Saay NO to violence against women!

Ahnimus · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

what world do you live in ahnimus? people are free to come and go as they please. just becasue i get out of a relationship with someone that doesnt mean they can't seek me out and continue to do harm to me.

Why would they?

They would have to have a motivation to do so to begin with.

If you get out early, it's not like you have 15 years and 3 children together.

Jeanie · November 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

Really? I missed the hundred and fifty threads about violence against men to balance the threads like this.

Then for goodness sake start one!

prism · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

yeah. i also think its that primitive survival instinct/law of the jungle thingy we all have.

yep the good ole adrenaline rush a.k.a the old as time itself "fight or flight" reaction of every human

fragileblake · November 2007

This may shock you but people who are prone to violence are not always rational.

Ahnimus wrote:

Why would they?

They would have to have a motivation to do so to begin with.

If you get out early, it's not like you have 15 years and 3 children together.

Ahnimus · November 2007

Jeanie wrote:

Then for goodness sake start one!

I have a feeling it will be like the old opera house in Orillia. Sure, lots of boys got raped in those bathrooms, but nobody really cared enough to like, investigate it. Damn boys letting themselves get raped like that.

catefrances · November 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

Why would they?

They would have to have a motivation to do so to begin with.

If you get out early, it's not like you have 15 years and 3 children together.

oh yes and in every instance the guy shows his abusive side on the first date. you can not be so naive to think that violent men always show their true colours from the outset.

MattCameronKicksButt · November 2007

Jeanie wrote:

Yeah, ok trix well that's great if you can or even if you'd want to.
I have no desire to drag a whole bunch of people into an eye for an eye type situation just for starters and if I could have kicked the living shit out of him I'm not sure I'd have wanted to anyway. The way I see it, he's the one with the violent tendancies and behaviours. It's bad enough he's inflicting that on me, be damned he's going to turn me into him by playing by his rules. I think we all handle these things differently and that's fine. We all have to make the best decisions we can in the circumstances we find ourselves in. My first concern will always be to live, to survive, to minimize the damage if I can and to get away as soon as I possibly can. I don't know if I'd still hold that view if I'd been systematically abused for years and years and years. Possibly a whole other reaction would be my response then. I think the important thing to remember here is that I live in a country where even though this does still happen, I do have some choices. I'd hate to live somewhere that purely by virtue of being born with a c**t I was someone else's property and at the mercy of their will.

I've seen some very good points on here but without a doubt, I can understand this 110%.

Ahnimus · November 2007

fragileblake wrote:

This may shock you but people who are prone to violence are not always rational.

That's not a surprise. It's apparent to me. The reason they are prone to violence is because they accept it as a part of life, they might complain about it and wish it weren't so, but they've been preconditioned to accept it as a fact of life. Preconditioned by what? Society and it's awe inspiring ability to make shit up and proliferate it.

Jeanie · November 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

I have a feeling it will be like the old opera house in Orillia. Sure, lots of boys got raped in those bathrooms, but nobody really cared enough to like, investigate it. Damn boys letting themselves get raped like that.

Look seriously that's pathetic.

You're assuming what people think on the issue before you've even bothered to ask.

I cannot do anything about what has gone on before unless it is brought to my attention. And I cannot change what's happened in the past but I can make an effort to change it for the future.

If you don't give people the opportunity to make change then it will never happen.

Ahnimus · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

oh yes and in every instance the guy shows his abusive side on the first date. you can not be so naive to think that violent men always show their true colours from the outset.

Wow, so on your first date with a guy you already have 3 kids, are married and have spent 15 years together? How does that happen?

Or, you think a guy is going to follow you home, rape you and murder you after the first date? And this happens to you often?

fragileblake · November 2007

Bingo

Jeanie wrote:

Look seriously that's pathetic.

You're assuming what people think on the issue before you've even bothered to ask.

I cannot do anything about what has gone on before unless it is brought to my attention. And I cannot change what's happened in the past but I can make an effort to change it for the future.

If you don't give people the opportunity to make change then it will never happen.

catefrances · November 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

That's not a surprise. It's apparent to me. The reason they are prone to violence is because they accept it as a part of life, they might complain about it and wish it weren't so, but they've been preconditioned to accept it as a fact of life. Preconditioned by what? Society and it's awe inspiring ability to make shit up and proliferate it.

violence is a part of life. mankind likes to set himself apart from the other animals becasue he believes he is a higher order mammal, but it is only by societal conditioning that those natural tendencies are held in check.

Ahnimus · November 2007

Jeanie wrote:

Look seriously that's pathetic.

You're assuming what people think on the issue before you've even bothered to ask.

I cannot do anything about what has gone on before unless it is brought to my attention. And I cannot change what's happened in the past but I can make an effort to change it for the future.

If you don't give people the opportunity to make change then it will never happen.

