so what you do in this situation

GreenTeaDiseaseGreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
edited February 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
so as I posted before my friends are trying to get me to meet guys and date even though I don't want to (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life). So anyway, I was at my favorite bar saturday night with my 2 friends. we were sitting in the corner and I had my back to the bar. all of a sudden, they both look at each other and start cracking up and they're like "GTD, I think both just saw your perfect man." So I turn around and there's a guy there and I'm like "yeah he's cute" he looked like my type or whatever. So then they both start getting on me like "you have to go talk to him!" and I'm like "no way, I've never talked to guys in bars before and I'm not going to start now, and besides neither of you have ever done it either." But they still keep pushing it and I'm like "there is nothing to say to this random person, I'm not going to just walk all the way over there and say 'hi.'"

anyway, eventually the guy left, but the point of all of this is that none of us knew how you talk to a random guy in bar, so the question is 1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?

and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.
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Comments

  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,685
    I'm a guy and a chicken, I'd have done the same thing you did.
    Your friends are right - chicks initiating convo = good.

    "My name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents."
    "Hi, I'm Victoria."
  • NY PJ1NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    so as I posted before my friends are trying to get me to meet guys and date even though I don't want to (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life). So anyway, I was at my favorite bar saturday night with my 2 friends. we were sitting in the corner and I had my back to the bar. all of a sudden, they both look at each other and start cracking up and they're like "GTD, I think both just saw your perfect man." So I turn around and there's a guy there and I'm like "yeah he's cute" he looked like my type or whatever. So then they both start getting on me like "you have to go talk to him!" and I'm like "no way, I've never talked to guys in bars before and I'm not going to start now, and besides neither of you have ever done it either." But they still keep pushing it and I'm like "there is nothing to say to this random person, I'm not going to just walk all the way over there and say 'hi.'"

    anyway, eventually the guy left, but the point of all of this is that none of us knew how you talk to a random guy in bar, so the question is 1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?

    and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.


    starting a convo is half the battle

    but i always used the approach of who cares what they say ?
    if they tell u to leave ,,leave if not hey it might be good

    if u talk to 50 guys or gals in a night ,, at least 5-10 have to give you the time of the day

    ya gotta just do it
  • pjtradekingpjtradeking Posts: 4,045
    so as I posted before my friends are trying to get me to meet guys and date even though I don't want to (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life). So anyway, I was at my favorite bar saturday night with my 2 friends. we were sitting in the corner and I had my back to the bar. all of a sudden, they both look at each other and start cracking up and they're like "GTD, I think both just saw your perfect man." So I turn around and there's a guy there and I'm like "yeah he's cute" he looked like my type or whatever. So then they both start getting on me like "you have to go talk to him!" and I'm like "no way, I've never talked to guys in bars before and I'm not going to start now, and besides neither of you have ever done it either." But they still keep pushing it and I'm like "there is nothing to say to this random person, I'm not going to just walk all the way over there and say 'hi.'"

    anyway, eventually the guy left, but the point of all of this is that none of us knew how you talk to a random guy in bar, so the question is 1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?

    and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.

    Without saying too much here...I am of the opinion, that sometimes certain situations do not require be analyzed....Its not a matter of what is and isnt right or wrong to say, but rather if you wanted to talk to him and you thought he was cute, regardless of what you have to say, you just need to go for it sometimes. People disect things too damn much these days about what is and isnt acceptable in the "dating rules and regs book". If you thought he was cute, you simply should have just struck up a conversation. There is no ettiquette when it comes to this stuff...It is not 1950 any longer. imho....Not directed at you persay, but at the whole thing in general..
    Never, ever, flipping forget
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  • NY PJ1 wrote:
    starting a convo is half the battle

    but i always used the approach of who cares what they say ?
    if they tell u to leave ,,leave if not hey it might be good

    if u talk to 50 guys or gals in a night ,, at least 5-10 have to give you the time of the day

    ya gotta just do it

    well I wouldn't really care about like being rejected or anything, but the point is, what do you say when you just get up and walk over to someone?
  • mookie9999mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    well I wouldn't really care about like being rejected or anything, but the point is, what do you say when you just get up and walk over to someone?

