opinions of the world isn't as 'real' online as when faces or bodies are involved?
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
My social skills are just fine in person... I go to work, I teach, I have a family, friends 'in real life'... No one makes internet connections exclusively. But for those that do make connections online, the hope is that their social skills will be just fine when they eventually meet in person because the groundwork is already done, thoughts and views shared, personalities discovered etc. Who says that physicality and 'looks' should come before, or at an earlier stage, than those things? Isn't that quite a superficial view?
Uhhh...that is a good hope, but I mean c'mon man. There are tons of threads posted here everyday from people who have problems communicating with the opposite sex. I mean obviously they lack the social skills they need to work things out. And why would someone come and post about it on a board where they know no one rather than discuss it with a real friend. You could say that it's because they want suggestions from all areas, but I tend to think it's because people find it easier to post anonymously than talk about their feelings with real people. I view that as somewhat troubling. I'm not saying that people should base everything on looks or whatever, but if people in the past did okay without the internet or letters, we should be able to as well.
And I can guarantee you some people make internet connections exclusively. Ever seen the people who play World Of Warcraft? Yeah, them.
Basically, if you are able, there isn't anything wrong with going out somewhere and simply talking to someone whom you find attractive. It's not that big of a deal. in the least.
Basically, if you are able, there isn't anything wrong with going out somewhere and simply talking to someone whom you find attractive. It's not that big of a deal. in the least.
But that's just it... what do you find attractive? If you're the kind of person to go and talk to a girl just because you like her flowing locks or child-bearing hips, then fine... have at it. But I can't tell whether a girl is funny, articulate, intelligent, sweet, caring and kind from across a crowded room. Different strokes for different folks...
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
But that's just it... what do you find attractive? If you're the kind of person to go and talk to a girl just because you like her flowing locks or child-bearing hips, then fine... have at it. But I can't tell whether a girl is funny, articulate, intelligent, sweet, caring and kind from across a crowded room. Different strokes for different folks...
But the girl with the flowing locks could be funny, articulate, and intelligent...you would never know if you don't TALK TO HER. Girls with looks can also be really cool, you know.
And with that, I'm done. I feel like this is just going in circles.
The internet has ruined everyone's social skills. This is the truth. I can't believe how many people here just don't understand the concept of speaking to the opposite sex. It's so weird. Our parents and our parents' parents never had Match.com or craigslist or whatnot. They got together through the oldest communication skill known to man, speech.
For people older than 25, if this is a new concept to you...it's a bit sad.
Sure, it's tough, but I mean the more you talk to people your chances only increase.
I don't think this is true. I was in college just at the time people *started* using the internet for everything. I couldn't talk to guys then, either. I never met a single man I could date until match.com came along. Without it I would be 30 years old and never have had any sort of relationship.
I don't know I just feel completely inadequate with these things. I feel like I'm back at square 1 now. I came so far in this whole area in a very short time, and now...
I don't think this is true. I was in college just at the time people *started* using the internet for everything. I couldn't talk to guys then, either. I never met a single man I could date until match.com came along. Without it I would be 30 years old and never have had any sort of relationship.
You're basically proving me right with what you said here.
You're basically proving me right with what you said here.
how? I'm saying that I wasn't raised with the internet. I didn't have it in high school, barely had it in college, and I still didn't know how to date.
how? I'm saying that I wasn't raised with the internet. I didn't have it in high school, barely had it in college, and I still didn't know how to date.
Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.
Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.
why? isn't the innnernuts just another way to meet people? and eventually you will have to meet in person.....the web just helps break the ice....:)
Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.
It's not really weird at all. I just don't want to do it anymore for a few reasons. 1) I want someone to just like me and *then* ask me out. I want to know I'm good enough to attract someone (which I know won't be for a long time, but I would like to experience it once in my life. no one has ever "liked" me). and 2) when you start using match.com it's sooooo easy to get a date, you just go out with people for the hell of it, you get sucked into the ease of getting a date. I don't want to do that anymore, I only want to date someone i really like, otherwise, it makes much more sense to just be single.
which is why I don't really want to talk to people in bars either I guess.
introduce yourself as eddie vedder. if the person scoffs, well then, they're not worth the time of day. but if they say 'hey, i love pearl jam', then there you have it!!! (this may apply to a male/female)
This one is awesome
... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.
