What jokes do you never get tired of?

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  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    "The great god Thor comes to earth once, see? And I guess this would likely be in some Scandinavian country, eh? Anyway, he meets this lovely country girl. So he - he - persuades her. You know, he persuades her. To go into a hayfield with him. Well, he seduces her, see? But later on, he feels kind of bad, being as he had an advantage. I mean, he is - like - a god, see, so who could resist him? You know? So he says to her, Look, there's something I oughta tell you. I'm Thor. And she says Tho am I, but it wath worth it, wathn't it?"

    - Margaret Laurence, The Fire-Dwellers
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • Rhinocerous Surprise
    Rhinocerous Surprise Posts: 4,423
    Q: Why did the psychic chicken kill itself?

    A: To get to the "other side". :D
    Smokey Robinson constantly looks like he's trying to act natural after being accused of farting.
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    it's not an actual joke, but "so's your face" can be really funny....or "Your face is....." I always laugh when I say that to someone.
    For example:

    "That dog is chasing it's tail"

    "Your face is chasing it's tail

    or

    "It's ridiculously hot in here"
    "Your face is ridiculously hot" (sometimes it backfires and can sound like compliment. that's funny too.)
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • kristophed
    kristophed Posts: 73
    A guy walks into a bar

    "Ouch"



    A guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots.
    The bartender watches him do all five in a row, so the bartender says "whats the special occasion?"

    Guys responds "First blowjob"

    So the bartender pours another and says "congratulations here's another one on the house"

    Guy responds again "If those 5 didn't get the taste out of my mouth, 6 won't make a difference!"
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    Q) Whats big, red and eats rocks?

    A) A big red rock eater....

    Q)What do you call a man with a shovel on his head???

    A) Doug

    Q) What do you call a man without a shovel on his head???

    A) Dougless
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
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    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    harmless_little_f*** wrote:
    A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre.

    So he gave her one.


    :D
    Now that's a joke! nice one.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    chiquimonkey wrote:
    there were two peanuts walking through central park and one was a-salted
    :p


    That is my Dad's favourite one...
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • pjfan31
    pjfan31 Posts: 7,335
    Did you hear about the two gay sailors??

    They gave each other a tug for christmas
    Sydney 11/02/2003
    Sydney 14/02/2003
    Sydney 07/11/2006
    Sydney 18/11/2006
    Sydney 22/11/2009
    EV Sydney 18/03/2011
    EV Sydney 19/03/2011
    EV Sydney 20/03/2011
    Melbourne 24/01/2014
    Sydney 26/01/2014
    EV Sydney 13/02/2014
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    My son was attacked by a squirrel, I told him it was his own fault, he was acting like a nut.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • Hinny
    Hinny Posts: 1,610
    Anything involving Michael Jackson is always funny.
    Binary solo..000000100000111100001110
  • Collin
    Collin Posts: 4,931
    acoustic guy wrote:
    Did you hear about the gay midget? Yea, he came out of the cabinet. :D
    Did you hear about the midget that commited suicide? Yea, he jumped off the curb. :D
    Badum dum tiss!

    :D
    THANK YOU, LOSTDAWG!


    naděje umírá poslední
  • «¤tîg®ê§§¤»
    «¤tîg®ê§§¤» Posts: 5,137
    Why is a shark called a shark?




    Cos you dont know whether to say Shit or Fark!!!
    he who forgets will be destined to remember
  • elmer
    elmer Posts: 1,683
    Why are there no vibrators in Essex?

    The council had them all removed because girls kept chipping their teeth.


    Whas the difference between an Essex girl and a mosquito?

    A mosquito stops sucking if you hit it on the head.


    Why do Essex girls only get fifteen minutes for lunch?

    If it was any longer than that you'd have to retrain them.
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

    A pilot, you racist.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • riffrandall
    riffrandall Posts: 685
    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


    A stick.
    "If you're looking for someone to pull you out of that ditch, you're out of luck."
  • Lukin66
    Lukin66 Posts: 3,063
    I never tire of the magic pencil trick...
    deep, deep blue of the morning
    gets to me every time
  • Whizbang
    Whizbang Posts: 1,314
    Did you hear about the new pirate movie?















































    It's Rated ARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    sorry...it's so stupid but I'm laughing as I type this.....
    believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.

    I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29

    Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!

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