Today he went to talk with a new oncologist and she laid it on the line for him... Threw it all out there and held nothing back. Apparently he hasn't been researching what's going on for him and the shock hit him bad. He just about passed out in the office. He ended up on the floor broke out in a sweat.... And now really isn't talking to anyone.
They asked him if he wants his feeding tube in now or if he loses 10 more pounds it'll be done as an emergency procedure. They are unable to do pin point radiation and he might be faced with deterioration of the jaw among other issues. I know they have to mention all the bad points but I think for him it was all too much. He's scared and angry. I wish I could make this all better for him. He refuses to tell anyone he works with or his family, he was even mad at my mom for telling her co-workers and her family. Yesterday at father's day dinner my mom mentioned something about it and he flipped out on her saying 'this day is about me being a father not me having cancer'.... He's not an angry guy at all so we were completely taken back.
I wanna be here for him but it seems he doesn't wanna talk about it, though if I don't say anything I feel like I'm ignoring it and him. I'm at a loss on how to handle all this. And how to comfort my mom is a whole other issue. I kinda wish I had siblings right now so I would have someone to talk to... Being an only child sucks ass at times!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
hey sweetheart--I'm so sorry....he's obviously upset and scared, and just doesn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to do either. I hope you and your mom can stay strong...the best you can do is just BE there, for everything and especially. He appreciates it, even if he doesn't show it.
call me anytime--the benefit of living on the opposite coast!
hey sweetheart--I'm so sorry....he's obviously upset and scared, and just doesn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to do either. I hope you and your mom can stay strong...the best you can do is just BE there, for everything and especially. He appreciates it, even if he doesn't show it.
call me anytime--the benefit of living on the opposite coast!
Thank you.
I refuse to let this get me down... Simply refuse! After a year plus of feeling sorry for myself over the Marc situation I can't do it anymore (if anything I feel horrible that my parents spent the last year and a half helping me get past that instead of enjoying themselves and now are faced with a hardship of their own). They are remarkable (strange for sure... But remarkable none the less). Christ my Dad stayed here till 2 am the night before the EV shows to try and finish the kitchen floor since you all were visiting he woulda stayed all night (he has to get up at 4:30am for work) if I hadn't pushed him out. He's also the same guy who refuse to see the bad in my ex and did everything he could for him up until a few months ago (and the ex can't even call my dad and see how he is doing thru this). After my father in law passed from cancer my dad basically became my mother in law's 'husband' around the house doing anything he could to help her out (even though she has 2 non-handy man sons).
I don't know what I'm getting at or where I'm going with this... Maybe to say that my dad would do anything for ANYONE.... And I just don't understand why it has to be like this for him. My parents deserve a rest... Some time together... Just a breather even.
Sorry, like I said I have no one really to talk to about this... So here I am venting on line to strangers.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I always seems to be the people that are the most caring and worthy of health and happiness that get cancer. I don't understand it at all.
I can imagine that you are all in some form of shock from this. It's so important that you all get the emotional support that you need because it can be very draining on your spirit. I have faith that everything will be okay. But the ride might be a rough one for a while. My Father in law had a feeding tube put in too, although I don't know at what point.
We're here for you sweetie. Anytime you need to vent or cry or anything.
I always seems to be the people that are the most caring and worthy of health and happiness that get cancer. I don't understand it at all.
I can imagine that you are all in some form of shock from this. It's so important that you all get the emotional support that you need because it can be very draining on your spirit. I have faith that everything will be okay. But the ride might be a rough one for a while. My Father in law had a feeding tube put in too, although I don't know at what point.
We're here for you sweetie. Anytime you need to vent or cry or anything.
thanks... I appreciate our friendship more then I could tell you
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I pray for the best---and I hope your dad is able to get to a place where he can develop a positive attitude to BEAT this. I know it is easier said than done but that really is key. I truly hope he gets there and he gets well.
Take care.
So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I wanna be here for him but it seems he doesn't wanna talk about it, though if I don't say anything I feel like I'm ignoring it and him. I'm at a loss on how to handle all this.
