Open relationships

genie

My head cannot get around open relationships. Anyone in here been involved in such? and how did it go?

it's just how do you open up to someone and have sex and then go to another person and do the same thing with them, especially opening up to someone. so suppose you have to describe your day to one of the people you're dating and your whole week consisted of seeing & fucking someone else who you're also dating, shouldn't it be natural for person listening to get jealous?

Thecure

i was once in an open relationship and worked well. i personally believe that open relationship can work as long as they truely are open. most people don't think abotu the negatives when they get involved.

its very much like friends, i have different friends that i do things with. i hav efriends that when i feel liek going to a club i call them. when i want a discussion abotu issues that i care abotu i have friends for that.

South of Seattle

I've had friends to this, but not in the form of an actual relationship.

I myself couldn't do it. I prefer the be with one at a time, that's difficult enough already.

I did work for a guy with an open relationship. All of us at the time were trying to hook up with his wife

bee_boy

Nope, can't get them either.

dunkman

my wife and i have an open relationship... my wallet and her legs.

bee_boy

dunkman wrote:

my wife and i have an open relationship... my wallet and her legs.

Classy.

genie

Thecure wrote:

i was once in an open relationship and worked well. i personally believe that open relationship can work as long as they truely are open. most people don't think abotu the negatives when they get involved.

its very much like friends, i have different friends that i do things with. i hav efriends that when i feel liek going to a club i call them. when i want a discussion abotu issues that i care abotu i have friends for that.

yeah i also have some certain people that i can go to club with, but i wouldn't particularly call them friends, i just have those people to meet other more valuable people through them.

let me ask you this, when you were in open relationship, would you have took it any further with any of them? i mean have kids...get a house together or something... it just feels to me that open relationships have no future.

genie

having casual sex with few constant people i am more able to understand. in fact i've tried to do that couple of times, i'm just confused whether casual is what i want or not.

genie

South of Seattle wrote:

I've had friends to this, but not in the form of an actual relationship.

I myself couldn't do it. I prefer the be with one at a time, that's difficult enough already.

I did work for a guy with an open relationship. All of us at the time were trying to hook up with his wife

you probably should've got involved with his wife and then told him that you and his wife are going for a romantic week, i would've liked to have seen his face at that moment, knowing that his employee is taking a week of to shag his wife hehe

dunkman

bee_boy wrote:

Classy.

nahhh... its only a fake leather wallet.

genie

dunkman wrote:

nahhh... its only a fake leather wallet.

it doesn't matter how it looks on the outside, its whats on the inside that counts

Sian-of-the-dead

Although I would never damn anyone for having an open relationship, I couldn't do it in a month of Sunday's... i'm the very jealous type

bee_boy

genie wrote:

it doesn't matter how it looks on the outside, its whats on the inside that counts

Amen.

polaris

i've been in a few ... it works as long as everyone is honest ... the thing is that one can't control how people feel about the relationship from one day to the next ... denying feelings changed to yourself or to other person is what gets people in trouble ...

genie

polaris wrote:

i've been in a few ... it works as long as everyone is honest ... the thing is that one can't control how people feel about the relationship from one day to the next ... denying feelings changed to yourself or to other person is what gets people in trouble ...

your nickname reminds me of a cool megadeth song

Derrick

What's interesting is that, for some people, monogamy is as infuriating as jealousy is for others. Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

The other issue with monogamy is that many in our society link the act of sex to the feelings of love. It's really a shame because both the emotion of love and the act of sex are quite powerful, and to only share either of them with one person (at a time) for a lifetime seems rather restricting.

May as well get as much out of life as you can before you're gone imo.

bee_boy

Derrick wrote:

Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

Penguins are monogamous. That's enough for me

genie

Derrick wrote:

What's interesting is that, for some people, monogamy is as infuriating as jealousy is for others. Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

The other issue with monogamy is that many in our society link the act of sex to the feelings of love. It's really a shame because both the emotion of love and the act of sex are quite powerful, and to only share either of them with one person (at a time) for a lifetime seems rather restricting.

