so what you do in this situation

1234568»

Comments

  • pjl44
    pjl44 Posts: 10,533
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    I guess that could be true...not sure...I think about the people I go out with, and they're all in relationships and don't really want to talk to anyone new, they are just there to be with the people they already know. it *should* be the way you describe it, I hope it is.

    If someone's in a relationship, they'll usually tell you up front. If you really are generally cool with chatting up strangers, you'll be fine. I'm out there and that's definitely how it is...and I also tend to have a hard time biting the bullet and saying hi. Now after a couple whiskeys...
  • Whizbang
    Whizbang Posts: 1,314
    pjl44 wrote:
    If someone's in a relationship, they'll usually tell you up front. If you really are generally cool with chatting up strangers, you'll be fine. I'm out there and that's definitely how it is...and I also tend to have a hard time biting the bullet and saying hi. Now after a couple whiskeys...

    ah yes...a little llllllliquid courage helps. :D
    well, if you see me, say hi. I'll do the same. I'm north of Boston but am usually in town every other weekend...actually, I hit the Navy Yard to visit with my mom every Thirsty Thursday.
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    pjl44 wrote:
    If someone's in a relationship, they'll usually tell you up front. If you really are generally cool with chatting up strangers, you'll be fine. I'm out there and that's definitely how it is...and I also tend to have a hard time biting the bullet and saying hi. Now after a couple whiskeys...

    ah whiskey...my drink of choice as well...

    of course I had like 5 jack and diets over the course of saturday night and it wasn't enough...
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    pjl44 wrote:
    If someone's in a relationship, they'll usually tell you up front. If you really are generally cool with chatting up strangers, you'll be fine. I'm out there and that's definitely how it is...and I also tend to have a hard time biting the bullet and saying hi. Now after a couple whiskeys...

    I wish that people went out to bars and stuff to be part of the community and just hang out with everyone. not many people do. the only men that have ever struck up conversations with me in bars have been irish...I think it's because in ireland the pub is the place you go just hang out with everyone, talk to plenty of people...I wish it was like that around here. what is the point of just sitting in the corner with people you've known for 10 years?
  • ryan198
    ryan198 Posts: 1,015
    ok so i read the first page and this one...you sound like my lil' sis who wants this magical moment come knock her over the head with arrows, and hearts, and lights that says "TALK TO THIS GUY HE WANTS YOU"...or something like that. The funny thing is that the guy is going through the same exact anxiety. Maybe whomever it is you might want to talk to is looking at you waiting for the same "magical moment" only it never comes b/c you are both afraid.

    I was always the same way, and my encouragement to her was to just go and get a beer (accidentally when the person you have your eye on does), and strike up conversation. Start by making a comment about their drink of choice like "oh Harp Lager I've never had that before is it any good?"... if it's just the cheap beer on special "I'm not a big fan of Miller Lite but for $2 a bottle how can you beat it?" .

    If the guy is anywhere near worth talking to he will:
    A. Totally be happy that you are willing to talk booze with him, and will try explaining what it is like...maybe even offer a taste...or better yet buy you one (I've fallen for that before ;)). ALWAYS ALWAYS TAKE IT by the way. Even if you don't like it...if you start the convo...you gotta do the time.

    B. Respond with a quick joke about how much he loves cheap beer, or that he's a college student and can't afford anything else...boom now you ask where he goes to school. Now you got him talking about himself (booze and school) which takes him off the defensive, and makes him comfortable. This allows him to show interest back...if he doesn't then fine game over...if he does there you are.

    or:
    C. He'll just be a dick...and well fuck it...that happens.

    I'm no gambler but 67% odds of at least having a cool conversation with a good looking individual is pretty good. If you can't tell I am a champion flirt, partly because I like talking to people I'm attracted to, and partly because I learned that if you are genuinely interested in listening to other people you can make a lot of friends and new acquaintences this way. The way I have met many of my good friends are through their friends that took me back to their table or party b/c I started a conversation with them.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    ryan198 wrote:
    ok so i read the first page and this one...you sound like my lil' sis who wants this magical moment come knock her over the head with arrows, and hearts, and lights that says "TALK TO THIS GUY HE WANTS YOU"...or something like that. The funny thing is that the guy is going through the same exact anxiety. Maybe whomever it is you might want to talk to is looking at you waiting for the same "magical moment" only it never comes b/c you are both afraid.

