I full get you and, unlike Daytime Dilemma I see no problem in internet dating, I just think you need to be more confident in yourself. You say that point 3) doesnt apply to certain girls but what makes you so sure you aren't one of those girls to whom it does apply? I'm sure you're a lovely, attractive person who is just underconfident. Let's say you did talk to this guy, what is the worst that could happen? He isn't interested, you go back to the same situation as before you talked to him, no worse off and never have to see him again. You don't need to take the rejection personally because for all you know, the guy's a fucking jerk I know it's weird and difficult, hell I manage to strike out 9/10 times I talk to a girl I don't know but I just learned to stop letting it bother me.
well as I said, I don't really give a shit about rejection. I've been rejected from pretty much everything since I was born, so I'm completely used to it. It's more just looking like a pathetic idiot. I mean, no one just randomly walks across the bar to talk to some one for no reason at all. I don't think it's very socially acceptable. and like, there's nothing to say to some one when you don't have a reason to talk to them in the first place.
well as I said, I don't really give a shit about rejection. I've been rejected from pretty much everything since I was born, so I'm completely used to it. It's more just looking like a pathetic idiot. I mean, no one just randomly walks across the bar to talk to some one for no reason at all. I don't think it's very socially acceptable. and like, there's nothing to say to some one when you don't have a reason to talk to them in the first place.
no one walks across a bar to talk to random people??
where do u go?
until u gain self-confidence u will be stuck in a rut
You just have to be patient and get to know someone before you decide whether or not they can be trusted...in "real life" or on the internet.
tru dat. I had a friend of a friend who was *engaged* to someone they *thought* they went to college with...turns out the guy was an abusive pathological liar who was never even actually enrolled at their school!
no one walks across a bar to talk to random people??
where do u go?
until u gain self-confidence u will be stuck in a rut
well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.
in a small ghost town,
there's a little arcade
where the poltergeists play their video games
at the top of the roof he says
game over they said, game over they said run and get your quarters in
over cliffs we will swim ahead
do the shackles underneath your bed
haunt the records in their grooves?
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
run and get your quarters in
at the bottom of a french blue pool roamed the drunk chipped tooth of the man in the moon
jump on the roof he says
at the bottom of a french blue pool burn furnace burn at the bottom of the cliff shined a diamond with no end to its trip
jump on the roof he says
do the shackles underneath your bed
haunt the records in their grooves?
and they said it's all over
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
i wrote it all down for you
match a name to the face do you suspect?
do you confess?
do you confess?
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
run
well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.
I talk to random people all the time whereever I go. I'm a very likable person*.
well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.
i believe u... i totally disagree ,,,but if u say so
the downtown pick up bars have alot more going on then talking
tru dat. I had a friend of a friend who was *engaged* to someone they *thought* they went to college with...turns out the guy was an abusive pathological liar who was never even actually enrolled at their school!
Creepy!
It just takes time to get to know who someone really is.
I will say I've met around 8 "internet friends" in real life, and I can honestly say that each one was exactly who I expected him/her to be.
well I mean what I am trying to get across is that there is a difference if you are say, sitting next to someone at the bar, and maybe you turn to them and say something as opposed to getting up from the table, walking over to someone, and saying...what? "Hi I'm X"? Like I will talk to people I don't know if there's some reason to talk to them or it just like happens but I'm not going to march up to some guy who's enjoying his drink with his friend and try to start a convo with him...
you're like the girl version of my brother. exact same problems, issues and everything right down to the "walking up and talking to a random person" weirdness thing. he always asks me how to start a conversation or what to talk about and so on...as if i have all the magical answers. i just tell him to talk about whatever and something hopefully will click...or it won't.
my one friend said that her boyfriend says that anytime a girl initiates a conversation she will get at least get respect and stuff from the guy. but I argue that that doesn't apply to certain girls.
I would agree with him 100%. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that would flat-out ignore you or just walk away. Also, if you were there with 2 other friends, why wouldn't one of them come over there with you? There's absolutely nothing wrong with going up to someone at a bar... it's a social place.