I'm sorry but everything you've said sounds like it truly comes from someone who's never tried an internet relationship.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
wow this whole experience at the bar has depressed me so much. is this what it's going to be like? Am I really going to have to hit on random men in bars if I ever want to date again? Isn't there any other way? and when am I going to be able to date again? What if I never feel comfortable? I'm fine being single, but dating gives you something to do. Plus I'm running out of single people to hang out with!
But the girl with the flowing locks could be funny, articulate, and intelligent...you would never know if you don't TALK TO HER. Girls with looks can also be really cool, you know.
You're totally misreading me. I'm not giving some impression of who is articulate and intelligent and who isn't.. but what FIRST attracts you to a woman? The fact that she looks nice? Or the fact she can make you laugh and think by what she writes about and reveals about herself? Different strokes for different folks, but neither approach is inherently 'wrong'. For someone who is attracted to the latter, meeting a girl in a bar usually just ends up in insignificant small talk.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
so as I posted before my friends are trying to get me to meet guys and date even though I don't want to (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life). So anyway, I was at my favorite bar saturday night with my 2 friends. we were sitting in the corner and I had my back to the bar. all of a sudden, they both look at each other and start cracking up and they're like "GTD, I think both just saw your perfect man." So I turn around and there's a guy there and I'm like "yeah he's cute" he looked like my type or whatever. So then they both start getting on me like "you have to go talk to him!" and I'm like "no way, I've never talked to guys in bars before and I'm not going to start now, and besides neither of you have ever done it either." But they still keep pushing it and I'm like "there is nothing to say to this random person, I'm not going to just walk all the way over there and say 'hi.'"
anyway, eventually the guy left, but the point of all of this is that none of us knew how you talk to a random guy in bar, so the question is 1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?
and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.
I full get you and, unlike Daytime Dilemma I see no problem in internet dating, I just think you need to be more confident in yourself. You say that point 3) doesnt apply to certain girls but what makes you so sure you aren't one of those girls to whom it does apply? I'm sure you're a lovely, attractive person who is just underconfident. Let's say you did talk to this guy, what is the worst that could happen? He isn't interested, you go back to the same situation as before you talked to him, no worse off and never have to see him again. You don't need to take the rejection personally because for all you know, the guy's a fucking jerk I know it's weird and difficult, hell I manage to strike out 9/10 times I talk to a girl I don't know but I just learned to stop letting it bother me.
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Comments
you stud muffin
"Hello, my name is GreenTeaDisease. I hope you don't mind me coming over to introduce myself but I thought you might be an interesting person to talk to.
What's your name?"
Next you need to give the person some information they can start a conversation with-- like where you work or what you like to do.
Ask a man a question and he'll probably be happy to answer it.
this we know lol
but seriously its akward because everyone knows and they almost pressure me into doing things so they can ask me lol
but ive been good
i need a challenge thats too easy lol
I can't believe how true this actually is. I've always known this but hearing someone say it makes it seem so much more true. I've realized it living a portion of my life when the internet was large and I've really tried hard to overcome this and I think i've done decent, but everyone can always have room for improvement.
GTD- I've noticed too in threads you often talk about how you are not happy with your own physical appearance, and people will say that's not good, but it's your own body whatever you think is right. But really, many guys don't like stick thin girls like many people have said here. Honestly. The ones who do most likely won't be the type you want to be with anyway.
I say go for it. These things are awkward [and probably more so with your friends there] but just go for it if there is a little curiosity there. Chances are you're not going to be humiliated if the guy is not interested and at worse you'll get a simple no thanks. You'll probably never see anyone again, so again you don't have to worry about being humiliated.
A lot of people say regret is worse than being rejected. Take chances. You never know how lucky you may be or how well things may turn out for you.
ya gotta roll the dice in life... i agree
Sorry but I don't buy this argument... at all. In the 20s, 30s and 40s, 50s, 60s, people used to get to know one another, even fall in love, through writing telegrams to each other. During both world wars, women fell in love with soliders this way... and only married after the war was over. So if you're going to argue that the internet has destroyed communication, I want to hear that the written letter in itself was the first culprit. And then the telephone.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Very interesting point.
I'm pretty sure people started procreating before the telegram was invented.
Internet did not destroy communication. The internet is a communication device. But, the internet HAS hindered many people's social skills. Some would rather sit at home and chat on the internet than go outside and chat with real human beings. It's just people can say whatever they want on the internet and hide behind a false persona, rather than true human interaction.
So you think sex is the ultimate form of communication above all others? Well OK, I can see why you draw your other conclusions.
