What's the point of getting married these days?

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  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    eyedclaar wrote:
    Despite my marriage jokes, I am married (for the 2nd time) and thankfully my family and in-laws no longer ask us about kids. I think they got the message after my 1,000th joke about rather popping off a baby's head than raising one...

    The breeders are keeping us all knee-deep in humans; they certainly don't need my help. And yes, it is perfect having a spouse that feels the same way.

    You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Lizardjam wrote:
    This would be my main reason. Aside from all the instituional and religous stuff that doesn't hold as much water as the fact that people are more willing to stick around and work it out when there's the level of commitment a marriage represents.

    No marriage, and ask any guy(as already posted originally), or girl I guess, and they find it easier to split up and walk away.

    Yes it's easier to split up, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're also not going to try and work things out. Sometimes people try to work it out tooo much and end up being stuck because they feel they have to due to the constraint of the marraige. If someone is just going to pack up and walk away easilly after a fuss then they weren't into in to begin with. If it takes a marraige to make someone actually work on being with someone they love, then they're not with the right person, I believe. I've worked my ass off with a girl I lived with because it was worth it to be with her. Until the kids stance wouldn't budge, then it was time to go. That's what I mean by makes it easier.
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    GraySaturday wrote:
    You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!


    that makes me so angry....i can understand her wanting grandchildren but telling you that must do it now is obnoxious...does she know your feelings on children?
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    cutback wrote:
    that makes me so angry....i can understand her wanting grandchildren but telling you that must do it now is obnoxious...does she know your feelings on children?

    Yeah, she does.. and she got angry when I told her my stance once again, and said "well you're gonna make a crappy teacher!"

    I can't win! haha
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    GraySaturday wrote:
    You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!

    you have every right to cringe. I feel sorry for you that you have such a pre historic ML :(

    what's trying a baby? are you supposed to rent one or send it back if you can't hack it? what's Mom talking about?

    one time my first husband's grandmother clapped her hands (about babies) at us and said, "come on you two kids get busy." I divorced him.
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    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
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  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    iluvcats wrote:
    you have every right to cringe. I feel sorry for you that you have such a pre historic ML :(

    what's trying a baby? are you supposed to rent one or send it back if you can't hack it? what's Mom talking about?

    one time my first husband's grandmother clapped her hands (about babies) at us and said, "come on you two kids get busy." I divorced him.


    LOL!

    I guess she wanted us to pull down our pants and try for a baby. Nothing like a turn off then having your MIL order up some sex for you. gag.
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    GraySaturday wrote:
    LOL!

    I guess she wanted us to pull down our pants and try for a baby. Nothing like a turn off then having your MIL order up some sex for you. gag.

    too funny!

    I never had children. My friend told me I'll regret it when I'm old. That's why she had kids, for when she's old. Welll...My mom is all alone and her grandchildren, 12 hours away, have nothing to do with her -- so that is such a selfish, poor excuse.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • Get_Right
    Get_Right Posts: 14,138
    Marriage is a commitment between two people to make a life together, and in some cases a family.

    It solidifies whatever arrangements you may already have and makes you feel that it is permanent. It strengthens the bond between you, and it gets stronger with kids.

    Simply, its a more serious commitment to each other that is not so easily broken
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Get_Right wrote:
    Marriage is a commitment between two people to make a life together, and in some cases a family.

    It solidifies whatever arrangements you may already have and makes you feel that it is permanent. It strengthens the bond between you, and it gets stronger with kids.

    Simply, its a more serious commitment to each other that is not so easily broken

    That's person to person though. Not everyone feels that way when they get married. The bond with kids will come regardless of marraige if both people involved are ready for it and it's truly what they want.

    I could seriously commit myself to someone the rest of my life as well without putting a marraige certificate on top of it. If they're the one...well then, they're the one.
  • Lizard
    Lizard So Cal Posts: 12,091
    I got married in 1985. It was about making commitment and of course the religious part of a covenant and all that --- being raised catholic it was ingrained. I guess i never gave it DEEP thought as far as “why”--it was the thing to do! Maybe I was just a lemming :p. But it worked out, we are honestly happy (or maybe just delusional!!), and have 2 sons. I wonder if it is more about luck than anything else although there is love there ;)

    That said...............if we were not together for some reason in the future, I really don’t think I would want to get married again but who knows.
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • Get_Right
    Get_Right Posts: 14,138
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    That's person to person though. Not everyone feels that way when they get married. The bond with kids will come regardless of marraige if both people involved are ready for it and it's truly what they want.

    I could seriously commit myself to someone the rest of my life as well without putting a marraige certificate on top of it. If they're the one...well then, they're the one.

    I agree. But once you are ready, the marriage makes the commitment stronger. Living together is less of a commitment than being married-and I think that applies to all.
  • brainofjb
    brainofjb Boston Posts: 381
    It is a tough one!

    My B/F and I have been together for a long time
    We recently had a baby (January). He asked me to marry him about a month ago.
    He did buy the ring before the baby.
    Anyway, once I got pregnant, my dad was on us about when we were getting married.
    It means alot to him, being an old school Italian.
    My dad is also very sick.
    I think sometimes I am getting married to make him happy
    otherwise, we are not in a rush!

    I did feel amazing the night he asked me to marry him :)
    The love was there otherwise, esp after the baby :)!