It's gonna be hard for you to (eventually) start dating... you don't want to do the internet thing anymore, you don't want your friends to set you up, you don't want to meet someone in a bar. Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and go for it. Someone earlier said something to the effect of, "regret can hurt worse than rejection" and I'd agree with that. I regret many more things that I haven't done as opposed to regretting things I've done.
I would agree with him 100%. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that would flat-out ignore you or just walk away. Also, if you were there with 2 other friends, why wouldn't one of them come over there with you? There's absolutely nothing wrong with going up to someone at a bar... it's a social place.
It's gonna be hard for you to (eventually) start dating... you don't want to do the internet thing anymore, you don't want your friends to set you up, you don't want to meet someone in a bar. Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and go for it. Someone earlier said something to the effect of, "regret can hurt worse than rejection" and I'd agree with that. I regret many more things that I haven't done as opposed to regretting things I've done.
I didn't say I didn't want my friends to set me up, none of them can though. Also, it's never really been an option for me, but I don't think people set people because they think they'd like each other, they set them up because they're the only 2 single people they know.
also I don't think I'm worried at all about people ignoring me or walking away or being mean or even rejection. It's the fact that once you get over there, YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. You can't just walk over to someone and say hi and then just stand there.
I guess my friends didn't offer to come over with me because they have boyfriends so they're past talking to random strangers. and they probably didn't want the guys to get the wrong idea.
you dont walk over and say 'hi' and just stand there
you say 'heya, whats up tonight ... im just here with my friends for a drink ... seems pretty quiet yea ... so what else is on tonight .... been anywhere else .... oh yea, who was playing there? ... yea, i like that band ... what bands do you like? ....
and so on and so on
convo will flow - or not. if it doesnt just politley wind it up and go get a drink, or go back to your friends table. The laughing and eye rolling stops after high school, remember. and just because you strike up a conversation with someone doesnt mean you want to take him home.
i'd say you need to deal with a few self esteem issues first. and dont go out with your friends looking for a guy to 'chat up with a view to hooking up' with. just go out looking to meet people with similar interests.
mind you - this advice is all coming from a single girl - but im not bothered by that, which is probably why i dont freak out about talking with people i dont know in public.
mind you - this advise is all coming from a single girl - but im not bothered by that, which is probably why i dont freak out about talking with people i dont know in public.
haha I don't mind it either which is why I think I don't even think about talking with people in public .
but yeah, I don't think I'm capable of having the conversation you described. I can't see that actually going down .
haha I don't mind it either which is why I think I don't even think about talking with people in public .
but yeah, I don't think I'm capable of having the conversation you described. I can't see that actually going down .
well turn it to something you would have - a movie you just saw. do you have a tv on in the bar?? whats on it - even a funny ad?? What music is playing - comment on that. make a joke about the heels your wearing giving you the worst blisters of your life???
hell, you can talk about anything - most people enjoy someone striking up a convo with them - i do, unless it's obvious after a few minutes that they are a complete weirdo - then i'll just pop off to the loo or go and get a drink and move off somewhere else.
you can talk to people on here - you dont know us all - you dont know me - but we just talked. hows that different to talking to someone in real life??
well turn it to something you would have - a movie you just saw. do you have a tv on in the bar?? whats on it - even a funny ad?? What music is playing - comment on that. make a joke about the heels your wearing giving you the worst blisters of your life???
hell, you can talk about anything - most people enjoy someone striking up a convo with them - i do, unless it's obvious after a few minutes that they are a complete weirdo - then i'll just pop off to the loo or go and get a drink and move off somewhere else.
you can talk to people on here - you dont know us all - you dont know me - but we just talked. hows that different to talking to someone in real life??
well as I said, just talking to people is fine. I mean I'll make comments or whatever (although people usually look at me like I'm nuts because boston is NOT the friendliest place on earth...). Like I once picked up 4 guys for my friends (none of the guys were interested in me)...there were some creepy guys who wouldn't leave us alone, so I just stood next to these other guys and said "I'm just gonna pretend I'm with you." and we end up hanging out with them all night (of course, I was much more comfortable in my body at that time, so I don't know if that plays a role). I can talk to people in public, that's fine. but it's the deliberately getting up and going over to someone who's just standing there and there's no reason for me to be standing near them and nothing to say (no TV or anything)...then I just couldn't do it (and this is the position I usually find myself in as my friends tend to aim themselves to the most secluded table in the back of the bar).