He's obviously having a hard time dealing with this (quite understandable), just let him know that you are available to talk/listen/help in any way he needs and then give him some space till he deals with it in his own mind.
I'm sure he knows how much you care, he just probably can't handle all the info right now, he'll come around.
I texted him last night telling him I love him, didn't hear back from him till this morning... he said "love you too.... please bear wit me" i'm sure it's hard for him to have something out of his control.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I texted him last night telling him I love him, didn't hear back from him till this morning... he said "love you too.... please bear wit me" i'm sure it's hard for him to have something out of his control.
I'm sure he appreciated your text more than you know...little things like that can make a big difference, and make his heart happy :-)
My Dad just came from the Dr. and he needs a cat scan for a lump/mass on his lymph node. The Dr. mentioned lymphoma... but didn't elaborate yet.
I don't wanna look up all the options of what it could be as to not get scared right away. So I decided to ask here for some (less medical and scary) opinions.
UPDATE:
This is what they told me the Dr. told them (remember this is from my parents so take nothing as 100% :? )
He has a cancerous tumor on his lymph node that is solid. They are going to take more biopsies from inside his mouth of his tongue, larynx, and lymph node (a few other things too)... and see if it has spread from the tumor also to see where it's come from. The Dr. told him that this is mostly seen in smokers though my dad quit right before I was born, 28 yrs ago. After that he will get a PET scan... from there they will determine if he needs radiation and so forth. Tomorrow they are setting up an appointment with an Oncologist.
When talking to my parents they seemed positive, though I could see it in their eyes that it was all a show. My Mom obviously was crying and my Dad was unable to focus and was cracking jokes (he said that my mom's driving gave him cancer). I can see they are scared, which scares me more. I'm used to seeing my Dad as untouchable... and this has and will be scary. They played it down and kept saying things will be ok, I am thinking positive that they are... but if the Dr. referred them to an Oncologist already I think it's more serious then they let on.
I drove home tonight after seeing them (I live an hour away).... I started to cry thinking of losing him, and what it'll be like for my mom.... and I zoned out..... numbed, I don't know how I got home. It scares me to think that this got to me so much already, how am I going to be able to be there for them when I can't hold it together right now.
Just saw this thread and read threw it a little bit. I hope everything works out and your dad is ok.
He wants a second opinion after talking to the Dr. today about the treatment..... they recommended 2 bags of Chemo once a week... for 7 weeks.... same as the radiation. He really doesn't want the Chemo. The discussed a feeding tube... and told him it's 80% curable.
He wants to see what the Dr's at University of Penn say. I think if they also say Chemo he'll do it... reluctantly.
He needs a tooth pulled before they can start radiation, since the cavity will interfere with the radiation.
I'm nervous to see him sick.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
He wants a second opinion after talking to the Dr. today about the treatment..... they recommended 2 bags of Chemo once a week... for 7 weeks.... same as the radiation. He really doesn't want the Chemo. The discussed a feeding tube... and told him it's 80% curable.
He wants to see what the Dr's at University of Penn say. I think if they also say Chemo he'll do it... reluctantly.
He needs a tooth pulled before they can start radiation, since the cavity will interfere with the radiation.
I'm nervous to see him sick.
80% is really good! I think the radiation does a number on teeth, especially where his is going to be focused. Did the doctor mention his sense of taste or salivary glands? Both of those were lost by Petes dad. (small price to pay though)
He wants a second opinion after talking to the Dr. today about the treatment..... they recommended 2 bags of Chemo once a week... for 7 weeks.... same as the radiation. He really doesn't want the Chemo. The discussed a feeding tube... and told him it's 80% curable.
He wants to see what the Dr's at University of Penn say. I think if they also say Chemo he'll do it... reluctantly.
He needs a tooth pulled before they can start radiation, since the cavity will interfere with the radiation.
I'm nervous to see him sick.
80% is really good! I think the radiation does a number on teeth, especially where his is going to be focused. Did the doctor mention his sense of taste or salivary glands? Both of those were lost by Petes dad. (small price to pay though)
A second opinion cant hurt!
did he ever regain taste???