May as well get as much out of life as you can before you're gone imo.

well now that you put it this way haha....

i really wish i haven't been put in this situation because now it makes me think of what it is actually want, and i'm confused very confused.so much so that i don't want to think. there is part of me that wants traditional relationship, and there is another fucked up part of me that wants to completely separate love from sex i want to have two people in my life one that i can love but without being too affectionate, but love in a sense that if that person is in trouble i will always be there no matter what and wise versa till the death do us part( but to have nothing sexual) and i want to have another person or few with whom i just have sex and barely talk to them at all. but then that's where the problem lies, i think part of me only wants to have sex when there are feelings involved......if i can kill that and overcome that then that would be awesome.
and i'm just wondering should i work on that? and become that person? or dump the guy i'm with and once again search for traditional relationship?

genie

hartamh wrote:

:eek: :eek:

wanna join in the conversation? advise me on what i need to do...

genie

i think i've just killed my own thread........

eh, anyways i'm going to dump this guy next time i see him.and i swear by this forum i don't need complications in my life, life is difficult as it is.

xscorcho

try it and if it works, it works.... if you don't like it.. end it.

harmless_little_f***

I might sound like a party-pooper but I really don't understand how an 'open relationship' can be a relationship at all. Just for people who haven't got the balls to decide what they want, in my eyes.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Derrick wrote:

What's interesting is that, for some people, monogamy is as infuriating as jealousy is for others. Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

The other issue with monogamy is that many in our society link the act of sex to the feelings of love. It's really a shame because both the emotion of love and the act of sex are quite powerful, and to only share either of them with one person (at a time) for a lifetime seems rather restricting.

May as well get as much out of life as you can before you're gone imo.

Monogamy isn't an odd concept at all. Most mammals aren't monogamous because most mammals have tiny brains and don't see a larger picture like humans do. Humans have evolved to a point where our instincts don't dictate what we do...and that's great. Using the combination of love and sexual attraction to reach a higher level of connection with someone isn't odd to me. It rules imo.

bee_boy

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I might sound like a party-pooper but I really don't understand how an 'open relationship' can be a relationship at all. Just for people who haven't got the balls to decide what they want, in my eyes.

Agreed.

harmless_little_f***

Saturnal wrote:

Monogamy isn't an odd concept at all. Most mammals aren't monogamous because most mammals have tiny brains and don't see a larger picture like humans do. Humans have evolved to a point where our instincts don't dictate what we do...and that's great. Using the combination of love and sexual attraction to reach a higher level of connection with someone isn't odd to me. It rules imo.

Nicely put

I don't see the difference between 'open relationship' and 'seeing other people'. At least call a spade a spade; don't give it some fashionable name which makes it a valid relationship option. It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

My opinion.

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Nicely put

I don't see the difference between 'open relationship' and 'seeing other people'. At least call a spade a spade; don't give it some fashionable name which makes it a valid relationship option. It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

My opinion.

i realize it's 'opinion' but how can YOU possibly comment on someone else's love, and if it is 'full' or not? you cannot know, and while you can judge....think it's 'less' of alove, there is not right or wrong there. as long as couples are 100% open and honest with each other, anything is possible. some people, quite easily, can seperate love and sexuality, that they do not need to remain mutually exclusive....and that whom you truly love, above all else, trumps all.....even if sexual relationships exist outside the relationship. most relationships can't handle it, due to jealousy and lack of trust.....others can manage and even thrive, it's all personal choice.


my opinion.

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

i realize it's 'opinion' but how can YOU possibly comment on someone else's love, and if it is 'full' or not? you cannot know, and while you can judge....think it's 'less' of alove, there is not right or wrong there. as long as couples are 100% open and honest with each other, anything is possible. some people, quite easily, can seperate love and sexuality, that they do not need to remain mutually exclusive....and that whom you truly love, above all else, trumps all.....even if sexual relationships exist outside the relationship. most relationships can't handle it, due to jealousy and lack of trust.....others can manage and even thrive, it's all personal choice.


my opinion.

OK

But then again - and I know it'll be controversial in these parts - but I'm also of the opinion that you can't maintain a seperation of sex from love. I mean you can, but on average, people who make a life out of it don't end up being happy in the long-term.. imho.

Ask most pornstars for whom sex, because it is so frequent, has become just another banal activity like doing the dishes.

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

OK

But then again - and I know it'll be controversial in these parts - but I'm also of the opinion that you can't maintain a seperation of sex from love. I mean you can, but on average, people who make a life out of it don't end up being happy in the long-term.. imho.

