I think I can totally relate to you, GTD! 31, happy being single, feel like I'm living in someone else's body, don't feel like dating right now but wonder if it will be too late by the time I do feel like it again (wait – maybe you didn’t say that ), don't have the slightest idea what to say to people I don't know, all my friends are in relationships, and, most importantly, Jack & Coke is my drink.
I say this is most important because after a few stiff drinks I turn into Ms. Social Butterfly! Okay, well maybe not Ms. Social Butterfly, but at least Ms. Impulsive, which really goes a long way toward alleviating my fear of awkward conversations with random guys in bars.
I think if you have something to say to a guy across the room, go say it to him, even if it's just, "Don't take this the wrong way, but DAMN - you’re hot!" (which is the only thing we know about this guy your friends wanted you to talk to, right?). If that’s all you have to say, then just say it and keep moving right along. If he wants to talk to you, he will. (My observation has been that guys – especially in bars - are usually thrilled at the opportunity to talk to a girl. Maybe it’s just because they have delusions that they could get laid, but if that’s not your plan they’ll find out soon enough.)
Of course, knowing me, if my friends had insisted I go talk to him and I had had enough to drink to do it, I would probably ramble something more along the lines of, “My friends made me come talk to you because I think you’re unbearably good-looking, but I don’t know why they can’t understand that just because I find someone physically attractive doesn’t mean I have any desire to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. I mean, you could be a jackass or a serial killer or something.” But that’s just me.
Oh – and about not having anyone to go out with: I find that when I’m feeling particularly sociable I sometimes prefer to go out alone. You’re right that it’s hard to meet people when you’re sitting with a group of married women at a table in the back of the room. But sitting at the bar alone, drinking a Jack & Coke, reading the paper but keeping my eye out for people I might like to meet - I always meet new people that way! (It’s best if you have a place you can feel safe to go to alone though. That part can be tricky.)
yup. huge problem for me. i'm a perfectionist so it's a big problem. I am a total all-or-nothing personality so if I don't think I can do something perfectly, I won't do it until I really have to.
Just saw this from the procrastinators' thread. Think it's relevant here?
I think I can totally relate to you, GTD! 31, happy being single, feel like I'm living in someone else's body, don't feel like dating right now but wonder if it will be too late by the time I do feel like it again (wait – maybe you didn’t say that ),
Just saw this from the procrastinators' thread. Think it's relevant here?
oh yeah it totally is. I won't date unless I'm a size 12 and my skin is clear. period. It's exactly the same as why I could never play guitar- if I start playing a song and it's not perfect, I just stop and start over. I do it at the gym- if it's not a perfect work out, what's the point. I do it at work. Hell, I don't fold my laundry because I can never get it perfect. My mum's like "so you would rather it lying all over the floor?" I'm like yes, yes I would. Better than trying to get everything neatly folded and failing.
If something isn't perfect, I prefer to pretend it doesn't exist or never happened. Including myself. I'm not perfect right now, so for the moment I do not exist.
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I can't stop thinking about it...
It's regret...it took me a while to figure that out. Even if it had gone horribly, you'd at least be laughing at it right now.
I say this is most important because after a few stiff drinks I turn into Ms. Social Butterfly! Okay, well maybe not Ms. Social Butterfly, but at least Ms. Impulsive, which really goes a long way toward alleviating my fear of awkward conversations with random guys in bars.
I think if you have something to say to a guy across the room, go say it to him, even if it's just, "Don't take this the wrong way, but DAMN - you’re hot!" (which is the only thing we know about this guy your friends wanted you to talk to, right?). If that’s all you have to say, then just say it and keep moving right along. If he wants to talk to you, he will. (My observation has been that guys – especially in bars - are usually thrilled at the opportunity to talk to a girl. Maybe it’s just because they have delusions that they could get laid, but if that’s not your plan they’ll find out soon enough.)
Of course, knowing me, if my friends had insisted I go talk to him and I had had enough to drink to do it, I would probably ramble something more along the lines of, “My friends made me come talk to you because I think you’re unbearably good-looking, but I don’t know why they can’t understand that just because I find someone physically attractive doesn’t mean I have any desire to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. I mean, you could be a jackass or a serial killer or something.” But that’s just me.
Oh – and about not having anyone to go out with: I find that when I’m feeling particularly sociable I sometimes prefer to go out alone. You’re right that it’s hard to meet people when you’re sitting with a group of married women at a table in the back of the room. But sitting at the bar alone, drinking a Jack & Coke, reading the paper but keeping my eye out for people I might like to meet - I always meet new people that way! (It’s best if you have a place you can feel safe to go to alone though. That part can be tricky.)
Just saw this from the procrastinators' thread. Think it's relevant here?
no I didn't say that, but I think it's true!
oh yeah it totally is. I won't date unless I'm a size 12 and my skin is clear. period. It's exactly the same as why I could never play guitar- if I start playing a song and it's not perfect, I just stop and start over. I do it at the gym- if it's not a perfect work out, what's the point. I do it at work. Hell, I don't fold my laundry because I can never get it perfect. My mum's like "so you would rather it lying all over the floor?" I'm like yes, yes I would. Better than trying to get everything neatly folded and failing.
If something isn't perfect, I prefer to pretend it doesn't exist or never happened. Including myself. I'm not perfect right now, so for the moment I do not exist.