the hitting and kicking came way before-c'mon people-read what Im saying instead of generalizing
and the light slap on the wrist or the feet (certainlly not to the point of crying), or holding him down so he couldnt kick WHILE SPEAKING CLEARLY worked perfectly
and this was well before he was FLUENT
I believe our resident expert even confirmed this as an effective method
A few too many idealists. You know its like being vegetarian, there are many different levels. Its not an all or none rule.
Im sure none of you had to use a little physical restraint to hold them still while changing a diaper or trying to get them dressed.
Have you ever tried slight emotional withdrawl? It should work if you have a strong bond to begin with. Some physical restraint might be needed very rarely, but if it's everyday you need to reevaluate the situation.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
Have you ever tried slight emotional withdrawl? It should work if you have a strong bond to begin with. Some physical restraint might be needed very rarely, but if it's everyday you need to reevaluate the situation.
we are actually way past all of this, the only reason I even mentioned it
to illustrate that children are individually unique and that each requires its own blend of discipline.
given some of the intolerance, which I was surprised by, I felt compelled to chime in
we are actually way past all of this, the only reason I even mentioned it
to illustrate that children are individually unique and that each requires its own blend of discipline.
given some of the intolerance, which I was surprised by, I felt compelled to chime in
That's what makes authoritative parenting successful, it's flexible.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
i nanny for a 14 month old and she is always into things... what i did with the garbage issue was taught her that things go into the garbage by letting her throw things in there that were trash (which she loves because she likes helping me).. and then i give her praise.... so now she knows things go into the trash and no longer takes things out..... same with the laundry pile.
i wouldnt discipline a child that young for something like that... like others suggested.. removing them from the area works.... get their attention elsewhere.
Authoritarian
This style is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions. Authoritarian parents expect much of their child but do not explain the rules at all, unlike the Authoritative parent.[4] Authoritarian parents are most likely to hit a child as a form of punishment instead of grounding a child.[5] The resulting children from this type of parenting lack social competence as the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.[6] The children also rarely take initiatives. They are socially withdrawn and look to others to decide what's right. These children lack spontaneity and lack curiosity.[7]
Permissive
This parenting style is a warm,but lax pattern of parenting in which adults make relatively few demands and permit their children to freely express their feelings and impulses. Few rules;few demands They do not closely monitor their children's activity and rarely exert firm control over their behavior. Usually non-punitive. These children tend to be more selfish, impulsive, insecure and low achievers. They tend to lack in social responsibility.[citation needed]
Neglectful
Neglectful parenting, also known as neglectful or nonconformist parenting, is similar to permissive parenting but the parent does not care much about the child. The parents are generally not involved in their child's life, but will provide basic needs for the child.[8]
This is from wikipedia. It's on target, though I'm positive Diana Baumrind only had three classifications with Permissive and Neglectful being the same category. I do like this new distinction though.
I like the distinction as well - since often Permissive parents are simply unable to correct or make adjustments to their child's impulses through normal course of parenting instruction but do not have neglectful tendencies...although it is a bit hard to state the bold section. neglectful as far as uninvolved but the "does not care much about the child" seemed a bit overstated and simplistic (I know it isnt your statements you said it was from Wiki)
IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
I like the distinction as well - since often Permissive parents are simply unable to correct or make adjustments to their child's impulses through normal course of parenting instruction but do not have neglectful tendencies...although it is a bit hard to state the bold section. neglectful as far as uninvolved but the "does not care much about the child" seemed a bit overstated and simplistic (I know it isnt your statements you said it was from Wiki)
I dont like the definitions, they make it sound like any method results in dysfunctional children
the hitting and kicking came way before-c'mon people-read what Im saying instead of generalizing
and the light slap on the wrist or the feet (certainlly not to the point of crying), or holding him down so he couldnt kick WHILE SPEAKING CLEARLY worked perfectly
and this was well before he was FLUENT
I believe our resident expert even confirmed this as an effective method
A few too many idealists. You know its like being vegetarian, there are many different levels. Its not an all or none rule.
Im sure none of you had to use a little physical restraint to hold them still while changing a diaper or trying to get them dressed.
I concurred with what you were saying earlier - i suggested the few possible choices in addition to allowing for the idea that you were not spanking your child or slapping...you were what would be considered "lightly swatting" a hand, to reinstate your vocalizations regarding their negative behavior - and for a PARENT (not a childcare provider) to do this with VERY LITTLE force will, do the trick often times.
for those people that seemed to think Get_right was smacking or spanking their child for minor rule infractions or the like I humbly suggest that you reread the original statements they made in this thread about what they decided to do when their under 2 year old was kicking and hitting.
as for restraining, there are many types. what I suggested to get_Right (though I knew that their child was past the stage of not being able to simply be "told" regarding hitting) to do light hand restraining it was with only the amount of force to move the child's arm/hand from hitting you or the other person and hold their hitting hands in their lap while all the time reinforcing with your words that they should not hit...just fyi - for a matter of safety I believe that if you needed to restrain your child from running into the street (for example) you may grab their arm and pull them towards you while saying loudly NO...this should give the effect of startling so the child sees the significance of their actions (or touching a hot stove etc..,) that is a "hard emergency grab" and should only be used to show the child the extreme physical danger (and will actually be rather instinctual)
I don't really understand how this thread wavered on the level of assumptions towards get_rights posts, but for whatever reason I hope that clarifies some of the issues...and I also hope that the thread served some service to MCKB
peace y'all...
IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
I dont like the definitions, they make it sound like any method results in dysfunctional children
I posted the fourth category a page back Authoritative parenting has promising results.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
the hitting and kicking came way before-c'mon people-read what Im saying instead of generalizing
and the light slap on the wrist or the feet (certainlly not to the point of crying), or holding him down so he couldnt kick WHILE SPEAKING CLEARLY worked perfectly
and this was well before he was FLUENT
I believe our resident expert even confirmed this as an effective method
A few too many idealists. You know its like being vegetarian, there are many different levels. Its not an all or none rule.
Im sure none of you had to use a little physical restraint to hold them still while changing a diaper or trying to get them dressed.
I concurred with what you were saying earlier - i suggested the few possible choices in addition to allowing for the idea that you were not spanking your child or slapping...you were what would be considered "lightly swatting" a hand, to reinstate your vocalizations regarding their negative behavior - and for a PARENT (not a childcare provider) to do this with VERY LITTLE force will, do the trick often times.
for those people that seemed to think Get_right was smacking or spanking their child for minor rule infractions or the like I humbly suggest that you reread the original statements they made in this thread about what they decided to do when their under 2 year old was kicking and hitting.
as for restraining, there are many types. what I suggested to get_Right (though I knew that their child was past the stage of not being able to simply be "told" regarding hitting) to do light hand restraining it was with only the amount of force to move the child's arm/hand from hitting you or the other person and hold their hitting hands in their lap while all the time reinforcing with your words that they should not hit...just fyi - for a matter of safety I believe that if you needed to restrain your child from running into the street (for example) you may grab their arm and pull them towards you while saying loudly NO...this should give the effect of startling so the child sees the significance of their actions (or touching a hot stove etc..,) that is a "hard emergency grab" and should only be used to show the child the extreme physical danger (and will actually be rather instinctual)
I don't really understand how this thread wavered on the level of assumptions towards get_rights posts, but for whatever reason I hope that clarifies some of the issues...and I also hope that the thread served some service to MCKB
peace y'all...
I love these discussions because they reinforce my views that good parents seek out and discuss their parenting styles - and what can be better than growing great kids that respect themselves and others!
why is this a double post???? awwell...whatever. sorry about that!
IF YOU WANT A PLATE OF MY BEEF SWELLINGTON, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE COVERCHARGE.
Authoritarian
This style is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions. Authoritarian parents expect much of their child but do not explain the rules at all, unlike the Authoritative parent.[4] Authoritarian parents are most likely to hit a child as a form of punishment instead of grounding a child.[5] The resulting children from this type of parenting lack social competence as the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.[6] The children also rarely take initiatives. They are socially withdrawn and look to others to decide what's right. These children lack spontaneity and lack curiosity.[7]
Permissive
This parenting style is a warm,but lax pattern of parenting in which adults make relatively few demands and permit their children to freely express their feelings and impulses. Few rules;few demands They do not closely monitor their children's activity and rarely exert firm control over their behavior. Usually non-punitive. These children tend to be more selfish, impulsive, insecure and low achievers. They tend to lack in social responsibility.[citation needed]
This is from wikipedia. It's on target, though I'm positive Diana Baumrind only had three classifications with Permissive and Neglectful being the same category. I do like this new distinction though.
In general, this is spot on! (For me).
This is the dilemma I'm facing. Two very different personalities trying to raise a child.
This is the dilemma I'm facing. Two very different personalities trying to raise a child.
P.S. :eek:
That's unfortunate consistency is important as well.
I necessarily have the passion for writing this, and you have the passion for condemning me; both of us are equally fools, equally the toys of destiny. Your nature is to do harm, mine is to love truth, and to make it public in spite of you. - Voltaire
Puppy opps I mean baby proof your entire living space! I had gates, cabinet locks and every thing valuable picked up and put away....for a very very long time, I had 4 sons in 6 years. There was no trash for them to get in to. Makes life much easier not to say NO ten thousand times a day. I have a 13 month old puppy and we did the same thing with him.....Guess what, kids and puppies...grow up and then they can understand why they shouldn't go in the trash, then no need for punishments! My sons are awesome people now...so I know it works.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
When one says 'remove from the temptation' or 'simply removing the child from the occasion of misbehavior', it means removing him/her from, as was the case in the initial post, the bin - ie. bin stays in kitchen, child goes in living room (for example) - all together with arms and legs. Should your child be hitting and kicking, it is getting out of arm/leg reach to start with and making sure he is in a safe enviromnent.
I do not have a problem child, but I have worked with problem children, hitting, kicking, swearing and shouting being some of the problems. At no time would we ever consider a smack of any kind. There is a reason behind this kind of behaviour and there are 'techniques' which do not involve any 'aggresive' move on the part of the adult.
Authoritarian
This style is characterized by high expectations of conformity and compliance to parental rules and directions. Authoritarian parents expect much of their child but do not explain the rules at all, unlike the Authoritative parent.[4] Authoritarian parents are most likely to hit a child as a form of punishment instead of grounding a child.[5] The resulting children from this type of parenting lack social competence as the parent generally predicts what the child should do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.[6] The children also rarely take initiatives. They are socially withdrawn and look to others to decide what's right. These children lack spontaneity and lack curiosity.[7]
Permissive
This parenting style is a warm,but lax pattern of parenting in which adults make relatively few demands and permit their children to freely express their feelings and impulses. Few rules;few demands They do not closely monitor their children's activity and rarely exert firm control over their behavior. Usually non-punitive. These children tend to be more selfish, impulsive, insecure and low achievers. They tend to lack in social responsibility.[citation needed]
Neglectful
Neglectful parenting, also known as neglectful or nonconformist parenting, is similar to permissive parenting but the parent does not care much about the child. The parents are generally not involved in their child's life, but will provide basic needs for the child.[8]
This is from wikipedia. It's on target, though I'm positive Diana Baumrind only had three classifications with Permissive and Neglectful being the same category. I do like this new distinction though.
This is the most important one - the group one most of us on this thread seem to 'belong' to. I think it's worthwhile seeing ALL categories together. Gives a better idea of things!
Authoritative parenting
This is characterized by high expectations of compliance to parental rules and directions, an open dialogue about those rules and behaviors, and a child-centered approach characterized by warm, positive affect. Authoritative parents encourage the child to be independent. Authoritative parents are not usually controlling allowing the child to explore more freely.[2] Authoritative parents are strict, demands obedience, but when punishing a child, the parent will always explain his or her motive for their punishment.[3] The resulting children have a higher self esteem, are independent, and happy. Children who are subject to this kind of parenting may debate with their parents and may form their own seemingly logical opinions in order to justify their disobedience.
This is parenting - love, dialogue, no hitting but still rules and high expectations of good behaviour.
I concurred with what you were saying earlier - i suggested the few possible choices in addition to allowing for the idea that you were not spanking your child or slapping...you were what would be considered "lightly swatting" a hand, to reinstate your vocalizations regarding their negative behavior - and for a PARENT (not a childcare provider) to do this with VERY LITTLE force will, do the trick often times.
In view of all this talk about being consistent (ie schools/childcare providers working with parents for a consistent approach to dealing with bad behaviour), why is it OK for a parent to smack but not a childcare provider? I don't understand this. I'm not trying to be difficult or anything, but if a parent thinks it's OK to smack, would this parent not also think it is OK for the childcare provider to smack - in order to keep consistency in the approach? Why make a difference as both parent and other carers are involved in the child's education?
This is the dilemma I'm facing. Two very different personalities trying to raise a child.
P.S. :eek:
It doesn't have to be a problem - two different personalities can work together and complement each other when it comes to raising a child. My husband and I are different, but we work towards the same goal. A bit like in a choir - people sing different parts, with different voice pitch, etc. but in the end, it is one song. So make your different personalities work together - no need for 'good cop/bad cop' type stuff (ie - daddy won't let me - I'm gonna ask mommy - she'll let me!)
In view of all this talk about being consistent (ie schools/childcare providers working with parents for a consistent approach to dealing with bad behaviour), why is it OK for a parent to smack but not a childcare provider? I don't understand this. I'm not trying to be difficult or anything, but if a parent thinks it's OK to smack, would this parent not also think it is OK for the childcare provider to smack - in order to keep consistency in the approach? Why make a difference as both parent and other carers are involved in the child's education?
Great argument for not smacking children.
'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'
In view of all this talk about being consistent (ie schools/childcare providers working with parents for a consistent approach to dealing with bad behaviour), why is it OK for a parent to smack but not a childcare provider? I don't understand this. I'm not trying to be difficult or anything, but if a parent thinks it's OK to smack, would this parent not also think it is OK for the childcare provider to smack - in order to keep consistency in the approach? Why make a difference as both parent and other carers are involved in the child's education?
Redrock.....I love YOU! You and I are two peas in a pod when it comes to parenting. Your daughter is a very, very lucky human being to have you as a mom!
I had a couple of awesome things said to me recently by my grown sons, about how much they love and respect me, and how happy they were about their childhoods. To finally see the fruits of my labor coming out...is just an incredible feeling! I raised my sons on a gut feeling, that if I treated them, spoke to them like I personally like to be treated, spoke to, they would grow up to be loving, good human beings. I didn't need to punish or hit my children. They are turning in to these awesome men, that I'd rather spend time with then anyone else on this earth.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Comments
Have you ever tried slight emotional withdrawl? It should work if you have a strong bond to begin with. Some physical restraint might be needed very rarely, but if it's everyday you need to reevaluate the situation.
hello
you cant remove the legs and arms now can you?
we are actually way past all of this, the only reason I even mentioned it
to illustrate that children are individually unique and that each requires its own blend of discipline.
given some of the intolerance, which I was surprised by, I felt compelled to chime in
That's what makes authoritative parenting successful, it's flexible.
Well Im not sure if you are being sarcastic
but
flexibility is very much the key
i wouldnt discipline a child that young for something like that... like others suggested.. removing them from the area works.... get their attention elsewhere.
I like the distinction as well - since often Permissive parents are simply unable to correct or make adjustments to their child's impulses through normal course of parenting instruction but do not have neglectful tendencies...although it is a bit hard to state the bold section. neglectful as far as uninvolved but the "does not care much about the child" seemed a bit overstated and simplistic (I know it isnt your statements you said it was from Wiki)
I dont like the definitions, they make it sound like any method results in dysfunctional children
I concurred with what you were saying earlier - i suggested the few possible choices in addition to allowing for the idea that you were not spanking your child or slapping...you were what would be considered "lightly swatting" a hand, to reinstate your vocalizations regarding their negative behavior - and for a PARENT (not a childcare provider) to do this with VERY LITTLE force will, do the trick often times.
for those people that seemed to think Get_right was smacking or spanking their child for minor rule infractions or the like I humbly suggest that you reread the original statements they made in this thread about what they decided to do when their under 2 year old was kicking and hitting.
as for restraining, there are many types. what I suggested to get_Right (though I knew that their child was past the stage of not being able to simply be "told" regarding hitting) to do light hand restraining it was with only the amount of force to move the child's arm/hand from hitting you or the other person and hold their hitting hands in their lap while all the time reinforcing with your words that they should not hit...just fyi - for a matter of safety I believe that if you needed to restrain your child from running into the street (for example) you may grab their arm and pull them towards you while saying loudly NO...this should give the effect of startling so the child sees the significance of their actions (or touching a hot stove etc..,) that is a "hard emergency grab" and should only be used to show the child the extreme physical danger (and will actually be rather instinctual)
I don't really understand how this thread wavered on the level of assumptions towards get_rights posts, but for whatever reason I hope that clarifies some of the issues...and I also hope that the thread served some service to MCKB
I posted the fourth category a page back Authoritative parenting has promising results.
I concurred with what you were saying earlier - i suggested the few possible choices in addition to allowing for the idea that you were not spanking your child or slapping...you were what would be considered "lightly swatting" a hand, to reinstate your vocalizations regarding their negative behavior - and for a PARENT (not a childcare provider) to do this with VERY LITTLE force will, do the trick often times.
for those people that seemed to think Get_right was smacking or spanking their child for minor rule infractions or the like I humbly suggest that you reread the original statements they made in this thread about what they decided to do when their under 2 year old was kicking and hitting.
as for restraining, there are many types. what I suggested to get_Right (though I knew that their child was past the stage of not being able to simply be "told" regarding hitting) to do light hand restraining it was with only the amount of force to move the child's arm/hand from hitting you or the other person and hold their hitting hands in their lap while all the time reinforcing with your words that they should not hit...just fyi - for a matter of safety I believe that if you needed to restrain your child from running into the street (for example) you may grab their arm and pull them towards you while saying loudly NO...this should give the effect of startling so the child sees the significance of their actions (or touching a hot stove etc..,) that is a "hard emergency grab" and should only be used to show the child the extreme physical danger (and will actually be rather instinctual)
I don't really understand how this thread wavered on the level of assumptions towards get_rights posts, but for whatever reason I hope that clarifies some of the issues...and I also hope that the thread served some service to MCKB
I love these discussions because they reinforce my views that good parents seek out and discuss their parenting styles - and what can be better than growing great kids that respect themselves and others!
why is this a double post???? awwell...whatever. sorry about that!
In general, this is spot on! (For me).
This is the dilemma I'm facing. Two very different personalities trying to raise a child.
P.S. :eek:
That's unfortunate consistency is important as well.
It will only confuse her and she needs consistancy.
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
When one says 'remove from the temptation' or 'simply removing the child from the occasion of misbehavior', it means removing him/her from, as was the case in the initial post, the bin - ie. bin stays in kitchen, child goes in living room (for example) - all together with arms and legs. Should your child be hitting and kicking, it is getting out of arm/leg reach to start with and making sure he is in a safe enviromnent.
I do not have a problem child, but I have worked with problem children, hitting, kicking, swearing and shouting being some of the problems. At no time would we ever consider a smack of any kind. There is a reason behind this kind of behaviour and there are 'techniques' which do not involve any 'aggresive' move on the part of the adult.
This is the most important one - the group one most of us on this thread seem to 'belong' to. I think it's worthwhile seeing ALL categories together. Gives a better idea of things!
Authoritative parenting
This is characterized by high expectations of compliance to parental rules and directions, an open dialogue about those rules and behaviors, and a child-centered approach characterized by warm, positive affect. Authoritative parents encourage the child to be independent. Authoritative parents are not usually controlling allowing the child to explore more freely.[2] Authoritative parents are strict, demands obedience, but when punishing a child, the parent will always explain his or her motive for their punishment.[3] The resulting children have a higher self esteem, are independent, and happy. Children who are subject to this kind of parenting may debate with their parents and may form their own seemingly logical opinions in order to justify their disobedience.
This is parenting - love, dialogue, no hitting but still rules and high expectations of good behaviour.
In view of all this talk about being consistent (ie schools/childcare providers working with parents for a consistent approach to dealing with bad behaviour), why is it OK for a parent to smack but not a childcare provider? I don't understand this. I'm not trying to be difficult or anything, but if a parent thinks it's OK to smack, would this parent not also think it is OK for the childcare provider to smack - in order to keep consistency in the approach? Why make a difference as both parent and other carers are involved in the child's education?
It doesn't have to be a problem - two different personalities can work together and complement each other when it comes to raising a child. My husband and I are different, but we work towards the same goal. A bit like in a choir - people sing different parts, with different voice pitch, etc. but in the end, it is one song. So make your different personalities work together - no need for 'good cop/bad cop' type stuff (ie - daddy won't let me - I'm gonna ask mommy - she'll let me!)
Great argument for not smacking children.
- the great Sir Leo Harrison
Redrock.....I love YOU! You and I are two peas in a pod when it comes to parenting. Your daughter is a very, very lucky human being to have you as a mom!
I had a couple of awesome things said to me recently by my grown sons, about how much they love and respect me, and how happy they were about their childhoods. To finally see the fruits of my labor coming out...is just an incredible feeling! I raised my sons on a gut feeling, that if I treated them, spoke to them like I personally like to be treated, spoke to, they would grow up to be loving, good human beings. I didn't need to punish or hit my children. They are turning in to these awesome men, that I'd rather spend time with then anyone else on this earth.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown