Limerick Fun (all welcome)
Being Enlightened
Posts: 5,746
So, my friend's granpa just past away (may he rest in peace) and he left behind a book called The Limerick. It's a collection of thousands of dirty, vulgar limericks from the 1850's to the 1950's and was just a hoot to read. I think it would be fun if we added our own here and had a laugh, after all, it is a form of poetry.
I'm going to start off with one from the book so you get the picture. Feel free to add as many as you like.
There was a young man named Chuck,
Who's marriage was shit out of luck,
You see he played hockey,
Without wearing a jockey,
And his wife says he hasn't got what it takes to fuck.
I'm going to start off with one from the book so you get the picture. Feel free to add as many as you like.
There was a young man named Chuck,
Who's marriage was shit out of luck,
You see he played hockey,
Without wearing a jockey,
And his wife says he hasn't got what it takes to fuck.
Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
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She was always excited and horny
When her estrogen sank
I would give her a SPANK
And now she's as horny was she can be!
Oh, this is going to go sooooooo bad soooooooo fast.
Who rejected the evil Darth Vadar
But still likes to be bad
Want him to blow his wad
All over my chest, so I opened my mouth and gave 'er
SOOOOOOOOO
BAAAAAAAAAAD
...TO THE BONE MUTHAFUCKA!
Twas filled with lots of sluts
men and women a-like
came and went inspite
of the fact that the back door was shut
Heard good things about it
From rumours to truth
The uncultured to couth
An obsession I try not to quit
she thought all her johns were a bore
she loaded up the truck
to find some new men to fuck
much to her delight the old whore is now constantly sore
who always had a gleam in his eye
he liked to suck dick
and pussy he'd lick
so i guess this made him a bi
Decided that he needed to hunt
So he took some viagara
And the bus to Niagara
And sniffed out a feeble old cunt
at night he'd sleep in the sand
he wasnt too lazy
he'd wack off like crazy
then watch cum drip off of his hand
so she'd dangle from a limb on a tree
her man would stand in the grass
fucking her right up the ass
and mary lou would yell "weeee"
When he saw them his penis got plumper
Along came this doll
Who was just 2 foot tall
And sucked the chrome off his bumper
Never once did I see her face
She blew in and out
Trying to spread her pout
No one cared for a taste
Who's cookie box was quite harry
Must be shaven to give a lick
She said fuck the tongue and use the dick
So with board on ass, he dives into Mary
It made him wonder and want to cry
So he just kept on looking
And the goose was cooking
Then the bloody thing shit in his eye
in the middle of a dimple
she'd fuck just for fun
called everyone hun
shit,this one's mighty simple
fills his nose with cocaine
a knock upon the door
he shoves aside the whore
as the cops come in,he throws his stash down the drain
because he was so shy and afraid
such a high cost
for his life he lost
his last fuck gave him the aids
They make me insane by the hour
I think there's a sign from God
He tells me I'm a sorry sod
He told me the curtains
For which I've been hurtin'
Is determined by the size of your rod
it gave him such hope
he'd sit in a daze
from pot induced haze
and wish that with life he could cope
they'd fight with all they 'd meet
then came the time
to pay for their crime
in prison they are just meat
your fingers are all in my hair
in the dark i will cry
and wish that i die
and wonder if you'd care
as if he were just a toy
thought you were safe in the robe
from any legal probe
in the joint your ass will know joy
As he crossed the room thinking her blind
Little lies like daggers
As he slowly staggers
The blade slashes and all that was is left behind
whos vagina would occasionally spout
one morning whilst fishing
she got to a wishing
that she could stop leaking juices about
(sorry!
;0)
INTER-FUCKING-MISSION!!!
Newcastle-Riverside 02/22/92!!!
E.rutherford New Jersey 01/06/06
Athens -Greece.survived !barely-
Wembley 18/06/07- no words- just smiles!
Who had an affair with a turtle,
She had crabs, so the say,
In a year and a day,
Which proves that the turtle was fertile
INTER-FUCKING-MISSION!!!
Newcastle-Riverside 02/22/92!!!
E.rutherford New Jersey 01/06/06
Athens -Greece.survived !barely-
Wembley 18/06/07- no words- just smiles!
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
So Fuzzy Wussy wasn't Fuzzy Wuz He?
INTER-FUCKING-MISSION!!!
Newcastle-Riverside 02/22/92!!!
E.rutherford New Jersey 01/06/06
Athens -Greece.survived !barely-
Wembley 18/06/07- no words- just smiles!
Even when a furball she spat
Her pussy she'd pet
Whether dry or wet
And she didn't even cringe when it shat
high on a plate
because they are black
he thinks it's brains they lack
this serving of racism he ate
She went out hunting a mate
Thought she'd found love
And didn't use a glove
Now her snatch burns and she can't masturbate