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
He wants a second opinion after talking to the Dr. today about the treatment..... they recommended 2 bags of Chemo once a week... for 7 weeks.... same as the radiation. He really doesn't want the Chemo. The discussed a feeding tube... and told him it's 80% curable.
He wants to see what the Dr's at University of Penn say. I think if they also say Chemo he'll do it... reluctantly.
He needs a tooth pulled before they can start radiation, since the cavity will interfere with the radiation.
I'm nervous to see him sick.
80% is really good! I think the radiation does a number on teeth, especially where his is going to be focused. Did the doctor mention his sense of taste or salivary glands? Both of those were lost by Petes dad. (small price to pay though)
A second opinion cant hurt!
did he ever regain taste???
Hardly. But he said the pros are that he doesn't enjoy chips anymore therefore can really control his weight.
Hardly. But he said the pros are that he doesn't enjoy chips anymore therefore can really control his weight.
It may be different for your dad. I dont know.
they told him that they can't do pin point radiation ( i think I mentioned this before) so they have to make a mask for him and then when they do the radiation the mask will be bolted to the table... that's when he almost passed out.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Hardly. But he said the pros are that he doesn't enjoy chips anymore therefore can really control his weight.
It may be different for your dad. I dont know.
they told him that they can't do pin point radiation ( i think I mentioned this before) so they have to make a mask for him and then when they do the radiation the mask will be bolted to the table... that's when he almost passed out.
Ahhh! The mask! I'll send you a picture of Pete's mask. Colby was with him during one treatment.
Hardly. But he said the pros are that he doesn't enjoy chips anymore therefore can really control his weight.
It may be different for your dad. I dont know.
they told him that they can't do pin point radiation ( i think I mentioned this before) so they have to make a mask for him and then when they do the radiation the mask will be bolted to the table... that's when he almost passed out.
Ahhh! The mask! I'll send you a picture of Pete's mask. Colby was with him during one treatment.
wow it really is the same thing!
this is too weird.... I am thankful everyday for you!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
the hardest part is pretending that I'm not scared......
It's okay to be scared...I'd be concerned if you weren't scared. I think it's just showing your fear at the right times. But it's 100% normal to be fearful of the process and the outcome.
edit: right times = when you feel safe with the people around you...not in a situation where it could make you feel worse.
the hardest part is pretending that I'm not scared......
It's okay to be scared...I'd be concerned if you weren't scared. I think it's just showing your fear at the right times. But it's 100% normal to be fearful of the process and the outcome.
edit: right times = when you feel safe with the people around you...not in a situation where it could make you feel worse.
like right now
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
the hardest part is pretending that I'm not scared......
It's okay to be scared...I'd be concerned if you weren't scared. I think it's just showing your fear at the right times. But it's 100% normal to be fearful of the process and the outcome.
edit: right times = when you feel safe with the people around you...not in a situation where it could make you feel worse.
I know someone who was diagnosed with brain and lung cancer, and given a set amount of time to live. Now the doctors are telling him the brain tumor is already beginning to shrink, and he's even getting through the chemo and radiation with no real sickness. Even when things look grimmer than grim, a fighting spirit goes a loonnng way.
My mom is also a breast cancer survivor, and she said she put herself into the hands of God, and fought it tooth and nail.
Thanks EPOTTSIII!
"Vinyl or not, you will need to pay someone to take RA of your hands" - Smile05
424, xxx
My dad had some teeth pulled and some cavity fillings ripped out yesterday in preparation for the radiation, he has to get more pulled today. He's in a lot of pain just from that alone.
They called University of Penn to see about a consolation for a 2nd opinion and they want anywhere from $500-1000 to do it. So as of right now he's at a stand still on what he's doing about the chemo. Though he's moving forward with the radiation.
I keep dreaming about it...nightmares I should say.
As it was before, the only friends that have offered me support have been from here (and funny enough mostly...Canadians ) though there are a few good friends I'm met here that are there for me whenever I need them, thanks so much!!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
My dad had some teeth pulled and some cavity fillings ripped out yesterday in preparation for the radiation, he has to get more pulled today. He's in a lot of pain just from that alone.
