Open relationships

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

um.......i don't think so. your post was loaded with judgemental language and completely dismissive of the possibility of being in love and having an open relationship. my interpretation of champ's post, completely different.


also realize, you posted first....champ saw my response...so he more carefully crafted his remarks for my inevitable response.


in complete honesty, i agree with his overall thought...but his tone, especially about being selfish and an excuse....not quite right imo, however, didn't want to nitpik the small detail. overall, i agree with his points. he said if they are 100% agreed upon and happy, it's a-ok...so yea, i forgive his other, slanted rhetoric. .

OK so we agreed about the 'have your cake and eat it' and 'it's an excuse for just getting more mindless fucking', but you prefer his comment because it ended with the P.C. liberal, overcompromising nice-ness of 'But everyone's got a right to a different style'?

I hope that everyone I know knows that I am the least judgmental person in the world, and hey, we are on a message board.. I wouldn't ever challenge someone in such a relationship.. Live and let live.

How far do you take that though? On a message board, is it not ok to fall on one side of the divide or does everything have to be 'OK.. as long as you're happy?'

By your reckoning I may as well say 'Well ya know, George Bush was a good president. I don't agree with his policies but he has the right to run the country in any way he sees fit.... who am I to judge?'

decides2dream

Doesnt like the view wrote:

hmm. it wouldn't work for me, personally. i mean, love and sex can definitely be kept separate...but not when already involved and in love in a committed relationship.

just a question to anyone ...this or any thread...i never understand why opinions are asked for and then people fight over them. to each his own opinion, no?

who's fighting?
seriously?
i am as calm as anything. i consider it debate, not fighting. and it's not even the opinion i am debating per se, it's the reason behind the opinion, the thought process that i am personally interested in.

i find ALL subjects based on human nature, relationships, fascinating....and i especially enjoy discussions regarding issues that are considered outside the norm.

and i know i said i didn't want to debate ....but i simply can't help myself at times. certain topics ALWAYS intrigue me.


notice any of my posts in abortion debates, the recent prop 8 thread....and sure, open relationships or just about any topic of the human psyche.

Get_Right

personally, Ive been trying to get my wife to go with the military policy of don't ask don't tell

she wont ask and I wont tell.

so far no dice though!

genie

The Champ wrote:

Good points have been made on both sides of the argument. I'd also like to add that from my personal experience speaking and knowing friends/acquaintances who have participated or have at least discussed these types of 'relationships' it seems it usually boils down to the old saying of having your cake and eating it too..people in general are selfish and create these circumstances and labels to mask a very basic desire..an excuse..but if both parties are happy with what is agreed upon, that's great..but I'd imagine it would be awfully hard to sustain..

funny you should say this i think the guy i'm with is selfish by nature. sure he is not selfish when it comes to sex and pleasing me but that's only because as a man if he doesn't please a woman sexually then it means he failed as a man, that's why the fucker is trying really hard to get me to orgasm. ( sorry i know i'm being a bit too open in here ) it's not that he wants to please me, it's that he wants to know that he is great in bed for his own self-gratification.

decides2dream

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

OK so we agreed about the 'have your cake and eat it' and 'it's an excuse for just getting more mindless fucking', but you prefer his comment because it ended with the P.C. liberal, overcompromising nice-ness of 'But everyone's got a right to a different style'?

I hope that everyone I know knows that I am the least judgmental person in the world, and hey, we are on a message board.. I wouldn't ever challenge someone in such a relationship.. Live and let live.

How far do you take that though? On a message board, is it not ok to fall on one side of the divide or does everything have to be 'OK.. as long as you're happy?'

By your reckoning I may as well say 'Well ya know, George Bush was a good president. I don't agree with his policies but he has the right to run the country in any way he sees fit.... who am I to judge?'

you can say whatever you like...when did i say otherwise?



if i found your post judgemental and you say it isn't...tis my inference, no? did i ever say you were 'wrong'....i merely questioned you, or anyone, on it.



and i don't consider it PC, i personally consider it right. if people are in no way harming others, are making a mutually consentual decision and they say it makes them happy...you bet, i am for it and believe it.


again, just like your comparison of porn stars with open relationships....comparing this to george bush is a bad comparision imo. you of course can say whatever you want...but in such instances, since he is an elected official, was bound to the american people, and his actions dirrectly effect millions of people....not at all the same.

judge whatever you want....and all i said is i don't appreciate judgements in such instances of personal choice/relationships...but that in no way hinders your rights to say and do as you please.



btw - i also fully support, on a message board and in life...taking a stand for issues you believe in. and here or in real life, i will happily discuss said topics with like-minded and not-so-like-minded individuals.....it's interesting conversation to me.

genie

open relationship - as described to me by that guy:

i have open relationships where i have the main girlfriend who i see more than the others, but i also have other say 4 or 5 or something girlfriends. and with everyone of them i'm involved emotionally......

The Champ

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

OK so we agreed about the 'have your cake and eat it' and 'it's an excuse for just getting more mindless fucking', but you prefer his comment because it ended with the P.C. liberal, overcompromising nice-ness of 'But everyone's got a right to a different style'?

I was going to end with 'excuse' but I learn from my mistakes and decided the last line was necessary..this place is brutal man, you ought to know..you gotta pick your battles wisely ..

decides2dream

genie wrote:

funny you should say this i think the guy i'm with is selfish by nature. sure he is not selfish when it comes to sex and pleasing me but that's only because as a man if he doesn't please a woman sexually then it means he failed as a man, that's why the fucker is trying really hard to get me to orgasm. ( sorry i know i'm being a bit too open in here ) it's not that he wants to please me, it's that he wants to know that he is great in bed for his own self-gratification.

why would you ever want to be with a man like that?
if you truly think ALL he does is motivated purely for his own selfish reasons, why bother?


when i think of open relationships...i think of commited, loving relationships....who simply agree to sexual openness, in whatever form they mutually decide it will take. it's completely open and honest, and yes...respectful. we are ALL selfish creatures and have selfish, self-preserving desires too...part of being human...but that doesn't mean we always act in selfish ways.


from what you say, he just sounds plain selfish...so where's the upside there?
and hey, if HE wants an open relationship and you don't...wel that's that, isn't it? it has to be agreed on one way or another....or move on.

decides2dream

Get_Right wrote:

personally, Ive been trying to get my wife to go with the military policy of don't ask don't tell

she wont ask and I wont tell.

so far no dice though!

obviously you clearly don't love your wife then.





in all seriousness though...if two people agree to it, like it, aren't jealous....certainly is possible! anything is! however, i would guess most open relationshis are a bit more 'open' about it all....as in details. how else do you say you're going out? otherwise, you'd be introducing lies into the relationship, no?

The Champ

Doesnt like the view wrote:

just a question to anyone ...this or any thread...i never understand why opinions are asked for and then people fight over them. to each his own opinion, no?

It would be boring and threads wouldn't last too long if people didn't debate..

genie

decides2dream wrote:

why would you ever want to be with a man like that?
if you truly think ALL he does is motivated purely for his own selfish reasons, why bother?


when i think of open relationships...i think of commited, loving relationships....who simply agree to sexual openness, in whatever form they mutually decide it will take. it's completely open and honest, and yes...respectful. we are ALL selfish creatures and have selfish, self-preserving desires too...part of being human...but that doesn't mean we always act in selfish ways.


from what you say, he just sounds plain selfish...so where's the upside there?
and hey, if HE wants an open relationship and you don't...wel that's that, isn't it? it has to be agreed on one way or another....or move on.

i am moving on, i just wanted to see what everyone else thought of the whole issue. eh, it's just the fact that this is the 4th guy that i meet with whom it didn't work out and lasted only for few months. i really wish i could get some strength to be friends with someone first, which is what i will try to do from now on......but it's easier said than done.

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

why would you ever want to be with a man like that?
if you truly think ALL he does is motivated purely for his own selfish reasons, why bother?


when i think of open relationships...i think of commited, loving relationships....who simply agree to sexual openness, in whatever form they mutually decide it will take. it's completely open and honest, and yes...respectful. we are ALL selfish creatures and have selfish, self-preserving desires too...part of being human...but that doesn't mean we always act in selfish ways.


from what you say, he just sounds plain selfish...so where's the upside there?.

But we don't judge others, right?

Oh God that felt good... I think I'm getting a raging clue.

decides2dream

genie wrote:

i am moving on, i just wanted to see what everyone else thought of the whole issue. eh, it's just the fact that this is the 4th guy that i meet with whom it didn't work out and lasted only for few months. i really wish i could get some strength to be friends with someone first, which is what i will try to do from now on......but it's easier said than done.

well to me, that's not really about 'open relationships' and more about simply a selfish prick.



but i do hear ya, and understand....it hurts when love doesn't work out, but better to know now, eh? bottomline....ANY choice in a relationship needs to be mutual and fully respected....b/c it's TWO involved, and not just one selfish prick.

harmless_little_f*** wrote:

But we don't judge others, right?

Oh God that felt good... I think I'm getting a raging clue.

huh?

i am making a judgment/assessment on HER information, what she thinks...and what we think she should do. i am not making vast generalizations about people i don't know, relationships i have no idea about....and saying no way could it be real love, etc. not the same thing to me, obviously. if you think that makes me hypocritical, so be it. i don't...and i couldn't care less in any case. read the post again, and it clearly is based on HER assessments, and her beliefs...


glad it made you feel good tho. why i have no idea honestly...but i am all for feeling good.

The Champ

genie wrote:

funny you should say this i think the guy i'm with is selfish by nature. sure he is not selfish when it comes to sex and pleasing me but that's only because as a man if he doesn't please a woman sexually then it means he failed as a man, that's why the fucker is trying really hard to get me to orgasm. ( sorry i know i'm being a bit too open in here ) it's not that he wants to please me, it's that he wants to know that he is great in bed for his own self-gratification.

So ultimately he is selfish from what you described and also wants to fuck other women aside from you..

josevolution

nahhh not for me at all and i know my wife wouldn't go for it i've allways been a one woman man ...:D ..

The Champ

genie wrote:

open relationship - as described to me by that guy:

i have open relationships where i have the main girlfriend who i see more than the others, but i also have other say 4 or 5 or something girlfriends. and with everyone of them i'm involved emotionally......

Oh man, I wish I had game like that when I was single....seems like the 'main girlfriend' gets the shortest end of the stick as the other women presumably are more interested in the fucking and less in the relationship aspect..lol..wow..

decides2dream

The Champ wrote:

Oh man, I wish I had game like that when I was single....seems like the 'main girlfriend' gets the shortest end of the stick as the other women presumably are more interested in the fucking and less in the relationship aspect..lol..wow..

actually, it sounds like what dating used to be, before everyone started to fuck their GFs/BFs.


i know my mom always said she didn't understand why couples got 'exclusive' so fast...monagamous...b/c your single years should be about dating, meeting and getting to know lots of different people, trying them out until you found your one right person to marry. i didn't have the heart to tell her the world was filled with pre-marital sexual relationships! :eek: not something my mother would ever be comofrtable with!

genie

The Champ wrote:

So ultimately he is selfish from what you described and also wants to fuck other women aside from you..

and ultimately i'm a fool for rushing into things with the first person i'm physically attracted i should really take my time, let men chase me because i deserve far more that what i got over the years.....but anyway back to open relationships

The Champ

genie wrote:

i really wish i could get some strength to be friends with someone first, which is what i will try to do from now on......but it's easier said than done.

I agree, take it slow..don't go right for the sausage, no matter how tempting it might be ..

harmless_little_f***

decides2dream wrote:

huh?

i am making a judgment/assessment on HER information, what she thinks...and what we think she should do. i am not making vast generalizations about people i don't know, relationships i have no idea about....and saying no way could it be real love, etc. not the same thing to me, obviously. if you think that makes me hypocritical, so be it. i don't...and i couldn't care less in any case. read the post again, and it clearly is based on HER assessments, and her beliefs...

glad it made you feel good tho. why i have no idea honestly...but i am all for feeling good.

Look, this debate is all in fun.. and because I've got nothing better to do on a Tuesday night. I've no intention of calling you a hypocrite. It was a joke.

But to be fair, you have no more information about this relationship or this guy's motivations for doing what he does, than I have about the relationships which have helped me form my own opinions.. relationships involving people I knew. You based your judgments on a few lines on a message board.

I'm out.