    He also wants me to marry in a church. Not sure I will but I might have to make the sacrafice for him as well
    There's the moon asking to stay
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  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Get_Right wrote:
    I agree. But once you are ready, the marriage makes the commitment stronger. Living together is less of a commitment than being married-and I think that applies to all.

    But here's where it gets tricky...not everyone, infact I'd say the majority...don't feel like the commitment got stronger based on it was a commitment out of love because of the marraige. It was more of a commitment because they felt they're now trapped into it in a way.

    If you're happy with life with that other person, why must something be added to that commitment? How does that make you prove it more than you already have? A commitment comes from the person, not the certificate, and I don't see how that can add anything to a person's feelings.
  • Its Evolution Baby
    Its Evolution Baby Posts: 849
    I've known too many people in my life who claim they don't want to get married or have kids yet they are the FIRST to do so. (Tina, Katie, Nicole, Sean and Jeremy I'm talking directly to you!) So I take those declarations with a grain of salt. I guesstimate 90% of the people on here who say they don't want kids or marriage will end up doing so. Maybe some of you haven't met the person that you can see yourself spending your life with. And I expect many of you to respond back and claim that I'm wrong or don't know what I'm talking about and all I can say is we'll see.

    To respond to the original posters question sometimes when you love someone you do something you don't necessarily want to do or go against your ideals. If you met the right person and would do anything it took to keep them and all they wanted was to be married whats the harm? Like many of you have said marriage doesn't really change much. If you are THAT against marriage or civil unions where you would let someone go that you loved because they wanted it, then part of me thinks you have a commitment problem no matter how much you deny.

    I personally am down for the marriage and children thing... I have the same GF for 3 years now and if she wasn't Armenian we would probably be engaged by now.
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  • rival.
    rival. Chicago Posts: 7,775
    ahhh, another reason why i had to break up with my girlfriend of about 6 years. too much pressure to get engaged.
  • Get_Right
    Get_Right Posts: 14,138
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    But here's where it gets tricky...not everyone, infact I'd say the majority...don't feel like the commitment got stronger based on it was a commitment out of love because of the marraige. It was more of a commitment because they felt they're now trapped into it in a way.

    those people werent ready, and I agree that there is a lot of them.
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    If you're happy with life with that other person, why must something be added to that commitment? How does that make you prove it more than you already have? A commitment comes from the person, not the certificate, and I don't see how that can add anything to a person's feelings.

    Its hard to explain. But its more than just a piece of paper and a big party. After marriage, the commitment to the relationship, and to each other, should be stronger.
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Its Evolution Baby wrote:
    To respond to the original posters question sometimes when you love someone you do something you don't necessarily want to do or go against your ideals. If you met the right person and would do anything it took to keep them and all they wanted was to be married whats the harm? Like many of you have said marriage doesn't really change much. If you are THAT against marriage or civil unions where you would let someone go that you loved because they wanted it, then part of me thinks you have a commitment problem no matter how much you deny.

    My ideals are what I have to live with and are what stick inside my head for the rest of my life. It's what makes up who I am. That's what someone will fall in love with me for, and has before. Why make a change that will change the rest of your life if you're against it but it's okay because you're in love? Why gamble it? What if in ten years the people's personalities grow in completely different directions? What's the harm? If there's no harm, then what's up with all the crooked decisions based on a court decision when they split? I'd say that's a big harm. If someone wants to turn on you 10 years later, than can screw you over for life, emotionally, financially, mentally. It adds up more so. It can be like playing a lottery.

    I'm asking more for benefits of it, not to say I have a commitment problem and if I love someone, then what's the harm? If that's all it is, is just, well what's the harm? Then it's not worth it to go through the troubles of planning everything.
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    It's funny how the hetero's take marriage for granted. A few years back I was pounding the pavement to get signatures to legalize gay marriages. After this became part of BC's legislation, I rewrote ceremonial vows for "same sex unions" at the church I worked at.

    I appreciate "I'll break the law, if it's illegal for us to fuck" as sung on IIC.
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  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    Get_Right wrote:
    those people werent ready, and I agree that there is a lot of them.



    Its hard to explain. But its more than just a piece of paper and a big party. After marriage, the commitment to the relationship, and to each other, should be stronger.

    I completely understand where you're coming from. Congrats to you and yours as well for doing it right and being happy. It just seems to me these days that you and the likes of you seem to be more lottery winners than people who actually take the time to weed through it to make sure it's the right decision. That's why I was asking around. I'd like to hear from those who are happy and those who are unhappy and those that are like me. Just discuss where everyone comes from these days. It's seemed to just turn into a giant mess.
  • dawng
    dawng Posts: 644
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?

    ...

    So enlighten me. :p

    My husband and I wondered about this for a very long time. We moved in together, we had kids together, and it was when our older child was getting ready to go to school that we finally got married. The reasons?

    1. Same last name - just makes the whole kid thing easier

    2. Tax incentive - yes, by getting a dumb piece of paper, we paid less taxes

    3. Benefits - my husband was unable to get on my benefit plan (funny story about this - I was told that your *significant other* could get benefits assuming you lived together, etc. - so I applied for him. Big to do...then they came back and said - wait - this is for your boyfriend, not a girlfriend? They told me this was only for gay significant others! WTF? Really wasn't happy...)

    So, we already had everything else...the love, the living together, bills, etc. The only thing we needed was a signed piece of paper. So we finally did it. And the kids both loved being a part of the marriage ceremony - and our parents liked the fact that they got to attend. And the cake was really good :) Feel just like I did before we signed the paper though.
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