I can't think of any reason for people to get married outside of insurance and things of that nature....and it's a shame it has to come to being legally bound to someone to qualify for those benefits.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them!
LOL Good luck with that.
Maybe that's why I tend to get more conversations and attractions out of older established women right now that know their sets in life that are over the popping out a kid thing...It seems a lot of people I meet my age are in the, 'well I gotta meet someone I can have kids with' yet they're still confused about having kids, but just know that they want them.
Oh and again, good luck with the in-laws situation.
Maybe that's why I tend to get more conversations and attractions out of older established women right now that know their sets in life that are over the popping out a kid thing...It seems a lot of people I meet my age are in the, 'well I gotta meet someone I can have kids with' yet they're still confused about having kids, but just know that they want them.
Oh and again, good luck with the in-laws situation.
Ha, thanks! I put them in their place. I asked my mother in law if she was gonna move in and take care of the baby in the middle of the night and pay for all the expenses. That shut her up.
You'll find someone who doesn't want kids, we're out here! I'm only 24
Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them!
Despite my marriage jokes, I am married (for the 2nd time) and thankfully my family and in-laws no longer ask us about kids. I think they got the message after my 1,000th joke about rather popping off a baby's head than raising one...
The breeders are keeping us all knee-deep in humans; they certainly don't need my help. And yes, it is perfect having a spouse that feels the same way.
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
See, after the first month or two of being married and living together we started arguing…a lot. And if we weren’t married I probably would have moved out but being as it was my wife and not just a girlfriend I was living with we worked through it.
This would be my main reason. Aside from all the instituional and religous stuff that doesn't hold as much water as the fact that people are more willing to stick around and work it out when there's the level of commitment a marriage represents.
No marriage, and ask any guy(as already posted originally), or girl I guess, and they find it easier to split up and walk away.
bugs in the way...I feel about you
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
where are the mushy posts about why you should get married? I'm married but I'm not a creative or artsy writer. So sorry, you won't get a mushy justification out of me.
just remember you rich pearl jam fans -- in some states (depending on the laws), your spouse will take you to the cleaners if you get a divorce. they'll take half of your savings. maybe that is why goldie hawn never married kurt russell -- look what happened to Paul McCartney.
And if I told you that I like being married, I would not be able to explain why, but I do. We lived together for 5 years before we got married and I felt insecure b/c I'm old fashioned.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Ha, thanks! I put them in their place. I asked my mother in law if she was gonna move in and take care of the baby in the middle of the night and pay for all the expenses. That shut her up.
You'll find someone who doesn't want kids, we're out here! I'm only 24
LOL nice.
And I found one once, but she was basically a hermit. Wanted to stay in every night. Great girl, just got boring after a while. My dvd collection grew tenfold during that time. So even staying in costed me money.
Despite my marriage jokes, I am married (for the 2nd time) and thankfully my family and in-laws no longer ask us about kids. I think they got the message after my 1,000th joke about rather popping off a baby's head than raising one...
The breeders are keeping us all knee-deep in humans; they certainly don't need my help. And yes, it is perfect having a spouse that feels the same way.
You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!
This would be my main reason. Aside from all the instituional and religous stuff that doesn't hold as much water as the fact that people are more willing to stick around and work it out when there's the level of commitment a marriage represents.
No marriage, and ask any guy(as already posted originally), or girl I guess, and they find it easier to split up and walk away.
Yes it's easier to split up, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're also not going to try and work things out. Sometimes people try to work it out tooo much and end up being stuck because they feel they have to due to the constraint of the marraige. If someone is just going to pack up and walk away easilly after a fuss then they weren't into in to begin with. If it takes a marraige to make someone actually work on being with someone they love, then they're not with the right person, I believe. I've worked my ass off with a girl I lived with because it was worth it to be with her. Until the kids stance wouldn't budge, then it was time to go. That's what I mean by makes it easier.
You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!
that makes me so angry....i can understand her wanting grandchildren but telling you that must do it now is obnoxious...does she know your feelings on children?
that makes me so angry....i can understand her wanting grandchildren but telling you that must do it now is obnoxious...does she know your feelings on children?
