What's the point of getting married these days?
EvilMerlin
Posts: 1,865
First I'll just start by saying this isn't a knock against anyone who is. I'm just wondering what people's reasons are for getting married in today's less traditional age. Congrats to all of you who are married, and I'm happy for you as long as you're happy. However, I'm just a normal, 25 year old guy that's not religious and don't have much tradition in me as far as those good ole days, get married, go to church on sunday, have babies, etc etc. A lot of my friends that I know, that are my age, are basically the same in that aspect...yeeeeeet they still seem rushed to want to get married one day soon and start a family.
So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?
It wouldn't show my love anymore. If I'm with someone 5+ years, the day I get married doesn't make me love someone more. I've been with her that long, I love her with all I've got already.
It doesn't change anything as far as living conditions...I'll already be living with them. (I don't think you should wait to move in until you're married. How do you know you can marry them if you haven't lived with them first?)
The wedding? Why not just have a kick ass party where you and your other take up 10 minutes to bore everyone really quick, thank them for getting together with you and being there, talk about your times really quick, how you love each other and then move on and just freakin party with everyone.
A honeymoon? Why can't you just take the vacation anyway?
Kids? You can still have those after a long period of time if you're both ready...
Splitting up? You can leave the other person without going through a sloppy court decided divorce where you're giving another person money to argue your case, when you could have just split up and gone your separate way. Sure it's not THAT easy, but it's still easier.
Okay, this is long enough, I'm sure you get my gist, I'm just wanting to start a discussion.
My upbringing? I have a mom and dad who stayed married, and a sister who is married and has three kids. So it's not like I was brought up to hate marraige. Everyone around me believes in it...I just don't see it.
So enlighten me.
So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?
It wouldn't show my love anymore. If I'm with someone 5+ years, the day I get married doesn't make me love someone more. I've been with her that long, I love her with all I've got already.
It doesn't change anything as far as living conditions...I'll already be living with them. (I don't think you should wait to move in until you're married. How do you know you can marry them if you haven't lived with them first?)
The wedding? Why not just have a kick ass party where you and your other take up 10 minutes to bore everyone really quick, thank them for getting together with you and being there, talk about your times really quick, how you love each other and then move on and just freakin party with everyone.
A honeymoon? Why can't you just take the vacation anyway?
Kids? You can still have those after a long period of time if you're both ready...
Splitting up? You can leave the other person without going through a sloppy court decided divorce where you're giving another person money to argue your case, when you could have just split up and gone your separate way. Sure it's not THAT easy, but it's still easier.
Okay, this is long enough, I'm sure you get my gist, I'm just wanting to start a discussion.
My upbringing? I have a mom and dad who stayed married, and a sister who is married and has three kids. So it's not like I was brought up to hate marraige. Everyone around me believes in it...I just don't see it.
So enlighten me.
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But seriously, I feel the same way that you do. It's the way that society is moving. We're living longer, and no longer need to be tied down by the time we're 19.
As for your point about splitting up, I think it would be a lot more difficult to split up the stuff. Sure... what's yours is yours, but what you ought jointly can certainly cause issues.
I was thinking about this the other day and I came to the realization that if my wife and had not gotten married and instead just moved in together (like I wanted to) we wouldn’t be together today; we wouldn’t have our two little girls.
See, after the first month or two of being married and living together we started arguing…a lot. And if we weren’t married I probably would have moved out but being as it was my wife and not just a girlfriend I was living with we worked through it.
I know what you're saying with that and I knew that'd be brought up. But won't that just be argued in court as well? And then someone will bitch about who doesn't get it and it turns into bitching like 5 year olds about your stuff anyway. So no matter which way it goes, that fight is going to be there. By the end of the day the two will have to grow up, get over it and talk about it and settle it if they want things done. With court, that doesn't necessarily happen anymore since you're paying someone up the ass to get it all for you.
What if you want love back?
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
Divorce them and start dating them again...
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I'd be the same person if my husband and I were just "together" instead of married.
Nothing at all changed in our lives when we got married.
So if you're tired of love, why not just skip the marraige part, leave, and when you want love again, go back?
Works for me. I always encourage the skipping the marriage part...