Some people are not able to go out and chat with real human beings on a very regular basis - certainly not to the extent it would require them in order to meet someone with regards to being in a relationship with them. This has always been true.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
True, but sometimes you it's good to force yourself to go out just to keep a balanced mind rather than stare at a computer screen all day.
Just my opinion though.
We're not just talking personality disorders or shyness here. There are other factors which mean that people are shacked up in their houses the vast majority of the time with little to no choice; the internet is an excellent way for those people to form connections.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
This is true, but tell me that doesn't hinder your social skills when you meet someone in person.
My social skills are just fine in person... I go to work, I teach, I have a family, friends 'in real life'... No one makes internet connections exclusively. But for those that do make connections online, the hope is that their social skills will be just fine when they eventually meet in person because the groundwork is already done, thoughts and views shared, personalities discovered etc. Who says that physicality and 'looks' should come before, or at an earlier stage, than those things? Isn't that quite a superficial view? What's more, who's to say that sharing thoughts and feelings and opinions of the world isn't as 'real' online as when faces or bodies are involved?
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Uhhh...that is a good hope, but I mean c'mon man. There are tons of threads posted here everyday from people who have problems communicating with the opposite sex. I mean obviously they lack the social skills they need to work things out. And why would someone come and post about it on a board where they know no one rather than discuss it with a real friend. You could say that it's because they want suggestions from all areas, but I tend to think it's because people find it easier to post anonymously than talk about their feelings with real people. I view that as somewhat troubling. I'm not saying that people should base everything on looks or whatever, but if people in the past did okay without the internet or letters, we should be able to as well.
And I can guarantee you some people make internet connections exclusively. Ever seen the people who play World Of Warcraft? Yeah, them.
Basically, if you are able, there isn't anything wrong with going out somewhere and simply talking to someone whom you find attractive. It's not that big of a deal. in the least.
But that's just it... what do you find attractive? If you're the kind of person to go and talk to a girl just because you like her flowing locks or child-bearing hips, then fine... have at it. But I can't tell whether a girl is funny, articulate, intelligent, sweet, caring and kind from across a crowded room. Different strokes for different folks...
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
But the girl with the flowing locks could be funny, articulate, and intelligent...you would never know if you don't TALK TO HER. Girls with looks can also be really cool, you know.
And with that, I'm done. I feel like this is just going in circles.
I don't think this is true. I was in college just at the time people *started* using the internet for everything. I couldn't talk to guys then, either. I never met a single man I could date until match.com came along. Without it I would be 30 years old and never have had any sort of relationship.
I don't know I just feel completely inadequate with these things. I feel like I'm back at square 1 now. I came so far in this whole area in a very short time, and now...
You're basically proving me right with what you said here.
how? I'm saying that I wasn't raised with the internet. I didn't have it in high school, barely had it in college, and I still didn't know how to date.
Well, then this seems more like a personal problem. I don't know what to say. If you can't talk to people in bars or just have trouble meeting people in general and the internet helps you meet people, then by all means, go ahead. But I can't say I find it very healthy. Internet dating, though I've never done it, seems like the weirdest shit.
why? isn't the innnernuts just another way to meet people? and eventually you will have to meet in person.....the web just helps break the ice....:)
Becuase I feel like at least 80% of the people lie about themselves online.
It's not really weird at all. I just don't want to do it anymore for a few reasons. 1) I want someone to just like me and *then* ask me out. I want to know I'm good enough to attract someone (which I know won't be for a long time, but I would like to experience it once in my life. no one has ever "liked" me). and 2) when you start using match.com it's sooooo easy to get a date, you just go out with people for the hell of it, you get sucked into the ease of getting a date. I don't want to do that anymore, I only want to date someone i really like, otherwise, it makes much more sense to just be single.
which is why I don't really want to talk to people in bars either I guess.
I've dated A LOT of guys I've met online and not a single one has ever lied about anything.
This one is awesome
huh.....and i thought i was skeptical....:)
I'm sorry but everything you've said sounds like it truly comes from someone who's never tried an internet relationship.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
man, I am stressed.
You're totally misreading me. I'm not giving some impression of who is articulate and intelligent and who isn't.. but what FIRST attracts you to a woman? The fact that she looks nice? Or the fact she can make you laugh and think by what she writes about and reveals about herself? Different strokes for different folks, but neither approach is inherently 'wrong'. For someone who is attracted to the latter, meeting a girl in a bar usually just ends up in insignificant small talk.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison