Open relationships

harmless_little_f***

I might sound like a party-pooper but I really don't understand how an 'open relationship' can be a relationship at all. Just for people who haven't got the balls to decide what they want, in my eyes.

lalalalaaaaaaaa

Derrick wrote:

What's interesting is that, for some people, monogamy is as infuriating as jealousy is for others. Today's society sides with the the jealous, but monogamy is a relatively new concept given the history of humans. It's also an odd concept given most mammals are not monogamous.

The other issue with monogamy is that many in our society link the act of sex to the feelings of love. It's really a shame because both the emotion of love and the act of sex are quite powerful, and to only share either of them with one person (at a time) for a lifetime seems rather restricting.

May as well get as much out of life as you can before you're gone imo.

Monogamy isn't an odd concept at all. Most mammals aren't monogamous because most mammals have tiny brains and don't see a larger picture like humans do. Humans have evolved to a point where our instincts don't dictate what we do...and that's great. Using the combination of love and sexual attraction to reach a higher level of connection with someone isn't odd to me. It rules imo.

bee_boy

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

I might sound like a party-pooper but I really don't understand how an 'open relationship' can be a relationship at all. Just for people who haven't got the balls to decide what they want, in my eyes.

Agreed.

harmless_little_f***

Saturnal wrote:

Monogamy isn't an odd concept at all. Most mammals aren't monogamous because most mammals have tiny brains and don't see a larger picture like humans do. Humans have evolved to a point where our instincts don't dictate what we do...and that's great. Using the combination of love and sexual attraction to reach a higher level of connection with someone isn't odd to me. It rules imo.

Nicely put

I don't see the difference between 'open relationship' and 'seeing other people'. At least call a spade a spade; don't give it some fashionable name which makes it a valid relationship option. It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

My opinion.

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Nicely put

I don't see the difference between 'open relationship' and 'seeing other people'. At least call a spade a spade; don't give it some fashionable name which makes it a valid relationship option. It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

My opinion.

i realize it's 'opinion' but how can YOU possibly comment on someone else's love, and if it is 'full' or not? you cannot know, and while you can judge....think it's 'less' of alove, there is not right or wrong there. as long as couples are 100% open and honest with each other, anything is possible. some people, quite easily, can seperate love and sexuality, that they do not need to remain mutually exclusive....and that whom you truly love, above all else, trumps all.....even if sexual relationships exist outside the relationship. most relationships can't handle it, due to jealousy and lack of trust.....others can manage and even thrive, it's all personal choice.


my opinion.

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

i realize it's 'opinion' but how can YOU possibly comment on someone else's love, and if it is 'full' or not? you cannot know, and while you can judge....think it's 'less' of alove, there is not right or wrong there. as long as couples are 100% open and honest with each other, anything is possible. some people, quite easily, can seperate love and sexuality, that they do not need to remain mutually exclusive....and that whom you truly love, above all else, trumps all.....even if sexual relationships exist outside the relationship. most relationships can't handle it, due to jealousy and lack of trust.....others can manage and even thrive, it's all personal choice.


my opinion.

OK

But then again - and I know it'll be controversial in these parts - but I'm also of the opinion that you can't maintain a seperation of sex from love. I mean you can, but on average, people who make a life out of it don't end up being happy in the long-term.. imho.

Ask most pornstars for whom sex, because it is so frequent, has become just another banal activity like doing the dishes.

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

OK

But then again - and I know it'll be controversial in these parts - but I'm also of the opinion that you can't maintain a seperation of sex from love. I mean you can, but on average, people who make a life out of it don't end up being happy in the long-term.. imho.

