What jokes do you never get tired of?

135

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  • restlesssoul
    restlesssoul Posts: 6,952
    ive always been partial to this one...:



    what's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits the windshield?










































    his asshole
    Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II, Sea I+II '24
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    MrMerkinball wrote:
    I don't care how low brow it is.....but any home video where the guy gets hit in the grapes makes me laugh.



    :D
    me too, and I am laughing that you call them 'grapes' :D
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    A man goes into a pet shop..

    "I'd like to buy a wasp please"

    "I'm sorry sir, but we don't sell wasps"

    "well, you have one in the window"
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • he still stands
    he still stands Posts: 2,835
    So I told my girlfriend that I wanted to fuck her between the tits.

    She says, "how ya gonna make that feel good for me?"

    I say, "When I blow my load I'll stop punching you in the face"
    Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    he still stands wrote:
    So I told my girlfriend that I wanted to fuck her between the tits.

    She says, "how ya gonna make that feel good for me?"

    I say, "When I blow my load I'll stop punching you in the face"


    That's a joke right?

    I don't really see it.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    Did you hear they're remaking the exorcist? Yea...they're changing the story a bit though. A woman calls satan to get the catholic priest outta her son.
  • TrixieCat
    TrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    Knock knock jokes never get old with me either.
    Like the one that goes:
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    ad naseum until finally they say orange
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    TrixieCat wrote:
    Knock knock jokes never get old with me either.
    Like the one that goes:
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Banana
    Banana who?
    ad naseum until finally they say orange
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn't say banana?


    That's terrible :p
    How about the one where you say to someone..." I have a joke for you, say knock knock." and they go "knock knock", and you go..."who's there?" :) then they just look all puzzled.......try it on someone.
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?



    Kick her in the face.


    ...


    :o:D
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • TrixieCat
    TrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?



    Kick her in the face.


    ...


    :o:D
    That joke never ceases to make you laugh? :confused:
    Because that is the purpose of the thread.
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • jamie uk
    jamie uk Posts: 3,812
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down?



    Kick her in the face.


    ...


    :o:D


    well, I didn't have you tagged for that style of humour buddy.

    I like this one....
    "I see that new Indoor yachting company is doing well......yeah, their sales are through the roof"

    sales=sails....geddit? :)
    I came, I saw, I concurred.....
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    TrixieCat wrote:
    That joke never ceases to make you laugh? :confused:
    Because that is the purpose of the thread.
    I have an incredibly high shock threshold. Certain things are so ridiculously offensive that I can't do anything but laugh at them. I think it keeps me sane. Rest assured, I'm the first person to take a person to task if they are genuinely sexist and abusive to women.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I have an incredibly high shock threshold. Certain things are so ridiculously offensive that I can't do anything but laugh at them. I think it keeps me sane. Rest assured, I'm the first person to take a person to task if they are genuinely sexist and abusive to women.


    Brother....is that you? How's mother?


    We have got to be fucking related.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Vedderlution_Baby! wrote:
    Brother....is that you? How's mother?


    We have got to be fucking related.
    :D I'm glad there's still someone here who doesn't now think I'm a girl-beating sicko :p
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    Ya, but why can we still make jokes about treating women poorly, but racism and prejudice is taboo?

    I never get tired of kid jokes, clean, simple ones, like:

    What's green but smells like red paint?















    green paint
    I was swimming in the Great Barrier Reef 
    Animals were hiding behind the Coral 
    Except for little Turtle
    I could swear he's trying to talk to me 
    Gurgle Gurgle
  • Vedderlution_Baby
    Vedderlution_Baby Posts: 2,535
    The teacher was going around, asking the kids what their parents did for a living. The teacher first calls on little susie.

    "Little Susie, what does your daddy do for a living"

    "My daddys a firefighter! He puts out fires and saves people!"

    "Little Susie, that's wonderful! Little Bobby, what does your daddy do"

    "My daddy is a policeman. He puts bad people in jail!"

    "That wonderful Little Bobby"

    Then she gets to Little Johnny...

    "Little Johnny, what does your daddy do for a living?"

    "Oh, my daddys dead"

    "Oh, I'm sorry. What did he do before he died?"

    "Turn blue and shit on the carpet."
  • prytocorduroy
    prytocorduroy Posts: 4,355
    AmentsChick wrote:
    I hate that it's the name of a planet...it's awful.
    Good news. The planet is going through a name change. It will now be called Urectum.

    I stole that punchline from somewhere but I can't recall.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    tish wrote:
    Ya, but why can we still make jokes about treating women poorly, but racism and prejudice is taboo?

    I never get tired of kid jokes, clean, simple ones, like:

    What's green but smells like red paint?
    green paint
    I don't think a joke is any more offensive than the intent and mentality of the person that uses it. A joke for the sake of the joke isn't offensive. I also find some racist jokes absolutely hilarious out of context but would headbutt someone if they used it to degrade and demean a person, my best friend for instance, who is a pakistani muslim. On the other hand, I could tell him a racist joke and he'd find it hilarious too because he knows it's the actual composition of the joke that I find funny, not the content of it.

    I'll give an example. In my class at school a few years back there was one black kid who was the butt of a load of jokes that I felt were tantamount to bullying, even from his so-called friends. He went along with them and it came off as friendly ribbing but perhaps indicative of an inherent ignorance amongst the people at the school. One time a classmate of mine who was, by all accounts, a racist and a total wanker, said to this guy "Ernie, you're "straight outta compton" aren't you? FENNY COMPTON!" (Fenny Compton being a little rural village in Britain). I thought the comment was both the single most perfectly thought out joke this racist twat had ever said and also one of the most offensive since it drew from all kinds of snide jabs about the fact that this guy was black. I didn't know whether to laugh or punch the guy. I think the joke itself was very funny but I don't think his reason for saying it was. I was very glad when he was told to get the fuck out of the room but I found myself impressed that the guy even had the sense of humour to put together a comment like that.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • he still stands
    he still stands Posts: 2,835
    jamie uk wrote:
    That's a joke right?

    I don't really see it.

    If you don't like that one, I've got a better one for ya.

    Here ya go:

    My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap...




















    To get rid of the evidence.
    Everything not forbidden is compulsory and eveything not compulsory is forbidden. You are free... free to do what the government says you can do.
  • Purple Puppy
    Purple Puppy Posts: 149
    anything by Eddie Izzard.
    Signed it, grind it.
    Corroding and foreboding.

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