I'll tell you what. When people drop "women" from the "Stop violence" titles, then I'll consider that egalitarianism has truly taken hold and people are ready to accept reality as a whole and not just the parts that reflect their own desires or experiences.

catefrances · November 2007

Ahnimus wrote:

Wow, so on your first date with a guy you already have 3 kids, are married and have spent 15 years together? How does that happen?

Or, you think a guy is going to follow you home, rape you and murder you after the first date? And this happens to you often?

ryan youre becoming irrational.

i never mentioned anything about having 3 kids on the first date. nor did i mention being followed home, raped and murdered. all i said was it would be naive to think that a violent man would be fool enough to show his true colours on a first date.

Ahnimus · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

violence is a part of life. mankind likes to set himself apart from the other animals becasue he believes he is a higher order mammal, but it is only by societal conditioning that those natural tendencies are held in check.

Right, and the Bonobo females will brutally maim or murder a male who refuses to have sex with them. So we can't derive our own human behavior from the behavior of Bonobos. It might help us to understand ourselves to some degree, but we certainly don't accept that as an example of human behavior. One thing that human females do is congregate and conspire against other members of their species. This can sometimes be more harmful in the long-run than a broken arm from a brawl. Society tries to hold violence in check, but fails miserably at, any human can justify certain acts of violence. But social conspiracies aren't held in check at all by society. They are encouraged if anything, unless of course they happen within certain legal jurisdictions.

Jeanie · November 2007

MattCameronKicksButt wrote:

I've seen some very good points on here but without a doubt, I can understand this 110%.

Thanks.

Look, I see it this way because I don't believe that my abuser was a useless piece of shit or even that by attacking back that it would change his way of doing things. He'd already been beaten and kicked and he'd learned that way of behaving when dealing with others. So by continuing to behave with him the way he behaved with me it would only reinforce the idea in his mind that this is the way to do it. As far as I could see that was only going to escalate the situation and that's not the outcome I wanted. Ultimately I wanted not to be hit AND I wanted him to learn that hitting wasn't the way to deal with his anger. Because otherwise none of us would have learned anything. There's something even more soul destroying when you realize that a person is inflicting violence on you simply because it's a bad habit of theirs. Like you're the chewed fingernails or the discarded cigarette butt. It makes you feel even less somehow. Least that's how I found it to be anyway. BUT I understand that I am the only person experiencing my reality. So what would apply for me, in my circumstances isn't going to apply to someone else in theirs.

prism · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

oh yes and in every instance the guy shows his abusive side on the first date. you can not be so naive to think that violent men always show their true colours from the outset.

yeah it's almost as if prince charming waited until after 14 months of dating and 7 months of living together before throwing that first punch to my head. but i was supposed to know that his behavior was going to progress to that level of violence on the first date

Ahnimus · November 2007

catefrances wrote:

ryan youre becoming irrational.

i never mentioned anything about having 3 kids on the first date. nor did i mention being followed home, raped and murdered. all i said was it would be naive to think that a violent man would be fool enough to show his true colours on a first date.

Right, but I'm not saying that you make that deliberation on the first date. I'm saying a violent person would need a motive to pursue violence against you. A first date is hardly a good motive, and to be honest, if your first date was with me, I wouldn't even be calling you again, let alone raping you.

fragileblake · November 2007

Wow, I'll rush out and tell the world that they need to conform to your specific standards of acknowledgment. You've got some control issues man. And again, if people disagree with you they aren't accepting reality as a whole? I'm a man who has never been a victim of domestic violence and has never personally known anyone thats been a victim (to my knowledge) what desire or experience does me being concerned about violence against women reflect? Did it occur to you that I might just have a different view of the world than you do?

Ahnimus wrote:

I'll tell you what. When people drop "women" from the "Stop violence" titles, then I'll consider that egalitarianism has truly taken hold and people are ready to accept reality as a whole and not just the parts that reflect their own desires or experiences.

TrixieCat · November 2007

Jeanie wrote:

Yeah, ok trix well that's great if you can or even if you'd want to.
I have no desire to drag a whole bunch of people into an eye for an eye type situation just for starters and if I could have kicked the living shit out of him I'm not sure I'd have wanted to anyway. The way I see it, he's the one with the violent tendancies and behaviours. It's bad enough he's inflicting that on me, be damned he's going to turn me into him by playing by his rules. I think we all handle these things differently and that's fine. We all have to make the best decisions we can in the circumstances we find ourselves in. My first concern will always be to live, to survive, to minimize the damage if I can and to get away as soon as I possibly can. I don't know if I'd still hold that view if I'd been systematically abused for years and years and years. Possibly a whole other reaction would be my response then. I think the important thing to remember here is that I live in a country where even though this does still happen, I do have some choices. I'd hate to live somewhere that purely by virtue of being born with a c**t I was someone else's property and at the mercy of their will.

I am telling you what I would have done.
What I would have done does not work for all.
This isn't a one size fits all equation.
You asked, I answered.

Saay NO to violence against women!

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