Ask most pornstars for whom sex, because it is so frequent, has become just another banal activity like doing the dishes.

well we're all entitled to our opinions.

thing is, EVERYone is different, and so is every relationship....and from the outside NO ONE can truly judge how strong/weak, loving/unloving, etc a relationship may be. in fact, some seemingly 'happy and strong' relationships may be mere window-dressing....whereas a volatile and apparently weak, in appearances anyway, relationship may truly be the picture of love and a healthy relationship. i am just not much for 'judging' others' personal relationships...especially with terms such as better/worse.


and hey, it's your comparison to make....but porn star to a couple with an open relationship.....hmmmmm...doesn't work for me. for 'open relationships' to *work*....a relationship must have a strong, healthy, trusting bond....and yes, not abuse themselves or their partner, have healthy self-esteem in themselves and their relationship. pornography, as a profession, does none of that imo.


differences of opinions to be sure.



so if i have unbelievably frequent sex with my husband it will become another banal activity like doing the dishes? interesting. 16.5 years of marriage...21 years of a relationship...not even close to happening. and with or without other partners...i cannot imagine it as so. sure, anything can get dull with repetition, but any remotely connected/interested partners....would not allow that to occur long-term. i doubt that most open relationships have anywhere near the frequency, or lack of connection, as a porn star's professional/sexual life in any case.



anyhoo...i really have no desire to debate the issue. we all have our personal opinions. i just dislike judgements from the outside when there can be no discernable 'proof' to such statements. love and commited relationships....different things to different people, expressed in different ways....but not necessarily a right or wrong, better or worse to it...as long as both parties are open and communicative, and both willingly agree to whatever course of action their relationship takes.

The Champ

I guess open relationships serve a temporary purpose until one finds the person who makes them not want to fuck anyone else ..

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

so if i have unbelievably frequent sex with my husband it will become another banal activity like doing the dishes? interesting. 16.5 years of marriage...21 years of a relationship...not even close to happening.

Good, but as I said, that is to do with maintaining a love connection.. something which neither pornstars, nor people who have multiple sexual partners, do. Sex without intimacy and emotion becomes boring.

decides2dream wrote:

anyhoo...i really have no desire to debate the issue. we all have our personal opinions. i just dislike judgements from the outside when there can be no discernable 'proof' to such statements.

I have no intention of judging others, and I haven't.. I've just given my opinion as I was asked to do.

I won't debate any further but I am confused about this. You mentioned in another post about loving open relationships being OK if you maintain a connection with 'the one you truly love'. But what's the point in having 'one you truly love' if it's open... why not do away with love completely?

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Good, but as I said, that is to do with maintaining a love connection.. something which neither pornstars, nor people who have multiple sexual partners, do. Sex without intimacy and emotion becomes boring.



I have no intention of judging others, and I haven't.. I've just given my opinion as I was asked to do.

I won't debate any further but I am confused about this. You mentioned in another post about loving open relationships being OK if you maintain a connection with 'the one you truly love'. But what's the point in having 'one you truly love' if it's open... why not do away with love completely?

have you ever been a porn star, or had multiple sexual relationships simultaneously? if not, how do you know? and even if that were the case for YOU, does not mean it's the case for others.


and i know it was presented as opinion...but this:

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

reads judgemental to me. my inference, yes...but none the less., tis my take on the comment.


and why would one ever want to do away with love? love is fantastic!


hey, i totally understand that many can't or choose not to understand open relationships, are not for them, think they are less of a relationship, etc. i am all for personal beliefs and decisions on such beliefs. i think it also makes some (not saying you) feel superior to make such comments, that such relationships are in fact less, obviously haven't found the 'one', etc, etc...and obviously not the moral high ground. my only point is, how could you possibly know? maybe they did find their perfect one, someone who understands them, loves them completely, and also sees sex and love are beautiful shared in their relationship AND outside of it is cool too? just b/c it's not the 'norm'...doesn't make it any less a valid choice, less of a love, less of commitment, etc. it really comes down to - what is right or wrong for you as a commited couple. that's it in my mind. so whether people enjoy open relationships, enjoy porn, enjoy what i may find as bizarre fetishes, couples who prefer not to have sex - ack! - i say is all within the confines of their relationship..and only they can judge how happy and successful it is, for them.



it's choice..pure and simple. and if someone says they are in love, i don't doub them...i wish them every happiness, in whatever form it may take, however they personally choose to create and live it. life is too short to not enjoy what brings you the most happiness, your relationship the most happiness.