Open relationships

catefrances

Derrick wrote:

What's interesting is that, for some people, monogamy is as infuriating as jealousy is for others. Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

The other issue with monogamy is that many in our society link the act of sex to the feelings of love. It's really a shame because both the emotion of love and the act of sex are quite powerful, and to only share either of them with one person (at a time) for a lifetime seems rather restricting.

May as well get as much out of life as you can before you're gone imo.

monogamy is a societal construct. as usual it comes down to the dominant moral hegemony.

if you(general)are not comfortable rooting around with other people whilst in a committed relationship then dont do it. if you find the idea of an open relationship abhorrant then keep it to yourself. but dont judge me(theoretical) because i have no qualms about it.

oh and lets not forget variety is the spice of life.

genie

The Champ wrote:

Oh man, I wish I had game like that when I was single....seems like the 'main girlfriend' gets the shortest end of the stick as the other women presumably are more interested in the fucking and less in the relationship aspect..lol..wow..

but hey it's not like the 'main girlfriend' is not allowed to see other guys, she can see whoever/howmany she wants

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Look, this debate is all in fun.. and because I've got nothing better to do on a Tuesday night. I've no intention of calling you a hypocrite. It was a joke.

But to be fair, you have no more information about this relationship or this guy's motivations for doing what he does, than I have about the relationships which have helped me form my own opinions.. relationships involving people I knew.

I'm out.

well i am still at work, and sure...no ill intentions either. joke taken.


i am going by what she is offering, in such instances...rightly or wrongly....we can only go by who is offering said information. true or not, this is how she feels, and thus has to act according to her feelings. it's NOT the same thing as judging relationships b/c whatever they may look like from the outside, we honestly cannot know the degree of 'happiness' or not, within it...or what works or doesn't, for others. even amongst relationships you know, is not proof that ALL open relationships are bad, and that the people do not love each other enough. you made that statement and THAT is what i took issue with. that's all. but sure, we're all entitled to our own opinions and i said as much way earlier.


and my workday is just about done - 5 minutes!. this was a nice distraction aside from the prop 8 thread....so thanks all!

The Champ

genie wrote:

and ultimately i'm a fool for rushing into things with the first person i'm physically attracted i should really take my time, let men chase me because i deserve far more that what i got over the years.....but anyway back to open relationships

Many men enjoy the chase far more than the prize, especially when it's worth a run..easy chicks are thought to be good for one thing..well they usually also are good for scoring coke and boosting egos temporarily..

genie

The Champ wrote:

I agree, take it slow..don't go right for the sausage, no matter how tempting it might be ..

yeah i'll try not to as it always gets me into trouble

genie

The Champ wrote:

Many men enjoy the chase far more than the prize, especially when it's worth a run..easy chicks are thought to be good for one thing..well they usually also are good for scoring coke and boosting egos temporarily..

oh christ, i need some advice on how to stop being a nice girl........and easy too. so how long do you think i should let the guy wait for sex?

just tina

decides2dream wrote:

who's fighting?
seriously?
i am as calm as anything. i consider it debate, not fighting. and it's not even the opinion i am debating per se, it's the reason behind the opinion, the thought process that i am personally interested in.

i find ALL subjects based on human nature, relationships, fascinating....and i especially enjoy discussions regarding issues that are considered outside the norm.

and i know i said i didn't want to debate ....but i simply can't help myself at times. certain topics ALWAYS intrigue me.


notice any of my posts in abortion debates, the recent prop 8 thread....and sure, open relationships or just about any topic of the human psyche.

oh i wasn't picking you out personally...but it does seem defensive on both parts. it was just a question, something i noticed in a lot of threads...not just here. i've actually been at the wrong end of "voicing my opinion" a few times...ask my opinion and bash me when its not your own (not you...in general).

Meine liebe

Man, you guys make me happy I am married. Look at all the thought and worry involved in the single life. Married life is so simple.

This is from a movie...."find a girl you wanna be in the foxhole with, and when you're out of the foxhole....keep your dick in your pants!"

Genius....

decides2dream

Meine leibe wrote:

Man, you guys make me happy I am married. Look at all the thought and worry involved in the single life. Married life is so simple.

This is from a movie...."find a girl you wanna be in the foxhole with, and when you're out of the foxhole....keep your dick in your pants!"

Genius....

open relationships exist within the confines of marriage as well.
just sayin'.

personally, i l believe it makes much more *sense* within the confines of a loving, trusting marriage/commited relationship than any where else.


i think catefrances summed it up well. open relationships, according to our own social constructs, are viewed as a *taboo*...we have decided on a fully monagamous model. however, i think? it's estimated that close to half of all relationships DO have infidelities...so really, while the model or preference...not exacly 'successful'....and many filled with deceit. if monogamy is your choice...it's a wonderful choice to make. however, if others choose love AND variety, it does not diminish their commitment, merely makes it different from yours. one is not better nor worse, more or less committed...just different priorities. monogamy, alone, does not guarantee a happy marriage, a truly committed and loving relationship. it is arbitrary criteria at best. it's a choice, like any other....but no more valid than any other. as i said earlier, imo, as long as WHATEVER criteria of a relationship is mutually agreed upon, wishes of both partners respected and filled with trust and love...well then, thereya go, whether monogmous or not. just b/c a particular lifestyle might be outside the 'norm'...doesn't make it any less committed or valid. i DO know it does make many uncomfortable tho. they rather monogamy, even with infidelity...b/c that is what we as a society are 'accustomed' to...the real taboo...and maybe it makes it more exciting rather than knowing one's spouse is ok with it? food for thought.