Yeah, she does.. and she got angry when I told her my stance once again, and said "well you're gonna make a crappy teacher!"
You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!
you have every right to cringe. I feel sorry for you that you have such a pre historic ML :(
what's trying a baby? are you supposed to rent one or send it back if you can't hack it? what's Mom talking about?
one time my first husband's grandmother clapped her hands (about babies) at us and said, "come on you two kids get busy." I divorced him.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I guess she wanted us to pull down our pants and try for a baby. Nothing like a turn off then having your MIL order up some sex for you. gag.
too funny!
I never had children. My friend told me I'll regret it when I'm old. That's why she had kids, for when she's old. Welll...My mom is all alone and her grandchildren, 12 hours away, have nothing to do with her -- so that is such a selfish, poor excuse.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Marriage is a commitment between two people to make a life together, and in some cases a family.
It solidifies whatever arrangements you may already have and makes you feel that it is permanent. It strengthens the bond between you, and it gets stronger with kids.
Simply, its a more serious commitment to each other that is not so easily broken
Marriage is a commitment between two people to make a life together, and in some cases a family.
It solidifies whatever arrangements you may already have and makes you feel that it is permanent. It strengthens the bond between you, and it gets stronger with kids.
Simply, its a more serious commitment to each other that is not so easily broken
That's person to person though. Not everyone feels that way when they get married. The bond with kids will come regardless of marraige if both people involved are ready for it and it's truly what they want.
I could seriously commit myself to someone the rest of my life as well without putting a marraige certificate on top of it. If they're the one...well then, they're the one.
I got married in 1985. It was about making commitment and of course the religious part of a covenant and all that --- being raised catholic it was ingrained. I guess i never gave it DEEP thought as far as “why”--it was the thing to do! Maybe I was just a lemming . But it worked out, we are honestly happy (or maybe just delusional!!), and have 2 sons. I wonder if it is more about luck than anything else although there is love there
That said...............if we were not together for some reason in the future, I really don’t think I would want to get married again but who knows.
So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
That's person to person though. Not everyone feels that way when they get married. The bond with kids will come regardless of marraige if both people involved are ready for it and it's truly what they want.
I could seriously commit myself to someone the rest of my life as well without putting a marraige certificate on top of it. If they're the one...well then, they're the one.
I agree. But once you are ready, the marriage makes the commitment stronger. Living together is less of a commitment than being married-and I think that applies to all.
My B/F and I have been together for a long time
We recently had a baby (January). He asked me to marry him about a month ago.
He did buy the ring before the baby.
Anyway, once I got pregnant, my dad was on us about when we were getting married.
It means alot to him, being an old school Italian.
My dad is also very sick.
I think sometimes I am getting married to make him happy
otherwise, we are not in a rush!
I did feel amazing the night he asked me to marry him
The love was there otherwise, esp after the baby !
He also wants me to marry in a church. Not sure I will but I might have to make the sacrafice for him as well
There's the moon asking to stay
Long enough for the clouds to fly me away
I agree. But once you are ready, the marriage makes the commitment stronger. Living together is less of a commitment than being married-and I think that applies to all.
But here's where it gets tricky...not everyone, infact I'd say the majority...don't feel like the commitment got stronger based on it was a commitment out of love because of the marraige. It was more of a commitment because they felt they're now trapped into it in a way.
If you're happy with life with that other person, why must something be added to that commitment? How does that make you prove it more than you already have? A commitment comes from the person, not the certificate, and I don't see how that can add anything to a person's feelings.
I've known too many people in my life who claim they don't want to get married or have kids yet they are the FIRST to do so. (Tina, Katie, Nicole, Sean and Jeremy I'm talking directly to you!) So I take those declarations with a grain of salt. I guesstimate 90% of the people on here who say they don't want kids or marriage will end up doing so. Maybe some of you haven't met the person that you can see yourself spending your life with. And I expect many of you to respond back and claim that I'm wrong or don't know what I'm talking about and all I can say is we'll see.
To respond to the original posters question sometimes when you love someone you do something you don't necessarily want to do or go against your ideals. If you met the right person and would do anything it took to keep them and all they wanted was to be married whats the harm? Like many of you have said marriage doesn't really change much. If you are THAT against marriage or civil unions where you would let someone go that you loved because they wanted it, then part of me thinks you have a commitment problem no matter how much you deny.
I personally am down for the marriage and children thing... I have the same GF for 3 years now and if she wasn't Armenian we would probably be engaged by now.
10/31/2000 (****)
6/7/2003 (***1/2)
7/9/2006 (****1/2)
7/13/2006 (**** )
4/10/2008 EV Solo (****1/2)
6/25/2008 MSG II (*****)
10/1/2009 LA II (****)
10/6/2009 LA III (***** Cornell!!!)
But here's where it gets tricky...not everyone, infact I'd say the majority...don't feel like the commitment got stronger based on it was a commitment out of love because of the marraige. It was more of a commitment because they felt they're now trapped into it in a way.
those people werent ready, and I agree that there is a lot of them.
If you're happy with life with that other person, why must something be added to that commitment? How does that make you prove it more than you already have? A commitment comes from the person, not the certificate, and I don't see how that can add anything to a person's feelings.
Its hard to explain. But its more than just a piece of paper and a big party. After marriage, the commitment to the relationship, and to each other, should be stronger.
To respond to the original posters question sometimes when you love someone you do something you don't necessarily want to do or go against your ideals. If you met the right person and would do anything it took to keep them and all they wanted was to be married whats the harm? Like many of you have said marriage doesn't really change much. If you are THAT against marriage or civil unions where you would let someone go that you loved because they wanted it, then part of me thinks you have a commitment problem no matter how much you deny.
My ideals are what I have to live with and are what stick inside my head for the rest of my life. It's what makes up who I am. That's what someone will fall in love with me for, and has before. Why make a change that will change the rest of your life if you're against it but it's okay because you're in love? Why gamble it? What if in ten years the people's personalities grow in completely different directions? What's the harm? If there's no harm, then what's up with all the crooked decisions based on a court decision when they split? I'd say that's a big harm. If someone wants to turn on you 10 years later, than can screw you over for life, emotionally, financially, mentally. It adds up more so. It can be like playing a lottery.
I'm asking more for benefits of it, not to say I have a commitment problem and if I love someone, then what's the harm? If that's all it is, is just, well what's the harm? Then it's not worth it to go through the troubles of planning everything.
It's funny how the hetero's take marriage for granted. A few years back I was pounding the pavement to get signatures to legalize gay marriages. After this became part of BC's legislation, I rewrote ceremonial vows for "same sex unions" at the church I worked at.
I appreciate "I'll break the law, if it's illegal for us to fuck" as sung on IIC.
those people werent ready, and I agree that there is a lot of them.
Its hard to explain. But its more than just a piece of paper and a big party. After marriage, the commitment to the relationship, and to each other, should be stronger.
I completely understand where you're coming from. Congrats to you and yours as well for doing it right and being happy. It just seems to me these days that you and the likes of you seem to be more lottery winners than people who actually take the time to weed through it to make sure it's the right decision. That's why I was asking around. I'd like to hear from those who are happy and those who are unhappy and those that are like me. Just discuss where everyone comes from these days. It's seemed to just turn into a giant mess.
So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?
...
So enlighten me.
My husband and I wondered about this for a very long time. We moved in together, we had kids together, and it was when our older child was getting ready to go to school that we finally got married. The reasons?
1. Same last name - just makes the whole kid thing easier
2. Tax incentive - yes, by getting a dumb piece of paper, we paid less taxes
3. Benefits - my husband was unable to get on my benefit plan (funny story about this - I was told that your *significant other* could get benefits assuming you lived together, etc. - so I applied for him. Big to do...then they came back and said - wait - this is for your boyfriend, not a girlfriend? They told me this was only for gay significant others! WTF? Really wasn't happy...)
So, we already had everything else...the love, the living together, bills, etc. The only thing we needed was a signed piece of paper. So we finally did it. And the kids both loved being a part of the marriage ceremony - and our parents liked the fact that they got to attend. And the cake was really good Feel just like I did before we signed the paper though.
Comments
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
LOL Good luck with that.
