Limerick Fun (all welcome)

Being Enlightened
Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
edited August 2004 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
So, my friend's granpa just past away (may he rest in peace) and he left behind a book called The Limerick. It's a collection of thousands of dirty, vulgar limericks from the 1850's to the 1950's and was just a hoot to read. I think it would be fun if we added our own here and had a laugh, after all, it is a form of poetry.

I'm going to start off with one from the book so you get the picture. Feel free to add as many as you like.

There was a young man named Chuck,
Who's marriage was shit out of luck,
You see he played hockey,
Without wearing a jockey,
And his wife says he hasn't got what it takes to fuck.
Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    There was a little girl named B.E.
    She was always excited and horny
    When her estrogen sank
    I would give her a SPANK
    And now she's as horny was she can be!

    Oh, this is going to go sooooooo bad soooooooo fast.
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Twas a fine young lad named Radar
    Who rejected the evil Darth Vadar
    But still likes to be bad
    Want him to blow his wad
    All over my chest, so I opened my mouth and gave 'er

    :D
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Radar(Baba)O'Riley Posts: 947
    Yep, I was right.
    SOOOOOOOOO
    BAAAAAAAAAAD
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Originally posted by Radar(Baba)O'Riley
    Yep, I was right.
    SOOOOOOOOO
    BAAAAAAAAAAD

    ...TO THE BONE MUTHAFUCKA!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Goulet
    Goulet Posts: 918
    Twas a place called the Poetry Hut
    Twas filled with lots of sluts
    men and women a-like
    came and went inspite
    of the fact that the back door was shut
  • even flow?
    even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Came one day to the PJ pit
    Heard good things about it
    From rumours to truth
    The uncultured to couth
    An obsession I try not to quit
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    in vegas there lived an old whore
    she thought all her johns were a bore
    she loaded up the truck
    to find some new men to fuck
    much to her delight the old whore is now constantly sore
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    there was a young man named cy
    who always had a gleam in his eye
    he liked to suck dick
    and pussy he'd lick
    so i guess this made him a bi
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    An elderly man, a wee runt
    Decided that he needed to hunt
    So he took some viagara
    And the bus to Niagara
    And sniffed out a feeble old cunt
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    john liked to wander the land
    at night he'd sleep in the sand
    he wasnt too lazy
    he'd wack off like crazy
    then watch cum drip off of his hand
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    mary lou liked to feel free
    so she'd dangle from a limb on a tree
    her man would stand in the grass
    fucking her right up the ass
    and mary lou would yell "weeee"
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    Jerry had a thing for small rumpers
    When he saw them his penis got plumper
    Along came this doll
    Who was just 2 foot tall
    And sucked the chrome off his bumper
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • even flow?
    even flow? Posts: 8,066
    Once knew a girl floating through space
    Never once did I see her face
    She blew in and out
    Trying to spread her pout
    No one cared for a taste
    You've changed your place in this world!
  • Umph_Mcgee
    Umph_Mcgee Posts: 7
    There was a girl named Mary
    Who's cookie box was quite harry
    Must be shaven to give a lick
    She said fuck the tongue and use the dick
    So with board on ass, he dives into Mary
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    David looked up at the brightening sky
    It made him wonder and want to cry
    So he just kept on looking
    And the goose was cooking
    Then the bloody thing shit in his eye
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    mary had a pimple
    in the middle of a dimple
    she'd fuck just for fun
    called everyone hun
    shit,this one's mighty simple
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    johnny tries to escape the pain
    fills his nose with cocaine
    a knock upon the door
    he shoves aside the whore
    as the cops come in,he throws his stash down the drain
  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    if he wanted sex he paid
    because he was so shy and afraid
    such a high cost
    for his life he lost
    his last fuck gave him the aids
  • Stolen Pencil420
    Stolen Pencil420 Posts: 119
    I need to curtains for the shower
    They make me insane by the hour
    I think there's a sign from God
    He tells me I'm a sorry sod
    He told me the curtains
    For which I've been hurtin'
    Is determined by the size of your rod
    "Trying to be a person you're not is a waste of the person you really are."- Kurt D. Cobain (R.I.P February 20, 1967- April 5, 1994, we love u Kurt)



  • the unseen
    the unseen Posts: 372
    mark liked to smoke dope
    it gave him such hope
    he'd sit in a daze
    from pot induced haze
    and wish that with life he could cope

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