Ask most pornstars for whom sex, because it is so frequent, has become just another banal activity like doing the dishes.

well we're all entitled to our opinions.

thing is, EVERYone is different, and so is every relationship....and from the outside NO ONE can truly judge how strong/weak, loving/unloving, etc a relationship may be. in fact, some seemingly 'happy and strong' relationships may be mere window-dressing....whereas a volatile and apparently weak, in appearances anyway, relationship may truly be the picture of love and a healthy relationship. i am just not much for 'judging' others' personal relationships...especially with terms such as better/worse.


and hey, it's your comparison to make....but porn star to a couple with an open relationship.....hmmmmm...doesn't work for me. for 'open relationships' to *work*....a relationship must have a strong, healthy, trusting bond....and yes, not abuse themselves or their partner, have healthy self-esteem in themselves and their relationship. pornography, as a profession, does none of that imo.


differences of opinions to be sure.



so if i have unbelievably frequent sex with my husband it will become another banal activity like doing the dishes? interesting. 16.5 years of marriage...21 years of a relationship...not even close to happening. and with or without other partners...i cannot imagine it as so. sure, anything can get dull with repetition, but any remotely connected/interested partners....would not allow that to occur long-term. i doubt that most open relationships have anywhere near the frequency, or lack of connection, as a porn star's professional/sexual life in any case.



anyhoo...i really have no desire to debate the issue. we all have our personal opinions. i just dislike judgements from the outside when there can be no discernable 'proof' to such statements. love and commited relationships....different things to different people, expressed in different ways....but not necessarily a right or wrong, better or worse to it...as long as both parties are open and communicative, and both willingly agree to whatever course of action their relationship takes.

The Champ

I guess open relationships serve a temporary purpose until one finds the person who makes them not want to fuck anyone else ..

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

so if i have unbelievably frequent sex with my husband it will become another banal activity like doing the dishes? interesting. 16.5 years of marriage...21 years of a relationship...not even close to happening.

Good, but as I said, that is to do with maintaining a love connection.. something which neither pornstars, nor people who have multiple sexual partners, do. Sex without intimacy and emotion becomes boring.

decides2dream wrote:

anyhoo...i really have no desire to debate the issue. we all have our personal opinions. i just dislike judgements from the outside when there can be no discernable 'proof' to such statements.

I have no intention of judging others, and I haven't.. I've just given my opinion as I was asked to do.

I won't debate any further but I am confused about this. You mentioned in another post about loving open relationships being OK if you maintain a connection with 'the one you truly love'. But what's the point in having 'one you truly love' if it's open... why not do away with love completely?

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Good, but as I said, that is to do with maintaining a love connection.. something which neither pornstars, nor people who have multiple sexual partners, do. Sex without intimacy and emotion becomes boring.



I have no intention of judging others, and I haven't.. I've just given my opinion as I was asked to do.

I won't debate any further but I am confused about this. You mentioned in another post about loving open relationships being OK if you maintain a connection with 'the one you truly love'. But what's the point in having 'one you truly love' if it's open... why not do away with love completely?

have you ever been a porn star, or had multiple sexual relationships simultaneously? if not, how do you know? and even if that were the case for YOU, does not mean it's the case for others.


and i know it was presented as opinion...but this:

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

It's sleeping around, plain and simple... which is fine, but don't tell me it's a 'relationship'. If you're both happy to be with other people, you obviously don't love each other fully.

reads judgemental to me. my inference, yes...but none the less., tis my take on the comment.


and why would one ever want to do away with love? love is fantastic!


hey, i totally understand that many can't or choose not to understand open relationships, are not for them, think they are less of a relationship, etc. i am all for personal beliefs and decisions on such beliefs. i think it also makes some (not saying you) feel superior to make such comments, that such relationships are in fact less, obviously haven't found the 'one', etc, etc...and obviously not the moral high ground. my only point is, how could you possibly know? maybe they did find their perfect one, someone who understands them, loves them completely, and also sees sex and love are beautiful shared in their relationship AND outside of it is cool too? just b/c it's not the 'norm'...doesn't make it any less a valid choice, less of a love, less of commitment, etc. it really comes down to - what is right or wrong for you as a commited couple. that's it in my mind. so whether people enjoy open relationships, enjoy porn, enjoy what i may find as bizarre fetishes, couples who prefer not to have sex - ack! - i say is all within the confines of their relationship..and only they can judge how happy and successful it is, for them.



it's choice..pure and simple. and if someone says they are in love, i don't doub them...i wish them every happiness, in whatever form it may take, however they personally choose to create and live it. life is too short to not enjoy what brings you the most happiness, your relationship the most happiness.

The Champ

Good points have been made on both sides of the argument. I'd also like to add that from my personal experience speaking and knowing friends/acquaintances who have participated or have at least discussed these types of 'relationships' it seems it usually boils down to the old saying of having your cake and eating it too..people in general are selfish and create these circumstances and labels to mask a very basic desire..an excuse..but if both parties are happy with what is agreed upon, that's great..but I'd imagine it would be awfully hard to sustain..

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

Good points have been made on both sides of the argument. I'd also like to add that from my personal experience speaking and knowing friends/acquaintances who have participated or have at least discussed these types of 'relationships' it seems it usually boils down to the old saying of having your cake and eating it too..people in general are selfish and create these circumstances and labels to mask a very basic desire..an excuse..but if both parties are happy with what is agreed upon, that's great..but I'd imagine it would be awfully hard to sustain..

agree with part i bolded.
*edited for complete clarity, better?



me, i am all about whatever a couple chooses for their own happiness. the pursuit of happiness is a selfish endeavor, period. i simply think the vast majority are uncomfortable with it, and thus have to label it.....like most things. c'est la vie.


and it's probably no more difficult to sustain than apparently monogamy is for many. so it at least has honesty on it's side.

dunkman

hlf, d2d... could you two make a thread about open relationships be any more boring?

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

100% agreement.

Huh? Not that I care but that's exactly what I said, and you didn't like it. :rolleyes:

Get_Right

dunkman wrote:

hlf, d2d... could you two make a thread about open relationships be any more boring?

hahahaha
yeah where is the smut!!!

harmless_little_f***

Get_Right wrote:

hahahaha
yeah where is the smut!!!

Sorry....

Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out for the lads!

Better?

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Huh? Not that I care but that's exactly what I said, and you didn't like it. :rolleyes:

um.......i don't think so. your post was loaded with judgemental language and completely dismissive of the possibility of being in love and having an open relationship. my interpretation of champ's post, completely different.


also realize, you posted first....champ saw my response...so he more carefully crafted his remarks for my inevitable response.


in complete honesty, i agree with his overall thought...but his tone, especially about being selfish and an excuse....not quite right imo, however, didn't want to nitpik the small detail. overall, i agree with his points. he said if they are 100% agreed upon and happy, it's a-ok...so yea, i forgive his other, slanted rhetoric.



what i don't understand is, truly...even if you cannot imagine it for yourselves, you cannot imagine some couple being truly, fully in love......and yet enjoying the occasional roll in the hay with someone else, no strings, no emotions? people have mindless sex, fuck buddies aoften when single, during dry spells romantically, etc....so who's to say after finding that great love, if you both approve...you can't indulge in the occasional romp for the sheer newness/different factor? i mean, i don't really know of course...but i don't imagine many open relationships sustaining long-term sex relationships alongside...i always thought of it as one-night stands, no emotional involvement...just pure sex. and hey, who knows...details of that encounter shared with a partner could be even more of a sharing bond? i really don't know....just saying, i am certainly open to the possibility that there ARE couples who can and do....and are happy and completely in love.



*edit


actually, mongamous relationships *prove* this to be true all the time! the partner who cheats, says it meant nothing and the couple rebounds...only difference is, one is based in deceit, the other is open and honest. the numbers for unfaithful spouses is pretty damn staggering, so it sure seems like many manage to love, and then still want sex elsewhere too. not saying that is 'right'...just kinda makes the point that open relationships aren't so 'wrong'....

Get_Right

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Sorry....

Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out for the lads!

Better?

hahaha hahahaha

MUCH

just tina

hmm. it wouldn't work for me, personally. i mean, love and sex can definitely be kept separate...but not when already involved and in love in a committed relationship.

just a question to anyone ...this or any thread...i never understand why opinions are asked for and then people fight over them. to each his own opinion, no?

genie

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

Sorry....

Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out


Geeeet yer tits out for the lads!

Better?

that's hilarious!i was pleasantly surprised to see this kind of come back