Maybe that's why I tend to get more conversations and attractions out of older established women right now that know their sets in life that are over the popping out a kid thing...It seems a lot of people I meet my age are in the, 'well I gotta meet someone I can have kids with' yet they're still confused about having kids, but just know that they want them.
Oh and again, good luck with the in-laws situation.
I'm sorry. :(
Ha, thanks! I put them in their place. I asked my mother in law if she was gonna move in and take care of the baby in the middle of the night and pay for all the expenses. That shut her up.
You'll find someone who doesn't want kids, we're out here! I'm only 24
Despite my marriage jokes, I am married (for the 2nd time) and thankfully my family and in-laws no longer ask us about kids. I think they got the message after my 1,000th joke about rather popping off a baby's head than raising one...
The breeders are keeping us all knee-deep in humans; they certainly don't need my help. And yes, it is perfect having a spouse that feels the same way.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
it has me questioning the idea of marriage all together....i thought it was a commitment.
This would be my main reason. Aside from all the instituional and religous stuff that doesn't hold as much water as the fact that people are more willing to stick around and work it out when there's the level of commitment a marriage represents.
No marriage, and ask any guy(as already posted originally), or girl I guess, and they find it easier to split up and walk away.
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
just remember you rich pearl jam fans -- in some states (depending on the laws), your spouse will take you to the cleaners if you get a divorce. they'll take half of your savings. maybe that is why goldie hawn never married kurt russell -- look what happened to Paul McCartney.
And if I told you that I like being married, I would not be able to explain why, but I do. We lived together for 5 years before we got married and I felt insecure b/c I'm old fashioned.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
LOL nice.
And I found one once, but she was basically a hermit. Wanted to stay in every night. Great girl, just got boring after a while. My dvd collection grew tenfold during that time. So even staying in costed me money.
You're welcome and again, I'm sorry you're going through that and that now you're questioning it.
You know, they were just out here for mother's day and my MIL was like, well you've been married for a year and 1/2 now. I would have expected an announcement by now... to which I ignored her prying, and then she followed up by reminding Josh that all his high school friends keep showing up in the local paper with their baby announcements and how she wishes she could do the same for us. It truly makes me cringe. Then she asked me if I would consider just trying for a baby at this point. This all was going on at Mother's Day lunch. Its hard to be rude to guests when they visit, but her comments totally crossed the line with me!
Yes it's easier to split up, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're also not going to try and work things out. Sometimes people try to work it out tooo much and end up being stuck because they feel they have to due to the constraint of the marraige. If someone is just going to pack up and walk away easilly after a fuss then they weren't into in to begin with. If it takes a marraige to make someone actually work on being with someone they love, then they're not with the right person, I believe. I've worked my ass off with a girl I lived with because it was worth it to be with her. Until the kids stance wouldn't budge, then it was time to go. That's what I mean by makes it easier.
that makes me so angry....i can understand her wanting grandchildren but telling you that must do it now is obnoxious...does she know your feelings on children?
Yeah, she does.. and she got angry when I told her my stance once again, and said "well you're gonna make a crappy teacher!"
I can't win! haha
you have every right to cringe. I feel sorry for you that you have such a pre historic ML :(
what's trying a baby? are you supposed to rent one or send it back if you can't hack it? what's Mom talking about?
one time my first husband's grandmother clapped her hands (about babies) at us and said, "come on you two kids get busy." I divorced him.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
LOL!
I guess she wanted us to pull down our pants and try for a baby. Nothing like a turn off then having your MIL order up some sex for you. gag.
too funny!
I never had children. My friend told me I'll regret it when I'm old. That's why she had kids, for when she's old. Welll...My mom is all alone and her grandchildren, 12 hours away, have nothing to do with her -- so that is such a selfish, poor excuse.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
It solidifies whatever arrangements you may already have and makes you feel that it is permanent. It strengthens the bond between you, and it gets stronger with kids.
Simply, its a more serious commitment to each other that is not so easily broken
That's person to person though. Not everyone feels that way when they get married. The bond with kids will come regardless of marraige if both people involved are ready for it and it's truly what they want.
I could seriously commit myself to someone the rest of my life as well without putting a marraige certificate on top of it. If they're the one...well then, they're the one.