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Congrats on your marraige. And yeah, I don't have personal experience of getting married. Long term, live in relationship, yes, but not marraige. And everyday I was with her when she'd nag to get married, I thought, "Why? We're just going to live and feel exactly the same the next day anyway." I asked her that once as well...didn't go over to well. She got pissy, said I was a mood killer, and that's the point to take it to the next level. I didn't dare ask what level is left after living with her for 2 1/2 years...I just didn't get it. Plus she said then it opens the door for the possibility of kids, and that was just like, wow, why? Our lives aren't settled, we don't have the money either, yet getting married all of a sudden opens the door for it? I dunno...
I think for girls, they're in love with the idea of being in LOVE. It's a very ROMANTIC notion, I think, for some dreamy eyed girls...........REALITY BITES!
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
I guess some people really want children, and view marriage as the first step. My husband and I do not want children, so I'm pretty sure thats why nothing has changed at all. I didn't view it as a step to reach something else. Maybe the reason why I am married in the first place is because I am pretty laid back about it, and didn't feel like it was do or die. I would love my husband just as much if we hadn't gotten married yet.
there are levels to love? :rolleyes:
Works for me as well.
Also, for the insecure guys it definitely makes life more interesting trying to win her back. Y'know, when she's met another guy who doesn't play with her emotions, she's happier with him, and they're happy to be together and they treat each other right. Ohhhhhhhhh definitely makes life interesting. Those poor innocent bystander boyfriends that just get blindsided by that and their life goes into a tailspin. I guess marraige would get rid of that...
Now that's a refreshing story to hear. Good for both of you.
I'm against having kids as well, for myself. Maybe she just thought if I got married that'd change my mind somehow?
or
First comes love, then comes pain.
Therefore marriage = pain.
What's the point? For me, I'd like the security of growing old with someone I could spoon-feed in a bib, when he's a like a drooling old Anna Nicoleish boyfriend dude. I'd prefer to have children in wedlock, with 2 parents giving love. I'd also like my assets protected with a prenuptial agreement.
LOL, like I said...I didn't even dare ask another question and move on to that part. I stirred it up enough already. Better to just sit quietly and not drag it out.
And I feel a little refreshed that I took the words out of your mouth...like I'm not as crazy anymore...or wait...it's you, maybe that makes me crazier than I thought I was?
I'd be willing to put money on that being the case. Its sad to see so many women that really want to have kids, and yet they are with guys who don't want to have them. Why would you enter a relationship wanting to change the person's mind? If I wanted children, I would be with someone who was TOTALLY into it because then they would play a very active role in parenting as well. Its such a irony because if you force someone into having a child when they don't really want to be a parent, you are much more likely to end up a single parent (either a truly single parent, or the parent that does all the parenting while keeping the relationship) Sometimes people are so quick to force a family that they end up truly doing a disservice to themselves.
You nailed it perfectly there. I'm currently watching two relationships right now just fall apart because of that scenario. One with my buddy who wanted a kid, and now his wife is just miserable, and the other where my buddy didn't want a kid and he's miserable. So yeah, I just don't get it, but at the same time I don't get why the other gives in.
I'm always straight forward with anyone that asks me about wanting kids. I say currently I don't, and that's going to last until my niece and two nephews grow older. After they do, I'll reassess my views and see if I feel like I'm missing something in life and really do want some of my own or not. But anytime in the next 10 years is a definite no. It's way too touchy of a subject to lead anyone on in. I'm really active in my nephews and niece's life, so there's no chance I'm going to stop now to start a family of my own. That IS my family for me, and that's what I'm happy with.
That's exactly why I am "leaving here". I'm shutting the door on the boy that's doesn't share the Married with Children dream and I'm opening a door with a man that's absolutely mad for me. Not quite, "let's screw on the piano, I'm buying you the piano and a house to put in in" mad. But he likes me, nonetheless, and has the same hopes.
hehehe... a lot of people would say we're crazy....i was talking to a buddy of mine from high school this morning and he said that i should go after this girl from our class that is now divorced with 2 kids....WHY? a) i don't want to be married and secondly i don't want kids....especially someone else's....he really didn't understand that....btw he's married with 3 kids
and the kids....that's what sickens me is people getting married and having kids because they think that is what the should do not necessarily what they want to do
What are you talking about man? That's a keeper. I'm sure the baggage is already closed up on that one. That's a perfect situation for a guy like you to roll right into.
Why the sad face?
Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them!