GTS, I haven't read the whole thread, but when I was younger I was very nervous about talking to people, particularly guys in bars or in social situations that I didn't know.
I challenged myself to learn the art of useless conversation.
The object of the exercise was for me to learn to talk to anyone and everyone and feel comfortable while doing it. I don't know if it would help you, but it sure helped me. If I want to say "hi" or meet someone now I just get on with it and I'm comfortable talking to a wide variety of people. The benefit of it being that I'm not standing there the whole time worrying what they think of me, I'm more concerned with the dynamics of the conversation and if I'm expanding my communication skills.
GTS, I haven't read the whole thread, but when I was younger I was very nervous about talking to people, particularly guys in bars or in social situations that I didn't know.
I challenged myself to learn the art of useless conversation.
The object of the exercise was for me to learn to talk to anyone and everyone and feel comfortable while doing it. I don't know if it would help you, but it sure helped me. If I want to say "hi" or meet someone now I just get on with it and I'm comfortable talking to a wide variety of people. The benefit of it being that I'm not standing there the whole time worrying what they think of me, I'm more concerned with the dynamics of the conversation and if I'm expanding my communication skills.
well as I said, just talking to people is fine. I mean I'll make comments or whatever (although people usually look at me like I'm nuts because boston is NOT the friendliest place on earth...). Like I once picked up 4 guys for my friends (none of the guys were interested in me)...there were some creepy guys who wouldn't leave us alone, so I just stood next to these other guys and said "I'm just gonna pretend I'm with you." and we end up hanging out with them all night. I can talk to people in public, that's fine. but it's the deliberately getting up and going over to someone who's just standing there and there's no reason for me to be standing near them and nothing to say (no TV or anything)...then I just couldn't do it (and this is the position I usually find myself in as my friends tend to aim themselves to the most secluded table in the back of the bar).
but you just described doing it with the guys that helped you out - its as simple as that.
talk to the guy next to you at the bar while your waiting for your round.
talk to the guy next to you at the takeaway line
talk to the guy bagging your groceries - actually probably dont - if its like australia he's probably only 15
hell i dont know - i talk to anyone - even at the mall when im shoping if i hear a convo next to me that has some relevance i'll sometimes put my 2cents in - i talk to checkout people, i talk to the petrol guy - i talk to people im standing in line with - i talk to people on the bus, or the train - i talk way to much probably - and i have no problem with going up to someone i think looks interesting at a bar and saying hey, what are you up to? it's a bit harder if they are with a few others, but just drag another single girl along with you for support - even a girl who is attached, she's just there to support you, NOT to hook up remember. if its going to go anywhere else, it will when it's meant to.
i wonder why i am single sometimes - but i commented somewhere in aet a while ago - i think i have a big neon flashing sign above my head proclaiming that all the committment phoebic, weird hang-ups, substance abusive people line up here please. and im not interested - but perhaps because i am so friendly they think i am???
but you just described doing it with the guys that helped you out - its as simple as that.
talk to the guy next to you at the bar while your waiting for your round.
talk to the guy next to you at the takeaway line
talk to the guy bagging your groceries - actually probably dont - if its like australia he's probably only 15
hell i dont know - i talk to anyone - even at the mall when im shoping if i hear a convo next to me that has some relevance i'll sometimes put my 2cents in - i talk to checkout people, i talk to the petrol guy - i talk to people im standing in line with - i talk to people on the bus, or the train - i talk way to much probably - and i have no problem with going up to someone i think looks interesting at a bar and saying hey, what are you up to? it's a bit harder if they are with a few others, but just drag another single girl along with you for support - even a girl who is attached, she's just there to support you, NOT to hook up remember. if its going to go anywhere else, it will when it's meant to.
i wonder why i am single sometimes - but i commented somewhere in aet a while ago - i think i have a big neon flashing sign above my head proclaiming that all the committment phoebic, weird hang-ups, substance abusive people line up here please. and im not interested - but perhaps because i am so friendly they think i am???
yeah the situation was different this weekend though because I would have had to have gotten up from my table and walked over to an area that I would have had no reason to go and just started talking. very odd.
I talk to everyone too . that description sounded a lot like me. as I said, people think I'm insane. I share tables with people in coffee shops if there's nowhere else to sit. I tell people I like their coats on the T. lol, it totally freaks them out. but it just comes out naturally to me!
a few weeks ago I was waiting for the T at an odd time and it was really late and the announcements regarding the slowness were all muffled (as usual) and this guy just started talking to me! It wasn't odd that he asked about the announcements, but I was shocked when he just kept talking! I wouldn't have been in north carolina or most other places I've been, but this is boston! Haha then he mentioned having just moved here and it all made sense...:)
yeah the situation was different this weekend though because I would have had to have gotten up from my table and walked over to an area that I would have had no reason to go and just started talking. very odd.
I talk to everyone too . that description sounded a lot like me. as I said, people think I'm insane. I share tables with people in coffee shops if there's nowhere else to sit. I tell people I like their coats on the T. lol, it totally freaks them out. but it just comes out naturally to me!
a few weeks ago I was waiting for the T at an odd time and it was really late and the announcements regarding the slowness were all muffled (as usual) and this guy just started talking to me! It wasn't odd that he asked about the announcements, but I was shocked when he just kept talking! I wouldn't have been in north carolina or most other places I've been, but this is boston! Haha then he mentioned having just moved here and it all made sense...:)
your right - it probably does depend where you are - im in australia - people here will talk to anyone, anything. people i know from o/s have commented how open we are. Its sad that you are somewhere where everyone keeps their heads down and their thoughts to themselves. perhaps you should move.
well as I said, just talking to people is fine. I mean I'll make comments or whatever (although people usually look at me like I'm nuts because boston is NOT the friendliest place on earth...). Like I once picked up 4 guys for my friends (none of the guys were interested in me)...there were some creepy guys who wouldn't leave us alone, so I just stood next to these other guys and said "I'm just gonna pretend I'm with you." and we end up hanging out with them all night (of course, I was much more comfortable in my body at that time, so I don't know if that plays a role). I can talk to people in public, that's fine. but it's the deliberately getting up and going over to someone who's just standing there and there's no reason for me to be standing near them and nothing to say (no TV or anything)...then I just couldn't do it (and this is the position I usually find myself in as my friends tend to aim themselves to the most secluded table in the back of the bar).
GTD-Hell, use something like that and what you're talking about to your advantage. You see someone you might like to talk to, walk over and say something corny like "Hey, how's it going? I can't come up with any good excuse why to talk to you but I thought I would." It's at least original instead of 'Hey can I buy you a drink?" or "Are you tired because you've been running through my mind all day' type thing. Be creative. You're more likely to get a laugh out of something like that, being funny, honest, and flirty at the same time. Problem solved. You have a reason to walk over there. Now go walk over there next time.
I challenged myself to talk to all kinds of people. The focus of the challenge being me and my communication and learning to be comfortable in all situations. So I started small. Saying hi and initiating conversation with women first. Women that I wouldn't normally talk to. I practiced on snooty shop assisstants. They were REALLY helpful! haha! Then I included teenagers, (always difficult) small children and then guys. I worked on the guys I thought were good looking or that I was interested in last. Coz they're the hardest. I'm probably not making sense. But I chose people that I would normally be too shy to talk to and the object of the challenge was simply to speak to them without being a dick. Learning to initiate conversation.