    See the pick-up line thread
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • NY PJ1NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    well I wouldn't really care about like being rejected or anything, but the point is, what do you say when you just get up and walk over to someone?


    simple basic shit,, hello whats up?

    nothing over the top ,, just basic convo

    i will say its probably easier for a guy to go over because we can use the buy ya a drink line

    although a girl can say hey how bout u buy me a drink lol

    but seriously whats up? hows ur night ? basic shit
    if a person is interested in talking to you ,,it really doesnt matter what u say
  • NY PJ1 wrote:
    simple basic shit,, hello whats up?

    nothing over the top ,, just basic convo

    i will say its probably easier for a guy to go over because we can use the buy ya a drink line

    although a girl can say hey how bout u buy me a drink lol

    but seriously whats up? hows ur night ? basic shit
    if a person is interested in talking to you ,,it really doesnt matter what u say

    see, that just sounds ridiculous to me. maybe if I were sitting next to them at the bar or something, but you don't just walk over to someone...
  • mookie9999mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    see, that just sounds ridiculous to me. maybe if I were sitting next to them at the bar or something, but you don't just walk over to someone...

    Why not? What's the worst that could happen?
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • mookie9999 wrote:
    Why not? What's the worst that could happen?

    it just seems very contrived and unnatural.
  • edvedder913edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    mookie9999 wrote:
    See the pick-up line thread


    honestly, who needs to ever go on any other website, read a paper, or turn on the news again when we have the pit? ha ha

    seriously - I find EVERYTHING here.....
  • iluvcatsiluvcats Posts: 5,153
    gtd

    remember this old thread? i see you replied to it...
    http://forums.pearljam.com/showthread.php?t=219578

    stop calling yourself "fat." besides I read an article that being over weight is now the norm. I looked for personality in a date. My husband is overweight. It does not change who he is.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • audiodaveaudiodave Posts: 1,623
    it just seems very contrived and unnatural.
    It's natural for some, and unnatural for others. Some people can walk up to a random stranger and start up a conversation about any random shit. I don't happen to be one of those people, so I agree with you on this one.
    ~AKA Dave-of-the-dead~

    I don't wanna think, I wanna feel

    Dublin 23/08/06 Lisbon I 04/09/06 Lisbon II 05/09/06 Paris 11/09/06 Verona 16/09/06

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  • mookie9999mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    it just seems very contrived and unnatural.

    Of course it's that way. But the best things in life are those that you have to work at. If it's easy, what's the point and where's the fun?
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • edvedder913edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    it just seems very contrived and unnatural.


    that is how people meet. "hi my name is..." On the contrary, it is very natural.

    I met a few people on here that way - at a PJ show or gathering and people have just walked up to me and introduced themselves - and today we are friends.

    You are reading too much into it. Keep it simple.
  • audiodave wrote:
    It's natural for some, and unnatural for others. Some people can walk up to a random stranger and start up a conversation about any random shit. I don't happen to be one of those people, so I agree with you on this one.

    I kinda feel like if I'm meant to meet someone a conversation would naturally start... you know what I mean?

    anyway, I also think it's hilarious that neither of my friends would ever do it either and yet they were so into pressuring me to do it. Oh now I remember what they wanted me to say...

    "hey, did you go to [our college]?"
    "no"
    "oh sorry you look familiar. did you go to [my grad school]"
    ...

    how lame is that???
  • audiodaveaudiodave Posts: 1,623
    I kinda feel like if I'm meant to meet someone a conversation would naturally start... you know what I mean?
    I completely agree. I don't really like the whole picking people up in bars thing, as it's based on how they look. While that is always a factor, it's never looks that initially attract me to someone, it's who they are.
    ~AKA Dave-of-the-dead~

    I don't wanna think, I wanna feel

    Dublin 23/08/06 Lisbon I 04/09/06 Lisbon II 05/09/06 Paris 11/09/06 Verona 16/09/06

    London 18/06/07 Dusseldorf 21/06/07 Copenhagen 26/06/07 Nijmegen 28/06/07
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,685
    I kinda feel like if I'm meant to meet someone a conversation would naturally start... you know what I mean?

    anyway, I also think it's hilarious that neither of my friends would ever do it either and yet they were so into pressuring me to do it. Oh now I remember what they wanted me to say...

    "hey, did you go to [our college]?"
    "no"
    "oh sorry you look familiar. did you go to [my grad school]"
    ...

    how lame is that???
    No, that is fine.
  • audiodave wrote:
    I completely agree. I don't really like the whole picking people up in bars thing, as it's based on how they look. While that is always a factor, it's never looks that initially attract me to someone, it's who they are.

    yeah I mean it seems like if someone purposefully walks up to you and hands you a line or whatever, the FIRST thing you're going to be fixated on his sizing up how they look. I think you are dead on here. (and when you don't exactly look good that's probably not what you want happening!)
  • edvedder913edvedder913 Posts: 1,810
    I cannot tell you how many male friends I have that say they do not go up to girls often b/c they are intimidated - esp. if the girl is with a group of girls.