They called University of Penn to see about a consolation for a 2nd opinion and they want anywhere from $500-1000 to do it. So as of right now he's at a stand still on what he's doing about the chemo. Though he's moving forward with the radiation.
I keep dreaming about it...nightmares I should say.
As it was before, the only friends that have offered me support have been from here (and funny enough mostly...Canadians ) though there are a few good friends I'm met here that are there for me whenever I need them, thanks so much!!
a 2nd opinion isn't a bad idea...best to learn about all of the options. when does he start radiation? I hope he (and you and mom) are starting to feel better about getting treatment underway...
a 2nd opinion isn't a bad idea...best to learn about all of the options. when does he start radiation? I hope he (and you and mom) are starting to feel better about getting treatment underway...
Actually it would kinda qualify as a 3rd opinion... But they never got much into treatment with the first dr. (He talked down to my dad and made him feel uncomfortable).
The thing is, with him probably not being able to work for 7 weeks, if not longer during treatment, the bill for a 2nd opinion is pretty steep, and money they could use to help other things go more smoothly. My family is by no means well off, they have just managed to pull money outta their ass and work their fingers to the bone when needed. I think the stress and circumstances are making that hard for them this time around. I am contemplating using the money from the sale of my wedding rings to give to them instead of using it for the fall PJ tour.
Right now he's just doing the prep for radiation, like removing teeth and getting the radiation mask made. He's also been told he needs to gain weight and have proper nutrition. He's been on an all veggy diet (doesn't wanna 'feed' the cancer as he says) but some of those veggies will interfere with treatment apparently. My mom wants him to jump into whatever treatment is thrown at him, but he's having a hard time swallowing it all. I want to be there for both of them but they have different views on how things should be done and I don't want to agree with one and have the other feel like I've taken the other's side. Being an only child is hard, there's a lot of weight to bear when it comes to family and taking care of them. Hard more so cause I'm sort of an independent person, where I just wanna pick up and leave....move somewhere else, but I've always had to think that there would be no one here for them. My parents would be sad if they read that cause they raised me to be this way, but they can't help I was a lucky(hopefully) surprise after trying for over 11 years. It's not their fault I was all they could have. I owe it to them to make sure they are taken care of.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
Comments
They asked him if he wants his feeding tube in now or if he loses 10 more pounds it'll be done as an emergency procedure. They are unable to do pin point radiation and he might be faced with deterioration of the jaw among other issues. I know they have to mention all the bad points but I think for him it was all too much. He's scared and angry. I wish I could make this all better for him. He refuses to tell anyone he works with or his family, he was even mad at my mom for telling her co-workers and her family. Yesterday at father's day dinner my mom mentioned something about it and he flipped out on her saying 'this day is about me being a father not me having cancer'.... He's not an angry guy at all so we were completely taken back.
I wanna be here for him but it seems he doesn't wanna talk about it, though if I don't say anything I feel like I'm ignoring it and him. I'm at a loss on how to handle all this. And how to comfort my mom is a whole other issue. I kinda wish I had siblings right now so I would have someone to talk to... Being an only child sucks ass at times!
call me anytime--the benefit of living on the opposite coast!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I refuse to let this get me down... Simply refuse! After a year plus of feeling sorry for myself over the Marc situation I can't do it anymore (if anything I feel horrible that my parents spent the last year and a half helping me get past that instead of enjoying themselves and now are faced with a hardship of their own). They are remarkable (strange for sure... But remarkable none the less). Christ my Dad stayed here till 2 am the night before the EV shows to try and finish the kitchen floor since you all were visiting
I don't know what I'm getting at or where I'm going with this... Maybe to say that my dad would do anything for ANYONE.... And I just don't understand why it has to be like this for him. My parents deserve a rest... Some time together... Just a breather even.
Sorry, like I said I have no one really to talk to about this... So here I am venting on line to strangers.
I always seems to be the people that are the most caring and worthy of health and happiness that get cancer. I don't understand it at all.