That said...............if we were not together for some reason in the future, I really don’t think I would want to get married again but who knows.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I agree. But once you are ready, the marriage makes the commitment stronger. Living together is less of a commitment than being married-and I think that applies to all.
My B/F and I have been together for a long time
We recently had a baby (January). He asked me to marry him about a month ago.
He did buy the ring before the baby.
Anyway, once I got pregnant, my dad was on us about when we were getting married.
It means alot to him, being an old school Italian.
My dad is also very sick.
I think sometimes I am getting married to make him happy
otherwise, we are not in a rush!
I did feel amazing the night he asked me to marry him
The love was there otherwise, esp after the baby
He also wants me to marry in a church. Not sure I will but I might have to make the sacrafice for him as well
Long enough for the clouds to fly me away
But here's where it gets tricky...not everyone, infact I'd say the majority...don't feel like the commitment got stronger based on it was a commitment out of love because of the marraige. It was more of a commitment because they felt they're now trapped into it in a way.
If you're happy with life with that other person, why must something be added to that commitment? How does that make you prove it more than you already have? A commitment comes from the person, not the certificate, and I don't see how that can add anything to a person's feelings.
To respond to the original posters question sometimes when you love someone you do something you don't necessarily want to do or go against your ideals. If you met the right person and would do anything it took to keep them and all they wanted was to be married whats the harm? Like many of you have said marriage doesn't really change much. If you are THAT against marriage or civil unions where you would let someone go that you loved because they wanted it, then part of me thinks you have a commitment problem no matter how much you deny.
I personally am down for the marriage and children thing... I have the same GF for 3 years now and if she wasn't Armenian we would probably be engaged by now.
6/7/2003 (***1/2)
7/9/2006 (****1/2)
7/13/2006 (**** )
4/10/2008 EV Solo (****1/2)
6/25/2008 MSG II (*****)
10/1/2009 LA II (****)
10/6/2009 LA III (***** Cornell!!!)
those people werent ready, and I agree that there is a lot of them.
Its hard to explain. But its more than just a piece of paper and a big party. After marriage, the commitment to the relationship, and to each other, should be stronger.
My ideals are what I have to live with and are what stick inside my head for the rest of my life. It's what makes up who I am. That's what someone will fall in love with me for, and has before. Why make a change that will change the rest of your life if you're against it but it's okay because you're in love? Why gamble it? What if in ten years the people's personalities grow in completely different directions? What's the harm? If there's no harm, then what's up with all the crooked decisions based on a court decision when they split? I'd say that's a big harm. If someone wants to turn on you 10 years later, than can screw you over for life, emotionally, financially, mentally. It adds up more so. It can be like playing a lottery.
I'm asking more for benefits of it, not to say I have a commitment problem and if I love someone, then what's the harm? If that's all it is, is just, well what's the harm? Then it's not worth it to go through the troubles of planning everything.
I appreciate "I'll break the law, if it's illegal for us to fuck" as sung on IIC.
I completely understand where you're coming from. Congrats to you and yours as well for doing it right and being happy. It just seems to me these days that you and the likes of you seem to be more lottery winners than people who actually take the time to weed through it to make sure it's the right decision. That's why I was asking around. I'd like to hear from those who are happy and those who are unhappy and those that are like me. Just discuss where everyone comes from these days. It's seemed to just turn into a giant mess.
My husband and I wondered about this for a very long time. We moved in together, we had kids together, and it was when our older child was getting ready to go to school that we finally got married. The reasons?
1. Same last name - just makes the whole kid thing easier
2. Tax incentive - yes, by getting a dumb piece of paper, we paid less taxes
3. Benefits - my husband was unable to get on my benefit plan (funny story about this - I was told that your *significant other* could get benefits assuming you lived together, etc. - so I applied for him. Big to do...then they came back and said - wait - this is for your boyfriend, not a girlfriend? They told me this was only for gay significant others! WTF? Really wasn't happy...)
So, we already had everything else...the love, the living together, bills, etc. The only thing we needed was a signed piece of paper. So we finally did it. And the kids both loved being a part of the marriage ceremony - and our parents liked the fact that they got to attend. And the cake was really good