    One of my best friends got married last year - she and her hubby were set up on a blind date. He fully admitted that if he ever saw her out at a bar - or any of her friends for that matter- he NEVER would have walked up to any of us. Meanwhile, they are a great match and happily married.

    Guys get intimidated too.....it's all about taking a chance. If you see someone who really interests you, go for it. Just say "Hi, I'm GTD (insert real name!)" and see where it goes. you never know.....
  • Steve DunneSteve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    introduce yourself as eddie vedder. if the person scoffs, well then, they're not worth the time of day. but if they say 'hey, i love pearl jam', then there you have it!!! (this may apply to a male/female)
    I love to turn you on
  • NY PJ1NY PJ1 Posts: 9,533
    starting the convo is tough but ya gotta get over the fear and say screw it

    go say hello,, screw it
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    (well I mean I do want to some day, but there's no way I could handle the stress of dating right now when I'm literally the fattest I've ever been in my life).
    um..if you feel fat, you're probably not going to be happy and you're probably not going to make other people feel happy if this is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about relationship prospects. Go to a gym regularly! Even if you don't lose a single pound, and even if you look exactly the same, you WILL feel better about yourself and have more confidence to do things like talk to guys and whatnot.

    1) would you have done it and 2) what would you have said?\
    Hi, my name's <insert name here> and I noticed you from across the room. Can I buy you a drink?

    and 3) my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls. discuss.

    We are typically superficial and base a lot on appearance (so do girls), but the right attitude will shine through appearance most often.
  • Derrick wrote:
    um..if you feel fat, you're probably not going to be happy and you're probably not going to make other people feel happy if this is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about relationship prospects. Go to a gym regularly! Even if you don't lose a single pound, and even if you look exactly the same, you WILL feel better about yourself and have more confidence to do things like talk to guys and whatnot.

    well exactly, that's why I'm not interested in dating.

    (and I've been working out 4-7 days a week for over 10 years (I consider myself an athlete, it's a long story as to how I got fat involving my genes, a boyfriend, some medical problems, and a masters thesis).
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    I don't think it's hard to go up to someone and say hi. It's harder for me to shed a person that I've discovered I don't like after going up to say hi.

    Rejection is about gaining experience, not a statement about who you are. Don't let it get to you. Don't fear rejection. It's not going to hurt you.
  • Rygar wrote:
    No, that is fine.

    really? you wouldn't just be like "oh come off it..."?

    haha actually my friend and I once really DID think we went to college with a guy we saw in bar so we went up and said hi but it wasn't him...haha I'm sure he thought we were coming on to him...
  • mookie9999mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    Derrick wrote:
    Don't fear rejection. It's not going to hurt you.

    I beg to differ kind sir. After using the line from the pick-up thread about nice shoes, the only way I could describe that glass being smashed against my face would be painful. ;)
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,685
    really? you wouldn't just be like "oh come off it..."?

    haha actually my friend and I once really DID think we went to college with a guy we saw in bar so we went up and said hi but it wasn't him...haha I'm sure he thought we were coming on to him...
    No, I'd be fine with that.
  • well I guess this thread is kinda stupid. I've just been thinking a lot lately that some day I am going to want to date, and since I don't want to do online dating anymore, I have no idea how I would go about meeting anyone. the thought of it really intimidates me because I know I've never met anyone before.
  • DerrickDerrick Posts: 475
    well exactly, that's why I'm not interested in dating.

    (and I've been working out 4-7 days a week for over 10 years (I consider myself an athlete, it's a long story as to how I got fat involving my genes, a boyfriend, some medical problems, and a masters thesis).

    Well, I don't know your body type or your medical history, so I cannot comment on those factors. But if you are regularly expending more calories than you take in, you will lose weight/size. That's the gist of the situation. So maybe you've just gotten yourself into a routine that is not sufficient for the amount of food you feel comfortable eating.

    And...a healthy woman with curves is WAAAAAY more sexy than a healthy woman with zero curves. 9 out of 10 guys will agree with that. A woman's body can be completely fit with a few extra pounds.
  • Derrick wrote:
    Well, I don't know your body type or your medical history, so I cannot comment on those factors. But if you are regularly expending more calories than you take in, you will lose weight/size. That's the gist of the situation. So maybe you've just gotten yourself into a routine that is not sufficient for the amount of food you feel comfortable eating.

    And...a healthy woman with curves is WAAAAAY more sexy than a healthy woman with zero curves. 9 out of 10 guys will agree with that. A woman's body can be completely fit with a few extra pounds.

    this is really not the point of this thread. I'm not looking for weight loss advice.
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