    I was always the same way, and my encouragement to her was to just go and get a beer (accidentally when the person you have your eye on does), and strike up conversation. Start by making a comment about their drink of choice like "oh Harp Lager I've never had that before is it any good?"... if it's just the cheap beer on special "I'm not a big fan of Miller Lite but for $2 a bottle how can you beat it?" .

    If the guy is anywhere near worth talking to he will:
    A. Totally be happy that you are willing to talk booze with him, and will try explaining what it is like...maybe even offer a taste...or better yet buy you one (I've fallen for that before ;)). ALWAYS ALWAYS TAKE IT by the way. Even if you don't like it...if you start the convo...you gotta do the time.

    B. Respond with a quick joke about how much he loves cheap beer, or that he's a college student and can't afford anything else...boom now you ask where he goes to school. Now you got him talking about himself (booze and school) which takes him off the defensive, and makes him comfortable. This allows him to show interest back...if he doesn't then fine game over...if he does there you are.

    or:
    C. He'll just be a dick...and well fuck it...that happens.

    I'm no gambler but 67% odds of at least having a cool conversation with a good looking individual is pretty good. If you can't tell I am a champion flirt, partly because I like talking to people I'm attracted to, and partly because I learned that if you are genuinely interested in listening to other people you can make a lot of friends and new acquaintences this way. The way I have met many of my good friends are through their friends that took me back to their table or party b/c I started a conversation with them.


    hahaha I think I'll have some problems if I'm hitting on college students...
    no I mean this situation I would do. I just couldn't walk up to someone for no reason. but I also probably wouldn't pick a person out and try to be at the same time as them or something, I'd have to just happen to be and it would all just have to be like normal.
  • pjl44
    pjl44 Posts: 10,533
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    what is the point of just sitting in the corner with people you've known for 10 years?

    Hmmmmmmm...but isn't that just what you were doing?

    On a more serious note, I'm a Johnnie Walker guy. One of my friends got me a bottle of Green for my birthday...now that's a friend. Jack is definitely reliable, though. If you like Jack, I would suggest making a little slide over to Woodford Reserve if you are at a bar that has it. You will be pleasantly surprised!
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    pjl44 wrote:
    Hmmmmmmm...but isn't that just what you were doing?

    On a more serious note, I'm a Johnnie Walker guy. One of my friends got me a bottle of Green for my birthday...now that's a friend. Jack is definitely reliable, though. If you like Jack, I would suggest making a little slide over to Woodford Reserve if you are at a bar that has it. You will be pleasantly surprised!

    yeah it was what I was doing, because that's what everyone does!

    oh yeah I had the woodford reserve once...I usually don't get too fancy but yeah it was nice.
  • ryan198
    ryan198 Posts: 1,015
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    hahaha I think I'll have some problems if I'm hitting on college students...
    no I mean this situation I would do. I just couldn't walk up to someone for no reason. but I also probably wouldn't pick a person out and try to be at the same time as them or something, I'd have to just happen to be and it would all just have to be like normal.

    true...you said you had your MA. DONT really on random chance though, chug your jack and diet and run up to the bar (well walk don't run...running is a bit desperate and just make it look natural-ish)...the extra boost from the booze and fizz can make shooting the comment out seem normal. Or sit at the actual bar (this is where the action is right?)

    Honestly when my wife goes home for the weekend I go down to my local with a bartender I know (he has a serious g/f), and we just sit at the bar or behind it and talk to everyone that comes in. Throughout the night I probably flirt/talk to 4-6 complete strangers.