I can imagine that you are all in some form of shock from this. It's so important that you all get the emotional support that you need because it can be very draining on your spirit. I have faith that everything will be okay. But the ride might be a rough one for a while. My Father in law had a feeding tube put in too, although I don't know at what point.
We're here for you sweetie. Anytime you need to vent or cry or anything.
I pray for the best---and I hope your dad is able to get to a place where he can develop a positive attitude to BEAT this. I know it is easier said than done but that really is key. I truly hope he gets there and he gets well.
Take care.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I'm sure he knows how much you care, he just probably can't handle all the info right now, he'll come around.
Hoping for the best.
I texted him last night telling him I love him, didn't hear back from him till this morning... he said "love you too.... please bear wit me" i'm sure it's hard for him to have something out of his control.
I'm sure he appreciated your text more than you know...little things like that can make a big difference, and make his heart happy :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Just saw this thread and read threw it a little bit. I hope everything works out and your dad is ok.
He wants to see what the Dr's at University of Penn say. I think if they also say Chemo he'll do it... reluctantly.
He needs a tooth pulled before they can start radiation, since the cavity will interfere with the radiation.
I'm nervous to see him sick.
80% is really good! I think the radiation does a number on teeth, especially where his is going to be focused. Did the doctor mention his sense of taste or salivary glands? Both of those were lost by Petes dad. (small price to pay though)
A second opinion cant hurt!
did he ever regain taste???
Hardly. But he said the pros are that he doesn't enjoy chips anymore therefore can really control his weight.
It may be different for your dad. I dont know.
Ahhh! The mask! I'll send you a picture of Pete's mask. Colby was with him during one treatment.
this is too weird.... I am thankful everyday for you!
http://www.reverbnation.com/brianzilm
It's okay to be scared...I'd be concerned if you weren't scared. I think it's just showing your fear at the right times. But it's 100% normal to be fearful of the process and the outcome.
edit: right times = when you feel safe with the people around you...not in a situation where it could make you feel worse.
:idea: emotions are running high right now. :(
My mom is also a breast cancer survivor, and she said she put herself into the hands of God, and fought it tooth and nail.
"Vinyl or not, you will need to pay someone to take RA of your hands" - Smile05
424, xxx
They called University of Penn to see about a consolation for a 2nd opinion and they want anywhere from $500-1000 to do it. So as of right now he's at a stand still on what he's doing about the chemo. Though he's moving forward with the radiation.
I keep dreaming about it...nightmares I should say.
As it was before, the only friends that have offered me support have been from here (and funny enough mostly...Canadians
a 2nd opinion isn't a bad idea...best to learn about all of the options. when does he start radiation? I hope he (and you and mom) are starting to feel better about getting treatment underway...
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
The thing is, with him probably not being able to work for 7 weeks, if not longer during treatment, the bill for a 2nd opinion is pretty steep, and money they could use to help other things go more smoothly. My family is by no means well off, they have just managed to pull money outta their ass and work their fingers to the bone when needed. I think the stress and circumstances are making that hard for them this time around. I am contemplating using the money from the sale of my wedding rings to give to them instead of using it for the fall PJ tour.
Right now he's just doing the prep for radiation, like removing teeth and getting the radiation mask made. He's also been told he needs to gain weight and have proper nutrition. He's been on an all veggy diet (doesn't wanna 'feed' the cancer as he says) but some of those veggies will interfere with treatment apparently. My mom wants him to jump into whatever treatment is thrown at him, but he's having a hard time swallowing it all. I want to be there for both of them but they have different views on how things should be done and I don't want to agree with one and have the other feel like I've taken the other's side. Being an only child is hard, there's a lot of weight to bear when it comes to family and taking care of them. Hard more so cause I'm sort of an independent person, where I just wanna pick up and leave....move somewhere else, but I've always had to think that there would be no one here for them. My parents would be sad if they read that cause they raised me to be this way, but they can't help I was a lucky(hopefully) surprise after trying for over 11 years. It's not their fault I was all they could have. I owe it to them to make sure they are taken care of.