Your bar situation, I guess I'd smile at the bloke, go back to enjoying my evening for a bit. It's not easy when you got girlfriends putting pressure on you. But maybe I'd have then waited till he was at the bar getting a drink and then wandered up and said hello, how's your night going? having fun? REALLY simple stuff. I'd respond to what he had to say, see how that went and then once I'd been served my drink, smile at him and then go back to the table with my girlfriends. You could introduce yourself if you felt comfortable but it's not mandatory. That's enough for starters. If he's interested or he works up the courage he'd come by later and say hi. It's not like you have to get into a D & M with your first conversation or anything. Hope that made sense. Hope it helps.
- i think i have a big neon flashing sign above my head proclaiming that all the committment phoebic, weird hang-ups, substance abusive people line up here please. and im not interested - but perhaps because i am so friendly they think i am???
haha! Sorry! So you have an arsehole magnet too then???
haha! Sorry! So you have an arsehole magnet too then???
I thought it was only me?
*sigh* afraid not
ive decided i must have been a completely shallow bitch in my last life, and now im being punished - either that or i was an extremely popular psychologist and all my old clients keep finding me
I challenged myself to talk to all kinds of people. The focus of the challenge being me and my communication and learning to be comfortable in all situations. So I started small. Saying hi and initiating conversation with women first. Women that I wouldn't normally talk to. I practiced on snooty shop assisstants. They were REALLY helpful! haha! Then I included teenagers, (always difficult) small children and then guys. I worked on the guys I thought were good looking or that I was interested in last. Coz they're the hardest. I'm probably not making sense. But I chose people that I would normally be too shy to talk to and the object of the challenge was simply to speak to them without being a dick. Learning to initiate conversation.
Your bar situation, I guess I'd smile at the bloke, go back to enjoying my evening for a bit. It's not easy when you got girlfriends putting pressure on you. But maybe I'd have then waited till he was at the bar getting a drink and then wandered up and said hello, how's your night going? having fun? REALLY simple stuff. I'd respond to what he had to say, see how that went and then once I'd been served my drink, smile at him and then go back to the table with my girlfriends. You could introduce yourself if you felt comfortable but it's not mandatory. That's enough for starters. If he's interested or he works up the courage he'd come by later and say hi. It's not like you have to get into a D & M with your first conversation or anything. Hope that made sense. Hope it helps.
ok yeah I have heard of this before.
what is D&M???
oh well it'll probably be months until I go out on a saturday night again anyway!
Comments
well as I said, I don't really give a shit about rejection. I've been rejected from pretty much everything since I was born, so I'm completely used to it. It's more just looking like a pathetic idiot. I mean, no one just randomly walks across the bar to talk to some one for no reason at all. I don't think it's very socially acceptable. and like, there's nothing to say to some one when you don't have a reason to talk to them in the first place.
People lie about themselves in person, too.
You just have to be patient and get to know someone before you decide whether or not they can be trusted...in "real life" or on the internet.
no one walks across a bar to talk to random people??
where do u go?
until u gain self-confidence u will be stuck in a rut
tru dat. I had a friend of a friend who was *engaged* to someone they *thought* they went to college with...turns out the guy was an abusive pathological liar who was never even actually enrolled at their school!
well not at like, regular bars. I mean I'm sure that stuff goes on at the pick up bars downtown where the 27 year old guys try to pick 21 year old bimbos in halter tops. I don't think that would be very normal at the neighborhood pub.
there's a little arcade
where the poltergeists play their video games
at the top of the roof he says
game over they said, game over they said run and get your quarters in
over cliffs we will swim ahead
do the shackles underneath your bed
haunt the records in their grooves?
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
run and get your quarters in
at the bottom of a french blue pool roamed the drunk chipped tooth of the man in the moon
jump on the roof he says
at the bottom of a french blue pool burn furnace burn at the bottom of the cliff shined a diamond with no end to its trip
jump on the roof he says
do the shackles underneath your bed
haunt the records in their grooves?
and they said it's all over
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
hook and sinker
i wrote it all down for you
match a name to the face do you suspect?
do you confess?
do you confess?
salem is home sentenced to live
yes this i know...
comes back tenfold
run
I talk to random people all the time whereever I go. I'm a very likable person*.
i believe u... i totally disagree ,,,but if u say so
the downtown pick up bars have alot more going on then talking
Creepy!
It just takes time to get to know who someone really is.
I will say I've met around 8 "internet friends" in real life, and I can honestly say that each one was exactly who I expected him/her to be.
yeah but you talk to people you happen to have a reason to talk to (even if it's not a very big one)...
huh?
well I mean what I am trying to get across is that there is a difference if you are say, sitting next to someone at the bar, and maybe you turn to them and say something as opposed to getting up from the table, walking over to someone, and saying...what? "Hi I'm X"? Like I will talk to people I don't know if there's some reason to talk to them or it just like happens but I'm not going to march up to some guy who's enjoying his drink with his friend and try to start a convo with him...
I would agree with him 100%. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that would flat-out ignore you or just walk away. Also, if you were there with 2 other friends, why wouldn't one of them come over there with you? There's absolutely nothing wrong with going up to someone at a bar... it's a social place.
It's gonna be hard for you to (eventually) start dating... you don't want to do the internet thing anymore, you don't want your friends to set you up, you don't want to meet someone in a bar. Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and go for it. Someone earlier said something to the effect of, "regret can hurt worse than rejection" and I'd agree with that. I regret many more things that I haven't done as opposed to regretting things I've done.
I didn't say I didn't want my friends to set me up, none of them can though. Also, it's never really been an option for me, but I don't think people set people because they think they'd like each other, they set them up because they're the only 2 single people they know.
also I don't think I'm worried at all about people ignoring me or walking away or being mean or even rejection. It's the fact that once you get over there, YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. You can't just walk over to someone and say hi and then just stand there.
I guess my friends didn't offer to come over with me because they have boyfriends so they're past talking to random strangers. and they probably didn't want the guys to get the wrong idea.
you say 'heya, whats up tonight ... im just here with my friends for a drink ... seems pretty quiet yea ... so what else is on tonight .... been anywhere else .... oh yea, who was playing there? ... yea, i like that band ... what bands do you like? ....
and so on and so on
convo will flow - or not. if it doesnt just politley wind it up and go get a drink, or go back to your friends table. The laughing and eye rolling stops after high school, remember. and just because you strike up a conversation with someone doesnt mean you want to take him home.
i'd say you need to deal with a few self esteem issues first. and dont go out with your friends looking for a guy to 'chat up with a view to hooking up' with. just go out looking to meet people with similar interests.
mind you - this advice is all coming from a single girl - but im not bothered by that, which is probably why i dont freak out about talking with people i dont know in public.
haha I don't mind it either which is why I think I don't even think about talking with people in public
but yeah, I don't think I'm capable of having the conversation you described. I can't see that actually going down
well turn it to something you would have - a movie you just saw. do you have a tv on in the bar?? whats on it - even a funny ad?? What music is playing - comment on that. make a joke about the heels your wearing giving you the worst blisters of your life???
hell, you can talk about anything - most people enjoy someone striking up a convo with them - i do, unless it's obvious after a few minutes that they are a complete weirdo - then i'll just pop off to the loo or go and get a drink and move off somewhere else.
you can talk to people on here - you dont know us all - you dont know me - but we just talked. hows that different to talking to someone in real life??
well as I said, just talking to people is fine. I mean I'll make comments or whatever (although people usually look at me like I'm nuts because boston is NOT the friendliest place on earth...). Like I once picked up 4 guys for my friends (none of the guys were interested in me)...there were some creepy guys who wouldn't leave us alone, so I just stood next to these other guys and said "I'm just gonna pretend I'm with you." and we end up hanging out with them all night (of course, I was much more comfortable in my body at that time, so I don't know if that plays a role). I can talk to people in public, that's fine. but it's the deliberately getting up and going over to someone who's just standing there and there's no reason for me to be standing near them and nothing to say (no TV or anything)...then I just couldn't do it (and this is the position I usually find myself in as my friends tend to aim themselves to the most secluded table in the back of the bar).
I challenged myself to learn the art of useless conversation.
The object of the exercise was for me to learn to talk to anyone and everyone and feel comfortable while doing it. I don't know if it would help you, but it sure helped me. If I want to say "hi" or meet someone now I just get on with it and I'm comfortable talking to a wide variety of people. The benefit of it being that I'm not standing there the whole time worrying what they think of me, I'm more concerned with the dynamics of the conversation and if I'm expanding my communication skills.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
well, how did you learn it?
but you just described doing it with the guys that helped you out - its as simple as that.
talk to the guy next to you at the bar while your waiting for your round.
talk to the guy next to you at the takeaway line
talk to the guy bagging your groceries - actually probably dont - if its like australia he's probably only 15
hell i dont know - i talk to anyone - even at the mall when im shoping if i hear a convo next to me that has some relevance i'll sometimes put my 2cents in - i talk to checkout people, i talk to the petrol guy - i talk to people im standing in line with - i talk to people on the bus, or the train - i talk way to much probably - and i have no problem with going up to someone i think looks interesting at a bar and saying hey, what are you up to? it's a bit harder if they are with a few others, but just drag another single girl along with you for support - even a girl who is attached, she's just there to support you, NOT to hook up remember. if its going to go anywhere else, it will when it's meant to.
i wonder why i am single sometimes - but i commented somewhere in aet a while ago - i think i have a big neon flashing sign above my head proclaiming that all the committment phoebic, weird hang-ups, substance abusive people line up here please. and im not interested - but perhaps because i am so friendly they think i am???
yeah the situation was different this weekend though because I would have had to have gotten up from my table and walked over to an area that I would have had no reason to go and just started talking. very odd.
I talk to everyone too
a few weeks ago I was waiting for the T at an odd time and it was really late and the announcements regarding the slowness were all muffled (as usual) and this guy just started talking to me! It wasn't odd that he asked about the announcements, but I was shocked when he just kept talking! I wouldn't have been in north carolina or most other places I've been, but this is boston! Haha then he mentioned having just moved here and it all made sense...:)
your right - it probably does depend where you are - im in australia - people here will talk to anyone, anything. people i know from o/s have commented how open we are. Its sad that you are somewhere where everyone keeps their heads down and their thoughts to themselves. perhaps you should move.
GTD-Hell, use something like that and what you're talking about to your advantage. You see someone you might like to talk to, walk over and say something corny like "Hey, how's it going? I can't come up with any good excuse why to talk to you but I thought I would." It's at least original instead of 'Hey can I buy you a drink?" or "Are you tired because you've been running through my mind all day' type thing. Be creative. You're more likely to get a laugh out of something like that, being funny, honest, and flirty at the same time. Problem solved. You have a reason to walk over there. Now go walk over there next time.
I challenged myself to talk to all kinds of people. The focus of the challenge being me and my communication and learning to be comfortable in all situations. So I started small. Saying hi and initiating conversation with women first. Women that I wouldn't normally talk to. I practiced on snooty shop assisstants.
Your bar situation, I guess I'd smile at the bloke, go back to enjoying my evening for a bit. It's not easy when you got girlfriends putting pressure on you. But maybe I'd have then waited till he was at the bar getting a drink and then wandered up and said hello, how's your night going? having fun? REALLY simple stuff. I'd respond to what he had to say, see how that went and then once I'd been served my drink, smile at him and then go back to the table with my girlfriends. You could introduce yourself if you felt comfortable but it's not mandatory. That's enough for starters. If he's interested or he works up the courage he'd come by later and say hi. It's not like you have to get into a D & M with your first conversation or anything.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
I thought it was only me?
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
*sigh* afraid not
ive decided i must have been a completely shallow bitch in my last life, and now im being punished - either that or i was an extremely popular psychologist and all my old clients keep finding me
ok yeah I have heard of this before.
what is D&M???
oh well it'll probably be months until I go out on a saturday night again anyway!
deep & meaningful
and no - go out this sat & put all this advice into practice