Acquaintance Rape

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  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    drivingrl wrote:
    Let's say he was confused. The question is: Does that make it alright for him to ask such questions? While we don't know exactly what happened, it's safe to say the discussion should have ended at "no." Even if he was asking these questions (after she said "no") in the most logical, non-skeezy tone - trying to figure out how tish thinks and what her motivations are - those questions are still being asked to make her feel uncomfortable and break down that balance of power.

    And what I'm saying is, no one asks for that. No one does something consciously thinking, "You know, I'd bet someone is going to come up to me and try to exert his control over me and try to make me feel uncomfortable." That is brought upon someone.

    if that is what he asked, and i am skeptical about that. in that scenario, they are not being asked to make her uncomfortable, they are asked becos SHE made HIM feel uncomfortable by inviting him over, giving every reason for him to think it was a booty call, and then saying no. so he sits there feeling awkward and embarrassed and tried to figure out what is going on. i've been in the situation and the balance of power was on her side. yes, it should have ended at no. but depending on what actually happened (and i strongly doubt things happened as she describes) i would feel hard pressed to call him a rapist or even say he was sexually assaulting her. at least he was trying to get her consent rather than just trying to do all those things and seeing what she said.
  • mookie9999
    mookie9999 Posts: 4,677
    I can't believe this is still going back and forth 24 hours later with no word from the OP. How many ways can the same thing be said? I guess we'll find out. Carry On Now, Carry On.
    "The leads are weak!"

    "The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"

    "What's your name?"

    "FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    comebackgirl wrote:
    She was fortunate and wasn't harmed - I agree - fortunately no assault. However, from what the OP stated he DIDN'T leave when requested - it took 15 minutes of him trying to persuade her to change her mind and for her to repeatedly ask him to leave. If someone repeatedly disregarded my "No" and tried to change my mind I would be frightened too - wondering how much ability I have to control the situation or protect myself at that point.

    that's still not a crime. if it were, every white tourist in la would be able to press charges against every group of young black men they come across. you being afraid a crime might be committed is not, itself, a crime. esp since it seems more like he was pathetically begging for sex rather than threatening her to give it to him.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    drivingrl wrote:
    I do agree. But how does that make his actions any less forced upon her?

    actions? he was talking. maybe his words were forced upon her, but tough shit, in your own home with a man you invited in, you can't really claim sexual harassment becos you have many options for putting a stop to it. you can kick him out, call the cops, or not invite someone over. he forced no actions on her. it was a douchebag move on his part, yes, but not illegal nor was he forcing any action on her. he might have made her uncomfortable, but a lot of people make me uncomfortable and that does not mean they are criminals or should be considered criminals.
  • drivingrl
    drivingrl Posts: 1,448
    soulsinging wrote:
    actions? he was talking. maybe his words were forced upon her, but tough shit, in your own home with a man you invited in, you can't really claim sexual harassment becos you have many options for putting a stop to it. you can kick him out, call the cops, or not invite someone over. he forced no actions on her. it was a douchebag move on his part, yes, but not illegal nor was he forcing any action on her. he might have made her uncomfortable, but a lot of people make me uncomfortable and that does not mean they are criminals or should be considered criminals.

    Well, no, it doesn't make him a criminal. But it does not mean she's at fault for his actions.
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • aNiMaL
    aNiMaL Posts: 7,117
    soulsinging wrote:
    a lot of people make me uncomfortable and that does not mean they are criminals or should be considered criminals.
    soulsinging makes me uncomfortable on pretty much a daily basis. ;)
  • Flannel Shirt
    Flannel Shirt Posts: 1,021
    ...................
    All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
  • Flannel Shirt
    Flannel Shirt Posts: 1,021
    AllNiteThing wrote:
    Wow...just...

    wow.

    what the fuck you wowing?
    Motown322 wrote:
    Trespassing??!?!??!?!??!?? Didn't she invite him over? How is that trespassing? To trespass is to "enter private land without permission". I think the phone call and her opening the door up for him pretty much blasts that theory out of the water.
    it is in california. i bet i could find that it is in another 49 states if i had the time...