doesn't like the view - i didn't take your comments personally. i was merely commenting on them. without debate, as champ said, most threads would sink like a stone. it's in the discussion that it gets interesting.

in_hiding79

That would be weird and a huge waste of vows...why get married if you want to screw other people? :eek:

decides2dream

in_hiding79 wrote:

That would be weird and a huge waste of vows...why get married if you want to screw other people? :eek:

is marriage only about sex?
some marriages have NO sex, either by choice or circumstance...does it make it less than a marriage? sex is only one part of the equation, and if the two people involved are in ok with it..i hardly see vows of love and trust as a 'waste'.....imo.

catefrances

in_hiding79 wrote:

That would be weird and a huge waste of vows...why get married if you want to screw other people? :eek:

why get married at all? do you need the state to validate your decision to spend the rest of you life with the person you love?
marriage as we know it, is a social construct.

OffHeGoes29

genie wrote:

My head cannot get around open relationships. Anyone in here been involved in such? and how did it go?

it's just how do you open up to someone and have sex and then go to another person and do the same thing with them, especially opening up to someone. so suppose you have to describe your day to one of the people you're dating and your whole week consisted of seeing & fucking someone else who you're also dating, shouldn't it be natural for person listening to get jealous?

Those types of relationships are for people with serious problems.

catefrances

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Those types of relationships are for people with serious problems.

how nonjudgemental of you. :rolleyes:

decides2dream

catefrances wrote:

why get married at all? do you need the state to validate your decision to spend the rest of you life with the person you love?
marriage as we know it, is a social construct.

see...i LOVE being married. and yes i agree, it's also a social construct, but i still like it a lot and would choose it again in a heartbeat. i like the idea of uniting my life with someone, and yes...i like the legal protections and responsibilities it affords us both. however, i fully respect for others, not a choice they would make....and their relationship can be just as commited, etc.

however, i do see how it is possible to want to spend the rest of your life with one person, share and commit your lives together, are best friends, have love and sex, all of it....but still, even within that, allow for sexual relations outside of it. it MUST be a mutually agreed upon thing, like ANYthing within a relationship, for it to work. i just don't *get* the pov that is somehow *less*...or not *really* love, etc. it may not be for you....but it doesn't mean it can't be for others. hell, it's open and honest...requires honest communication, respect, trust.....so how is that *bad*...if the couple is happy? that's really my only thoughts on it, like anything else.

Cree Nations

Thinking with my penis tells me this is a good idea but I couldnt take someone else being with my girl, the natural instinct for me is to crush this person. Hence, I dont think theyre a good idea....for me anyway.

justam

genie wrote:

but hey it's not like the 'main girlfriend' is not allowed to see other guys, she can see whoever/howmany she wants

[size=+2]Ha![/size]

I think you've got it wrong. That's the whole inequity of the thing. That main girlfriend is workin' harder than anyone to be the ideal gf.

decides2dream

justam wrote:

[size=+2]Ha![/size]

I think you've got it wrong. That's the whole inequality of the thing. That main girlfriend is workin' harder than anyone to be the ideal gf.

how do you know?



if there is inequality in it, well then it wasn't well agreed upon and all wishes respected. ANY relationship, and the arangements within said relationships, have to be discussed, agreed upon and sure....valued. if it IS 'inequal' well then it's simply a shit relationship, period, regardless of what else is going on, no?

it simply is curious to me how many seem to *know* what exactly is going on it other relationships outside their own. one can make educated guesses, one may even be correct....but quite often can be wrong too. and, i'd also to hazard a guess, just like monogamous relationships...some do so *better* than others.

OffHeGoes29

catefrances wrote:

how nonjudgemental of you. :rolleyes:

Just my experience and opinion....which means nothing to anyone but myself.

justam

decides2dream wrote:

how do you know?



if there is inequality in it, well then it wasn't well agreed upon and all wishes respected. ANY relationship, and the arangements within said relationships, have to be discussed, agreed upon and sure....valued. if it IS 'inequal' well then it's simply a shit relationship, period, regardless of what else is going on, no?

it simply is curious to me how many seem to *know* what exactly is going on it other relationships outside their own. one can make educated guesses, one may even be correct....but quite often can be wrong too. and, i'd also to hazard a guess, just like monogamous relationships...some do so *better* than others.

Dreamy gal, obviously people will go to great lengths for people they love. Even agree to things that aren't fair, even live with anxiety and insecurity, all sorts of things...

You can idealize this kind of relationship, but in my experience and in my observation of several people who tried this, the core of this idea is inequality (because one party is usually given more freedom than the other) and there's pain involved.

I'm so sick of this topic though, and that's as much of a response as you'll get outta me.