    Since I've been in b'more I've probably met hundreds of different people all who have fascinating stories about why they are at the ballpark, convention center, arena, etc. When I go home, even though I don't come close to taking anyone with me, I feel less lonely than had I just stayed in all night watching a movie. So even if you are unsuccessful at "pulling" anyone from the bar, at least you are getting closer to that kind of conversation that you say you would like to get...AND I'm pretty sure if I weren't taken on plenty of those nights I could have garnered a date or more.
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    ryan198 wrote:
    true...you said you had your MA.

    well not just that, I'm 30 years old!
    I like younger men but...
    :)
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    why did this event depress and confuse me so much?

    I can't stop thinking about it...
  • pjl44
    pjl44 Posts: 10,533
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    why did this event depress and confuse me so much?

    I can't stop thinking about it...

    It's regret...it took me a while to figure that out. Even if it had gone horribly, you'd at least be laughing at it right now.
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    I think I can totally relate to you, GTD! 31, happy being single, feel like I'm living in someone else's body, don't feel like dating right now but wonder if it will be too late by the time I do feel like it again (wait – maybe you didn’t say that :)), don't have the slightest idea what to say to people I don't know, all my friends are in relationships, and, most importantly, Jack & Coke is my drink.

    I say this is most important because after a few stiff drinks I turn into Ms. Social Butterfly! Okay, well maybe not Ms. Social Butterfly, but at least Ms. Impulsive, which really goes a long way toward alleviating my fear of awkward conversations with random guys in bars.

    I think if you have something to say to a guy across the room, go say it to him, even if it's just, "Don't take this the wrong way, but DAMN - you’re hot!" (which is the only thing we know about this guy your friends wanted you to talk to, right?). If that’s all you have to say, then just say it and keep moving right along. If he wants to talk to you, he will. (My observation has been that guys – especially in bars - are usually thrilled at the opportunity to talk to a girl. Maybe it’s just because they have delusions that they could get laid, but if that’s not your plan they’ll find out soon enough.)

    Of course, knowing me, if my friends had insisted I go talk to him and I had had enough to drink to do it, I would probably ramble something more along the lines of, “My friends made me come talk to you because I think you’re unbearably good-looking, but I don’t know why they can’t understand that just because I find someone physically attractive doesn’t mean I have any desire to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. I mean, you could be a jackass or a serial killer or something.” But that’s just me. :D

    Oh – and about not having anyone to go out with: I find that when I’m feeling particularly sociable I sometimes prefer to go out alone. You’re right that it’s hard to meet people when you’re sitting with a group of married women at a table in the back of the room. But sitting at the bar alone, drinking a Jack & Coke, reading the paper but keeping my eye out for people I might like to meet - I always meet new people that way! (It’s best if you have a place you can feel safe to go to alone though. That part can be tricky.)
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    GreenTeaDisease wrote:
    yup. huge problem for me. i'm a perfectionist so it's a big problem. I am a total all-or-nothing personality so if I don't think I can do something perfectly, I won't do it until I really have to.

    Just saw this from the procrastinators' thread. Think it's relevant here? :)
  • GreenTeaDisease
    GreenTeaDisease Posts: 3,359
    scb wrote:
    I think I can totally relate to you, GTD! 31, happy being single, feel like I'm living in someone else's body, don't feel like dating right now but wonder if it will be too late by the time I do feel like it again (wait – maybe you didn’t say that :)),

    no I didn't say that, but I think it's true!

    scb wrote:
    Just saw this from the procrastinators' thread. Think it's relevant here? :)

    oh yeah it totally is. I won't date unless I'm a size 12 and my skin is clear. period. It's exactly the same as why I could never play guitar- if I start playing a song and it's not perfect, I just stop and start over. I do it at the gym- if it's not a perfect work out, what's the point. I do it at work. Hell, I don't fold my laundry because I can never get it perfect. My mum's like "so you would rather it lying all over the floor?" I'm like yes, yes I would. Better than trying to get everything neatly folded and failing.

    If something isn't perfect, I prefer to pretend it doesn't exist or never happened. Including myself. I'm not perfect right now, so for the moment I do not exist.

Categories