    CA PENAL CODE SECTION 602(n) [refusal to leave private property ]
    provides that a person who refuses or fails to leave land not open to the general public when requested to do so by the owner, owner's agent, or a peace officer at the request of the owner or owner's agent may be arrested.
    All that's sacred, comes from youth....dedications, naive and true.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    drivingrl wrote:
    Well, no, it doesn't make him a criminal. But it does not mean she's at fault for his actions.

    no, she isn't. but it might mean they both over-reacted rather than that he should be labeled a sex offender.
  • AllNiteThing
    AllNiteThing Posts: 1,115
    Flannel Shirt wrote:
    what the fuck you wowing?


    You, tough guy. You. :rolleyes:
    24 years old, mid-life crisis
    nowadays hits you when you're young
  • in_hiding79
    in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    That Helen is funny......hehehehe :)

    and I wonder where Tish is..?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :)
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • JordyWordy
    JordyWordy Posts: 2,261
    Flannel Shirt wrote:
    CA PENAL CODE SECTION 602(n) [refusal to leave private property ]
    provides that a person who refuses or fails to leave land not open to the general public when requested to do so by the owner, owner's agent, or a peace officer at the request of the owner or owner's agent may be arrested.

    yeah youre right it is a crime. in Ireland too. and pretty much every common law jurisdiction the world over. as soon as the landowner or tenant removes or revokes your permission to be on the property, failure to leave falls into the crime of trespassing. unless of course the guy had a warrant to be there (maybe he was a cop), from the lack of details its hard to know :D
  • drivingrl
    drivingrl Posts: 1,448
    soulsinging wrote:
    no, she isn't. but it might mean they both over-reacted rather than that he should be labeled a sex offender.

    Did I? I'm sorry if I did; I definitely didn't mean to. I was just trying to stress that it wasn't her fault.
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • comebackwoman
    comebackwoman Posts: 7,271
    soulsinging wrote:
    that's still not a crime. if it were, every white tourist in la would be able to press charges against every group of young black men they come across. you being afraid a crime might be committed is not, itself, a crime. esp since it seems more like he was pathetically begging for sex rather than threatening her to give it to him.
    I realize this does not constitute sexual assault...because there wasn't an assault. The point I am making is for 15 minutes she did not consent to having sex with him...for 15 minutes she said "no" and asked him to leave...if she was uncomfortable/scared/whatever it is understandable because he showed repeatedly he was gonna test and try to push her boundaries. As you have noted yourself, his behavior after she said no was unexcusable - crime or not.
    There's a light when my baby's in my arms :)
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    edited October 2023
    .
    Post edited by Spunkie on
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    Live and Learn Tish.

    BTW- This thread is fucking awesome!
    "It's all happening"
  • in_hiding79
    in_hiding79 Posts: 4,315
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Live and Learn Tish.

    BTW- This thread is fucking awesome!


    I agree...totally!! :)
    And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...,"
    "What a stupid lamb."
    "What a sick, masochistic lion."
  • drivingrl
    drivingrl Posts: 1,448
    Indian Summer wrote:
    Live and Learn Tish.

    BTW- This thread is fucking awesome!

    Agreed! I was worried this thread would get locked Moving Train-style. But we done good. :)
    drivingrl: "Will I ever get to meet Gwen Stefani?"
    kevinbeetle: "Yes. When her career washes up and her and Gavin move to Galveston, you will meet her at Hot Topic shopping for a Japanese cheerleader outfit.

    Next!"
  • vital5
    vital5 Posts: 5,486
    is tish even hot? :p
  • mdigenakis
    mdigenakis Posts: 1,337
    tish wrote:
    Last weekend, I invited a man over to watch videos since the snow didn't call for going out for coffee. This guy took the invitation as sexual rights. Except for him (respecting) my "No's", I'd say he did everything but rape me. He said I was asking for it by the way I was dressed. And if I wouldn't do this, would I do that? And since I wouldn't do that, would I do this? In the words of Avril Lavigne, it was "badder than it sounds." I held the door open for him to leave and that took 15 painful minutes.

    The experience rates #2 in my top two worst times with a male. (The first, worst time being when I nearly divorced yet managed to help write a few hit songs...)
    hopefully he was hit by a truck on the way home.
    "Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

    -Greg Dulli

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